my beautiful beautiful darling

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Read in 2016 » The Hating Game by Sally Thorne

     "The job is mine, Shortcake,” Joshua’s voice says.
     To stop myself from standing up and punching him in the gut I’m counting one, two, three, four …
     “Funny, that’s what Helene just told me.” I watch his backside walk away in the glossed surface of my desk, and vow that Joshua Templeman is going to lose the most important game we’ve ever played.

Happy birthday to the snapchat queen, a PS wizard and a great friend @cobaltcharlie ;*

❤️❤️

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Beautiful Fanalis ♥ | Morgiana | Happy Birthday to my wonderful Olivia! ♥  (◍•ᴗ•◍)♡ ✧*

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I watched over you, thought about you, and worried about you.

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I own a tavern, a brothel, a tanner, a butcher, interests in a dozen other concerns on the street. I am the one they come to here when they need things, want things, fear things. In another time and another place, they would call me a queen.

But why is no one talking about the way that Alec yelled, “WHERE IS HE?” when confronting that Circle Member like his eyes were wild and his posture was so rigid like his fingers were holding that seraph blade so tightly and his voice was so strong but you could also hear and see the desperation in his voice and on his face like all he wants to do is find his brother and this man may be his chance and his voice was abnormally loud when he said this so it’s almost as if he is trying to mask this need to find his parabatai so that he doesn’t look weak and Alec’s not using his bow which is so abnormal for him, but he we see that he’s trying different tactics, using different weapons, a weapon that possible appears more threatening to some, because he wants answers when the Circle Member slit his own throat the way Alec said, “No, no, no!” because he’s so frustrated that he got away, that he let him get away, that he was so close to finding Jace and he let it slip through his fingers like we see Jace being away from him is literally eating him up like we know that if your parabatai dies you die too but we already see Jace’s absence and how it has an effect on Alec and how they’re both dying, but not so much in a physical sense and why is no one talking about this because it stuck out to me so much and it broke my heart

The issue was never Justice. It was Kirkwall.

Sure, Justice was angry, even before they left Ferelden. Of course, considering Anders had already seen far more than his share of injustice in his lifetime, as both victim and bystander, and now it was as though Justice had lived it, too. By his very nature, to say he would be unsettled would surely be an understatement. Even aside from the adjustment, too, the resistance neither he nor Anders expected, of course he was going to change. But despite what Varric says, or perhaps even what Anders believes, the problem was never Vengeance. Justice wasn’t corrupted, and Anders was never truly afraid of him.

Anders’s and Justice’s reactions to and relationship with each other after merging would still be strained and are certainly fair, and for a myriad of reasons (Anders’s own mental health, and of course his Chantry-manipulated upbringing, as well as Justice’s having to cope with basically his entire world changing so harshly, and then I personally still have my one very particular headcanon about Anders’s past and Justice’s difficulties). Too many emotions run rampant between them, which only time and support and understanding can fix. Thank the Maker for Hawke, then, right?

Kirkwall, though. Kirkwall is something new altogether. Yes, it brings them Hawke, friends that are more like family, love and protection they hadn’t expected. At the same time, however, it brings new hardships, new hurdles, new things to learn and grow accustomed to, already a struggle for the displaced Fade spirit just trying to figure out the mortal realm from within his dear friend’s already tumultuous shared consciousness.

And what does Kirkwall bring them? A city built on the backs of slaves with a Circle that is infamous even by Circle standards, where the Veil is notoriously thin, with an out-of-control Knight-Commander and a Grand Cleric who refuses to act. Injustice, injustice everywhere, the likes of which the spirit had not yet seen, could not have prepared for. So they build their sanctum of healing and salvation, do great work helping people who would otherwise likely be unable to get help, yet this comes at the constant cost of discovery by Templars, that extra fear of being shut down and taken, because they help those in need. This is not justice, this is abhorrent, and the literal embodiment of such a virtue surely cannot comprehend, cannot sit well with this distress. Kirkwall also comes with loss. That brand upon Karl’s head followed by the cry of “you will never take another mage,” but of course they will, and Justice must know it just as well as Anders.

This city takes and takes and takes, not just from Anders but from those he cares about, as well, so Justice throws them further into the mission, to fix this however they can. Anders is angry and it scares him, but he is driven as he has never been before, he is making a difference, even though he puts himself at so much risk to do it. Justice fears for him, too, but Anders knows too well by now that they must persevere, if he even interprets Justice’s concern correctly; he very well may not, however, and by no fault of his own. This will take time, even with having Hawke there to help them through, even with the blessing of the outsider’s perspective coupled with the blessing of the love they provide them.

Anders is a bipolar trauma survivor who hasn’t had a single chance to try to work through or even process all he’s been through, and Justice is literally justice in a world where there is none to be found, where he just wants to help, and Kirkwall is a toxic cesspool that works against them so thoroughly, so adamantly, so it’s surely no surprise that this would complicate these already complicated matters. After they leave, worlds of possibilities for healing and understanding could open up, likely would open up. Kirkwall, however, would never allow for this, and they do a phenomenal job of working together considering all this wretched place throws their way.