mutual avoidance

Have You

Hoseok x Reader

College!AU

Genre: Smut but theres a hECK TON OF FLUFF

Words: 4.5k whOOPS

Warnings: Lil tiny daddy kink, light spanking, lil bit of teasing here and there

Summary: He’s was your bad boy, and you were his good girl. You had always avoided your mutual feelings towards him for your studies. You two had a study date, and this time, this time he wasn’t going to let you go.

A/N: for @yoonkookgrl​ because i wanted to !!! this got too long im so sorry im terrible at writing smut so so sorry

Originally posted by btsumari



You huffed as you left your class. Your professor had given you a B+, when you most certainly should’ve gotten an A! You knew it wasn’t really anything to be upset about, but you just couldn’t help it. You were such a perfectionist when it came to your grades and your work. You had high standards for yourself.

Your friends were jealous of your relationships with your professors. Most of them loved you, and your friends simply dismissed it as you being a nerd. You didn’t mind it though, you knew they were just playing around. You couldn’t really deny it though, you just loved it when you received high marks or got a perfect grade on an assignment. Then again, you were always cooped up in your dorm when all your friends were partying. You longed to hang out with them, but your assignments have been piling up lately, and you haven’t had any down time.

You were walking down the corridor, lost in your thoughts, when you suddenly bumped into someone in front of you. You stumbled backwards and almost fell on your ass. Coherent words seemed to fail to come out as you attempted to talk a mile a minute. “I-I am so so sorry! I d-didn’t mean to! I’m really s-sorry! I must be i-in your way, I’ll just-”. Before you could finish your sentence, a hand grabbed hold of your arm and pulled you so you were standing straight.

“Woah, woah, slow down there, princess. Are you okay?” the voice spoke, and you recognized it immediately. No one else called you princess like that. You finally looked up right into the eyes of who you bumped into, and you blushed immediately. “I-I’m fine. You..you can let go now. And I’m not your princess.” You pouted, trying to pull your arm out of your grip. Hoseok only smirked and held you closer.

“Aw, but I’ve missed you, (Y/N). You haven’t been coming out with your friends lately, why’s that?” He asked with genuine interest. His grip loosened a bit, enabling you to slip your arm free, even though you two still stood a little too close for comfort. “I’ve been busy, Hoseok. I actually care about my grades.” You huffed a little impatiently. You had one more class before you could go home and finish your work. You only had two assignments left to finish. Hoseok, being the ‘bad boy’ he is, didn’t spend all of his time studying. Most of the time, he was partying or doing something illegal. Somehow he still managed to pass.

Hoseok let out a laugh and grinned at you brightly. It wasn’t his usual smirk, it was the grin that made you blush and stutter, but nonetheless smile back at him. “You’re such a nerd, princess.” He said and flicked your nose. Then his face lit up with an idea. “Since you’re so smart, could you help me study tonight?”

Your ears perked up at that. Hoseok? Studying? It was hard to imagine. “You want me? To help you study?” You questioned, absolutely shocked at his request.

Hoseok’s hand started twirling a strand of your hair. “Mostly the first part, but yes. I’m kinda sorta failing this one class, and I can’t have that, ya know? You’re in that class. So you should help me.”

You sighed, hoping he didn’t see the blush on your face. “Fine, Hoseok. But no funny business, alright?” You said, poking at his chest. Hoseok pouted and reluctantly nodded. “Not even one kiss?” He said and you laughed and punched him in the arm. It was always like this with Hoseok. Him shamelessly flirting with you, trying to take you out somewhere, and you denying him for your studies. Maybe another time, you would always say.

Although you couldn’t deny your own feelings for the strikingly handsome man.

You decided to flirt back for once, just for the fun of it. “Maybe one kiss, but that’s only if you really study!” Hoseok was taken back by that, and his cheeks flushed cutely. He smiled and pulled you into a hug that lifted you off of your feet. You giggled and squirmed. “P-Put me down! People are looking!”

“Let them look. That way they’ll know you’re mine.” He murmured into your hair and your face turned a bright shade of red. When he finally put you down, his hand lightly brushed against your cheek. It was an intimate gesture, and it made your heart beat faster. “I’ll see you, princess.”

“Y-Yeah, I’ll see you, Hoseok.” You said, walking off to your last class of the day. Hoseok watched your retreating form with adoration. God, if he could hold you like that forever. Hoseok realized at the last minute, that you had let him call you princess for once. As he walked off, he had a big dumb smile on his face, all because of you.


Later on after you had finished your last class, you had decided to head up to your dorm to clean up. Your roommate wouldn’t be back for a while, you had already checked with her. You set up your books and texted Hobi.

You: Bring takeout! I’m starving

Hobi: Anything for you, princess. I’ll be there soon.

You sighed and went to go shower and change your clothes. You didn’t really know what to put on for your study date, so you had opted for a simple baggy t-shirt and some shorts that may have been a little too tight. Then you had thought to yourself, were you about to tease him with these shorts?

You decided yes. It was the least bit of fun you could have. Hoseok always teased you. Calling you princess, swiping your notebook and keeping it out of your reach, lingering touches that had always made you shiver..

Woah. Too far. Contain your urges (Y/N). You sighed to yourself as you tried not to think about the man in ways that wouldn’t exactly be appropriate. Then you heard a knock at the door. You stood on your toes to look through the peephole, and saw Hoseok standing at your door with Chinese takeout. You opened the door and Hoseok greeted you with a smile. “Hey there.”

You let him in and told him to sit down on the couch, in front of the table where your books were set up. “I’ll be back in a minute. I’m gonna get my notebook.” As you left the room, Hoseok looked around your dorm. It was just so you. Traces of your roommate, of course, but she was never really around as much as you were. Hoseok shook his head. Always in your room.

Hoseok swore, he would show you the world once you’d let him. Hell, he’d give you the world. He’d been chasing after you since freshman year, and he could tell that you liked him too. But it was always studies first, relationships and fun second. The handsome man sighed. You walked back into the room, notebook in hand. Hoseok had finally noticed your tiny, tight shorts and visibly stiffened.

You frowned as you sat down on the couch. “Hobi? What’s wrong?” You questioned. Hoseok shivered. He loved when you called him Hobi, and you didn’t do it often. But when you did…God. Was he getting hard right here on your couch? Within the first five minutes of being here? He had the urge to hang his head in shame. “I-I’m fine. Just got..chills.” He explained, even though that was the quite opposite.

He’s had the hots for you since forever, and he didn’t know how long he could keep it under control.

“Well then, let’s start!” You said, taking some of the takeout and blowing on it before putting it in your mouth. You had chewed and swallowed before speaking again. “Show me where you need help, Hobi.” There it was again. Hobi. Hobi. Hobi. He could listen to you say it all day. He quickly opened the book before you could say anything else. “A-Ah, chapter eight. I don’t get it at all..”

You two had been at it for about an hour, and all the food was gone. Hoseok was starting to get the gist of it now. You were relieved. Even with Hoseok being a so called ‘bad boy’(with a fear of almost everything), you still didn’t want him failing any of his classes. He was one of your closest friends, and crush.

Not that anybody else would know that.

Sighing, you two decided to take a break, much to Hoseok’s relief.

“Yah, (Y/N)..you wouldn’t have even taken a break if I wasn’t here. Don’t try to deny it either.” The man huffed childishly. You laughed and hit his chest. Just a simple touch like that made his heart rate pick up. God, you looked so pretty when you laughed. His mind started to wander, and eventually he wondered what you looked like when you-

“I guess you’re right, but your studies are important! You want to graduate don’t you?” You scolded, giving him another smile. You threw your legs over his lap, assuming that he wouldn’t mind. And he wouldn’t have minded, if he wasn’t desperately trying to keep himself from getting half hard while he was sitting on your couch trying to study. As much as he wanted to take you right then and there, with your permission of course, he knew studying was important to you.

“Yeah, but what am I gonna get for all this studying?” He pouted, suggesting something. All you did was roll your eyes. “You get to pass.” You answered bluntly. Hoseok whined and pulled at your arm. You giggled and sat up. “Fine. We’ll go through the review. For every question you get right you’ll get…” You stopped and started to contemplate what you could reward him with. “A kiss!” Hoseok blurted excitedly, before he could stop himself.

You blushed and looked at him. As if he had just realized what he’d said, he blushed too.

“Alright.”

As soon as the words came out of your mouth, you jumped in surprise. Hoseok had put his hand on your ankle. He stared at you wide-eyed. “R-Really?”

You swallowed the lump in your throat. “W-Why not? No harm done..” You said shyly. Hoseok’s grip on your ankle tightened, and you had started to wonder if you’d regret this. This could either end horribly, or end up just fine. You guessed that you’d just have to take that chance.

You saw that the first set of review questions were pretty easy, and you started to sweat. Surprisingly, Hoseok had only gotten four of them right. Four kisses. Four little pecks. That’s all. You could do this. You gulped and looked at Hoseok. Unsurprisingly, he was already staring at you, eyes flickering from your lips to your eyes, and back down to your lips.

You leaned in first, deciding that if you took the lead, it would be over quicker. Hoseok was quick to close the gap in between you, and as soon as he did, his soul left his body.

He’d been waiting for this since freshman year, and now he finally had you, in a way. Your lips were so soft, just as he imagined them. As soon as it happened, it stopped. “One.” You whispered.

Another. “Two.”

Another. “Three.” One more. “Four.”

You and Hoseok were sitting much closer than before now, and you couldn’t take your eyes off of each other. You blinked and shook yourself out of your daze. “O-Okay. A-Alright. Next set. It’s..It’s twenty this time.”

Hoseok just nodded. Holy hell, if that was what it felt like to kiss you, he was going to make sure he got every fucking question right. That didn’t happen. Out of twenty, he got fourteen right. He was pissed at himself. You, however, were ecstatic. That was way better than what he did in the first set. Then you realized you had to kiss him…fourteen times…

You didn’t know how long you would last. At the same time, you were curious as to which one of you would break first. You scooted even closer to Hobi. You could do this.

This time, he eagerly leaned in first and captured your lips. “One.” He said. His voice was much steadier than yours had been.

“Two.” It was you this time.

“Three.”

“Four.” You two were taking turns counting.

“Five.” He growled. At this point, you were sitting in his lap, his hands on your hips, your own hands on his strong shoulders.

“S-Six.” His hands grip your hips harder.

“Seven.”

“Eig-hah..” His tongue found its way into your mouth and you moaned softly. He’d stopped counting. He couldn’t take it anymore. Your moan threw him over the edge. Fuck studying, he wanted you.

One of his hands traced up your body and made you shiver. His tongue licked into your mouth so hungrily, almost as if he wanted to devour you. Which he did, in a way. Your tongues tangled, fighting for dominance, which you thought you had, until he slapped your thigh and growled, which made you whimper and give in instantly. The sting only amplified the growing heat in between your legs.

His wandering hand that wasn’t on your hip found your hair, keeping you from pulling away. Who needed air anyway?

Oh. You did.

You whimpered at his hold, finally finding the strength to pull away from him. As soon as you pulled away, his mouth went to your neck. Hoseok planted opened mouthed kisses, sucking at the skin as if his life depended on it. He bit, sucked, and licked everywhere, making sure to leave marks. “H-Hoseok, I, hah, I c-can’t cover th-those..”

“You’re not going to cover them. You’ll leave them uncovered and everyone will know you’re mine.” You shuddered at his words. They ran through your head over and over again. Your wetness was pooling in between your thighs. You just couldn’t help it. But you remembered, you had studying to do.

“Hoseok, Hoseok, we have to, ah, w-we have to study..” You stuttered as he was attacking your neck. He groaned and lifted his head to look at you. “Can’t we study later?” He whined. You shook your head furiously. “W-We have to study, Hobi! You still haven’t finished the review!” You said, pointing to the open book. Hobi glanced at the book before staring at you again. “…Fine. But you’re staying right here, princess”

Hobi picked up his notebook and started at the review again. There were twenty more questions. He worked surprisingly silently, seemingly focused on the work in front of him. You sat impatiently on his lap, squirming ever so slightly to get the tiniest bit of friction. Maybe you should have just forgotten studying..

“I’m finished. Stop squirming.” Hoseok said, voice an octave lower than it was before. You grabbed the paper from his hands and made sure to check it slowly. Your eyes widened in shock. “You..”

Hoseok quirked his eyebrow.

“Y-You got all twenty right..” Hoseok smirked at your words. You barely had time to register before his hands were on your hips again, pulling you closer and making your hips grind down on his. You whimpered at the friction, suddenly hyper aware of the growing bulge in his pants.

“That means I get twenty kisses. Pay up, (Y/N).”

As soon as the words left his mouth, you grabbed his face and closed the gap once more. He grabbed your wrist and pinned your arms down to your sides. You whined as he pulled away.

“Ah ah ah, no touching. Hands at your sides.” His tone was commanding, and it didn’t fail to turn you on. Your obedient side wanted to listen, but you wanted to tease him further. “And what if I don’t?” You teased, eager to see what he would do. Hoseok growled gave a harsh slap to your thigh, making you cry out.

“You don’t want to get punished, princess. Or do you?”

You gulped loudly and shook your head. “N-No, Hobi..” Another slap to your thigh came and you cried out again. This time he soothed the spot. “Wrong answer, doll.”

“N-No, sir..?” You said, hoping it was the right answer. Wrong. One more slap to your thigh had you dripping. Hoseok chuckled. “Getting closer.”

“No…Daddy?”

Hoseok grinded your hips together roughly, making you moan and throw your head back.

“Good girl. Now hands at your sides.” You obeyed and let Hoseok attack your neck with his mouth once more, leaving even more love bites and hickies that were sure to say for a while. Not that you minded. Hoseok’s hands started to wander once again, finding your breasts under your baggy shirt. He kneaded them, squeezing and pulling. You couldn’t resist tangling your fingers in his dyed locks, which earned you a squeeze to both your nipples that was borderline painful. You shrieked at his sudden aggression.

“What did I say, princess?” You groaned and put your hands back down. What you didn’t expect was for Hoseok to abruptly lift up your shirt and take one of your nipples into his mouth. When had he even gotten your bra off? You sighed and pressed further into Hoseok. His tongue swirled around your nipple while his hand played with the other. You longed to touch him, but all you could do was be a good girl and let him have his way with you.

Hobi groaned. Hobi loved this about you. You were so good; not just in a sexual way, but in general. You were good to the people around you, good to animals, hell, you were even good to inanimate objects. He remember when you’d once knocked over someone’s lamp at a party and said sorry to it, and you weren’t even drunk! You were such an amazing and wonderful person. He couldn’t help but be hopelessly in love. You felt the same of course.

Behind his bad boy demeanor was a literal ray of sunshine, who could make you smile with just a look. He was so sweet, so caring, rarely anyone got that close to him to where they could see that side of him. But you and Hobi were close. But you both knew that you wanted to be closer.

Hoseok had decided that he’d teased you enough. “That’s it. Come on.” He picked you up by your thighs, making you wrap them around his waist. You and Hoseok both groaned at the tiny bit of friction. Hoseok knew where your room was by now. He stumbled to your room while sucking on your neck. Once he finally got the two of you there, he placed you on the bed and kissed you again. He kept your arms beside your head, pinning you in place.

One of his hands started tracing along your body and soon got down to where you needed him most. His finger traced along your slit through your tiny shorts and you couldn’t help but moan loudly into his mouth. He growled, wanting to rip your shorts off of you already. Which he did.

You squeaked in surprise as he threw your shorts across the room to who knows where. Hobi rubbed your slit through your underwear, making you squirm and writhe. You broke away from the kiss, gasping for air.

“H-Hobi, hah, ahh..stop..teas-” You were cut off by your own loud moan when Hobi pushed your underwear aside and dipped a finger into your heat. The look in his eyes was predatory. You shivered. Then you realized you had one hand free and started to feel down his toned chest, to which he payed no mind. “That’s not the right way to ask, princess.” He simply stated, as if his finger wasn’t knuckle deep inside you.

“Please..p-please, Daddy..I c-can’t..” You whimpered. Hoseok took pity in your wrecked form, and started pumping his finger in and out, making you whine. “D-D-Daddy! Another o-one..please..”

Another digit entered you and you were a mess. Your senses were overwhelmed and Hoseok staring directly at you wasn’t helping. “You’re doing good, princess. Maybe I should reward you, yeah?”

You were confused as to what he meant, but when his head dipped down between your legs, you couldn’t even speak to question him on it. His tongue immediately started swirling around your sensitive nub, making you see stars. You almost screamed at the sensation. He sucked and gave kitten licks, while two of his fingers were inside you. Another curl of his fingers and you felt that familiar knot tightening in your stomach way too soon. You tried to squirm away, but Hoseok kept you in place.

“A-Ah, Daddy, p-please! I’m g-going to..”

“But isn’t that what you want, princess? Don’t you want Daddy to make you come?” You hesitated at that, but still protested nonetheless.

“I..I want to c-come with Daddy..” You stuttered, trying not to scream. That stopped Hoseok altogether. He quickly rid himself of his clothing, and removed your underwear. You got on your knees as quickly as you could and pushed him down onto the bed. “Princess? What are you-”

“Shh. I want to make Daddy feel good, too.” You said, running your finger up and down the underside of his length.He shivered and tangled his hands in your hair. “Don’t tease, princess.” You started dragging your tongue flat against his length, giving kitten licks to the tip when you got there. Hoseok groaned and threw his head back, and you took that has a sign to keep going. You abruptly engulfed the head into your mouth, making his hips buck into your mouth. “S-Shit..” You gagged a bit, but then giggled at his eagerness, the vibrations making him hiss. “Princess…” He warned. You then took him in slowly, inch by inch until you got to the base. You then started bobbing your head up and down.

“Fuck..you’re doing so good, princess.” You moaned at the praise, letting a hand trail down your own body to touch yourself, but you were quickly stopped.

“Don’t. Make Daddy come first, doll.” He growled, knowing you would listen. Despite whining, you did what you were told and kept your hands on his hips. You bobbed your head, determined to make him come. Hoseok let out quiet moans and groans, trying not to take control and fuck your face right then and there. It was when you sucked on a vein that he lost it.

“Hold still, princess.” You halted your movement and waited for him to tell you what to do next. But he didn’t tell you to do anything. It took you a moment, but when he slowly started bucking into your mouth, you started to get the idea. Hoseok’s movements slowly started to speed up, and you gagged when his tip hit the back of your throat repeatedly. Tears started forming at the corner of your eyes.

“Hah, fuck. You’re so good..” He moaned. His bucking got even faster and more erratic and you knew he was close. “Ahh, fuck, fuck, fuck..you’re mouth is so good..” You hollowed your cheeks and that’s what sent him over the edge, spilling his warmth into your mouth with a loud groan.

You swallowed as much as you could, some dribbled down your chin. You looked at him and saw he was catching his breath, but still looking at you as if he were about to pounce. “Hah, come here.” He pulled you into his lap again and captured your lips once more. You held his face, but this time he didn’t stop you. This time the kiss was a lot more intimate than the ones before. It was slow, and passionate. He pulled away, looking you in the eye with more than lust. “Condoms.”

“Nightstand, second drawer.”

Hoseok reached into your nightstand, grabbing a condom, nearly ripping the foil open and rolling it onto his still throbbing member. He flipped you two over so that he was on top, and gave you one more look in your eye. You were confused as to why he stopped, then you realized.

He was asking for consent.

You nodded and pulled him in for a kiss. You let out a shaky breath when you felt his tip against your slit. Slowly, he pushed himself in to the hilt, filling you completely. Both of you moaned. Finally, finally, finally. Hoseok had you. You weren’t pushing him away.

Sure, over the years you and Hobi had known each other, you had fooled around a bit. Handjobs in the bathroom, fingering in the library, but that’s as far as you would go. You had always pushed him away, explaining how a relationship would be too much for you right now. Of course, he respected your choices, but that didn’t stop him from pining after you.

Now he had you. You were in his arms, and he had you. And he was never letting you go.

Hoseok stilled, allowing you to adjust and you wrapped your arms around his neck. He also was trying to keep himself from bursting right there, just at the thought of him being inside, the thought that he finally had you. After a minute, you squirmed a little. “Hobi..m-move..”

Complying to your request, he pulled out almost completely, and slammed back in. You yelped at the sudden movement. He did it again, and again. The steady pace was electrifying, but you wanted more. “Hobi..Hobi- hah..faster..”

Hoseok grunted. “What’s the magic w-word?”

“Hobi please.”

Of course, he couldn’t deny you. He sped up his pace, and you tried to meet his thrusts halfway, moaning loud and uncontrollably. Getting embarrassed at your own high pitched noises, you covered your mouth with one of your hands. Hoseok growled and pinned your arms down. “I want to hear you, princess.” From this point on he was set on making you moan louder. His thrusts got even harder, and your own hips couldn’t keep up.

Your release was starting to creep up on you faster than expected, now even more powerful due to your lack of release earlier.

“Please..P-Please please please..Hobi..fuck..” You panted. Hoseok then threw your legs over his shoulders, pounding even deeper and hitting that one spot that made white speckles spot your vision. You nearly screamed, repeating his name like a mantra.

“F-Fuck, (Y/N). You take me so f-fucking good.” He groaned, thrust becoming sloppy. You were overwhelmed with pleasure, you didn’t know just how much more you could take. The knot in your stomach was unbearably tight.

H-Hoseok..I..-”

“Me too, j-just..Hold on..” Hold on? You were holding on as much as you could, and you were just about at your limit. “I-I can’t! Hoseok I-”

“Come for me, (Y/N). You can let go now.”

Just his words were enough to send you over the edge, moaning his name like it was the only word you knew. A few more thrusts, and Hoseok was coming too, a loud growl ripping from his throat. He rode out both of your orgasms, before throwing the condom away and cleaning you two off. He laid down next to you and pulled you into his arms. You were breathing heavily and were exhausted. Yet you pulled him in for a slow, loving kiss. When you pulled away, Hoseok was smiling so brightly and you couldn’t help but smile back.

“(Y/N)..”

“Yes, Hoseok?”

“Does this..Does this mean..”

“Mean what, Hoseok?” You giggled. You knew what he was talking about.

“Does this mean you’re actually mine? Like, really mine?” He asked worriedly, fearing that you would just brush him off. You pressed into him and giggled into his chest. “Of course. I was yours the moment I climbed into your lap on the couch.” Hoseok’s heart started beating a mile a minute. 

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

“Thank God. I don’t know how much longer I could’ve waited.”

That had you frozen on the spot.

“Hobi…You would’ve waited for me..?” You queried, looking up at him with a shocked expression. He was looking right back at you, eyes soft and warm.

“I would’ve waited for as long as you needed if it meant I could be with you.” He confessed, arms wrapping around you tighter. You dug your head back into his chest shaking it back and forth. “Oh my God…I love you so much..Why did I wait so long?” You said, laughing, more to yourself than him.

Hoseok could’ve bursted into tears of joy. He felt so warm, so loved, so complete. “I love you too. So so so much. Does this mean I can finally give you the world?”

“As long as you promise to come study with me.”

Hoseok rolled his eyes, but smiled nonetheless. “Deal.” You smiled brightly and tilted your head up to plant a chaste kiss on his lips. Hoseok could swear that this was the happiest day of his life.

He finally had you, and he was never letting you go.

i’m easing myself back into harley.

so honestly, longer drafts aren’t gonna happen right now as i try to find my groove, voice and flow with harley again. plus, i need to get reacclimated with the dash.

if you’d like to interact and wouldn’t mind a smol starter like this

anonymous asked:

hi! how do you think iwaizumi, kyoutani, kuroo, and bokuto would try to reconcile with their partner after they've just had a huge argument?

hehehe this sounds fun *wiggles eyebrows*

After a lot of angry grumbling and mutual, immature avoidance of each other, Iwaizumi would probably sigh and go up to them, hugging them from behind, reluctant to apologize but even more reluctant to keep away from them any longer. He’d apologize quietly and sincerely, kissing them on top of their head and squeezing them tight, and only hoping they would accept him again.

Kyoutani would take a few moments to compose himself in another room/outside their place before, then knock or text/call them, simply letting them know he was there. Once they granted his entry, he’d probably have an apology planned out, and would say it quietly, but with as much sincerity as possible. He wouldn’t leave his partner doubting a single word he said, or him, for that matter.

I would imagine Kuroo would try in futile effort to try to argue the way(s) he’s right for a subsequent few days, but would realize that it was doing neither him nor his partner any good. It would actually be a bit of a toss-up between who would try to really apologize first, but if it were him, Kuroo would probably have to stop them from running away (thinking he was trying to force his argument again), sigh, and breathe out an “I’m sorry”. Followed, of course, by a bit of a halting, but heartfelt apology.

Okay so Bokuto would basically sulk on and off throughout the day(s) that they were fighting/not talking to each other, and if they were in the same room, he’d sneak more-or-less pouty glances at them as well. (Y’all ever watch Ouran? Think of Tamaki moping in the corner.) But even with that immature attitude, he’d still be the one to apologize first–he couldn’t be apart from someone that he cared so much for. And that would be something Bokuto would focus on in both his apology, and most likely a make-up date or gesture of some sort.

FOREVER STARTER CALL

i’m jumping on the trend because fuck it’s actually
a lot easier than constant starter calls when i’m in
the mood for short shit.

basically, MUTUALS;; like if you’re okay with me
tossing up random quick starters whenever i’m
fucking BORED and don’t feel like doing my longer
drafts.

John's development and deep closet

I think between the end of TSoT and the end of HLV something about John changed. And what changed were some of his reactions to Sherlock.

This is a man who has been in love with Sherlock for going on 5 years. John spent so long pining helplessly. In love with someone even though he knew it was hopeless. Wishing for the day that Sherlock would show he was capable of those feelings, but knowing in his heart it would never happen.

Then, between the end of TSoT and the end of HLV, some things happen. Sherlock looks to John after revealing Mary’s pregnancy, and he looks absolutely heartbroken. Devastated. Sherlock leaves the wedding early. Sherlock doesn’t contact John for a month after the wedding (mutual avoidance, that) and relapses into drugs. John realizes after Sherlock leaves the hospital (and figuring out that Mary shot him) that Sherlock is protecting HIM. John sees the video of Sherlock’s desperation while saving him from the bonfire, made all the more obvious with Magnussen’s pointed “Look how you care about John Watson” statement. Sherlock kills Magnussen. The Tarmac.

All of these moments are times when Sherlock’s feelings for John were obvious. They were metaphorically bleeding out of him, written all over his face, etc. And John reacts with either discomfort (like at the wedding or the Tarmac), disbelief (like the video of the bonfire), or seeming obliviousness (Sherlock leaving the hospital for him, not contacting him after the wedding).

I had a lot of questions about this. Is John’s denial that deep? Is he truly rejecting Sherlock? Is he just that committed to his marriage? Is he just still angry and distrustful over the past?

But I have come to a conclusion. I think John knows how Sherlock feels at this point, or at least strongly suspects. And you may say, “What’s the deal then, Kelli? Why is he acting so uncomfortable and unbelieving? After all, this is something he has wanted for so long.”

It’s easy to pin the issues on his marriage. John is married now. He’s got a baby on the way. It’s not as though he can just toss Mary aside in an instant. Some would say, anyway.

It’s equally easy to blame the fallout from Reichenbach. John has trust issues. Sherlock left him out of the loop and lied to him repeatedly. Even if it was done to protect him, John still had to watch Sherlock die. He’s probably still healing. Others say this often.

Some simply blame John’s history with Sherlock. Of course he can’t believe Sherlock is really in love with him. Sherlock puts forth a sociopathic facade as often as he can, even in HLV during the fake relationship with Janine. He can’t really CARE. I hear this a lot.

It’s not as though these theories don’t make sense. They do.

Here’s the thing, though. John realizes that Sherlock loves him (platonically) during TSoT. Sherlock is genuine, and John believes it. Despite the pain of Reichenbach, John forgives Sherlock quite quickly and after pining for so long, I don’t think hurt is going to hold him back. If it didn’t hold him back from being Sherlock’s best friend, it wouldn’t stop him from being Sherlock’s partner in every sense of the word. And Mary…well, she shot and almost killed Sherlock. Despite the baby on the way, John staying with an unapologetic murderess sort of goes above and beyond the call of duty.

What is it then? Why does John have these changes in his reactions? I think it boils down to John’s discomfort with his own sexuality. Think about it for a minute. Being in love with and longing for an impossibility is one thing. Finding out that all you’ve longed for can actually happen is quite another.

John could be unrequitedly in love with Sherlock until the end of time, because it was impossible. It would never happen and John knew that. It wasn’t REAL. It was a fantasy. But as soon as it became real, as soon as it became a possibility, John realized that any hypotheticals about how he would pursue a relationship with Sherlock were now a reality.

Pining after an impossibility is easy. Dealing with a reality, especially when it means you would have to confront deep truths about yourself, is much more difficult.

I think John is still working to come to terms with this new reality. Here’s hoping S4 takes him in that direction.

A little addendum if you love Sholto: I am not saying that never happened. I think at the very least, there were feelings there. But even if a physical relationship DID happen, I have a strong sense that it was kept a secret. John knows that a secret relationship with Sherlock could never exist in the long term. He would have to come out, once and for all. This is John’s new reality, and this is what he is trying to come to terms with at the end of HLV.