my brother the pig

headcanon -

that lance is hiding some shit.

it’s first revealed during a fight against some galra supporters, and lance doesn’t even see an alien behind him as it sneaks up

thankfully keith managed to yell out just in time for lance to jump away as the alien swiped its sword at lance

unfortunately, the swing still hit lance’s armor and blew a good chunk of it off along with the flight suit underneath right on his left bicep

and curled on lance’s said bicep is a fucking t a t t o o

it’s a picture of the moon and stars, and holy sh i t, keith can only stare with wide eyes at it

of course lance gets pissed at this and starts fucking beating the shit out of the alien, not even using his bayard but by using his fists

after the fight and when they’re back at the castle, keith gathers enough courage to ask, “uh… where’d… you get the tattoo? and how’d you learn to fight so good???”

lance just shrugs and peels off his armor and flight suit, revealing even more tattoos. they circle from his left arm to around his collarbone and trail up slightly to his neck before stopping

“my older sister is a professional martial arts teacher. she taught me some stuff back when i was younger, and i d o pick some stuff up from you too. i’m not staring because of boredom. and my oldest brother is a tattoo artist - i was like a guinea pig for him so he could practice.”

keith is shook

forwarding to a few weeks later:

keith is just minding his business, eating some food goo when lance shows up to the dining hall

and keith fucking chokes because what the shit is lance wearing an earring? scratch that, t h r e e earrings?

two standard lobe piercings that had two golden studs standing out, and one helix piercing that had a simple silver huggie, all on his right ear

cue keith’s heart attack as his poor gay ass practically swoons over this

shiro has a similar reaction, but he only spits out his food goo before smiling at lance

hunk and pidge don’t even aknowledge it since they knew lance had these since the garrison

a few hours later keith shyly asks lance, “w-where’d you get the piercings?” and it’s horrible because his face is red and his voice is shaking

lance raises an eyebrow at him before smirking and answering “younger sister did them for me. probably shouldn’t trust a twelve year old with a needle, but it worked out.”

poor keef walked around from then on with his knees like food goo whenever he saw lance, because before lance had been cute as hell - but the way he looked now was so sinful keith had to write a handwritten apology to jesus himself

bonus: when they get together, it’s keith who makes the move first cause lance had casually slipped on some traditional clothing from a nearby planet that showed off his arms and tattoos

keith went crazy and practically jumped him

bonus bonus:

“but hunk, how am i gonna get his attention? he never notices me!” lance whines

“mm…. oh! how about your earrings?”

Bob Clampett… probably the only golden age animation director to get any sort of publicity. Chuck Jones must’ve had conniption fits upon seeing this!

(Film Daily, January 12 1944)


An update on toph, the blind pig abonded in an apartment and found by a landlord!- ive had her for about 3-4 weeks. The two pigs arnt completly the best together unless they are in a giant area like this (as u can see lireal is constantly chasing toph around and boarderline bothering her). So im keeping them in a divided cage but have slowly been building upper levels for more room. Toph herself is much more social and people friendly. She is far more adventerous and exploring of her enviornment than lireal, too! All around ive been seeing them both popcorn and show signs of happiness so i think we’re all good :)

The lady holding them in the while loki watches in the back is my mom. She has 2 pigs of her own, marcus and special agent washington (my brothers).

Awww they are so cute!!!

anonymous asked:

I have this joke about my town because the cops are notoriously corrupt and awful but somehow crime rates aren't inflated for any minority "we're an equal opportunity town, the cops might look for every possible reason to slam our faces into the concrete, but at least theyr e slamming statistically average faces into the concrete" but yeah the pigs in my town fucking suck and my brother nearly got shot by a cop at 12 because he was shooting a target with a (green transparent) air soft gun.

do you live in some sort of american classic novel

High on the Hogs: A story of pro family revenge.

So one of my brothers is adopted and is amazing.

He didn’t get anything handed to him in life and he’s seriously one of the hardest working people I know. Just as he was starting his own family he had even more financial burden due to some medical problems. Still, somehow he managed to build half a house on some land my Dad sold him. He used the equity in that to get a second loan and finish it (and he had to fight the bank for that even). Time goes on and he begins to do really well – so he sells the first house he built at a profit and buys some land. Like, 175 acres in the midwest (he lives in a rural area). He likes to hunt and does some farming on the land but the house that was there when he bought it isn’t ideal, despite some major improvements and renovation. So he builds a third house and puts the house up for sale. He keeps the land around the house for hunting (this is important later).

This is when one of his envious family members asks if he and his wife would consider selling them the house. They can only qualify for something like half of what it’s worth, but my brother is a fairly generous guy – he agrees to sell the house to them at a rather hefty discount since they’re family. I’m sure he felt some of their pain as well – he’d had his own difficulty back when he was starting out. The bank agrees to loan them the money (they can’t go wrong, it’s for way less than the property is worth) and the deal is done.

A few short months go by. He’s driving by the property and spots a for sale sign. He stops in and the husband explains that there were some things about the house they weren’t happy with, so they were planning on selling it and buying a house more in town or something (etc). My brother explains that they got a sweet deal only because they were family and that he’d appreciate them selling the house back to him for what he sold it to them for. The husband basically closes the door on that – and my brother leaves.

And he thinks about it. I’m 100% certain that the family members understood that they were getting a good deal because they were family and he was happier selling it to them with the understanding that they weren’t to take advantage of his good graces.

This is a guy, by the way, that manages big projects. He’s a really fair guy. The stuff he does in construction probably half of you have driven over – big bridges that go over rivers like the Mississippi for example. He’s used to solving hard problems. This one isn’t that hard.

The next day he drives out with some fence in the back of his truck, and the family members in the house wake up to some fence posts being driven into the ground.

The husband comes out. “What’s going on?” he asks.

“I’m just putting up some Hog fence on my property. Don’t worry, it’s all on my land – I’ll just go around your house here and put a gate in so you can get in and out.”

The husband is a bit perplexed. “You’re bringing in pigs?” And my brother was seriously set to do it too. He had about 100 lined up from a farmer down the road.

The husband goes back into the house. A few minutes of “discussion” occur.

The next day they all meet at the bank and the deed is transferred back to my brother. And he didn’t even have to deploy the hogs…

Damage x Control

On Archive of Our Own:

Chapter I. Red Shorts

Word Count: 4158

Summary: Killua hasn’t lived at home for years, but he still goes with his family on their annual week long vacation. This year it takes place on his birthday, at his favorite location, and with his best friend. But it’s harder to keep Gon away from the still-buried realities of his past and complicated relationship with his family when they’re affronted by overbearing Brother Dearest and Fucky the Magician. Who keeps letting Hisoka come on these vacations every year, anyway?

Pairings: Illukillu, Hisogon, Hisoillu, Killugon

Rated: Mature

Warnings: Underage sex, incest, dubious consent, necrophilia mention

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Shifted - Part 1, Chapter 1

As mentioned yesterday, every Tuesday I’ll be posting a chapter from my brand new AU story. The premise is simple - what if Claire had gotten pregnant with Brianna a month or two earlier in the story, and she and Jamie had re-evaluated their priorities and decided that the cause was lost, and they were able to slip away from the army and quietly return to Lallybroch?

And so here we go:

Part 1 - The Beginning

Chapter 1

Lallybroch, October 1746

At first it came in waves – like the tiny laps she’d felt against her ankles when walking sandy shorelines as a child. It seemed completely manageable, and she truly wondered what all the fuss was about.

But as the hours continued to pass, and the long shadows of the afternoon gradually slipped into darkness, the waves subsided – replaced by a constant thudding pull that did not relent, did not yield for even the slightest moment.

Pain sharpened her senses. Claire shivered as a tendril of cold October air licked her bare shoulder. Doubling up against the cold, and overcome with the sudden scent of her own exertions, she opened her mouth, gasping for fresh breath.

Her head turned so that only one ear faced the room, straining to make out the words murmured at the foot of the bed –

“…been eight hours now wi’ barely a change. We need to do something afore she canna help us to do it.”

“Aye, I know, but I’ve seen this go on for up to a day and even more. We need to let this run its course.”

An audible sigh. “Ah weel. I don’t disagree with ye. But we need to get her to eat, or to drink something. She canna go for much longer as it is.”

“Stop,” Claire rasped. “Stop talking about me as if I’m not here.” She opened her eyes and blearily focused on the shorter figure at the foot of the bed. “I’m a physician. I can diagnose my own problems.”

“Oh, aye.” Jenny approached Claire, skeptically surveying her bare, twisted, sweat-soaked limbs. “If ye take nothing else away from this experience, sister, I hope it’s the fact that when it comes to bringing bairns into this world, everything ye thought ye knew about your own body proves to be false.”

“Is this you trying to cheer me up? You know I couldn’t keep anything down a few hours ago. Why should anything have changed by now?” Claire swallowed against the dryness tugging at the back of her throat.

Jenny smirked – but Claire saw concern etched in the creases of her eyes.

“A few hours? May as well be a lifetime ago, Claire. Your body has been working non-stop. Ye need to eat something, or at least try for water. To keep the blood flowing.”

“I won’t. I don’t want it to come back up again. Just the thought of it makes me sick.”

“I swear, you’re as stubborn as my pig-heided brother. God knows how much longer this will last, Claire – you need to be able to see this through to the end.”


“Yes.” This time Jenny braced her hand on the headboard and leaned over Claire, trying her level best to establish eye contact.

Claire shut her eyes, overcome by a fresh wave. Her mouth opened in a silent scream, body tensed. She pushed back against the arm wrapped around her middle, her only anchor as sensation overpowered her.

“For God’s sake, Claire,” Jamie murmured in her ear, face obscured by the riotous mess of curls he normally loved to sink his fingers into. “For once in your life, woman, do as you’re told. Eat something.”

The sheer terror in Jamie’s voice forced her focus away from pure sensation and toward the immediacy of the moment – and the man wedged between her back and the headboard.

“All right.” Sighing, she laid her right hand over Jamie’s at her middle, threading their fingers together and running her thumb over his own. She had meant it as reassurance, but he just gripped her even tighter. “What do you suggest, then?”

Reunion (Part 1) - (Reader x Auditore Family)

What is this? Reader Insert series about living in an apartment building full of the characters from Assassin’s Creed in a modern setting. A guilty pleasure series tbh. Not gonna lie.

A/N: Long time no update! Whoooooooooops. Here, have some family feels with the Auditore family!


“What’re you doing?” Claudia demanded over the phone. “Are you busy?”

“Umm… “ You weren’t exactly sure how to answer the question. It was Christmas and since things had gone sour in your life only recently, you hadn’t planned on having a very good holiday. It was just for this year, you would allow yourself to be miserable on what was meant to be the happiest of days for many people only for this year. Just once. “I um…”

“You don’t sound like you have any plans.” It wasn’t a question, just a very blunt statement. “Good; I need a favour. Can you spare a couple hours for me?” You weren’t sure where Claudia was, but it sounded loud and extremely busy. It sounded like a lot of Italians conversing all at once, laughing and having a good time. Your heart warmed at the idea of having a big family event like that, but it would never happen for you. Your family wasn’t like that. “Amica?”

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Hi I’m peppa pig*oinks*this is my little brother gorge *oinks* this is mommy pig*oinks*and this is dady pig *heavy metal plays causeing a fucking earthquake causing there house to crush them to death*

Ciel and Sebastian being roommates. Ciel, leaving his clothes all around, can’t cook for himself, doesn’t clean his room nor after his mess and Sebastian complaining about how he always cleans up after him, does his bed, and cooks for him, even tho he isn’t payed for it and only has to do that cause leaving Ciel’s mess would also affect Sebastian’s work, since he’s a clean freak. The only thing missing is actually bathing and showering the younger male; but that happens once their relationship develop into something more.