NamjoonxReader; 6541 words; A little fluff, a little smut, a lot of ridiculousness.
Happy Birthday, Namjoon. This is my ode to you.
curt call made you blink and almost drop the glass you were drying
with a ratty towel. You stifled a yawn and looked around for the
source of the unnecessarily loud order. It had come from a regular
customer you had taken to call Red Fuzz, because of his bright red
tuft and pretty pathetic facial hair.
up,” you mumbled and turned to take a clean beer glass from the
shelf. Pils from the keg, the foam of which would get stuck in what
Red Fuzz optimistically called a mustache. It was a Tuesday evening,
and the quiet idle chatter had started to make you sleepy. The bar
was always dark, and the wooden tiles on the walls swallowed most of
the sounds, but on weekdays the low voices and timid giggles turned
into a lullaby that seemed to draw you in, and draw out your shift.
you,” Red Fuzz said when you placed the beer in front of him, the
unspoken sexist nickname implied in his disgustingly sweet smile. You
forced the corners of your mouth up before disappearing behind the
bar again. After having worked here for two years, you had seen a lot
and learned even more, and one of those lessons had been that you
felt safest with at least one foot of antique walnut between you and
On December 11, the morning after appearing on The Tonight Show, Namath went to a video production studio on East Seventy-eight Street. There, Fu Manchu finally met its match, Namath didn’t like anybody telling him how to wear his hair. But there was a higher principle at stake here: money. Nobody knew it, but the world was about to witness a watershed moment in sports marketing. — Mark Kreigel, Namath: A Biography
Joe Namath was paid $10,000 to shave off his famous mustache in a TV commercial. Which would lead to the filming of this famous spot with Farrah Fawcett.
1996 was a happier time for Dodger fans. The mid-nineties were a time when you could sit back and enjoy multiple well-manicured stylings of Mike Piazza’s facial hair. Here’s Mike “Pepperoni” Piazza (thank you, Chris Berman) with a faux Fu Manchu.
Dave Schultz is known as one of hockey’s greatest enforcers. He won two Stanley Cups with the Broad Street Bullies and holds the NHL record for the most penalty minutes in a single season. Perhaps Schultz’s real claim to fame is the “Schultz Rule”. It’s a rule in both the NHL and WHA that bans players from covering their hands with boxing wraps. A practice that Schultz popularized while trying prevent injuries during fights.
In honor of the Pittsburgh Pirates raising their win total above .500, here’s Jerry Reuss’ blonde stache. Reuss is one of only a handful of players in MLB history to play in four different decades. I can only assume that Jamie Moyer also belongs to this select group.
The Pirates are above .500. Colorado is leading the west. Kansas City and Cleveland occupy the top spots in the central. This is shaping to be a very fun season.
In an effort to rally the troops and promote camaraderie Pittsburgh shortstop, Bobby Crosby, once issued a mustache challenge for the Pirates. The challenge started right before the beginning of a six game homestand in June of 2010.
As you can probably conclude, the mustache challenge involved cultivating one’s upper lip and every team member participated. Well, every player besides Ronny Cedeno, though it wasn’t for a lack of effort. Ronny just couldn’t grow substantial facial hair. A week into the challenge Ronny upped the ante by painting on an eye-black mustache. How’d he fair with his faux facial hair? He halted a 0-for-20 skid in the bottom of the ninth with a two-out single.
When I went to the [1972 Munich] Olympics, a Russian coach asked me if my mustache slowed me down. I said, “No, as a matter of fact, it deflects water away from my mouth, allows my rear end to rise and make me bullet-shaped in the water. That’s what allowed me to swim so great.” He’s translating as fast as he can for the other coaches. The following year every Russian male swimmer had a mustache.
— Mark “The Shark” Spitz, winner of 7 gold medals in Munich
A snarky 30 year-old Keith Olbermann handles the sports segment for KCBS-TV in Los Angeles. This is three years before Olbermann would join ESPN to tag team the 11pm SportsCenter with Dan Patrick. Olbermann wasn’t at “He put the biscuit in the basket!” type levels just yet but it couldn’t have surprised anyone that he would be moving on to bigger and better things.
This Mustache Tuesday let’s celebrate Keith Olbermann’s remarkably full mustache. It looks as if his eyebrows dropped down his cheeks and settled below his nose. Well done.
Conrad Dobler was just another run-of-the-mill lineman playing right guard for the then St. Louis Cardinals. He wasn’t overlooked because he lacked skill, on the contrary, he was quite good. Dobler allowed his quarterback, Jim Hart, to be sacked only 41 times over the course of three seasons. No, it wasn’t his performance but his bland position that left him wrongfully unnoticed. At least that was true until 1974 when several Vikings players jokingly asked for rabies shots prior to playing the Cardinals. And just like that Conrad began building a reputation as one of the games dirtiest players.
“What you need when you play against Dobler is a string of garlic buds around your neck and a wooden stake. If they played every game under a full moon, Dobbler would make All Pro. He must be the only guy in the league who sleeps in a casket.” — Unnamed NFC rival