my brother the pig

Shifted - Part 1, Chapter 1

As mentioned yesterday, every Tuesday I’ll be posting a chapter from my brand new AU story. The premise is simple - what if Claire had gotten pregnant with Brianna a month or two earlier in the story, and she and Jamie had re-evaluated their priorities and decided that the cause was lost, and they were able to slip away from the army and quietly return to Lallybroch?

And so here we go:

Part 1 - The Beginning

Chapter 1

Lallybroch, October 1746

At first it came in waves – like the tiny laps she’d felt against her ankles when walking sandy shorelines as a child. It seemed completely manageable, and she truly wondered what all the fuss was about.

But as the hours continued to pass, and the long shadows of the afternoon gradually slipped into darkness, the waves subsided – replaced by a constant thudding pull that did not relent, did not yield for even the slightest moment.

Pain sharpened her senses. Claire shivered as a tendril of cold October air licked her bare shoulder. Doubling up against the cold, and overcome with the sudden scent of her own exertions, she opened her mouth, gasping for fresh breath.

Her head turned so that only one ear faced the room, straining to make out the words murmured at the foot of the bed –

“…been eight hours now wi’ barely a change. We need to do something afore she canna help us to do it.”

“Aye, I know, but I’ve seen this go on for up to a day and even more. We need to let this run its course.”

An audible sigh. “Ah weel. I don’t disagree with ye. But we need to get her to eat, or to drink something. She canna go for much longer as it is.”

“Stop,” Claire rasped. “Stop talking about me as if I’m not here.” She opened her eyes and blearily focused on the shorter figure at the foot of the bed. “I’m a physician. I can diagnose my own problems.”

“Oh, aye.” Jenny approached Claire, skeptically surveying her bare, twisted, sweat-soaked limbs. “If ye take nothing else away from this experience, sister, I hope it’s the fact that when it comes to bringing bairns into this world, everything ye thought ye knew about your own body proves to be false.”

“Is this you trying to cheer me up? You know I couldn’t keep anything down a few hours ago. Why should anything have changed by now?” Claire swallowed against the dryness tugging at the back of her throat.

Jenny smirked – but Claire saw concern etched in the creases of her eyes.

“A few hours? May as well be a lifetime ago, Claire. Your body has been working non-stop. Ye need to eat something, or at least try for water. To keep the blood flowing.”

“I won’t. I don’t want it to come back up again. Just the thought of it makes me sick.”

“I swear, you’re as stubborn as my pig-heided brother. God knows how much longer this will last, Claire – you need to be able to see this through to the end.”


“Yes.” This time Jenny braced her hand on the headboard and leaned over Claire, trying her level best to establish eye contact.

Claire shut her eyes, overcome by a fresh wave. Her mouth opened in a silent scream, body tensed. She pushed back against the arm wrapped around her middle, her only anchor as sensation overpowered her.

“For God’s sake, Claire,” Jamie murmured in her ear, face obscured by the riotous mess of curls he normally loved to sink his fingers into. “For once in your life, woman, do as you’re told. Eat something.”

The sheer terror in Jamie’s voice forced her focus away from pure sensation and toward the immediacy of the moment – and the man wedged between her back and the headboard.

“All right.” Sighing, she laid her right hand over Jamie’s at her middle, threading their fingers together and running her thumb over his own. She had meant it as reassurance, but he just gripped her even tighter. “What do you suggest, then?”

High on the Hogs: A story of pro family revenge.

So one of my brothers is adopted and is amazing.

He didn’t get anything handed to him in life and he’s seriously one of the hardest working people I know. Just as he was starting his own family he had even more financial burden due to some medical problems. Still, somehow he managed to build half a house on some land my Dad sold him. He used the equity in that to get a second loan and finish it (and he had to fight the bank for that even). Time goes on and he begins to do really well – so he sells the first house he built at a profit and buys some land. Like, 175 acres in the midwest (he lives in a rural area). He likes to hunt and does some farming on the land but the house that was there when he bought it isn’t ideal, despite some major improvements and renovation. So he builds a third house and puts the house up for sale. He keeps the land around the house for hunting (this is important later).

This is when one of his envious family members asks if he and his wife would consider selling them the house. They can only qualify for something like half of what it’s worth, but my brother is a fairly generous guy – he agrees to sell the house to them at a rather hefty discount since they’re family. I’m sure he felt some of their pain as well – he’d had his own difficulty back when he was starting out. The bank agrees to loan them the money (they can’t go wrong, it’s for way less than the property is worth) and the deal is done.

A few short months go by. He’s driving by the property and spots a for sale sign. He stops in and the husband explains that there were some things about the house they weren’t happy with, so they were planning on selling it and buying a house more in town or something (etc). My brother explains that they got a sweet deal only because they were family and that he’d appreciate them selling the house back to him for what he sold it to them for. The husband basically closes the door on that – and my brother leaves.

And he thinks about it. I’m 100% certain that the family members understood that they were getting a good deal because they were family and he was happier selling it to them with the understanding that they weren’t to take advantage of his good graces.

This is a guy, by the way, that manages big projects. He’s a really fair guy. The stuff he does in construction probably half of you have driven over – big bridges that go over rivers like the Mississippi for example. He’s used to solving hard problems. This one isn’t that hard.

The next day he drives out with some fence in the back of his truck, and the family members in the house wake up to some fence posts being driven into the ground.

The husband comes out. “What’s going on?” he asks.

“I’m just putting up some Hog fence on my property. Don’t worry, it’s all on my land – I’ll just go around your house here and put a gate in so you can get in and out.”

The husband is a bit perplexed. “You’re bringing in pigs?” And my brother was seriously set to do it too. He had about 100 lined up from a farmer down the road.

The husband goes back into the house. A few minutes of “discussion” occur.

The next day they all meet at the bank and the deed is transferred back to my brother. And he didn’t even have to deploy the hogs…

Damage x Control

On Archive of Our Own:

Chapter I. Red Shorts

Word Count: 4158

Summary: Killua hasn’t lived at home for years, but he still goes with his family on their annual week long vacation. This year it takes place on his birthday, at his favorite location, and with his best friend. But it’s harder to keep Gon away from the still-buried realities of his past and complicated relationship with his family when they’re affronted by overbearing Brother Dearest and Fucky the Magician. Who keeps letting Hisoka come on these vacations every year, anyway?

Pairings: Illukillu, Hisogon, Hisoillu, Killugon

Rated: Mature

Warnings: Underage sex, incest, dubious consent, necrophilia mention

Keep reading

how i’m learning portuguese.

so i decided to learn brazilian portuguese and here are the resources i’m using now.


  • duolingo

pronunciation and accent:

  • forvo


  • portuguese peppa pig episodes (my younger brother likes to watch these for some reason)
  • bossa nova music

if anyone would like to suggest additional resources, please do!

In other news, my brother in law’s (he’s a gardener) boss keeps pigs and he’s had his third barn fire this year- probably in an attempt to kill the rats that plague his property through inappropriate feeding of the pigs. They get the waste from nearby produce facilities as food. 

In the most recent fire, 3 piglets were burnt to death, and my brother in law found a fourth piglet which was being eaten alive by rats- he promptly shot it. 

Oh, but by the way, this is ‘humane’ this is ‘free range’ this is ‘local’. The guy even does local hog roasts for BBQ’s and stuff, so that people can feel good with those careful labels used by advertisers these days.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; there is absolutely no way to raise an animal for profit and it be humane. 

Bob Clampett… probably the only golden age animation director to get any sort of publicity. Chuck Jones must’ve had conniption fits upon seeing this!

(Film Daily, January 12 1944)

anonymous asked:

so you wrote fanfic about pets. But author, do you have pets?

Thanks for reading!
And I do! I have two cats, and a guinea pig. Technically the guinea pig is my brother’s, and so is one of the cats. I say they all belong to me. All the kittens… belong to me.
This might be the sole reason I identify with Yurio…

Reunion (Part 1) - (Reader x Auditore Family)

What is this? Reader Insert series about living in an apartment building full of the characters from Assassin’s Creed in a modern setting. A guilty pleasure series tbh. Not gonna lie.

A/N: Long time no update! Whoooooooooops. Here, have some family feels with the Auditore family!


“What’re you doing?” Claudia demanded over the phone. “Are you busy?”

“Umm… “ You weren’t exactly sure how to answer the question. It was Christmas and since things had gone sour in your life only recently, you hadn’t planned on having a very good holiday. It was just for this year, you would allow yourself to be miserable on what was meant to be the happiest of days for many people only for this year. Just once. “I um…”

“You don’t sound like you have any plans.” It wasn’t a question, just a very blunt statement. “Good; I need a favour. Can you spare a couple hours for me?” You weren’t sure where Claudia was, but it sounded loud and extremely busy. It sounded like a lot of Italians conversing all at once, laughing and having a good time. Your heart warmed at the idea of having a big family event like that, but it would never happen for you. Your family wasn’t like that. “Amica?”

Keep reading

Harry Potter meant so much to me as a kid for the sake of the magic in the idea that someday i could go to a magic school and learn how to give my big brother a pigs tail and meet so many amazing people and now that i’m older it means so much more to me in the sense that Harry is an abused child who still finds a good life and is worried about doing everything wrong in this weird world but becomes so comfortable with his friend he sees their cluttered noisy house as more of a home than where he lives and i’m just like that with my friends it’s just so nice