There was a loud banging on my door, which I had been expecting, because my mother
got all chirpy like that every Christmas morning.
“WAKE UP YOU TWO! IT’S TIME FOR PRESENTS!” She called.
Our sleep must have been incredibly calm, because I noticed right away that my
hand was still wrapped up in Harry’s. He was still blissfully slumbering, his
hangover keeping his head heavy, but he still looked incredibly peaceful.
A/N: Happy Halloween! Now, I hadn’t exactly planned to write something for the holiday but I unexpectedly got two ideas, this being the one that got finished in time. It can probably be read alone but I’d strongly recommend reading Jenny Was a Friend of Mine first, for context on my version of Finn’s mum and Archie’s dad. It’s in Gary’s POV, as is this.
Let me know if you want to be added/removed from the tag list and if I missed anyone :)
A Nelson Halloween
It was the day before Halloween and the Nelson breakfast table was quieter than usual.
I sipped my tea and looked over the mug rim between my son and my mother. Finn had a right face on, scowling darkly at his plate with his brows furrowed. Mum simply shook her head at him with a look of reproval mixed with incredulity. My mouth quirked to the side, and I put my mug down.
“Right, what’s happened here?” I asked, watching Finn cross his arms and lower his gaze to his lap. Mum huffed out a sarcastic laugh.
“‘What’s happened here’, Gary, is I took your son costume shopping yesterday and upon asking what he wanted to be, d’ya know what he says to me? Hmm?”
I glanced at Finn still staring into his lap and then shrugged at Mum, raising a brow.
“My sweet, unassuming, five year old grandbaby wants to be ‘Sid Vicious’ for Halloween. Of all people!”
Popped into Paperchase on my break to get my mum a birthday card and discovered their new ‘Nordic’ collection. I am OBSESSED, I didn’t really need any of this stuff but omg it is so cute and I love it!
Okay last one, but I’m crying because my sister and mum got me a MidCin card, and my sister made me brownies that I can eat. I’m never getting rid of the card 😍😭this is honestly the best birthday I’ve ever had and it’s only one in the afternoon (*´꒳`*)
This is crazy and things are
going in light speed but JungKook is the only thing that I care. He basically
asking me to run away and I agree. As I nod JungKook looks at me, needing
assurance. I hold his hand, giving him a short but heavy kiss.
I suffer from Complex-PTSD, DID and Postnatal Depression, I have been hospitalised twice, the last time for a period of over 7 months, and following a rape pregnancy at the end of 2014, I am a mother of an 8 month old boy. I am in debt, quite a lot of it, £1800 approx in debt (not including the student fees). In 2014 my mum entrusted my food money and card to my best friend at university. She had very good reason to as during 2014 i was going through a major breakdown following an incredibly abusive relationship and repeated sexual trauma. What’s the problem? Just because your depressed or distressed doesn’t mean you cant have control of your own money! Well, i couldn’t. I used to spend like crazy. I would neglect food and essentials for the sake of something i thought would make me feel good in the short term - like a pink latex dress or another cuddly toy or more Nandos… I have always lived in the shadow of my spending.
I think a lot of people assume that excessive spending comes from greed, and the need to just have more… For some maybe, but for myself and many others its a way of surviving the really agonising short term at the expense of the long term. I used to justify it by saying “I don’t even know whether i will survive the night let alone when my bank account expires” and that used to be the case. I was in and out of A&E all the time due to suicide attempts/self harm that happened when i dissociated, none of us - not my friends or family, knew whether i would be alive the next day. I was so depressed I would go out and have a meal out not because i wanted to eat out per say, but because i couldn’t be in the house for a moment longer, i couldn’t be trapped anymore i had to leave, and eating out would stop the mountain of guilt and frustration i felt every time i tried to cook/wash up and i would get too distressed. I would go shopping just because it meant i could leave the house. I would have an excuse like “i really need to replace my mascara” and i would go out with the sole intention to do that, but then i would think about going home, or how horrible i look, or how useless i am and would buy more make up bits to make myself look better… look more human… encourage me to groom in the morning. Same thing with clothes. I keep putting on weight from medication, cola obsession and lack of exercise. I feel so self conscious about my post pregnancy body that i become suicidal some days, so getting clothes that fit, make me feel better, feel pretty, make me want to get up the next morning and shower so i can wear the clothes that i have just bought, was important. Well at the time anyway… The stuff i buy, whilst pointless and sometimes excessive is essential to survive that day, that hour of panic and depression. My biggest problem is takeaways - i know i need to eat, i know i have to or i will feel really sick on my meds, but the idea of cooking when i am by myself and feeling distressed, dissociating, or depressed is enough to just make me not eat… So i order a take away so i can make sure i am fed but each time i hate myself… 3 take aways in a week + meals out and 2 bottles of cola everyday (hits head in shame).
I know thats money i want to save, money i NEED for bills and rent… But weirdly enough that panic and guilt over my spending then makes me spend MORE. It is a vicious cycle that i cant seem to spring myself out of, and now i am in the process of considering handing my bank card to my partner and asking him to give it to me to use… But when i think of that i remember hospital, and how angry i get when i feel my freedom is being compromised. Years of rape and hospitals mean that the ability to be able to escape any situation is my most important thing, and that needs money.
I think it is a good idea for banks to have options to cap spending for those with impulsive/compulsive/manic/survivor spending habits, for our own sake! I for one am gonna try writing down every expenditure, talking through my spending with my partner and getting a full time job, so i don’t feel guilty for my spending, but its gonna be a long process. Sadly for a lot of people i would be seen as a greedy person who just wants more stuff, but i don’t i am just really REALLY bad at planning or restraining myself when i am running on impulse, and without friends here in Lincoln, spending money and shopping with my son is the only thing that i can do to get me out of the house. If you are suffering similarly I know how you feel
Kevin Magnussen: “When my dad was with McLaren I got a birthday present from Ron and I must have been four years old or something. He gave me that birthday present and bought a card and it just said ‘If you get as good as your dad one day give me a call’.
"Then one day about ten years later, my manager saw that card – my mum had saved it and showed my manager – and my manager said 'Ah, let’s call him!’”.
ellagracedenton: Saying goodbye to rainy London & flying with @garuda.indonesia to Bali, Indonesia in pursuit of a real adventure.. This feels like a dream?! The card I’m packing was given to me by my mum on my first day of University, little did she know it would be the one thing that reminded me every day that I could do what I dreamt of. I kept it next to my bed and even when things weren’t looking too bright, I knew what I wanted, I felt it in my bones. There is so much power in the words “I can”, and Bali is just start of the adventure. Excuse me whilst I have one of those “is this really my life?!” moments… If you can dream it, you CAN do it. Trust me, I know! 🌅 ✈️❤️