my 71

Some hilarious writing prompts

Alright so a few days ago I decided to look for some hilarious text posts on tumblr and I laughed so much I just had to write some prompts! (is possible to be customized)
(Send me requests with 1/1+ prompt/s. I write about a lot of fandoms and also a lot of different things : one shots/scenarios/imagines/headcanons/chats/conversations/aesthetics/alomst anything) REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

*1. Do I look like I give a fuck?
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*2. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you again for taking advantage of my compassionate and forgiving nature! HOw dare you.
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*3. Me? Overreacting? Probably.
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4. I used to be passive aggressive, but now I’m aggressively passive. Don’t mess with me kiddo. I’ll be right here. I’ll fucking forgive you.
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5. A: Whar are you doing?
B: Avoiding.
A: Avoiding what?
B: Everything.
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*6. This was impulsive. Probably shouldn’t have done it. WHO CARES?
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*7. You’re really cute and it’s ruining my life because I think about kissing you all the time.
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8. A: It’s okay, I’m not mad.
    A (5 mins later): Actually? You can go to Hell.
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9. I hate people who get personally offended when I’m in a bad mood, likeI’m not mad at you Susan (name), I’m mad at the world!
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10. A to A: Bitch, if you actually applied yourself in like…anything, you’d be dangerous ,damn my lazy ass.
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11. I don’t know what I’m feeling, but there’s a lot of it.
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12. Not to dictate your life, but drop your shitty friends.
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13. That sounds like responsibility and I want no part in it.
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14. Why am I better than everyone? Jesus, life’s hard.
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15. A: How do you make someone holy?
B: You beat the hell out of them.
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16. A: I’m amazed of how insignificant we actually are.
B: Not me, I’m important.
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17. If anyone can do it, then someone who isn’t me can do it.
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18. In the old days of one week ago things were different. Now look at us - slightly older than we were back then, other clothes and such.
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19. I’m not going to claim that I know everything, I’m simply going to act like it.
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*20. You have to “see it to believe it”, so as long as I’m not looking I don’t have to believe in anything.
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21. I’m visualising a powerful mystical energy at the moment.
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22. If I don’t learn anything from my mistakes then I don’t have to consider them mistakes in the first place.
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23. Why the hell is there always this one weak bitch in the group that isn’t down with murder? No offence though.
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24. A: If you ever feel stupid, or weak, or powerless, just remember that I, am not.
B: THanks.
A: You’re welcome.
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25. I wanna do dirty stuff with you like farming.
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26. A: What are you reading?
B: 10 tips for beutiful hair the Government doesn’t want you to know.
A: wHAT the fuck?
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27. A: I’m tired of these constant near-death experiences.
B: (opinional) don’t be a whiny bitch, bitch.
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28. Man, how many eye contact until date?
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29. God has a favourite comedy tv series and it’s called “my life”.
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30. Sometimes all you can say is “yikes” and then just on the fuck on.
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31. Why is everyone having their mid-life crisis at like 19?
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32. It’s a beutiful day to give me money, honey.
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33. Women aren’t complicated, you’re just dumb.
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34. Well this social situation isn’t going the way I acted it out in the shower.
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35. No offence, but my favourite hobby is staying hydrated and beautiful.
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36. I’m actually pretty cool if you give me like 5 tries to get it right.
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37. Today I’m feeling cloudy with a chance of sarcastic.
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38. Be prapared to add a cute emoji next to my name in your contacts list because you’re gonna love me.
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*39.A: Babe, I’m not grabbing your boob, I’m grabbing your heart.
B: That’s my right boob though.
A: Babe.
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40.Every machine is a smoke machine if you operate it wrong enough.
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41.What makes me feel like a failure the most is when I can’t remember the answet to a Harry Potter trivia question.
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42.I hate it when I’m really nice…And then people are just not that nice? Like what the fuck.
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43.Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.
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*44.Is your name candle? Because I wanna blow you.
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*45. So, was that just awkward eye contact, or were we checking eachother out?-

46.You know, having feelings is ruining my reputation of being a heartless bitch.
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47.My turn ons? Well I don’t know, maybe some fucking common sense.
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48.I may seem like an angry person on the surface, but deep inside I’m actually angrier.
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49.I ship me and that boat.
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50.Listen. I did mean to make you upset and I do think your opinions are shit. But you’re still my friend so it’s okay.
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51.Because my two moods are like glitter and death.
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*52.My kink is closing the fucking bathroom door, because no one wants to see you fucking pee!
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53.If I go to Hell I’m gonna constantly torture everyone by continuously asking if it’s hot in here or is it just me.
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54.Oh my God are you seeing this shit?
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55.Graduated top of my class from Hogwarts school of bitchcraft and misery.

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56.A (shows up at your door 10 years after we had an argument): aND ANOTHER THING

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57.I’ll betray all of you in the Hunger Games.

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58.Well, well, well, if it isn’t my old friend, the dawing realization that I fucked up real bad.

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59.I’m a screamer. Not sexually, just life in general.

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60.I’m not racist, I hate everyone equally.

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61.Tell me I’m cute or something, so I can roll my eyes at you, but then blush when I think about it later.

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62.You know when your hair is greasy and it makes you feel so bad about yourself? And your entire life. Everything is awful because my hair is greasy.

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63.True love is having a crush even when he got a haircut you know.

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64.Emotions? You know, I just push my tear back into my eye and tell it “Not now, you little bastard!”.

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65.Are we gonna hold hands, or what?

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66.My soul leaving my body, but with one of those slide whistle sound effects.

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67.A: I love you.

B: What if I got a bowl cut?

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68.I should really stop planning my future around being rich or famous…but I can’t.

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69.I’m aggressively thibking about having sex with you and trying to keep a straight face at the same time. Do you know hOW hard that is?

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70.My opinion is no.

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71.Did you fall from heaven, because so did Satan.

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72.What to hear a fairytale? Once upon a time you weren’t such a little bitch.

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73.Which is messier - my life or my hair?

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74.How can you face the problem when the problem is your face?

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75.Sometimes I wonder what it feels like to know wHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.

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76.Read a girl who dates books.

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77.My hands are cold let me put them in your pants.

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78.I’m sorry, you must be at least level 4 friend to unlock my tragic backstory.

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79.My therapist once told me that I have this obsession with seeking revenge…we’ll see about that.

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80.You have lips, I have lips…interesting.

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81.Do my dark undereye circles and unwashed hair turn you on?

/PART TWO/ PART THREE /

  • Travis: Oh! Maybe he's doing that, like, age-old 7th grade science experiment where you have to like, uh, build a bridge to like save an egg, y'know what I mean? And like, you have to walk across it and see-
  • Griffin cutting him off: Travis, there was so much goddamn dumb stuff in that sentence you just said it would take us a week to tear it apart.
  • Justin: It was. It was the seven-layer bar of dumb shit.
  • Griffin: 'You know, an egg bridge.'
  • Travis: You know, egg bridge! I saw it on, uh, Mr. Wizard.
  • Justin: You literally just confused like five different science projects.
101 Writing Prompts

1. “I didn’t know you two were related.” “We didn’t either.”

2. “I’m not saying I’m gay, but I would be if they were asking.”

3. “I’ve tried my hardest to fall for you, but it’ll always be them.”

4. “I don’t think anyone’s ever said that to me before.”

5. “I didn’t even want to come to this party. You lied to me about the pinata.”

6. “Spin the bottle is such a cliché. I’m in.”

7. “I have to go in there with you? I didn’t sign up to play 7 minutes in hell .”

8. “That’s not how you pronounce my name and I’m not even sure you tried.”

9. “Are you new here?” “We’ve been in the same math class for six years.”

10. “You really shouldn’t touch that… I told you.”

11. “I recognise you. Do you have a dog.”

12. “ You’ve never seen Harry Potter?

13. “Can’t we just lay here for a minute?”

14. “We have to stop running into each other like this.”

15. “Is it weird if I say that your dad’s really hot?”

16. “I know it’s 2am but can we meet up?”

17. “I don’t know how we ended up sleeping together but I know I’m mad about it.”

18. “Whatever you do, just don’t tell anybody!”

19. “I don’t come here often, it brings back unwanted memories.”

20. “They told me I’d forget about you; that I’d move on but it’s been three years and here I am.”

21. “I’ve waited so long for this moment, but now it’s here I don’t know how to feel.”

22. “You can’t just say that and then disappear!”

23. “I always hear my neighbour playing this beautiful music, but I’ve never actually met them.”

24. “Would it be alright if I pet your dog?”

25. “I’m so sorry to bother you this late but an owl got in my house and I have no idea how to get it out.”

26. “We can’t call the police! They’ll never believe us!”

27. “Why are you buying plane tickets? Are you leaving?”

28. “I swear I’ve seen them before in a dream.”

29. “I don’t want to be your partner either but we have to get this assignment done.”

30. “I never hated you, you just make me feel things I don’t understand.”

31. “It’s your fault, and I don’t think this is something you can fix.”

32. “This isn’t easy for me either.”

33. “I would never do this to you if I didn’t have to. You know that, right?”

34. “Can you at least promise me that?” “I don’t think I can, not this time.”

35. “I’m sorry but it’s very hard to focus when you’re dressed like that.”

36. “On a scale of 1 to 10, how hard to you want me to hit you?”

37. “I’d be scared if I were you.”

38. “You can’t go in there alone .”

39. “This seems like a lot of effort to go to for a mediocre joke.”

40. “Delete that picture right now or Mr.Snuggles gets it!”

41. “You didn’t go through my photos did you?!”

42. “Uhhh, I went through your photos and I have some questions.”

43. “I swear to god, if you tag me in one more bad meme I’ll make you regret it.”

44. “I really want to kiss you right now. I know I shouldn’t, and somehow that makes me want it more.”

45. “You have individual ringtones for everyone? What’s mine?”

46. “ Why wouldn’t you lock the door?

47. “Did you know kissing burns calories?” “I’m happy with my weight, thanks.”

48. “Your bad pickup lines aren’t cute, they’re just bad.”

49. “I’ll give you fifty bucks if I can take you to Christmas dinner and tell my family we’re together. They always ask if I’m dating and I can’t have that conversation again.”

50. “I don’t think you’re ever too old for trick-or-treating.”

51. “We’re dressing up for Halloween this year and that’s final.”

52. “I forgot what we were fighting about in the first place.” “I didn’t.”

53. “Fuck you.” “Not with that attitude.”

54. “90% of people admit to having at least a slight bondage kink, and 10% are lying about it.”

55. “I don’t understand why you won’t just use a map on your phone.”

56. “You know my house has a door? You don’t always have to use the window.”

57. “The truth is, my friends dared me to ask you out, but I’m really glad they did.”

58. “You know, I was joking in that birthday card when I said I’d help you hide a body.”

59. “Can we please turn off this song.” “But it’s a masterpiece .”

60. “I’ve known you for two years and I think I’ve been saying your name wrong the whole time.”

61. “Wow, you really are blind!” “Thanks for the update, can I have my glasses back now?”

62. “It might be petty but you borrowed my pencil three weeks ago and I’m gonna need it back.”

63. “I think they have a crush on you, which sucks because I’m kinda into them.”

64. “Just go and talk to them, they dont bite!” “What if biting turns me on? If they dont do it then what’s the point?”

65. “You can’t say that in front of children!”

67. “Seven years old is practically an adult.”

68. “Dude I ordered this on eBay and you have to see what they sent me.”

69. “I didn’t realise it meant so much to you.”

70. “I wish I was sorry, but I don’t regret any of it.”

71. “My friend thinks you’re cute, personally I don’t get it but this isn’t about me right now.”

72. “Not everything is about you!” “Untrue.”

73. “You can pry it from my cold, dead hands.”

74. “This is why I hate family dinners! It always gets awkward.”

75. “This can only end two ways and neither of them are pretty.”

76. “Not everything can be butterflies and rainbows! Things get hard sometimes, that’s just how it is!”

77. “My mom told me I shouldn’t talk to strangers, and you’re definitely strange.”

78. “I can’t believe you fell asleep when I was showing you my favourite movie of all time.”

79. “You shouldn’t be out here alone, it’s dangerous.”

80. “I could lie here with you forever. I wish I didnt have to leave.”

81. “Everything’s changing and I hate it! I liked the way things were.”

82. “You look so incredible, if that didn’t look so good on you I’d probably tear it off.”

83. “Do you think they noticed that we left?”

84. “The funny thing is, you could have fixed this and you didn’t even try.”

85. “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? I’m only asking because it hurt when I did and I thought I might have done it wrong.”

86. “That was super cheesy and I’m lactose intolerant.”

87. “You didn’t tell me you were gay!” “You didn’t tell me you weren’t.”

88. “Your friend told me you had a crush on me, I just wanted to let you know your friend is a snake.”

89. “Are you staring at me or are you staring past me?”

90. “If you we’re a guy/girl would you go out with me?” “I am a guy/girl.”

91. “Sounds stupid. When are we doing it?”

92. “Can we tell my parents that I’m at your house, just incase they get suspicious?”

93. “This is the part in the movie where we kiss or one of us dies. My fingers are crossed for option one.” “Speak for yourself.”

94. “I’m offended that you don’t have more faith in me but, honestly, it’s understandable given past experience.”

95. “Its just a blind date! What’s the worst that could happen?” “I could literally die.”

96. “I would light myself on fire to keep you warm and you wouldn’t even hand me a coat if I were freezing.”

97. “I trusted you, and so I guess I should have seen this coming.”

98. “I had a really weird sex dream about you and I’m not sure how I feel about it, honestly.”

99. “Okay, but this is the last time I bail you out!”

100. “All I know is that if you don’t tell me to stop I’m going to kiss you.”

101. “I’m not sure when it happened, but I fell in love with you, and it was the best thing I’ve ever done.”