my brain works really fast

THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED AND I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF

Annoying guy: “Do you speak German?”

Me: “…Yeah.”

Guy: “No you don’t.”

Me: “Okay, whatever.”

Guy: “Wait, you really speak German? Sprechen Sie Deutsch?”

Me: “You don’t have to ask me the same question twice in a row. Don’t you know how to say anything else in German?”

Guy: “Ein Bier, bitte!” *cracks up laughing*

Me: “Seh ich aus wie ne Kellnerin oder was? Wenn du nen Drink willst… hol dir selbst einen runter.”

(ETA: explanation/translation)

He said “One beer, please!” (a classic line for tourists who don’t know how to say anything else in German) and I said “Do I look like a waitress? If you want a drink, go get one yourself.” Except the particular way I said “go get one yourself” also happens to mean the German equivalent of “Go f*** yourself.” (Literally: “go jerk yourself off”)