my beard is itchy

Best dreams - Jamie Benn (smut)

Requested by anon: Can you do a Jamie benn beard smut?! Please and thank you!

A/N: Sooooo… it isn’t exactly what it was requested, beaus I think it turned out pretty good if I may say so. I actually had fun writing it. Soon i hope you like it.

Also, I’m sorry it took so long. I’m on spring break right now, so I’ll try my best to write all the requests.

Word count: 1730

Warnings: ALL THE SEXY TIMES WARNINGS.

Master list


Originally posted by tylerandjamie

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you're cool with the penis
you're cool with the penis

Hurk: You gonna be a gentleman and help me up? C'mon.

[Hurk wraps his arms around Ajay as he sits behind him on the elephant’s back]

Ajay: You know what… That’s… That’s enough.

Hurk: ‘Kay sorry…

Ajay: Yeah, just watch the beard on my neck.

Hurk: Whatever man, this elephant got two buttholes, two taints, and four balls on his back, and you’re complaining about one penis!

Ajay: [Sighs] I wasn’t talking about your penis. I-It’s your beard. It’s itchy. Get it off my neck.

Hurk: Oh, sorry man, no problem. But you’re cool with the penis then?

Ajay: …That too, back it up.

Hurk: All right, man…

Reasons Why (Newt x Reader)

A/N: We finally reach the end of the Christmas special!!! I hope you guys enjoyed the Christmas fics😊 Do note that you guys can send me requests or even just questions, I wouldn’t mind answering!! Anyways, enjoy and I hope all of you have a merry Christmas!!


“Y/N?” Newt popped his head into the room both of you shared, frowning as he opened the door fully and saw that you weren’t there. Funny, he just realized that you were gone for pretty much the whole day.

The two of you were visiting New York again, to celebrate Christmas with the Goldstein sisters and Jacob. Both of you were traveling the world to help any magical creatures in need of help and research more about them to write the book Newt planned to publish to let other wizards and witches to know more about these fantastic beasts.

As you were his best friend, you decided to tag along, you also shared the same amount of passion for these creatures as much as Newt does.

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klarolineforevermine  asked:

kc+ "‘My girlfriend suckered me into dressing up as Santa at our charity fundraiser to raise money for the local children’s hospital, and my god this fake beard is itchy’; she better make it up to me later" Celebrity AU

Another entry for Klaroline + Celebs! A teeny bit of domestic!fluff set in the same universe as Start A Rumor.

When he walks into the house, the one he and Caroline had picked out six months ago (disagreements over renovation projects were ongoing) he notes that it smells delicious.

Klaus is instantly suspicious.

Caroline baked sparingly (her job required her to look like she could kill a man with her bare hands, she often said, and sweets did not help one achieve that look) and it was generally either to deal with stress (which benefitted the crew at work immensely as she would bring it in the next day) or because she was attempting some manner of bribery.

He’s almost positive she’s making the currant spice cookies he was fond of. They were currently on a break from shooting and Caroline had already completed the bulk of her holiday to do list there’s not much she could be stressed about. Whatever could she possibly want?

Sure enough when he makes his way to the kitchen he’s greeted by a sunny smile, “Hey! You’re home early.”

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Sterek Week Day Two: Kids

Stiles drummed his fingers against the steering wheel of their sedan, a nervous tick he hadn’t been able to get rid of from his teenage years.  Today was going to be one of those days that challenged him as a parent.

“Are you mad at me Tata?”  A little voice asked from the back seat.

“I’m not mad at you baby,” Stiles replied, “We’ll talk more when we get home, right now I only have what Ms. McAllister told me on the phone.”

“She as mad at me,” Allison said quietly, looking down at her shoes.

“She was probably more surprised than mad,” Stiles reasoned with his seven year old.  “You remember when dad and Aiden jumped out at me the other day and I yelled real loud?”

“Yeah,” Ali said, not connecting the two.

“That’s cause I was scared,” Stiles reminded her, “So when Ms. McAllister shouted it’s probably because one of you was hurt, and she cared about you both so that scared her.”

“Tommy Mason’s a butt-head,” Ali pouted.

“Do we call people names in this family?”  Stiles asked pointedly.

“You call daddy ‘sour wolf’ all the time,” Sli countered.

Stiles suppressed the use to curse his daughter’s attentiveness, she got that from both of them.  “There’s a difference between being mean and having a nick name, you know that ladybug.”  Ali’s eyes shifted to the side they way they always did when she was trying to avoid something.  “Now, I don’t know why you and Tommy had trouble today, but we’re taking about it once we get home ok?”

“Ok,” Ali agreed, sighing dramatically as she stared out the window.  Stiles silently prayed to anyone listening for guidance at the same time cursing that his daughter seemed to inherit most of his personality.  This had to be payback for all the times he snuck out of the house and trouble he caused his father.


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As it turned out, it was a good thing Stiles had waited until they got home before his his daughter’s side of the story.  Tony had been teasing Scott’s daughter, so Allison and asked him to stop, and his response had been to push her down.  She had tried to get a playground monitor, but Tommy had pushed her down again and thrown a rock at Erica.  Allison explained that Tommy had been physically aggressive three times and Erica had to see the nurse - that was the reason she kicked him in the nose.  If Stiles had been near the school when he’d heard that, there would have been many things said to their principle that were not for little ears to hear.

“You promise you’re not mad?” Allison asked.

“I’m proud that you gave him three chances,” Stiles said, “And I’m proud to hear your first instinct was to go to an adult.  I’ll talk with Ms. McAllister tomorrow.  For now, let’s have some peanut butter sandwiches and play some Mario Kart.  Go wash up for me.”

“Ok,” Allison smiled, bounding off towards the kitchen.

Stiles picked up his phone to call Derek, “And what the hell and I going to tell you my love?”  In the end he made sure the baby was asleep in the car before he told Derek the whole story.  He didn’t want their infant son learning fun new words, or for Derek to crash the car into the Mason’s house wolfed out and ready for revenge.  Thankfully the other man had to pick up Aiden and go to the store so he did not have time to give Ms. McAllister a piece of his mind the same afternoon.  Stiles was honestly not sure which parent of the two would be worse on the woman, going to speak to her together was probably out of the question if they wanted their children to stay enrolled in the same school.

“Hey Tata!”  Aiden called as he bounded through the door, his spiderman backpack bouncing higher than he was.  “Allison was sooooo awesome today, she kicked Tommy in the face!”

“We do not celebrate violence,” Stiles reminded gently, helping Aiden take off his shoes.  “Go play with your sister while I talk with your dad ok?  We’ll get a snack in a few minutes.”

“Did that boy really push her down?”  Derek asked, his hands full of groceries and Sam asleep in his baby bjorn.

“Tommy hurt Erica and Allison came to her defense,” Stiles replied, “She tried to get an adult but he pusher her, she gave him three changes and then she kicked him in the nose.”

“At least part of what we told her stick,” Derek sighed, still rocking from foot to foot so Sam kept sleeping against his chest.  “So what are we going to do about this?”

“I already did what I thought was right, what do you want to do?”  Stiles deadpanned.

“Your decision was to bring her home and play video games?”  Derek asked quietly.

“What am I supposed to do?  Tell her not to defend herself when someone hits her?”  Stiles asked back just as gently, taking Sam out of the carrier so Derek could get himself settled.  His son stirred but quickly settled back down and breathed evenly against his throat, Stiles pressed a kiss against his downy hair.  “What would you have done?”

“I got her chocolate ice cream and strawberries,” Derek confessed, holding up the grocery bag still in his hand.  “Guess I better put it away before it becomes chocolate soup.”

Stiles sighed and leaned forward into Derek’s arms, taking comfort as they wrapped around him.  “Didn’t think we’d ever have to worry about this.”

Derek kissed the top of Sam’s head and left to slide the ice cream into the freezer, returning to wrap his arms around both Stiles and Sam.  “No, I did not imagine we would have to fight our daughter’s suspension because she fought back against a bully.  Nor did I imagine the self control it would take not to attack a child to attacked my own.  My mother spoke of the l love for an injured child, but I never imagined.”

“I know my love,” Stiles replied, reaching up for a kiss.

“I want to lock her up and never let her leave,” Derek said, petting Sam’s head just as the baby started to stir from his sleep.

Stiles kissed his husband again with a gentle smile.  “Well, think it’s time to start on the next, at least then we have one chance of getting it right.”

“We should,” Derek agreed, “I want Sam to have a sibling he’s close to with the first ones being twins.”

“That’d be nice”  Stiles agreed, petting Sam’s feet as they started to kick.

“Ah…babababa,” Sam babbled as he was waking.

“There’s the little talker,” Derek smiled, lifting the little man out of Stiels’ arms for a kiss.  “You ready to get something to eat little one?”

“Tata,” Sam declared, his lip puling down into a screwed up frown as he turned his little head.

“Did he just…?” Stiles started, surprised by the baby’s first words.

“TATA!”  Sam shouted, kicking his feet into the air.

“Really?”  Derek asked, staring at his son.  “That bad?  Is my beard itchy or something?”

“My smart little man,” Stiles said, standing just beside Derek so Sam should see them both.  “You were just wondering where I was, you still love your papa.”

“Tata!”  Sam said gleefully, resulting in a dual quirk of the lips as Derek handed the child off to get dinner started for the other two.


Sam went off as usual at 2 a.m., his little voice carrying over the baby monitor.  “Tata!”

“Sam’s calling,” Derek said sleepily, always alert when one of his children was in need.

“Your turn,” Stiles replied quietly, way to comfortable and sexed out to move.

“He’s not calling for me,” Derek pointed out, already half under his pillow.

“Tata!”  The little voice cried again.

“Just pray I didn’t knock you up again tonight,” Stiles groused as he climbed out of bed, searching for his discarded boxers.  “I’m training the next one to say your name first.  These kids are lucky we make cute babies.”

“You’re a cute baby,” Derek snarked, snuggling into the warm spot Stiles left behind.  Stiles replied with a  light smack to Derek’s ass on his way out the door to see what their youngest needed.


                                                The End


Snuck some referenced mpreg Derek in there, no reasons required!

ghostpulse  asked:

Hey, so your elf ear review is super helpful! I have a few questions if you dont mind. How do you find pros-aide cream differs from spirit gum? do you prefer it? and Im a little worried the Madhouse FX studio's ears will be too big, since you mentioned they would be better for medium-large sized ears. Have you heard anything about the small elf ears from Aradani Costumes? They're a bit more expensive (If i decide to order the painted version), but I like the shape better for Arwen. Any thoughts?

I used to have some of the Aradani ears a few years ago, but just didn’t like the way they fit or looked.  Some people love them, but they’re not for me.  Same goes for the Woochie tips.  I find the latex on both of these to be kind of thick, and since I’m not interested in wearing an ear cuff, the seam on the edge looks weird.  I’ve also tried the Aradani silicone tips, but they were heavy, didn’t fit closely enough, and I could not for the life of me get them to stay on for more than a few minutes before they started to slide off and peel away under their own weight.  They look great, but I found they weren’t practical.

For anybody wondering about the exact size of MadhouseFX’s elf ears: I measured my real ears and they about 2 1/4 inches, just under 6 cm, from the top of the curve to the bottom of the lobe, and this is just a tiny bit smaller than the female average.  The Thranduil ears are a little big on me (by about 1/8 inch) but I’m able to play with the positioning and get them fit pretty well.  I attach them first at the lobe, then find a good position on the top and fix them in place.

Now for Pros-Aide vs spirit gum, for me personally I find the Pros-Aide sticks on better, lasts longer, and doesn’t dry out, but that’s mostly preference and how it reacts with my natural skin oils.  I also find it’s okay to use on my ears, but if I use it on my face (say for a beard) my skin does get mildly irritated and itchy so I probably have a minor allergy.  Other people will have different experiences and might like spirit gum better.  For something as small and light as ear tips, the adhesive will make very little difference since the shape mostly keeps them in place on their own and you just need a little something to make sure they stay stuck down.  (Honestly you could use two-sided fashion tape if you wanted.)  One thing you CAN do with Pros-Aide cream that you can’t do with spirit gum, however, is build it up in thin layers and use it to blend and disguise the edges where the latex meets your skin.  So in that regard it serves a dual purpose as both adhesive and makeup.  Finally, it has no scent, so if you don’t like that astringent evergreen smell spirit gum gives you, Pros-Aide is a scent-free alternative.  Overall though, when it comes to ear tips, go by your personal preference.

There’s also a Telesis adhesive out there that was recommended to me, but it’s EXPENSIVE and I haven’t found a reason to try it yet.  The elf ears and stubble beards I do don’t call for anything stronger than Pros-Aide or spirit gum.  But for anybody trying out heavier prosthetics or lace beards this might be worthwhile.

I’ll also take a sec to HIGHLY RECOMMEND the Telesis adhesive removal gel I mentioned in my review.  When I first bought Pros-Aide I bought the special orange removal oil that the woman at the makeup store recommended.  It was okay, but took a lot of product, a lot of work, and a lot of time to remove all the adhesive.  And I’d still wake up the next morning with my hair stuck to my ears and have to use it again, so I burned through over half a bottle of the stuff doing about five rounds of elf ears and two fake beards.  With the Telesis, you use a lot less, it works a lot better and faster, and I’m not waking up with my hair glued to my ears and my ears glued to the sides of my head any more.  It works immediately on both Pros-Aide and spirit gum.  Downside (maybe?): it does have a smell, and that smell is very similar to cheap men’s deodorant.

Hope that helps!