Aries: The stars say prepare for a surprise! Poop before you leave the house.
Taurus: Now is the season to encase you and your friends completely in ice.
Gemini: Be warned, planes are not birds. There is no tasty bird flesh underneath that aluminum skin.
Cancer: A German candlemaker will release several dogs for you to pet. Thank her.
Leo: When the world stops making sense, play with the perspective. Go Escher on your problems ass.
Virgo: Brownies are not supposed to be good for you. Just have a brownie.
Libra: No reason to throw out the teddy bear. If it helps it helps.
Scorpio: There is meat in the walls. There are vines in the walls. Who keeps putting things in your walls?
Ophiuchus: Your kindness must perpetuate kindness.
Sagittarius: Nothing can be accepted. Dont worry about it. Enjoy all the different flavors of goldfish.
Capricorn: Give everything you can, something will probably help. Be an emotional broadside.
Aquarius: Impress at the ball with a gown made of broken glass and bones.
Pisces: Marketing is lies.