my boss said i have a problem

That abuse victim feel where you have to constantly be able to do things for other people and when you can’t you want to die

“listen,” ares started, a soft sigh passing through his lips as he inspected the knife in his hands. “you, my friend, have made some very powerful people very angry. you’re either too dumb or you’ve got a deathwish. now…you either pay up what you owe the boss man, or i’m gonna start cutting off fingers and toes. and trust me, this is no skin off my back at all. i have no problem with going through on that promise.”  he said, walking over to the chair that the other was tied up to, crouching down to catch their gaze, a wolfish grin passing over his lips. 

Anxiety doesn’t have a face. It’s a mental problem

So I’m currently on leave because of my depression and anxiety. My boss and the lady in HR know this and they have proof from my doctors of this. So i decided to visit today because they expanded my days until next month. So i spoke to my co worker who’s very nice to be and always has my back. I was talking to her and she told me to stay off facebook and I said “What? Why” Apparently, someone at work is going around saying I’m was faking my anxiety and just bs the company. They said I was posting pictures of me at parties and with my friends and with makeup on. Ummm what. I have only been to two parties both were kids parties (one was my cousins with is family and the other was for my sisters friend ) and the time with my “friend’s yea. Only one of my friends came to visit and it was at my house in my room. That’s when I realized whoever is talking has me on snapchat because none of those event they were talking about are on my fb but only on snapchat. Lucky for me my co-work who told me this stood up for me because she has known I’ve had these problems in the past.

SO I got home and checked my snapchat friend. I have 3 from work. But I only suspect 2 as they’re new to my job and the 3 person is very aware of my mental heath problem. Sadly, I trusted both the other people and very disappointed in them.

So to whoever is saying all that crap about me. Anxiety and depression does not have a face. It does have a look. What you don’t know from the picture is that I have to carry my anxiety pills EVERYWHERE I GO  just in case i have an anxiety attack. I have my mom on speed dial in case i end up in the er or something. You also don’t know that I myself to sleep. I feel so worthless that I have mental breakdowns in my bathroom. Here’s my favorite part. WE WORK WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE THIS SAME ISSUES. This proves you should NOT be working with them if this is who you really are. Please rethink how you see mental health are quit and NEVER work in this type of job AGAIN. 

RANT OVER!!!!!!!!!!!

Someone asked for a clearer image upload because it was too smol in the ask to read LOL

@tearsanddesolationakathebbc asked me: 

Using BTS and Got7 - You’re the lead in a drama, choose your - Male Lead, 2nd Lead, BFF1, BFF2, Brother, Antagonist, Weird Neighbor, Co Worker, Male Lead’s BFF, Dad, Boss, KPop star you stan, Mentor, Frenemy.

  • Male Lead: Mark (Plot twist: the first male lead ever to have no lines, I gotchu mark, you said you wanted to play a character with few lines)
  • 
2nd Lead: Jin (in which our love story is a lot better, but we all know the lead female never ends up with the 2nd lead…gotta stay in my lane, y’know?)
  • BFF1&BFF2: Jungkook & Yugyeom (my maknae duo will solve all my problems)
  • 
Brother: Youngjae (he’s a cinnamon roll, too good for this world, I must protect him)
  • 
Antagonist: JB (I just really want to fight him, plus view count will go up because we all want to fight JB)
  • 
Weird Neighbor: Bambam (shows up in an extravagant outfit when I invite him to dinner…at McDonalds)
  • 
Co Worker: Jhope (this drama will be the drama known for bringing forehead hobi back. you’re welcome)
  • 
Male Lead’s BFF: Jimin (he gives mark all the love he deserves in this world)
  • 
Dad: V (HAHA I feel like he was be such a quirky I’m-here-to-embarrass-my-daughter-and-also-baby-her kind of dad)
  • 
Boss: Suga (some girl keeps trying to sue his company while he’s trying to sue the hairstylist that turned his hair mint green)
  • KPOP Star You Stan: JR (only in dramas can I stan him, otherwise @wreckitrapmon will stab me in the face; also it would be funny because he’s the only one with an acting career right now but his role is to just be himself)
  • 
Mentor: Rapmon (the wisest of them all…but also breaks all my pencils when I don’t understand him)
  • 
Frenemy: Jackson (he’s out here trying to steal mark from me…and it’s working, MARKSON OR NEVER)
On one condition

The morning that Star Wars: Battlefront came out, I got a call.

“DO YOU HAVE STAR WARS: BATTLEFRONT?”

“Yes.”

“DO YOU TAKE EBT?”

EBT stands for “electronic benefits transfer”- it’s the name for the state-issued payment cards that replaced food stamps. So, you can only use them to buy food. The video game store where I work does not sell food.

“….no. No, we don’t.”

My boss said I should have said yes, but only if he then ate the copy of Battlefront right in front of us. 

I didnt realise how much my views have changed since being on Tumblr until I was at work (bear in mind I work in a company that is 70% Women and owned by 4 WOMEN, a company worth Millions and run by Women ) and was asked if i was a Feminist. 

Now bear in mind, I’m openly and publicly Gay, and my co-workers know this.

I said instantly, “Of course I am.” with a stone face, and the room went silent.

When I asked what the problem is, one of the Bosses turned to me and said, “do you even know what that word means?” 

So I said, “Don’t you? Or do you believe that Women and Men are not equal, that you, as a woman, who runs a company, should be paid less than a man doing the same job. Do not tell me you’re an ”Equalist” not a “Feminist” because THEY MEAN THE SAME THING.” 

So my Boss looked at me and said, “It’s just not the right thing to say.” and I replied with a dead-pan, 

“The only reason the word carries such a stigma is because people like you refuse to understand that it’s the greatest word on Earth”

and that’s the story of how I realised Tumblr is so much more progressive than the outside. 

I seriously considered quitting today...

About a month ago one of the older security guards at my work asked if he could give me his number.  I didn’t feel like I could say no.  After a moment of insane awkwardness I took it but never did anything with it.  Before this I had parked on the street and walked into work.  Knowing if I parked in the garage I could avoid this security guard, I started doing that.  That required me to come in a bit earlier but my shift hours had never been concrete just the days i work. 

Last week my boss decided I should come in later…so I finally had to tell him what happened.  

Today my boss berated me for telling him sooner.  He couldn’t understand why I felt I could say no and laughed it off when I said that.  He told me it was a problem that I didn’t say anything.  We went to HR they didn’t have a problem with  it.  When we got back from HR he once again began to lecture me.  I couldn’t help myself I just started crying.  My boss, at first, thought I was upset over the whole security guard thing, but when I corrected him and said it was how he had spoke to…making me feel bad me feel bad for not saying anything. He didn’t apologize, he just keep insisting that was not his intention but I should have said something.  

At the end of it all I wish is that I didn’t say anything.  I wish I had just made up some excuse for why I couldn’t come in later.  

anyway here is a story about how to be a stellar fucking workplace:

when i filled out the human resources forms and things for my current job, they (like most forms) had a ‘gender’ option. which was, like most forms, binary. i’m not binary, and i’m a little too feral about it to just play nice, so i added an extra box and put ‘nonbinary’ to force inclusion of my gender identity. 

fast forward a couple of weeks. my boss calls me in his office when i arrive at work. shockingly, there’s been a glitch/problem with the HR paperwork because the computer system couldn’t recognize a profile that didn’t accord to a binary gender assignment. 

in most cases, you might expect to get a mild scolding, a talk about ‘listen we know the system is binary and that’s unfortunate for you, but sometimes you just have to pick your battles; we know they said gender not sex but you know what they meant; just write whatever your legal id says;’ etc. 

instead, my boss said: ‘we want really badly to adhere to your identity, but we also want to pay you, and we couldn’t get your paycheck out without a binary selection. they really ought to rename it biological sex, but since they didn’t, we slipped past the system for now by feeding it your file-based sex identifier. i wanted you to know this for the purpose of preceding any event in which you might find that marked in your files, official mail, or anything like that, and wanted you to be aware that there’s no intention there of mislabeling or misidentifying you for administrative purposes. in fact, your glitch opened up a can of worms, and we’re now working with the human resources department to fix stuff like this so that non-M/F gender identifiers won’t be rejected by our systems or force anyone to disclose or self-name as a marker they are uncomfortable with. it’s just the start a process for fixing that system to be inclusive of everyone, and once we can fix it, we’re gonna update your information back to the appropriate identification for you.’ 

that is, instead of 

  • dismissing needs
  • aligning with the majority/in-power group 
  • saying they would be flexible with one instance, but had no interest in creating a more accommodating system

my workplace

  • took short-term steps to avoid negative consequence as an impact of my identification
  • let me know directly a) what i would see, b) that they intended to continue to respect my identity, and c) that the underlying issue would be addressed
  • expressed intent and action focused on creating a more accommodating / recognizing system overall, rather than blaming a singular instance

it’s a little thing but all of the little things i’ve dealt with in my workplace so far have made a big difference in my comfort, happiness, productivity, and success being here. all workplaces should strive to be like this.