Okay I thought of something and it made me emo so I wanted to share it with you guys too so we can be emo together (that’s what skamily is for)
You remember this? (well of course you do)
well this clip just made me realise that this, everything Even is telling Isak that will happen isn’t just something that he thinks will happen because he is depressed. He believes it, because it’s happened before. It has happened with his friends whom he loved so much.
We don’t know what happened but it is something so bad that not only hurt balloon squad but made Even think they hate him, made Even hate himself and that’s why he was so sure he would always be alone before Isak. Why he thought all he did was ruin things. Because he has before. He has lost everything before. and now it’s threatening to come back and haunt him and he is flipping terrified that whatever he did that was so bad to lose all the people he loves and trust, will take away the one person he loves and trusts now.
This clip broke my heart, because this face? it reminds me of the clip above. All the shame, self-hate, resentment at whatever led to him losing his friends. This face shows just how much he still truly believes that he hurt all his friends enough for them to hate him. He believes it so much that he continues to hate himself for everything he can’t change. He is so ashamed, so terrified of everything that went down with bakka and his closest friends to come back and destroy everything he has built between him and that incident. ugh it’s just. I feel like this clip and this entire storyline is so damn important because it’s proving that everything we saw with Even at the end of s3 hasn’t gone away just because Isak loves him.
His self hate? the pain, this belief that he doesn’t deserve anyone because he just hurts them and ruins everything? ah god it’s still there and it always will be until he faces everything that created it. And so the bakka storyline is coming up to maybe hopefully push Even in the right direction of healing and finally self love and acceptance because that is what skam is about.
dealing with everything you are ashamed of about yourself and finding love and acceptance within yourself. For Even that is no longer being ashamed of his past and his illness but accepting that it is a part of him and his story and he is even more strong, beautiful and compassionate because of it. He shouldn’t hate himself for things out of his control, and he shouldn’t be terrified of losing people he loves because of it. He is kind, smart, beautiful, and loved. his illness doesn’t define him. This is everything I wanted from an Even season, and just maybe we’re gonna get it.
just maybe we’re gonna get to watch someone teach us how to love and accept ourselves again.
I hope so
Also the fact that he asked about the boys made me want to cry because he so clearly misses them so much and he said it in such a,….sad way? I just I can’t.
Especially when the boys reaction to Even’s name was this
I just… I want to protect my baby and take away his pain and worries. He still thinks that he is capable of hurting and losing Isak and I truly feel like those feelings are connected to the Balloon squad, who are connected to Sana who is our beautiful main. And that is how we are going to get Even’s self acceptance story after all.