must find a way to control myself

Diabolik lovers Lost Eden: Reiji Sakamaki [Dark 7] ~translation|traducción~

Thanks to @madamemalfoy21​ for having helped me with this translation!!

[DARK 6]


  • Place: Sakamaki Mansion - Kitchen.

Reiji: Well… … we have finished. Bring these plates to the cupboard please.
Yui: Yes
Reiji: Do it in such a way that you don’t leave fingerprints… … since I will not touch my collection for a while-
Yui: Eh?
Reiji: From today I will go to the Demon World. … …Maybe I will stay there for a long time
Yui: Why?

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

What pjo quotes do you think would make a good yearbook quote?

  • Deadlines just aren’t real to me until I’m staring one in the face.

That’s like the best quote ever right?, I’m kidding here are more:

  • Being a hero doesn’t mean you’re invincible. It just means that you’re brave enough to stand up and do what’s needed.
  • People with special gifts show up when bad things are happening because that’s when they’re needed most.
  • Keep it simple.
  • Love is on every side, and no one’s side. 
  • For once, I didn’t look back.
  • You cannot control your parentage, but you can choose your legacy.
  • All aboard for one last trip.
  • Knowing too much of your future is never a good thing.
  • With great power… comes the great need to take a nap.
  • You must forge your own path for it to mean anything.
  • Not knowing is half the fun.
  • Your voice is your identity.
  • Don’t feel bad, I’m usually about to die.
  • There is always a way out for those clever enough to find it.
  • Maybe it’s okay to still be a kid once in a while.
  • If my life is going to mean anything, I have to live it myself. 
Endless Summer Walkthrough: Chapter 1

Choose a look
-Afro female
-Caucasian female
-Caucasian male
-Afro male

What’s your name?
[enter your name]

Act I, Chapter One: This Must Be Heaven

You: …
-I dreamt about you! Sean +1
-Outta my way! Sean -1
-Ever wanted to hook up on an airplane? Sean +1

What do you nickname Jake?
-‘Top Gun’ Jake +1
-‘Aragorn’ Jake +1
-‘Jared Leto’ Jake +1
-‘Hotness’ Jake +1

Who do you sit next to?
-Quinn

You: …
-Take her hand Quinn +1
-Tell a joke. Quinn +2

-Sean Sean +2

You: I…
-Sing to myself. Sean +2
-Hold someone’s hand. Sean +2
-Find someone to kiss. Sean +2

You: …
-Exactly. So what are YOU doing here? Michelle -3
-You’re super gorgeous. You two must be together.Michelle +3

Examine
CLUE FOUND

You: It’s that…
-She’s too quiet.
-There are too many of us. Diego +1

Where do you go?
-Control tower with Jake [chances for a clue and points with Jake]
-Beach with Quinn [chances for a clue and points with Quinn]
-Hotel with the others

CHAPTER TWO | THREE | FOUR | FIVE | SIX | SEVEN | EIGHT | NINE | TEN | ELEVEN | TWELVE | THIRTEEN |  FOURTEEN | FIFTEEN |  SIXTEEN

On being an ENFJ

In all of it’s simplicity, all I desire is to love others. 

I see potential, I see character, I see the most beautiful things in others. I notice how their eyes glow when they speak of their passions. I memorize their anxious habits. I know what their laugh sounds like when they are full of joy. 

I am extroverted in theory, but I need my time. I struggle with this continuous self-obligation to be the best person I can be. I may speak a lot, but oh how I am in deep thought more often. Introspectively I am building systems in my head of every relationship I see or am involved in. I can’t help it.

I feel with every part of my body. I am 100% heart and I know it gets me into trouble a lot, but trust me when I say that I feel with every intention of edifying others. 

When I build systems I can’t help but believe that every relationship must act in the ways I’ve seen before. This makes it really hard for me to make decisions in situations I’ve never encountered before. But have patience with me.

Above all else I require affirmation. I know how hard I am on myself for things that I have no control over. When you open up to me I carry all of your burdens with me and I pray constantly that you will find healing. Help me to believe in myself, and to realize that I can’t fix everything. Support me when I make seemingly irrational decisions. Affirm my goals of liberating others. Make sure that I don’t forget to take care of myself. Bring me many cups of tea when I get quiet. And lastly, know that as much as I wish to change my obsessions and insecurity, I am so glad that I am the person that I was made to be. 

anonymous asked:

[1] I'm a INFJ and I'd appreciate your advice, please. I live with someone who is emotionally abusive. They were horribly abused and take their hurt out on others, not just me. I can't leave yet, but I want to know a better way to cope and grow despite the circumstance. Your blog helped me realize how many defenses I live behind, how self-centered I've been. It's comfortable being a victim, viewing people in absolutes but I'm slowly changing, challenging the thoughts and the comfort. I know the-

[con’t: person I’m going to be, kind and considerate but if abusive people are attracted to and feed off of kindness, how can I be kind without inviting people to manipulate me? Or, rather, how do I prevent myself from being manipulated? I’m not making excuses, I just want to know the balance. I don’t want to be stupid and invite needless hurt. I’m afraid of manipulation, probably because I don’t know myself yet but I’m even more afraid of becoming a manipulator. I see how this person lives; they are so sure that they’re the victim and that life and others are the problem. In my search for balance I don’t want to become them. I don’t want to invalidate my feelings and treat my reactions and judgements as nothing, but if I overreact and view myself as a victim I’m no better than them, aren’t I? What is the balance? I feel so angry and bitter inside constantly. How do I take control of those emotions. How can I be who I want to be without letting others take advantage of me? How do I develop reasonable boundaries without inflicting my views on others? How can I develop Fe without manipulating people? How can I stop being so self-centered and afraid? Is there a better question to ask that will help me take control of myself and my life in a balanced, reasonable way? Thanks in advance for any consideration of this. Even if you don’t answer, I seriously want you to know how much your blog has helped me grow and balance my viewpoints. That’s why I keep coming back, haha! ^^]

I’m glad you find the blog helpful. If you must live with an abuser, try to spend as little time around them as possible. Stop listening to what they say, just pretend to listen, smile and nod and go about your day. Get out more often if you can, find hobbies/interests that take you away from them physically or spiritually. You’ve raised good questions that should be asked if you don’t want to repeat the cycle of abuse. First, there is a difference between being a victim and possessing a victim mentality. Being a victim is a fact, it is something horrible that you have experienced and you should never feel ashamed, guilty, or responsible for being a victim of someone else’s bad behavior, especially if you were a child or had zero power to stand up for yourself without very harmful consequences. Having a victim mentality is different because you don’t only acknowledge the fact of being victim but you go further to universalize your victimhood across every space, almost like having a sense of entitlement and feeling as though the world owes you something because you are a victim, and then you react badly when you do not receive the things that you believe will redress your victimhood. 

E.g. A person with a victim mentality might feel entitled to empathy at all times and demand it from others even when their suffering is self-inflicted and no longer directly attributable to the abuser, or they might require that other people jump through hoops to prove that they are “good” (which is an impossible task as nobody is perfect), or they might use victimhood as an excuse whenever they don’t want to examine their own bad behavior (”I cannot xyz because I’ve been abused”). Yes, it is a fact that you are a victim of abuse and it is indeed hard to get over it emotionally, however, at some point in your life, you have to try to put it behind you instead of letting it define you, especially once you are no longer in that abusive situation. When a person abuses you, they try to leave a deep mark on you because it is the only way that they can feel a sense of power in life. When you have a victim mentality, you essentially keep inflicting that mark upon yourself, nurturing the wound and not allowing it to heal even when the abuser is gone because you’ve made it into your identity, you’ve made it into the lens through which you interpret everything. When you only know how to be a victim and nothing else, you have allowed your old wounds to turn you into someone you don’t want to be, so always keep in mind who you really want to be.

Having a victim mentality means being passive, so you won’t seek the right strategies for improving life because you’ve surrendered your power. E.g. If you’re in a new relationship and it goes sour, you simply say, “I’ve been abused, it’s not my fault I can’t trust people”. Well, relationships skills can be learned and improved upon but you won’t work at it if you aren’t willing to be honest and critical about yourself and reflect on how you can do better. It is normal and necessary to build up psychological defense mechanisms when you are under constant attack, however, people with a victim mentality actually preserve and strengthen those defenses even after the abuse ends/subsides. Since emotional abuse often involves destroying someone’s self-esteem, many victims of abuse unconsciously feel as though their defenses are the only thing that give them some semblance of self-esteem or empowerment, so they are unwilling to let go of their defenses later on because their identity is too tied up with them. They might believe that they’ve suffered enough, so they don’t address the long term consequences of the abuse, instead, they just kind of sit back and expect others to give them a pass, making others hop around all those defenses, which of course creates very tiring relationships. A person with a victim mentality cannot hear what others say without twisting it into something threatening or nefarious, even neutral or positive language can be misconstrued as being an attack. Try giving constructive feedback to them, it won’t go well because you will instantly raise their defenses. Therefore, an important aspect in the journey of recovery is to become more aware of your defenses, otherwise you cannot take them down during times when you need to be open to hearing feedback that can help you get better (i.e. you cannot develop Fe well).

Keep working on your emotional intelligence so that you can manage emotions better instead of being driven by them into impulsive or destructive behavior. There is a difference between acknowledging emotions vs indulging them. You can acknowledge what you feel without letting emotions run wild or weaponizing them against people (as unhealthy Fe types tend to do). When you acknowledge your feelings and emotions, you take full responsibility for them because you are the person who generated them, you treat them as facts BUT only about your CURRENT state of being without incorrectly projecting them outward into the future, and then you can create the space for yourself to decide how you want to proceed in light of those facts. Train yourself to recognize negative feelings and identify triggers more quickly, before they get out of control, then you can still have the presence of mind to ask yourself whether this is really the kind of person you want to be and, if not, can you find a better strategy for dealing with whatever is triggering your emotions? However, when you indulge your emotions, you identify with them, you are your emotions, and then you can never let them go without feeling as though you’re “losing” something. People with a victim mentality often feel as though they have a “right” to feel bad because of what they have been through, so of course they don’t want to give up something that they have a “right” to. Why would you want to relinquish a “right” when you believe that you have already lost too much? 

One really horrible aspect about being abused is that it twists your moral senses. You start to believe that kindness is weakness, you start to believe that opening your heart means being stupid or risking exploitation, you start to suspect that everyone has malicious intentions, you start to see everything through the framework of power/fear or master/slave. You are afraid because you have been trained to be afraid just like Pavlov’s dog. But you can break this pattern by remembering that every new person you meet is a NEW person, that past patterns do not necessarily repeat themselves unless you unconsciously allow them to. You can examine the kind of people you are attracted to and ask yourself why you are attracted to them, whether they share something in common with the abuser. Some abused kids end up dating abusers because it gives them an unconscious sense of comfort and familiarity, because it is all they have ever known, so this is something to avoid. I’ve spoken with a lot of abused people, some who have successfully moved on and some who cannot stop dwelling in the past. For those with a victim mentality, they always treat every new person as though they could be just like the past abuser, guilty until proven innocent, unconsciously transferring all of their old feelings and emotions onto that new person. This makes it very difficult to have healthy relationships because constantly doubting the other person and treating them like an enemy quickly drives them away. It’s one thing to be cautious and skeptical when dealing with the reality of imperfect people, it’s another thing to be irrationally paranoid because your old wounds are driving your behavior. 

Relationships have two opposing forces between which you must establish the right balance: Me vs We. On one hand, to maintain a healthy relationship you must be a whole person unto yourself so that you can be yourself and never lose your power in terms of behaving in ways that go against your own best interests; on the flip side, to build a deep relationship, you have to open yourself up to commune with another person on as many levels as you can, to give and share of yourself fully. Many Fe types do not know exactly where their moral boundaries are until someone violates them, so it can be difficult to draw the appropriate boundary between Me and We, especially when you feel very heavily invested in the relationship. You might draw your boundaries incorrectly if you do so from atop your old defenses because you are not in touch with the reality of the current situation and are only acting from your old fears. There are certain negative behaviors/qualities that you should never tolerate if you truly love yourself and care about your own well-being (Me) and there are certain self-centered behaviors/qualities that you should never indulge if you truly love the other person and care about their well-being (We). Therefore, If you are morally congruent in thought and action, you would never allow someone to do to you what you would consider morally wrong to do to others (Me) AND you would never do to another what you wouldn’t want done to yourself (We). You can reflect upon your moral compass and how to set it properly. Observe how you relate to people in great detail, make note of when you experience boundary issues or when you (unintentionally) cause harm, then reflect on whether there was a better strategy or a different path you could’ve taken, then you can avoid repeating your mistakes - improve gradually through learning from trial and error, always being honest about what you are doing and why.

Sex and Sensuality- Jungkook(R)

Originally posted by yourbiaslikesitrough

Jin & Suga & RapMon & J-Hope & Jimin & V

“A white knight, a sleepless night and a tub full of warm water.”

//I finally finished this protective angst smut which turned out to be a bath smut, so two birds one stone right? for the anon who asked, enjoyyy//




I wake up with a scream, shooting up and falling back down with shaky arms.

The door bursts open and Jungkook comes rushing in, immediately at my side and pooling me in his embrace. He smooths the hair from my face, sticky and matted with sweat from the nightmare of what had happened.

Keep reading

Just a Tour

Originally posted by tomhollandstan

Requested: by Anonymous

Pairings: Peter Parker x Reader

Warnings: Nah, unless you count a flirty reader ;)

Word Count: 1,055

A/N: So, I don’t know about this one, but I hope that person who requested this is happy with it! This takes place in a happier world where Civil War didn’t happen and everyone still lives in the Avenger’s Tower in New York. I hope that everyone enjoys this, and feel free to send me any feedback or ideas! I love talking to you guys, so hmu yoooo! (what just happened?)

Today was your first day at the Avengers Tower, and you had to admit, it wasn’t exactly what you were expecting. Everyone was very welcoming, but they were all also very busy people. After you were introduced to everyone, Tony showed you to the elevator and a voice, Friday, as you were later informed, took you up to your rooms.

Apparently, everyone usually had their own floor, but you were sharing yours with another person that they had recently drafted. Luckily, it seemed like the floor was actually made up of two small apartments. You stood there for a moment, deliberating in your head which door was yours. After a few seconds, you noticed a spider decal at the bottom of the door on the left, so you assumed that yours had to be the door on the right, as you had no affiliation with spiders.

Your room was pretty nice. It had a very open feeling to it, with your living room area pouring right into your bedroom with a large bathroom off to the right. Someone had chosen a neutral gray color for the walls, and kept the rest of the furniture light, neutral colors. It was very clean and comforting, but you were sure you would spill something on the nice white bedspread within a few days.

You had been dropped off to your room a few hours ago, and you were starting to feel a bit cooped up. After rustling through the bookshelves and taking stock of all the toiletries, you decided that it was probably time to look around the rest of the tower. The only problem being the fact that you didn’t exactly know where anything was. After trying to think of a solution for a few minutes, you decided that the best option is to see if your next door neighbor might be in.

You took a deep breath to comfort the butterflies in your stomach. You were not great at introducing yourself to new people, but at this point you could ether muster up some courage, or you could sit alone in your room until someone decided to retrieve you.

You shook your head, before marching over to the door and knocking on it before you could change your mind. There wasn’t any answer after a few seconds, so you shrugged and made your way back towards your rooms. It couldn’t be that long until someone came to find you, right?

Just before you were about to close the door behind you, you heard the other door swing open.  “Sorry, sorry!” the boy called, panting a bit. “I was a bit tied up, and it took me a minute to untangle myself.” Your face must have looked as confused as you felt, because the boy blushed and quickly explained, “I- um. My webs got a bit out of control while I was practicing.Well, I’m Spiderman. You might have heard of me?” he asked a bit hopefully.

“It sounds a bit familiar,” you replied, trying to remember something about a superhero named after a spider. “I think a friend might have sent me a clip that was on Youtube?” you said, unsure.

“Yeah, yeah! That’s me.” He said, a wide smile taking over his face. “Oh,” he said, smile faltering a bit. “Did you uh, did you need something?” he asked, glancing around the empty corridor.

“Well, I was hoping that maybe you could show me around?” you replied hopefully. “I don’t really know my way around yet, so…”

“Oh, sure!” he said enthusiastically, shutting the door behind him. “The tower can be a bit confusing at first, so I totally get it. I’m Peter, by the way.” He said with a small laugh, making his way over to the elevator and pressing the down arrow.

“Y/N” you replied, happy to be out of your room.

“So, each floor has a different symbol,” he explained, gesturing to the panel of buttons on the right. “Some of them are fairly obvious,” he pointed out, nodding towards the buttons all marked with the different Avengers’ icons. “but others can be a little hard to remember. If all else fails, I just guess until I find what I’m looking for.”

“Maybe I picked the wrong tour guide,” you laughed as he pushed the lowest button on the control panel.

After that, the tour went rather quickly. Peter showed you around, throwing in little anecdotes here and there about certain rooms. There were a few times that he started a story that he didn’t realize would embarrass him until he got halfway through. After, he always tried to stop in the middle, but you insisted he finish. It usually ended with you in tears from laughing so hard, and an adorable blush that covered his entire face.

‘Wait, adorable?’ you thought, suddenly a bit concerned. ‘I haven’t even been here for a full day and I’m already throwing around words like adorable?’

Peter found himself thinking the same thing around the end of your tour. ‘She’s just… wow’ he mused silently to himself.

Eventually, you had worked your way back up to your floor, and the two of you were awkwardly standing in the hallway in between your doors. “Well, thanks for showing me around, Peter.” You declared, resting a hand on his arm. “I really appreciate it.”

“I um I uhh it was no problem” he stuttered, too distracted by your hand on his arm.

You noticed how flustered he was, and fought back a smirk that was trying to fight it’s way to the surface. “I’ll see you around sometime.” You said softly, planting a chaste kiss to his cheek, before entering your rooms, not even pausing to look back. You didn’t have to. You knew that Peter was standing there, being his shell-shocked, dorky self, and would probably be there for a while.

You hated to admit it, but your heart had picked up a bit as you leaned against your door, thinking over the last couple of hours. You let out a soft giggle as you pushed off of the door, throwing yourself into your bed.

It may not have been the most typical of living situations, but you were extremely happy to be there, not to mention how pleased you were with your new cute dorky neighbor.

MY MASTERLIST

My life with Inferior Fe

This is a real difficult post for me to write because I never think about how I live with my emotions. I prefer not to think about my emotions in general, since I tend to make mistakes when I try to define them while I’m still feeling them.

I’ll start with what Inf-Fe is NOT, when it comes to my life.

- I don’t tend to troll or bully people in order to get reactions. There is this common idea that INTPs are natural trolls, but this is simply not true about me. My humor is mostly very innocuous and naive. I kind of like black humor, but the black humor I like is basically the variety you find in pre-WWII movies: fast, clean, no repulsive visuals. I have no idea why this is the case. It may be that my experience with bullies and public humiliation beat the trolling out of me, but I don’t remember any period in my life when I appreciated it.

- I don’t think the majority of people are highly illogical or difficult to understand. I usually understand why people do things, even when I don’t agree with what they do.

- I don’t think emotions are necessarily illogical or unexplainable. They do belong to a different system than logic, but they have causes and consequences like anything else. What is inside people’s heads doesn’t necessarily equate external reality, but it’s true nevertheless. Ditto for the entire “this is due to x and y chemicals inside your brain” argument, since none of us lives as pure spirit there’s no reason to write off something because chemicals are involved.

- I can’t control or manipulate how I feel. Either I find a way to express and relieve the pressure, or I distract myself doing something unrelated. In both cases, the process tends to be slow and annoying, and it fails at least 35% of times, leading to sleepless nights, psychosomatic illness (like skin problems or stomachache), screaming fits and the like.

- I’m not totally unaware of my feelings. I’ve seen inf-Fe depicted as “I’m screaming therefore I must be angry”. This is a gross exaggeration for me. I usually have at least a vague idea of how I feel but tend to get confused about the why or the intensity.

Things that are true about Inf-Fe in my life:

- I’m slow to pick up social mores. Even when I’m sure something is commonly done, I’m slow and insecure when I go about it.

- I’m prone to faux-pas. I bring up the wrong stuff at the wrong time, I say stuff that has offensive implications without realizing until people react badly, I’m often uncertain about the right thing to say or do.

- I’m ambivalent toward people and what I do. I have a hard time motivating myself and I don’t really believe I have any special purpose. My usual state of mind is neutral. I’m only sincerely motivated when I research stuff I’m interested in, and I get really excited then. I can honestly say my strongest emotions depend on a) finding out about stuff b) love c) being right d) finding people who understand me. All the rest is gray-ish, so I have to put active effort to avoid drifting off too far in “I don’t give a fuck”-ness.

- I hate conflict. I see it as pathology, not a normal part of life or relationship. I don’t shy from confrontation on very important matters, but I do the impossible to avoid reaching that situation and frankly I expect the same, which tends to put me at odds with Fi-users. I get angry real fast when I understand people are creating matters of principle or putting their ego center-stage, which is something Fi-users are prone to do. They, in exchange, tend to see me as a doormat without sense of dignity, or as a well-intentioned busybody who won’t leave them alone.

- I can’t comfort people; this is not because I think it’s useless, I simply run out of words or gestures.

- I become conflicted between telling the hard truth and being a friend. Mostly I try to be honest without hurting people, but I often feel like my third way style is not really efficient or useful.

- I usually can’t consult my feelings promptly or decide using exclusively my feelings. The moment I try to access my feelings directly, they elude me and my brain becomes empty.

- Expressing my feelings is generally easier with people with Feeling preference, rather than with other Thinkers. This is partly because I feel uneasy emoting in front of inexpressive people, partly because I feel judged (even when it’s not true), partly because many Thinkers (but not all of them) tend to try dictating how I should feel, which I find nonsensical.

- I tend to enter weird loops where I don’t understand why I feel a certain emotion or I try to judge the appropriateness of what I feel. This was much more frequent when I was a teenager and caused a great deal of stress, especially since other people tended to consider my reactions weird, too.

- There’s a very small number of people I don’t feel embarassed being emotional with, and I have no idea why. It is not how much I know people or even how much I like them. The usual barrier simply isn’t there.

- Touch is a function of intimacy. As a rule, thus, I prefer not to touch or be touched. Hugging me without warning is the equivalent of breaking into a dance in an office (not your office afterhours obv).

- I don’t like being emotionally involved when it comes to controversial topics or socially relevant matters, because I think it clouds my judgement. I hate getting angry on the internet. When I’m uncertain about a topic, I will silently research it or expose myself to different opinions until I reach a solution or I’m not emotional anymore (these two things tend to go together).

Hope it is useful.

There you are, yet so far out of my reach. An ocean of dispair separates my beach from your beach. But, i know i love you, and only you, so i squint and refuse to blink; keeping you in view. The raging waters are teeming with hungry sharks and giant imposing squids of impossibilities, though i still believe we control our own realities. i refuse to give up or let my heart end up caved. Therefore, i must find a way to reach you; yes, for us to be saved. So, i am using my bones to create a frame, after peeling off my skin and chanting your name. i will stretch myself across the wings to cover my invention, leaving you little doubt of my truest intention. Sewing my flesh with my stripped veins, i’m tying it all together before my life wanes. Using my heart as an engine, fueled by too many dreams to mention, i, at last, take flight, catching the wind from my soul, gusting to launch me on my mission. To the arms of my fate. To the arms of you, before the clocks incinerate… us.

–Daya Bhuteshu

the killers lyrics for the signs

aries: now we’ll parade around without game plans, obligations, or alarm

taurus: in a car with a girl, promise me she’s not your world, ‘cause Andy, you’re a star

gemini: was it love? or was it just easy?

cancer: someone must have loved you, not the way that i do

leo: don’t break character, you’ve got a lot of heart

virgo: lift me up on my honor, take me over this spell, get this weight off my shoulders, i’ve carried it well

libra: people gonna tell you lies, don’t let it come as a surprise

scorpio: i find it so romantic when you look into my beautiful eyes and lose control

sagittarius: i pull up to the front of your driveway, with magic soaking my spine

capricorn: or should i just get along with myself, i never did get along with everybody else

aquarius: the stars are blazing like rebel diamonds cut out of the sun, can you read my mind?

pisces: but then you took me by surprise, i’m dreamin’ 'bout those dreamy eyes

Child of the Leaf. Chapter 12.

(brace yourselves… this is fast and sad, like a hawk attacking a kitty… sorry…)

“I… really hate you, Dad.”

Naruto’s entire body felt as if it were being crushed under a boulder as the weight of his younger son’s words pressed in on him.

“Bolt, what did you hear..?”

“Why should you care!? You don’t care! You've never cared!!” The young boy spouts, tearing his arm away from his father’s grasp.

“That’s not true at all, son… please, let’s talk about this– ” Naruto chokes out.

“OH. NOW you want to talk to ME!?”

His points accusingly to Sakura and Shinachiku.

“You magically have another kid with your old girlfriend and NOW you have time to talk to me!? That doesn’t make sense, Dad! You don’t make any sense!!” Tears were forming in his eyes as his face reddened with anger. 

“No, no, I’m sorry, Bolt. What I said in there… I was just a little overexcited… you know me and my–”

“NO! I DON’T KNOW  YOU.”

Naruto was silenced by the pure anger that emanated from his progeny. His heart that had beat so full of happiness just minutes before was now being suffocated and gasping for air.

Bolt was absolutely right.

Even after all he himself had experienced as a child, the frustration, loneliness, and hate… he had managed to give his own son the gift of a similar fatherless childhood.

He was no better than a dead father after all…

Salada was quickly ushered past the Hokage and his son by her Aunt Ino, who acted like she wanted to give them some room, but really wanted to eavesdrop from a safe vicinity at Sakura’s bedside.

“Heads up, Sakura. Hinata accidentally heard me talking about Shinachiku…”

Ino whispers to her bed lain friend as Salada looked at the blonde boy with green eyes whom she had caught a glimpse of earlier at her apartment.

So, this is Shinachiku..?

From the first time she saw him, she knew she was related to him in some sort of way. The resemblance to her mother was uncanny.

For an eleven year old, she was quite observant. So observant, in fact, that the young Uchiha prodigy had known for quite some time now that she had a long lost sibling.

It all started with a pink book.

This was no ordinary pink book. It had the power to make her mother cry no matter how many times she had read it.

She never caught sight of the book when her dad was home, only when he was gone for long periods of time. In his absence, the pink book would be open on her mother’s desk, its pages wrinkled and stained from tears both old and fresh. It seemed as if she were trying to wash the words away with her sorrow.

 The mysteries of the little pink tome were calling to her…

One day, while her mother was cleaning the house, she slipped into her mother’s study and excitedly started to read it.

To her surprise, the contents were handwritten. Apparently, it was her mother’s old journal from her ninja days. She started her reading at the first pages of the text, which she found to be a recording of her mother’s adolescent life…

‘I love Sasuke. Uchiha Sakura has a beautiful ring to it!’

The pages were clean and smooth in the beginning with hearts strewn about the paper in harried shapes and varied sizes.

'I’m on his team! Team 7! He’s so dreamy!’

As Salada continued, she realized that her mama was a little obsessed with her father when they were growing up…

'I wish it was just a two-man team with me and Sasuke. Naruto is so annoying.’

Salada adjusted her glasses and grinned evilly. Maybe she could get some dirt on Bolt’s dad that she could use for a later time…

She skipped forward in the journal, the pages became grittier and dirtier in this section, as if carried and used on a journey.

'Naruto saved my life today. Maybe he isn’t such an annoyance after all.’

Salada cocked her head to the side, curious as to why there was so much mention of the newly appointed Hokage in her mother’s diary when the beginning of it was littered with 'Uchiha Sakura loves Uchiha Sasuke forever’. She flipped another couple pages.

'Sasuke is gone. I feel terrible I couldn’t stop him. Naruto promised me that he would bring him back. I don’t know what I would do without him–’

Flip. Flip. Flip.

'Naruto scared me today. He turned into a strange creature and had no control over himself. I need to find a way to help him–’

Flip. Flip.

'He saved me again. Saved all of us. He would gladly sacrifice his life for any one of his friends, but I will become stronger so he never has to make that choice– ’

Flip.

'The war is over. Sasuke is gone. And Naruto has saved me from myself–’

The pages were becoming wavy, the ink smudged and enlarged into circular, water damaged patterns. These were the pages that her mother must have read and reread countless times.

'I think I am in love with Naruto–’

Salada’s eyes widen in response.

She had always wondered why she acted strangely around that guy…

’–don’t deserve him–’

Salada made slow, thoughtful turnings of the pages at this point as she connected several important dots.

'I am pregnant–’

'I named him Shinachiku. Never forget you have a son–’

’– hope he will be fine in Suna–’

’– one day, I hope to meet him–’

'I don’t deserve such a beautiful gift–’

’– isolated myself with my lies–’

’– no one to turn to–’

The young kunoichi never outwardly showed many emotions; she was much like her father… however, reading her mother’s most private thoughts made her pity her mother, whom she had considered the strongest, most stubborn woman in the village.

She also felt betrayed.

How could her mother not have told her about an event of such importance as this? An older brother is a HUGE deal, even if he had a different father…

In retaliation, she had given her mother the silver bracelet for her birthday, watching carefully to see her reaction.

Surely enough, her gift startled the older woman, and as soon as she left the room, her mom had started to cry. Her sobbing mother immediately went to her desk and flung open her pink journal.

Salada felt vindicated for a few moments as she watched her mother scribble a few words on the worn pages…

Sakura then went to answer the door, and while she was distracted, Salada slipped into her study, flipping open the pink book to see what was written.

What she read chilled her to the bone.

'I am a monster.’

'Nobody can help me.’

Then, she just felt like a terrible, spiteful person…

Salada’s eyes narrowed at Shinachiku, still unsure as to how she felt about his presence. 

Her eyes then fell upon her mother who was looking ashamed and guilty, her emerald eyes downcast and full of tears. In her mind echoed the words of the journal:

'I am a monster.’

'Nobody can help me.’

“You’re a scumbag, Dad. The worst kind of scumbag in the universe.”

Naruto was so heart broken that his mouth moved to try to convey his love for his son, but no coherent sentences came out. 

“Pl…ease… Bol…t… give me a chance t…o… explain…” He breathed out desperately, his emotions getting the best of him once more.

“F*ck off, Dad.” Bolt replies simply, stuffing his hands in his pockets and turning to leave.

Naruto steps forward and grabs Bolt’s arms angrily, ready to reprimand him, but  he was stopped by a pair of arms that wrapped protectively around the whiskered boy.

Hinata suddenly steps in between the two Uzumaki males, and stares blankly at Naruto with her clear eyes.

“You lied to me.” She says simply to Naruto, the air being stolen once more from his lungs in realization of her words. 

“Honey, I can explain everything… I-I didn’t know anything before– ”

“Don’t touch my son.”

Hinata suddenly turned to look murderously at Sakura.

“And you… I thought you were my friend…" 

With an agitated sneer, she growled and grabbed Bolt, pulling him behind her as she moved swiftly away from her flustered husband.

Naruto follows his angry wife out into the corridor, leaving the room silent.

This was the only time in his life that Shinachiku wished that he was back in Suna.

He didn’t know exactly what was going on, but he did know that most of the problems and hurt were caused by him. He was saddened as he realized that if he stayed in Suna, no matter how miserable he would have been, these seemingly good people and their families would be living their lives free of the complications that his arrival in Konoha had brought.

"I’m so sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have come…”

The young sand-nin bows his head respectfully towards his birth mother and turns to leave.

“W-where are you going!?” Sakura says, her voice shaking with fear.

“I’m going back to Sunagakure. I don’t belong here.” Shina replies, checking the hallway to find that his father and his family were gone.

His mother’s pale face sunk into her hands.

“I’m so sorry… everything is my fault…”

Before he could witness anymore heartbreak on his account, Shinachiku walks through the threshold of the door… and stops.

He looked down to see the little girl with the glasses hugging his midsection tightly.

“Don’t go.”

Shina’s heart thumped in his chest and his body started to burn from the inside out as his little sister mustered all of the strength she had to keep him from disappearing from their sight.

Salada had to find some way to make him stay. She hugged his waist as tightly as she could to prevent him from leaving.

'I am a monster.’

The words from the journal haunted her. 

'I am a monster.’

Sure, her mother embarrassed her most of the time with her loud mouth and crazy parenting antics, but she didn’t deserve to think that she was a monster. 

Salada believed that after all that her mother had been through, and was going through, the thing that she deserved most was to find peace.

The bespectacled girl was sure that if Shinachiku left, that wretched pink journal would open once more and be filled with horrible things. She didn’t want those horrible things to drag her mom to a place where she could no longer be with her…

If she could somehow convince her new found elder brother to stay, she hoped that he could help heal her mother.

Their mother.

“Big brother… Shinachiku-niisan… please… please stay in Konoha.”

- The end of chapter 12.

–Story by ODG

(If you think the characters in this story are terrible people, you are right. I have written them into the people I thought Kishimoto had twisted them into with 699 and 700. Please do not complain or rant about how I have written them. :) I am free to write them in the way I choose.)

ODG Fanfics here or here.

I know I wasn’t supposed to write for three weeks, but I don’t like feeling oppressed by haters even more than preparing for school. I’ll take a break laters. :’) 

fic: torrent

Not once does she cry…

Obligatory fix-it fic because not letting us see Constance’s reaction to Bonacieux’s death was just ridiculous. But that does mean I can do it my way. Which is this… 
For hacash, why-this-kolaveri-machi, thefemalemusketeer, captainzoe, sweetlyfez, sensoryinputpatterns, hippity-hoppity-brigade and everyone who loves Constance beyond words….

Her hands slip from his grasp, slick with her husband’s blood. It stains her hands now too. She staggers backwards, a coldness spreading through her bones as she can do nothing but stare at his pain-stricken expression. He explains in broken words, doing all he can to remain passive, above it all, clear. He’s rehearsed this, she thinks, practiced in his head, perhaps to keep himself sane, mostly to try and spare her the worst.

Every step he takes forward, she takes one back. She does not see his desperation to reach out to her, to hold her close, comfort the woman he loves. She cannot see beyond anything but the tormoil that infects her mind, swirls and rages, clings to every indiscretion, pulls at every thread of guilt, fills her with sadness…

She cannot make sense of it. It… it cannot be true. It is not right.

Fingers curl, caress blood-soaked palms. She blinks.

“I… I have…” She stops, for her voice is hoarse and she barely recognises it. She sounds far away, as if hearing herself through a haze. 

“I have to go home. There… there will be so much to do. His… his family. The business…” Body lurches forward, all of a sudden determined, certain, treading a familiar path back to her home. Is it her home now? Where is that?

“Let me come with you…”

“No.” She cuts him off with certainty, and it is the only thing she is certain of right now. Azure gaze is still far away as she looks at him once more. “No. Please. I must do this myself…”

She wipes the blood on her dress, watches it leave a mark. And heads to the refuge of tasks that must be done.

——-

Keep reading

There you are, yet so far out of my reach. An ocean of dispair separates my beach from your beach. But, I know I love you, and only you, so I squint and refuse to blink; keeping you in view. The raging waters are teeming with hungry sharks and giant, mechanical squids of impossibilities, though I still believe we control our own realities. I refuse to give up or let my heart end up caved. Therefore, I must find a way to reach you; yes, for us to be saved. So, I am using my bones to create a frame, after peeling off my skin and chanting your name. I will stretch myself across the wings to cover my invention, leaving you little doubt of my truest intention. Sewing my flesh with my stripped veins, I’m tying it all together before my life wanes. Using my heart as an engine, fueled by too many dreams to mention, I, at last, take flight, catching the wind from my soul, gusting to launch me on my mission. To the arms of my fate. To the arms of you, before the clocks incinerate… us.

–Daya Bhuteshu

a note to self.

only i create relevance in my life.

i must not be afraid of the future. life does not end here for me.
i must not wrap my emotional being too tightly around my spiritual being because i find myself hurting far too much, and far too often, over things either irrelevant to me and my life, or things that are far bigger than my abilities to control.
i must understand that life may not work out the ways that i had hoped and planned for.
i must be able to accept change, and move alongside the fluctuations of life, and not against them.
i must be ever-grateful for my health and the coming future.
i must be thankful that i will be able to venture into newer, brighter things in the coming future.
i must not be scared of the unknown.
i must not hold any remorse, guilt, grudges, “broken promises”, or negativity.
i must learn how to let things go, and to embrace change.
i must start living for myself.

There you are, yet so far out of my reach. An ocean of dispair separates my beach from your beach. But, I know I love you, and only you, so I squint and refuse to blink; keeping you in view. The raging waters are teeming with hungry sharks and giant, mechanical squids of impossibilities, though I still believe we control our own realities. I refuse to give up or let my heart end up caved. Therefore, I must find a way to reach you; yes, for us to be saved. So, I am using my bones to create a frame, after peeling off my skin and chanting your name. I will stretch myself across the wings to cover my invention, leaving you little doubt of my truest intention. Sewing my flesh with my stripped veins, I’m tying it all together before my life wanes. Using my heart as an engine, fueled by too many dreams to mention, I, at last, take flight, catching the wind from my soul, gusting to launch me on my mission. To the arms of my fate. To the arms of you, before the clocks incinerate… us.