my dad was sexually abused when he was a child

So uhhh child services pretty much doesn’t give a shit about you unless you bruise easily, apparently emotional and sexual abuse barely fucking matters and if you’re physically abused then you have to be able to bruise, which didn’t even happen when my dad stripped me down and whipped me with a belt till I passed out and shit blood.
I’ve spent the last week dealing with my school counselor being absolutely fucking terrible to me. When I mentioned being sexually abused, she said “are you SURE? because that’s a very strong accusation” like seriously she needed to shut the hell up. And then I explained the tickle game, and while she was on the phone with child services she trivialized it as much as possible, like “the student was talking about a tickle game that their dad played with them but it sounds like it was all in good fun” and no, it wasn’t, he reached in between my legs, that’s fucking wrong. 1% of rape cases actually end in a conviction, she could at least do me the decency of letting me get away from the person who raped me.
Then she skimmed over the physical abuse even though that’s the worst part for me, and only focused on the emotional abuse, which she told me was the least likely to result in anything.
Then yesterday I was talking about how she called child services to my friends, and she walks up behind me and says “you know, if you keep talking about this, were going to have to call child services again” and she already knew that she called them so she needs to shut the fuck up but SHE SAID IT LIKE A FUCKING THREAT. That is NOT how you treat getting help for abuse! It was fucking disgusting.
My friend has had similar experiences with this counselor, who had said the police probably wouldn’t care if there was no physical evidence for their rape. My counselor in Oregon did the same thing.
Can people just give a shit about kids for once in our fucking lives?

anonymous asked:

I think my uncle was the one who molested me as a child but I'm afraid to say that because I have no memory of who it was but I know he molested my dad (his younger brother) when they were young and there was a court case of my dad accusing my uncle of molesting me. What do I do?

molestation, incest, sexual abuse, csa, cocsa

i think you should tell the truth

  • My dad:
  • yells about grades but doesn't let me get help for my dyslexia
  • Tells me I self harmed for attention
  • When I lock myself in the bathroom he forces me to come out then makes fun of my for being a cry baby
  • Thinks abuse can only be physical
  • Sexually assaulted my mother when they were married
  • Favors my sexually abusive sibling over his other kids and has admitted that he does
  • Tells me I'm ugly unless I dress feminine
  • Isolates me from friends
  • Won't let me see my therapist because he's afraid that'd she'd "blame" him for my mental health issues
  • Thinks I have no mental health issues
  • Thinks there is no such thing as mental health issues
  • Homophobic, transphobic, Islamophobic, racist,etc.
  • My weight loss is never enough. I need to lose more to make him happy
  • Welcome to my experiences with my dad. There's more but this is just the parts I'm okay with posting.

Okay, personal time that I trust my followers will be respectful about.

So I was mostly raised by my dad which means he was mostly the one to do my hair in the morning, the one to pick me up at school, the one to plan my birthday parties, the one to meet the parents of my friends when we wanted to plan sleepovers… And almost always, my friends would tell me later that when they and their moms found out I lived with my father, they immediately felt uncomfortable because they assumed that I was being sexually abused. They assumed this because he’s a man. But obviously once they got to know him they learned that he was just a man who was really devoted and who made lots of sacrifices and put up with a lot of stuff to be able to raise me and take care of my big sister, who isn’t even his child. (And he and little New LOVE cats and video games!)

Which legit makes me cry to think about because my dad sacrificed so much to try his best to protect me and give me a happy life, when my mother was the one who was abusing me, beating me, calling me a little bitch, telling me I didn’t deserve anything, tormenting my father, physically assaulting my father, harming herself so she could call the police and blame it on my dad so they would take him to jail, who never ever ever harmed her or did anything more than hold her down when she was attacking him and endangering me and my sister. While doing all of this, my mother would tell me from a young age how I shouldn’t ever be alone with my father or grandpas or uncles because they would surely rape me. She accused nannies of molesting me. She made me talk to counsellors over and over again because she was certain my grandpa was molesting me. Looking back I feel like they were trying to make me THINK these things happened. She screamed and yelled and told me that the reason I’m queer is because “You were probably raped, so you’re scared of men. Oh, and you don’t remember it because it was so traumatic that you blocked it out.” I heard this even until I was 18 years old.

This is why my gut goes so cold when Tumblr talks about men being inherently abusive and rapists, while women are *~perfect goddesses who would never hurt anyone~*

I was traumatized by a woman. By several women, in fact. Other family members, girls at school. Women have always been the ones who harmed me. I can’t be around my mother or the girls who bullied me for long, even the ones I’m “cool” with, my heart races and I feel sick and I start to lose feeling in my limbs and when I get home sometimes I throw up or have to just cry for awhile. The stuff I have to deal with almost daily when it comes to the nasty socialization of men in Los Angeles is gross and infuriating (catcalling, being followed, being interrogated, being made to feel unsafe) and I’m lucky that nothing bad has ever happened to me, and I want people who have been hurt by men to be okay, to be helped, to love themselves and lead happy lives no matter what. I want to hear their stories and be able to help.

But Bad SJ sells a forced binary and refusal to take varying accounts of abuse, PTSD, as valuable insights to view things realistically and situationally in order to better help people who have had all kinds of different experiences. So I just… end up seeing people telling other survivors that their experiences don’t matter since they don’t fit the popular narrative. Which is bullslag in America and around the world, where we all have such unique experiences that depend on many varying factors like regional/cultural differences, etc.

Instead we have a culture here where if someone says, “Huh, I keep seeing all these women talk about constantly being harassed on the street by men–but it’s not something that has ever happened in my state, so I have a hard time grasping it.” They get responses like U R ANTI OUR MOVEMENT LOL HOW DOES IT FEEL TO HATE YOURSELF SO MUCH THAT YOU DEFEND MEN.

None of that is okay to do to someone who is just sharing their own personal experience about a topic. They are not saying abusive men don’t exist. They are saying, hey, maybe it’s kind of gross and actually unhelpful to force these oppressor profiles on anyone who fits the superficial description of one rather than treating someone like a person before deciding you know all of their motives and desires.

My Name Is

My name is child abuse
I come in all different forms
No matter what type I fill kids with storms
Sometimes it’s tradition
But I never ask permission
I’ll hurt you anytime of the day
Whether you’re at home or at play
I never give a warning
But I’ll leave you weeping and mourning
My name is physical abuse
Your dad always uses
So when he comes home you get bruises
There not always seen
But you don’t know what they mean
What did you do wrong?
How long can you stay strong?
My name is sexual abuse
I’m a secret in the dark
You tell me not to be a narc
Sometimes I try to fight
But I’m only a kid I don’t have the might
Sometimes I lay helpless
You tell me not to move so I remain breathless
I want to tell someone
But I know if I do on the side of my head there will be a gun
My name is emotional abuse
Everything I say is degrading
Your love for life is slowly fading
You can never do anything right
My eyes are filled spite
You say I’m good for nothing
Many a time I’ve considered opening the window and jumping

idk if this counts as a suicide note, since I'm not doing it to die, but I might die well attempting this

Ever since I was 6 my life has been absolute hell. My parents split when I was really young and I grew up in an environment with alcoholics and drug addicts, my mom being one, once they split I lived with my dad and my two siblings, one night my dad was shot by my mom and a group of her friends and he nearly died and was hospitalized for several years of my child hood, during those years I was tossed between relatives, where I encountered a ton of emotional abuse and manipulation, physical abuse, sexual abuse amd a lot of verbal abuse, my cousins amd auntie would call me a savage because I didn’t know how to look after myself properly since my dad was a bomb tech and hardly ever home and my mom was always too wasted or high to look after me, so I didn’t know how to do most things, they shamed me and treated me like garbage to the point where I thought it was normal amd I just accepted it, as I got older I began to experience a lot of amnesia and sudden breakdowns and outbursts which explain why I now have dissociative identity disorder, I made a world in my head where everyone liked me and people actually cared for me and wanted me around, my earliest alter Caroline was the good side of me and the person I wished I was amd would become, I began to become extremely withdrawn and hardly had any friends, my siblings were the only real people I trusted and my older brother blew me off and started to hate me without any explanation, which hurt me a lot, I turned to food for comfort for a few years, and everyone began calling me fat , I started starving myself or over eating and my eating was never ever normalized again, to this day it is still very disordered, the way I saw myself was never the same again, I was ugly and fat and didn’t know how to take care of myself and I still think that to this day, I developed severe social anxiety when I entered jr high, which branched off into several things, borderline personality disorder, severe depression, dissociative identity disorder and now I’m so mentally ill I can’t function properly anymore and I blame others constantly for the way I am, I’m so manipulative and have so much bottled up anger that I’m not sure who to direct it at, I take it out on my family and myself, I’m tired of being afraid and I’m so scared of my future since nothing has ever “gotten better” once, it’s all down hill, and it’s frightening and I can’t deal with it, I’m sorry everyone,