my conversations with my dad

Shiro: *at a table in a dimly lit room* what the hell is going on

Keith: *turns on a bright light* we know you did it, Shiro. you can’t hide anymore. you made Hunk cry!

Keith points to Hunk hunched over in the corner of the room, crying.

Shiro: I seriously have no idea what’s happening

Lance: you’re a broken soldier, Shiro! you can’t hold out much longer! We know you took them!

Shiro: took what!??!

Pidge: *slams her hands on the table* those cookies were not for you and you know it!!

Shiro: oh is this about those pecan cookies Hunk made earlier? I put them away for safe keeping.

Lance: put them away…*points dramatically to shiro’s stomach* IN YOUR STOMACH?!?! 

Shiro: 

Shiro: *starts weeping* I wanted to protect them!

Lance: I KNEW IT

Hunk: *still crying* YOU MONSTER

Pidge: BURN HIM! BURN HIM AT THE STAKE

Bts probably...
  • Namjoon: hey jungkook can you come help me and jin clean up this mess?
  • Jungkook: but I didn't make it
  • Jin: *hand on his hip in full mother mode* but we made you...
Imagine your otp
  • Person A: What are you doing?
  • Person B: Studying for a science test.
  • Person A: I hope it's not...boring.
  • Person B: I hate you.
  • Person B: I hope you don't think you can get away with making jokes about the Periodic Table often.
  • Person A: just...periodically
  • Person B: *internal screeching*
  • my dad: The 11th century was a boring century.
  • me: The Norman conquest of England?
  • my dad: Ok, but other than that, what happened? Can you name one other thing?
  • me: The Great Schism?
  • my dad: Oh, that's true. But other than the Norman conquest and the Great Schism?
  • me: The First Crusade was from 1096 to 1099.
  • my dad: Ok, but other than the Norman conquest, the Great Schism, and the First Crusade...now we're in a Monty Python sketch.
Aaron Burr
  • Me: You can't sing.
  • Dad: I don't need to sing to be Burr.
  • Me: Yeah you do.
  • Dad: I'll just rap it.
  • Me: You can't rap Wait For It.
  • Dad: I'll just lip-sync.
  • Me: You can't lip-sync on Broadway
  • Dad: Mariah Carey did it.
  • Mom: Mariah Carey was never on Broadway dear.
  • Dad: Well how about this, I'll do everything else, you'll sing that song.
  • Me: You can't just have a random person come in.
  • Dad: It wouldn't be random, you'd just come from nowhere.
  • Mom: Literally the definition of random dear.
  • Me: How are we even gonna explain that.
  • Dad: We'll give someone a sign to hold in the background that says "Burr had a sex change" temporarily temporary.
  • Me: Okay.
Imagine Your OTP
  • A: nothing is as cute as you
  • B: 🔫 huh, what was that
  • A: you vUte
  • A: CUTE**
  • B: I'm vute
  • A: fuck me
  • B: when
  • A: I,,
  • B: i mean
  • A: I S2G
  • B: COME ON, YOU HAD IT COMING
  • A: I KNOW I DID
  • B: then why'd ... you say it..
  • A: because.
  • B: you wanted it to happen.
  • B: bam.
  • A: uh uh
  • B: ur a ... tsundere s-senpai.. xd
  • A: but I'd kill for you
  • B: BRUH
  • B: I'm scared now
  • A: let's be honest, I'd accidentally kill myself in the process
  • B: i-
  • A: I laid down on top of a knife before, remember
  • A: well mostly
  • A: HALFWAY.
  • B: ::::)

I don’t like to talk much about my personal life here you know?…

But I’ll try and make an exception today, because I feel like I really messed up last night…

An actual conversation with my dad
  • *my dad is the most supportive person in the world and I talk fanfic with him*
  • Dad: "I hear you're writing about Archie comics...:
  • Me: "yeah...?"
  • Dad: "well, this is this jist of it... Archie is with Veronica and Betty is with Jughead."
  • Me: "That is the plot of my story so yeah..."
  • Dad: "That's not the plot, that is FACT! Think of something new, baby!"
  • Me: "Well that's the plot of my story though!"
  • Dad: "Oh baby, that happened like 36 years ago...maybe you're a bit behind the times."
  • *dad shipping Bughead since way back*

I remember when my dad read the spoiler way back about rick and michonne getting together and he was so excited like “Gail guess what spoiler I read today!!!!” Like he had been waiting for this for years. Michonne is his favorite character and he would say “I hope they go different from the comic book because Michonne belongs with Rick” like this is a grown ass man fangirling for years over michonne and richonne. Every year for Father’s Day he asks us for a specific Michonne collectable. He was LIVING at last night’s episode. Several months ago my family was out to dinner and somehow “otp” came up in conversation and my mom was like “what does that mean?” and my dad’s like “it means two characters that you really want to be together, like Rick and Michonne” and I was just like who the fuck is this man apparently being a Trash Can is hereditary

Also when the fuck are we going to find out what Michonne’s last name is??

I am so touched rn, me and my dad were having a conversation about our depression and my brother came in. I told them how my self confidence was shattered by this bitch in college who asked me why I spoke weirdly. My brother made a post on facebook asking if anyone knew a girl by that name and she actually calls him. My brother then has a pop at her for crippling my ability to go outside and I actually talked to her. It was so surreal I was shaking. She’s still a biatch who was only concerned about her reputation being besmirched. I’m just in shock that it happened! My brother may be a pain at times but I’m happy to have him.

My mom is... (Naruto version)

Boruto: My mom is a princess.

Himawari: Yay! a Hyuga princess.

Sarada: Why being a princess when you can be a hero? That’s what my mom is, Konoha’s hero.

Inojin: Even heroes need to be commanded. Mother is a natural leader, head of the Yamanaka clan.

ChoCho: Do you know who kicks leaders’ butts? My mother. She even hit our hokage once… she is awesome.

Metal: Nobody can beat a legendary kunoichi in awesomness, and that’s exactly what my mommy is.

Shikadai: If your “mommy” is a legendary kunoichi and mine defeated her once with no effort, then, that makes her… a ultra-lege…no, that’s silly… whatever, this conversation is a drag.

Mitsuki: My mom is my dad