my attempts at comedy

Bullshit

It was originally requested by @goomfrugluh​ but she asked for it way before I had a tumblr.

Pairing: YoongixReader

Genre: Fluff, comedy (but mainly my half-ass attempt at comedy)

Word Count: 579

“What are you talking about I’m very mature.”

Originally posted by dreamyoongi

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anonymous asked:

How can the size of paragraphs be used to indicate mood and flow of a scene? Does the range of the paragraph sizes have an impact on readability, and are there typically different ranges and lengths common to certain genres (like comedy, horror, romance)? I'm attempting to write my first long story, and I want to figure out how to use the format of paragraphs themselves - especially in unison with others - in order to indicate some themes and tones, but I'm not sure how to go about it.

Paragraphs break the information in a scene/ chapter up into coherent sections. A paragraph in fiction often works very similarly to the way you’ve probably been told to write paragraphs for academic papers and such: you set up a concept (topic sentence), you explore the concept (body), and you reach a conclusion.

Note: I say ‘often’ and ‘similarly’ because obviously the nature of prose fiction means that these structures often look nothing like their academic cousins. The function is the same, the form it takes is often completely different.

Also note: While many prose fiction paragraphs do the above, prose fiction also utilises paragraphs to set pace, to produce imagery, to create mood and tension, etc. Prose fiction uses both ‘proper’ paragraphs, and paragraph ‘fragments’ in order to achieve the proper aesthetic and informative effects.

We’ll use some excerpts of Virginia Woolf’s Orlando as an example, this paragraph is early in the first chapter, describing Orlando’s character. We have an introduction where he is sneaking through the grounds of his father’s estate:

and then the body of the paragraph follows along with what Orlando does and sees while he’s sneaking:

And the paragraph concludes with an observation on what this means to his character:

This isn’t academic writing, the exact way that these elements are utilised will change to suit the writer’s preference, but this is how a paragraph is structured. Similarly to a scene or a chapter, a paragraph should enclose an idea as a single discrete narrative arc.

(If you’ve been following this blog a while you might be noticing that writing takes on a fractal quality, when you look at it long enough, a large piece work has a similar broad structure to any small part of it – not something you need to think about while writing, it would probably drive you up the wall, but very interesting and cool to think about)

Paragraphs break to signal a topic shift. This might be as subtle as going from talking about the weather in general (It was a dark and stormy night, and the forest around the black castle tossed and howled like the sea in a gale …) to focusing in on how the protagonist is affected by said weather (In the top of the highest tower of the black castle, the imprisoned Prince Prism stayed tucked in the corner under the meagre blankets he’d been given, and hoped that the tower wouldn’t topple over in the wind …) Being aware of when you shift focus or topic and beginning a new paragraph accordingly keeps your prose clear and easy to keep track of.

Paragraph breaks also indicate changes in action (paragraph 1: character a does something, there is some description, paragraph 2: character b reacts, and there is some description of that reaction). 

This is also why when you’re writing dialogue it is important to make a new paragraph each time the speaker changes.

(from The Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber by Earnest Hemingway, because Orlando doesn’t have a lot in the way of conversational exchanges)

You might have found this yourself at some point, but not been able to place quite what was wrong, often I’ll read something (usually fanfic or self published: fiction editors are usually very good at sorting out this kind of issue) and find that there’s a paragraph that just goes on and on and on and I lose my place and have to go up a couple of lines and try to figure out what happened but then I can’t remember what happened at the beginning of the giant paragraph so I have to go back and start over but at that point I just close the story because I’m reading for pleasure and this is too much like work, you know?

When a paragraph goes on for too long, covers too many topics without breaking, it becomes difficult to read. Functionally, the paragraph break signals to the reader that the concept has been concluded. They can distill that paragraph down to an easily retained bit of information (Orlando likes to sneak around so he won’t be disturbed reading), and then move on to the next bit. When the paragraph doesn’t break, it’s indicating to the reader that the concept isn’t finished, and that they have to hold onto all the disparate ideas they’re being handed until the very end of the paragraph before they can distill it.

This doesn’t only happen in prose fiction, by the way, this is one of the structural areas where a lot of academic writing falls down too, because there’s so much contextual information needed that the writer keeps on going rather than breaking it up and dealing with their different points one chunk at a time. (You know those textbooks where you start reading and then halfway through a page you have no idea what you’re supposed to be getting out of it? That.)

Of course, this is not at all to say that long paragraphs are all bad. Done well, a long paragraph can assist in creating mood and pace of the story. But it must be coherent in itself, and it must have a clarity of progression through the concept that it is setting out.

Long paragraphs can create a sense of lingering over details, it can indicate a lull in action, or a calm moment. It’s also often used in setting scenes or elaborating on the internal moments of characters.

Medium sized paragraphs can also set scenes or detail internal moments, but they are more often the vehicle for propelling the action forward. Things happen, those things tell us something about the characters, setting, or situation, and we learn from them.

Paragraph fragments break up the page, used well they can make a point stand out to the reader, it’s an emphatic way to place a line on the page. Paragraph fragments can also be used to indicate that events are happening at great speed, or to create the sensation of a cascade of experiences. Action scenes often benefit from paragraph fragments, but so do moments of realisation, or emphasis.

In the following excerpt from Orlando, there is a couple of long paragraphs detailing why Orlando has become disenchanted with the people he meets and wishes to isolate himself, but also that he is conflicted in that he loves the works that people create (he loves poetry and reading) and then the final conclusions are repeated in isolation:

(the pension referred to is to retain a poet in his home to produce new works for him, even though Orlando has just realised that the poet is a scammer and has upset him pretty badly)

The first line must break because it is a new line of dialogue, but it also serves as a paragraph fragment to show Orlando’s new approach to isolating himself, he orders the servants to leave him alone and just takes a few dogs up to his rooms. But the second paragraph fragment shows the contrariness of his nature, after several paragraphs detailing how upset he is and how much he wants to be alone, he’s still paying this guy to stay. 

These two fragments reveal a lot of character in just two punchy little lines. They’re cushioned in among a lot of much longer paragraphs, which makes them stand out even more. If you’ve not read Orlando, I’d really recommend it, and any of Woolf’s other work, she’s got a great approach to tone and pacing.

And changing the length of paragraphs is going to be something you learn to balance. It reminds me of this quote about writing sentences that are interesting to the eye and mind (remember what I said about fractal structural elements?)

“This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals–sounds that say listen to this, it is important.”

–Gary Provost

Just like sentences, you want your paragraphs to be varied. Not always wildly different, but if you tend to write longer paragraphs, you might want to mindfully utilise shorter paragraphs to break things up and lighten the load on the reader. Similarly, if you find yourself constantly writing page after page of paragraph fragments, you might want to see if you can piece some of those together or expand on the concepts you’re attempting to capture, and have some longer paragraphs in there.

Variety, balance, like so many things paragraph size and structure is something you need to work out as you go and it will change with each story. Most of the time it will probably come naturally to you because our brains are used to making stories and sharing information in the way that it is easiest to understand, but sometimes it goes wrong and you can’t put your finger on why, and it can help to have an understanding of what paragraphs are for and how you make them do what you want them to.

I love the way your S-curls fall softly against your forehead and nape of your neck

The same S catches your tongue like a hook

But nonetheless, I could listen to you talk about the letter alone for centuries


I love when your lips curve upward at my failed attempts of comedy

You hold my entire world in the corners of your mouth

How can my world be so small yet so grand all at once?


I love the hidden jewelry you keep tucked away

It acts as a road map to the celestial body you call home

Adorning all the beautiful tender places wondrous minds long for


But it seems the shooting stars I’ve wished upon were only satellites

For you live amongst stars of stained glass

And I can only see my place in the universe from my backyard

—  @the-antisocial-extrovert // a hopeless romantic
youtube

I’m going to leave now before the fandom comes and kick me out. This was a failed project since I couldn’t do the entire song with just one character (I was debating between these four characters). So I cut the parts that I liked and put this into one vid.

I tried uploading this directly to tumblr but the processing took forever that I just uploaded it to my youtube since its faster.

Charles Xavier- Couches

Request:  heyo! can you write a v fluffy drabble with charles and the reader? like they’re just cuddling and having a nice time™ and y/n’s making bad jokes about whatever’s on TV and charles kisses them all over their face and stuff idk, tho if you don’t wanna write it that’s chill

Okay, so I’m really bad at writing jokes… so if my comedy attempt is really dodgy you have my apologies, or maybe it’ll make it all the more relatable? Anyway, I didn’t really write a joke as such. This is for all of you out there who think they are funny but can’t ever make others laugh. Hope my wonderful requester enjoys this little drabble.

~Much love, Ive


You’d been lying on the couch with your legs over Charles after you were both exhausted after your latest mission. It was getting to that stage when you were so over tired you had no idea words were going to fly out of your mouth until you’d said something stupid. The TV in the corner was playing a show you weren’t really paying attention to. It was some boring documentary of some kind that Charles had put on. The voice droned on and on and you were trying not to fall asleep.

“Charles.” You said grumbled moving your foot up to poke him in the face. He smirked and printed it didn’t bother him to have your toes poking his cheek. “Charles, I’m bored of this.” You complained poking him harder.

“You aren’t finding it interesting?” He said grabbing hold of your ankle so that you’d stop kicking him.

“It’s boring. And here we have the Charles Xavier in his natural habitat. A mild mannered creature who spends his days making his girlfriend watch boring documentaries.” You said in the same voice as the guy on the TV. Charles let out a short laugh and looked at you with a sigh.

“You’re so annoying sometimes.” He laughed.

“That’s why you love me right?” You said sitting up so you could look at him closer.

“No…” He mocked, making you gasp. You grabbed the pillow your head was on before and used it to hit him playfully across the back of his head. It was his turn to gasp, you saw him grab the pillow from beside him and instead of sitting there and taking the hit you decided to run. You shot up off the couch, closely followed by Charles. You did a run around the couch, knowing he would be able to catch you if you ran in a circle. Charles was laughing as he occasionally swung the pillow, which only missed you my a few centimetres each time. You sped up so you were much further in front of him but with that Charles changed direction and you ran right into him. He dug his fingers into your ribs, knowing your ticklish spots and you squirmed under his hands not being able to hold back your laughter. You were already out of breath from running and now you could hardly breathe from the laughter. Trying to get away you decided it was best to drop to the ground and try to escape him, sadly this backfired and grabbed you by the waist before you managed to fall, holding you in midair. He swung you around onto the couch again and plonked himself next to you. You were both a little out of breath as you faced each other on the couch he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you closer to him.

Here we see the wild Xavier-“ you went back to your documentary voice but was cut off with a kiss from Charles.

“That was the only way I could think to get you to shut up.” He smirked and then continued to kiss you forehead, then between your eyebrows, to the tip of your nose. You crinkled it up in protest, when really you were loving every second of his attention. He stopped kissing you for a second to look at your crinkly face and then decided to kiss both of your cheeks. He kissed every little inch of skin on your face, everywhere apart from your lips. You were getting impatient and you decided it’d be best if you just kissed him yourself. once the kissing finally stopped, and it did go on for a very long time the two of you cuddled up on the couch and just lay there for a while. Completely enjoying each others company.

  • Love interest: *calls MC a dog*
  • Love interest: *belittles the MC's appearance*
  • Love interest: *chastises MC constantly*
  • MC: Wow, I hate this guy!
  • Love interest: I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.
  • MC: Aw...maybe he isn't so bad after all.
the interrogation: crack style
  • rey: okay, what's the safe word
  • kylo: safe word?
  • rey: you have me strapped to a chair, there's always a safe word
  • kylo: uh
  • rey: I'm all for whips and getting my hair pulled, but I am not into daddy kinks
  • kylo: wha-
  • rey: these bindings aren't nearly tight enough
  • later
  • snoke: and the scavenger, did you get the map?
  • kylo, having flashbacks from the war: she's too kinky, I can't torture her
Drabble - Late Night Tweets

This is really silly and my attempt at comedy, but the idea of a drunk Val tweeting did something for me, so here we have a situation:

Late Night Tweets

I just keep staring at my twitter feed as the tweets role in.

I’m ova here in NY thinkin bout this chick like “why you all the way ova there tho”

shoulda cut ya wings

jk jk

go fly girl

you on da next level

I just want you to come back tho

you left your scar on me

gorgeous

“C’mon, Maks, you can’t ignore me forever.” I tried them all, Maks, Alex, Teddy, even Serge despite him being on the West coast, but it’s like they have this big conspiracy where they do not react to any of my calls.

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