my dad taught me

9

So what, it’s just every man for himself, then, huh? Everything I learned in church, all the praying that my mom did for the sick and the dying, all the community projects my dad worked on, basically, everything that they taught me… it was all bullshit? They’re idiots and I’m just the only asshole in the world who didn’t know?

“My dad was my English teacher in middle school. He taught me a lot, but it was embarrassing as hell. One time my sister and I made him a custom ringtone, and he forgot to put his phone on vibrate, so it starts ringing during class, and the ringer is my voice saying: ‘Daddy, pick up the phone! Daddy, pick up the phone! Daddy, pick up the phone!’ It was awful.”

Before you say yes, get him angry. See him scared, see him wanting, see him sick. Stress changes a person. Find out if he drinks and if he does get him drunk - you’ll learn more about his sober thoughts. Discover his addictions. See if he puts you in front of them. You can’t change people. If they are made one way, it doesn’t just wear off and if you hate how he acts when he’s out of it, you’ll hate it much worse eight years down the road. You might love him to bits but it doesn’t change that some people just don’t fit.
—  Something my dad taught me
8

            marvel character posters | matt murdock
            We all want to live in a world where we can make a difference. But the ethical paradox can wear you down. And sometimes you have to lie. Even as you fight for, truth and justice, even if you’re a lawyer who has sworn to live by the truth, you willingly bear false witness. I lied to shield my friends. A sin is a sin– That wasn’t me shielding anyone or dismissing a perceived danger. That wasn’t an act of integrity.That was me fighting to preserve a lie. Keep it alive. Give it power. That’s different. That’s not what we should be doing. My dad taught me better than that. I’m Daredevil. That’s the truth.

I’m gonna take this April Fools Day to tell you about my favorite trick that my dad taught me as a kid.

So I was around ten at the time and my dad was trying to get us off of our newfangled game boys and pocket monsters by challenging us to jump a broomstick, aka jumping over a broomstick while holding the broomstick without letting go of the broomstick. Details aren’t TOO important but what is important is that there was a broomstick involved.

As one of my friends finally makes it over the stick, we hear water start running, followed by my dad carefully carrying a wet pie tin our way. He got up on a chair and told us he was going to show us a really neat trick where you tape a pie tin full of water up to the ceiling for a while and something cool is supposed to happen. My dad has to go get the tape from across the room, so he asks my friend to hold up the pie tin with his broomstick, since my dad was the only one tall enough to reach the ceiling. My friend agrees and uses the broomstick to hole the pie tin against the ceiling.

And then my dad just leaves him there, holding a pie tin full of water up against the ceiling with a broomstick, and he starts laughing. He had moved the chair and instructed us not to help him. Of course I was freaking out because my mom was a neat freak and would probably lose her mind if water got everywhere.

After a few minutes of being trapped under the pie tin for a solid five minutes, my friend came up with a plan to shift the broomstick to a certain angle so that all the water that spilled out would go somewhere that my mom wouldn’t have a panic attack. Best case, we could launch the pie tin at dad. But right as we tried to shift it, we lost balance in some way, and the pie tin came falling down straight toward us.

And that was when we learned that my dad had only pretended to fill it with water.

9

Women directed March U.S. releases

March 2
Songs My Brothers Taught Me dir. Chloé Zhao (LIMITED)

March 4
Trapped dir. Dawn Porter (LIMITED)

March 11
River of Grass dir. Kelly Reichardt (LIMITED) re-release
City of Gold dir. Laura Gabbert (LIMITED) 
Lolo dir. Julie Delpy (LIMITED)
Yaloms Cure dir. Sabine Gisiger (LIMITED)

March 16
Miracles From Heaven dir. Patricia Riggen (WIDE)

March 18
The Brainwashing of My Dad dir. Jen Senko (LIMITED) 
Sweet Bean dir. Naomi Kawase (LIMITED)

March 25
The Invitation dir. Karyn Kusama (LIMITED + VOD)  Moved to April 8

The Signs as 50% Off Makoto Quotes

Aries: “I think Haru should be the captain.  I like him in those positions… of leadership!”

Taurus: “Look, if Kou wants to sit around drawing Steven Universe fanart instead of contributing anything useful to society, I say we let her.”

Gemini: “Haru, I got your favourite: Mackerel.  At least I think it’s your favourite.  Look at him, working hard, all sweaty.  He doesn’t even know I’m watching him.  Yeah…” [unzips his pants]

Cancer:  “Come on, Haru! You can do me! It! It. You can do it.”

Leo: “Don’t worry, Rei.  This swimming stuff is easy.  My dad taught me to swim when I was little.  We went white water rafting and he just pushed me right out.  Heh, I hit so many rocks.  Ya know how they say sticks and stones can break your bones? Yeah, that’s not just a phrase.” [Rei explodes]

Virgo: “Okay! It’s gonna be an easy swim from Camp Keating-Keating…” [Spanish accent] “From Camp Keating, to the nuclear test island, all the way to the town of Witchpyre, and then finally back here to Fantasy Island.”

Libra: “I think we could all use some time off-to try on new swimsuits, in tight changing rooms, with tight… tight swimsuits… Oh, look, I can use my rudder now.”

Scorpio:  “Is this a regular flashback? Or a sexy flashback?” [sexual music plays] “Oooh, sexy flashback.”

Sagittarius: “I wet the bed one time, Nagisa! And now I can’t find my copy of Okami.  Am I a dog? Am I the sun? I’ll never know!”

Capricorn: “Rookie mistake, Nagisa.  You have to be extra quiet so they don’t know you’re there.  I even practiced breathing techniques, so Haru can’t hear me.”

Aquarius: “Uh, hey, Rei.  Take your sass, put it in your pocket.”

Pisces:  “And then Crowley handcuffed Dean to the chair, roughly straddling his–whoooa, okay.  Let’s just, uh… let’s put that one in the ol’ backpack for safe keeping.”

7

I play bass. I play a bit of guitar. I’ve never been to a lesson, so my theory of music is non-existent in any instrument, but we always had guitars around.
My dad taught me to play drums for Love Actually, and I still play drums now. But I’m not a “drummer.”
I’m not a “guitarist.” I’m trying to be a bassist. 

  • me: ....I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.......
  • me: *steals my dad's phone to play pokemon go*
  • dad: hey kiddo i need to go to work so give me my-
  • me: *runs out of the back door* OH SHIT GOTTA CHECK OUT THAT GYM PRONTO
  • dad: ???????¿¿¿¿¿¿¿ *PROCEEDS TO CHASE AFTER ME*