my dad was looking at me like i was nuts

Well what’s not to love??
Although i didn’t realize my hair looked quite so…crazy cat lady. Grey hairs going every which way. I’ve lost control.
So…day 2, Real Self Love Challenge. My experience with self love is pretty much non existent. If you had asked me at say, 16, or 25, or 35, if i loved myself, I would have looked at you like you were nuts. Why would I love a socially awkward dorkus majorkus? I was a gawky teenager– my dad used to call me Olive Oyl because of my flat chest and big feet and he said my hair was like a Brillo pad and that’s why he’s going into a really second rate nursing home. And I have been an overweight adult since having babies, and when I went to TOPS the first time around, the focus was only on being thinner. Thinner equalled happier, more worthy, sexier, all of it. Love my fat self? Of course not.
Point is, I was not in any way capable of loving myself. Until Tumblr. You buncha goofs changed my fucking world view. I had managed to get married, divorced, and married again and still never see myself as worthy of love. Ikr? Totally messed up. But you made me see there might be a different way of thinking.
And maybe my current attitude is what’s slowing down my weight loss. I feel pretty marvelous right now, so I’m like, “you want me to be uncomfortable and suffer WHY exactly? For what purpose?”
In all seriousness though, I may love my physical self just fine, but I am not 100% swell with my intelligence/personality/creative self. I have been stuck for a while now. Getting past that needs to be where my efforts get focused.