my common sense is tingling

Deadpool Starter Sentences
  • "I need help! And a pony!”
  • "That's the shit emoji. You know the turd with the smiling face and the eyes. I thought it was chocolate yogurt for so long"
  • "Do you know how they say cancer in Spanish ?"
  • “Ride a bitch’s back like Yoda on Luke.”
  • “It reeks like old lady pants in here.”
  • "Life is an endless series of train wrecks with only brief, commercial-like breaks of happiness"
  • "Cue the music"
  • "A-Poc-Key-Lips. I think I found my new favorite word!”
  • "I look like a testicle with teeth."
  • "Oh, come on. You're gonna leave me all alone here with less angry Rosie O'Donnell?"
  • “You don’t need to be a superhero to get the girls. You just need one woman to bring out the superhero in you.”
  • "Negasonic Teenage... what the shit? That's the coolest name ever!"
  • "Shit, did I leave the stove on?"
  • “You look like Freddy Krueger face-fucked a topographical map of Utah.”
  • “I was just memorizing her face, thinking it might be the last time I see it.”
  • “My common sense is tingling.”
  • “If that hit you in the chest, I’m sorry. I was aiming for your crotch.”
  • "Look-- I'm a teenage girl. I'd rather be anywhere but here. I'm all about long sullen silence, followed by mean comments, followed by long sullen silence"
  • “Shenanigans? Did you just curse me out in Irish?”
  • “You look like your an avocado that had sex with an older avocado but it was like hate sex.”
  • "I've played a lot of roles, damsel in distress ain't one of them."
  • "Why, hello gorgeous"
  • “Oh, I so pity the dude who pressures her into prom sex…”
  • "I prefer "Well-Compensated Establishment Provocateur."
  • "All the dinosaurs fear the T-Rex"
  • “She’s like the Batman to my Robin, but old, black, blind, and in love with me. Although I’m pretty sure Robin loves Batman.”
  • "One thing that never survives this place is a sense of humor."
  • "I think you'd agree that shit just went sideways in the most colossal way"
  • "His name is Francis, he got his name from a soap dish"
  • "Love is a beautiful thing. When you find it, your whole world will taste like daffodil daydream"
  • "I never said this but don't swallow"
  • "My boyfriend said this was a superhero movie but that guy in the red suit just turned that other guy in a fucking kebab"
  • "I gotta take you back long before I squeezed this ass into red spandex"
the signs as deadpool quotes

Aries: Daddy needs to express some rage.
[starts firing his guns]

Taurus: [shot in the butt] Right up Main Street.

Gemini: I use humor to deflect my insecurities. Plus, I’m hilarious, so don’t hate!

Cancer: I didn’t ask to be super, and I’m no hero. But when you find out your worst enemy is after your best girl, the time has come to be a fucking superhero.

Leo: Deadpool…Captain Deadpool! No just Deadpool.

Virgo: [waving his broken wrists] All dinosaurs feared the T-Rex.

Libra: Negasonic Teenage… what the shit? That’s the coolest name ever!

Scorpio: Tell beast to quit shitting on my lawn!

Sagittarius: [In the middle of a fistfight] Have you seen this man?
[holds up a crude crayon drawing of Francis]

Capricorn: Wait! You may be wondering, “Why the red suit?” Well, that’s so bad guys can’t see me bleed.
[points at a thug on the left] This guy’s got the right idea. he wore the brown pants.

Aquarius: Shhh, my common sense is tingling.

Pisces: [in the midst of a car crash] Shit. Did I leave the stove on?

Deadpool quotes || Sentence meme
  • "Now, GIMME YOUR MILK MONEY!!!"
  • "A-Poc-Key-Lips. I think I found my new favorite word!"
  • "My common sense is tingling."
  • "These things are like my dream arch nemesisisis or is it arch-Nemesisisi I can pummel, gouge, eviscerate and mutilate and they'll keep coming."
  • "I never miss with the sheep gun!"
  • "Look at doctor doom he is respected because he got big scary cape."
  • "Lets wear elbow pads and shin guards with spikes coming out of them."
  • "I play a pretty mean bagpipe."
  • "For the love of bill gates this thing is adorable."
  • "Oh, yeah, he's totally trustworthy! Except where money's involved. He would sell his granny's walking cane for a buck. In fact, I bought his granny's walking cane for a buck."
  • "So three mutants walk into a bar, right?"
  • "Do I get a badge for this?"
  • "Explosions attract the coveted 18 to 24 year old male demographic."
  • "Oh, oh, so they're letting Robin Hood in, but somehow the Avengers keep losing my phone number. What's up with that?"
  • "Oh man, I forgot to bring the marshmallows. "
  • "You look like something I horcked up last time I had swine flu."
  • "All right, look at that. Crap, I got a little venom on you. "
  • "Phew! Smells like somebody just teleported a bean burrito."
  • "Wanna use me for a dartboard?"
  • "You're just me without the funny, and the lithium."
  • "What, no top hat? What kind of magician are you?"
Totally getting an early night so I can wake up at a sensible time and watch new Big Bang Theory before having to go check in at the hotel before the wedding tomorrow morning

I am just that cool.  

Because I’d rather go to bed at 10:15pm and wake up at 7 and watch the first two episodes of season 5 then than try and stay up for when they are airing, probably fall asleep just before/during and proceed to be grumpy as fuck when I am meant to be getting up.

Fucking hardcore right here