must be the hat

10

I felt inspired to compile these screenies. XD

The most unnecessary romantic sub-plot, as well as the most unnecessary reason for Eddy to make Edd his pretend wife. XD And yet it’s still depicted as a better love story than… I don’t know, insert topical YA romance thing here. XP

Eddy wrote this, ya know :P It wasn’t me this time, guys!

Is it Eddy not wearing underwear?!?! O.o

Also, Edd is so cute and pwetty! ^w^ Not to mention it’s trippy actually seeing his eyebrows! We can clearly see he’s not wearing his hat beneath that wig!

okay hear me out: 

you know those photo series that are like “In The Running For The Next Spiderman/Young Han Solo/Bachelor/Prince Eric/Property Brother”

and it’s just like nine generically handsome brunet white men that might all be Henry Cavill or might all be Matt Bomer or might all be the photogenic runner guy from 2012 for all we know but it’s impossible to tell because they are just so generic?

and you know how nobody really remembers what Moist von Lipwig (slash Albert Spangler where applicable) actually looks like, they just remember the gold hat, or the glasses, or the bountiful ear hair?

what I want is an adaptation where Moist, whenever he’s being an anonymous face or The Man in the Golden Suit or Albert Spangler, is played by a series of generically handsome brunet white men who are swapped out shot-to-shot.

The other day, I wondered how the world of Harry Potter would be different if all students were sorted every year, rather than only in their first. So I wrote this.


Little is changed from Harry Potter’s first year at Hogwarts. Still he sits under that hat, thinking, not Slytherin; still the Hat considers his potential before sending him to Gryffindor. Still he is joined in Gryffindor by Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, still the Slytherin he so feared to be in will hold Draco Malfoy. Little is different about the placement of the older students, for all the Sorting Ceremony is made longer, and the Hat’s song a little changed, with their participation. Fred and George Weasley, like their younger brother, are still in Gryffindor. Ambitious Percy Weasley may be in Slytherin by now, maybe not yet, but he is a Prefect regardless. Oliver Wood or someone like him will still be Harry’s first Quidditch Captain.

In Harry’s second year, he and Ron are in more trouble than ever for missing the Sorting Ceremony. Now the Hat must be got out again to Sort these two boys who have caused such a stir, to confirm what surprises no one: both will remain in Gryffindor this year. (This time, Harry is once again thinking his wishes to the Hat, but instead of not Slytherin, he is pleading, Gryffindor, Gryffindor – picturing the warm Gryffindor common room that is the first home he has ever known, the first place that has welcomed him rather than shut him away. The hat, once again, obeys his wishes.) Both boys are relieved to find their House much the same as they left it; Hermione Granger is in their midst again, joined by Ron’s shy little sister Ginny.

Neville Longbottom, who had been plagued throughout his first year in Gryffindor by doubt as to his right to be there, is with them again, too. They missed his silent drama at the Ceremony, too, as the boy sat under the Hat that could see into his mind and reflected on the end of term. He had remembered standing up to the three classmates he thought he could call his friends, only to be left behind – hexed, as he so often was, ridiculed. More proof that he did not belong in the brave House. But he remembered, too, Dumbledore’s voice at the end-of-year feast – praising him for doing what was hard. He remembered being awarded House points for this simple act, and with the meagre sum, winning Gryffindor the House Cup. That heady feeling of being, for just one moment, a celebrated hero – that was like nothing else. That was worth a year and more of self-doubt. So Neville now unpacked his bags in the Gryffindor dormitories again, and, like Harry, he felt for the first time that he was home.

Harry has grown complacent, all his friends staying with him from his first year to his second. He hears the warnings of the older students on his Quidditch team (some of whom go from one House’s team to the next from year to year), the reminders that he will need to make new friends soon, but he does not really believe them. He cannot imagine his world changing even more than it has.

This is why he feels as though his stomach has dropped out of his body, as though he has fallen into some bottomless pit, when things change in his third year. He is still in Gryffindor, yes, and still with Ron, thank goodness for that, but Hermione Granger is no longer of their House. Hermione, who spent the last term of her second year as a statue, whose research was the only part of her that got to be a part of the battle in the Chamber of Secrets, who scrambled and sweated when she was unpetrified to pass all her courses in the remaining days of term – despite the promises of the administration that classes missed by the basilisk’s victims would not be held against their grades. Hermione, who had been called an “insufferable know-it-all” so many times that it had almost stopped hurting, who had felt so frustrated with the cavalier attitude her fellow Gryffindors took to classwork. She was now a Ravenclaw, the blue insignia on her robes matching that of Ginny Weasley, who seemed to have shrunk in on herself after the events of last term. (Ginny, like Harry in his first year, sat under the Hat in her second year thinking not Slytherin, not Slytherin, but then she had paused, and thought, not Gryffindor, too, because Riddle had possessed her despite her red-and-gold robes, and because she did not feel brave.)

Ginny, Hermione, and Luna Lovegood (here is one girl the Hat cannot imagine placing anywhere but Ravenclaw, though it will surprise itself in years to come) soon find each other in the Ravenclaw common room, and form an odd, but tight, bond over the first few weeks of term. Hermione finds that it is nice to have close friends who are girls; she never had this in her two years in Gryffindor. She still finds time to talk to Harry, to help him with an essay in the library or to keep him company on restless Hogsmeade weekends or to walk with him to Hagrid’s hut. They are still friends, and good ones; no disparity of House can change the bond forged in fighting a mountain troll together, and all they have been through together since.

She explains this, at last, to Ron Weasley in the days before Christmas vacation, when the dark looks he has been sending her all term finally come to a head in a shouting match outside the Divination tower. Ron, too quick to view matters in black and white, had seen her Ravenclaw badge as a betrayal, a defection. Had imagined that this was her choice, rather than the honest assessment of the Hat. Had felt left behind, discarded, second-rate, dismissed like his brothers’ hand-me-down robes that he wore. With Harry to remind him not to be an ass, to remind Hermione that Ron was always like this, they made up soon enough. Hermione laughed and called Ron an idiot, but fondly; and he laughed back, and told her that the blue and silver only made her look more the nerd. The trio were reunited, even if they were in different houses.

And, after that fight at least, perhaps the difference of house was a blessing in disguise. Crookshanks could not worry at Ron’s rat when they lived in different common rooms. There was no fight between Ron and Hermione about their pets; when Scabbers went missing, there was no talk of foul play, only an agreement between the three friends that they would try to find him. The three were still present in the Shrieking Shack, two Gryffindor children and one Ravenclaw, to bear witness to the true identity of Scabbers, to bear witness to the reunion of the three living Marauders. They still saved Buckbeak; they still lost Pettigrew.

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NHL!Bitty, Part XII -  ‘A Stanley Cup Wedding’

The Schooners win game seven and dethrone the defending champion Falconers to claim Seattle’s first national title. 

Eric was definitely not expecting Jack to propose immediately after losing.

(A rework of the ‘Game 7 PVD vs SEA’ prompt that totally retcons some NHL!Bitty stuff, so timeline-wise: the Falconers took the cup Eric’s second year with the Schooners. The Schooners win the following season.)

NHL!Bitty Masterpost




Game Seven. Third period. Eric’s running on adrenaline, blue Gatorade, and rage.

Jack and the rest of the Falconers first line are racing to catch up, but Eric is ‘criminally fast’ (thank you ESPN for the lovely descriptor), and it’s almost too easy to whip the puck to Carter and wait for the siren.

Snowy can’t stop it. The Schooners will win in regulation. 

For a brief, terrifying moment, Eric sees Morin’s breakaway as the death knell of his relationship. He has flashes of Freshman year and he thinks ‘Jack is going to hate me’.

Eric closes his eyes and waits.

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sometimes i think I’ll never be happy until i own a well-tailored victorian era suit

4

Okay but seriously

It’s been wonderful seeing all the Dad!Gabriel and Dad!Jack ideas going around for when Jesse first joins Blackwatch, but y’all are missing the PRIMEST OF PRIME opportunities here:

Jesse with not one BUT TWO Commander Dads with bad puns, dad jokes, and a whole slew of embarrassing ideas.

Like

Gabriel basically rescues and adopts Jesse from Deadlock

Jack: …well. This is it, Jack.
Jack: you’re a dad now.
Jack: time to be a loving and supporting partner to your husband in this endeavor, and a responsible and warmhearted role model to this poor kid who has had so much go wrong in his young life.
Jack: …
Jack: guess I gotta learn how to golf now.  
Jack: …
Jack: and also buy all my clothes from Costco.                      



Five minutes later

Gabriel: …what the actual fuck are you wearing
*Jack in Hawaiian button up, cargo shorts, socks and sandals*
Jack: …
Jack: we’re dads now, Gabe.
Gabriel: …
Gabriel: shit you’re right

Five minutes later

Jesse comes outside into the break area of the Watchpoint.

Jesse: hey, y'all seen my hat anywhere? I think Fareeha hid it - CHICKEN ON A DONKEY WHAT THE FUCK
*Jack and Gabe practicing really bad golf swings in Hawaiian shirts, cargo shorts, and socks and sandals*
Jack: hello, kiddo
Gabe: sup, chico
Jesse: …
Jesse: Hey uh
Jesse: can I choose to go to jail instead      


                  
Twenty minutes later

Ana: I should have expected this from you, Jack
Ana: but you too, Gabriel?? I expected better from you
Torbjörn: …you expected better from Gabriel “I wear my beanie in New Mexico” Reyes?
Gabriel: I detect some sarcasm there
Jack: Ana…Ana, don’t you see?
Ana: ??
Jack: we have a TEENAGER living in the base with us
Ana: …
Torbjörn: …
Reinhardt: …team, we know what we must do

Five minutes later

Jesse: still can’t find my hat - CHEESE WHIZ ON A CRACKER WHAT
*Entire Strike team in Hawaiian shirts, cargo shorts, socks and sandals*
Jesse: …
Jack: …we’re all dads now



Twenty years later

In the theater on the Hollywood map

Jesse: …
Shiver Reaper: …
Golden 76: …
Shiver Reaper: hey, chico
Golden 76: how ya doin’, kid?
Jesse: …
Hanzo: …do you know these people, Jesse?
Jesse: …nah
Lúcio: introduce us to your friends!
Jesse: …extra hell nah
Golden 76: hey Jesse
Golden 76: watch this!
*Golden 76 starts doing push ups*
Hanzo: …
Lúcio: …
Sombra: …
Jesse: how.  why.
Shiver Reaper: …like you’re one to talk
Shiver Reaper: you look ridiculous
Jesse: …
*flashbacks to late adolescent and young adult years of his foster fathers in bad polo shirts and ugly plaid pants and Daredevil 76 and Pumpkin Reaper*
Jesse: …I CANNOT BELIEVE
*Jesse McCree has left the game.*
Shiver Reaper: …
Golden 76: …
*Reaper and Soldier: 76 high-five*
Golden 76: We still got it.



(I cannot believe I have to add this but do not tag this as mc*/reyes//76 or any variation thereof)

It’s really weird how protective and dedicated we become to a house that some website allocated to us

7 Minutes || Jughead Jones

Originally posted by juptern

word count : 1,225

pairing : Jughead Jones x Reader

warnings : make-outs, cursing, hating each other.

summary : You are friend with Betty and Veronica and they invited you to this party so of course you say yes. you didn’t know you’d end up playing seven minutes in heaven and be stuck in there with someone you hate; Jughead Jones.


     Betty and you had been best friends since you were babies. You were lucky enough to occupy the house right next to hers so you spent countless hours with each other growing up. When Veronica came to Riverdale, the two of you welcomed her with open arms. Of course when Veronica and Betty were fighting you took a neutral stance, or as neutral as you possibly could. You were happy to know when they made up, at least for the most part. Veronica was even throwing some party to finalize it; which is a bit weird but you were just going with it; who could say no to a good party?

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Canoodling - Jughead Jones

So after watching episode 2 of Riverdale I was wondering if I could have a Jughead imagine? Where you’re secretly dating because you’re considered popular and basically kiss him in front of “the popular” people to stop them from thinking Jughead isn’t getting laid? Thanks!

imagine please? defending jughead when reggie teases him, probably?

Originally posted by mieczyslwstilinski


I kind of combined the two of these things…I hope you two are okay with that…I really enjoyed writing it.  I kinda changed the order of events, in the episode, a bit and I hope that’s okay. I don’t even know what that ending is…

You were walking down the halls of Riverdale High School when you felt a tug on your hand and was pulled inside the storage closet. The door shut behind you quickly, but not before there was still enough light to see the outline of an all too familiar hat.

“We really must stop meeting like this.” Despite the darkness, you could almost see the glint in Jughead’s smile as he said the line. You pulled on the light string hanging from the ceiling and found yourself nearly chest to chest with your boyfriend. “You dork,” you said while rolling your eyes. He smiled at you and despite the recent light of events, you felt happy. Jughead grabbed your hand in both of his, running his fingers over your knuckles. “Do you wanna stay after school for the game?” His gaze lifted from your hands to your eyes and you saw them sparkle. “Of course. How’d everything go with Archie?” He shrugged in response, “Good, hopefully it’ll get better after the game.” You nodded, leaning upwards to pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. “I’m going to be late,” you started to pull away, “I’ll see you after school in the lounge, Okay?” He gave your hand one last squeeze, “See ya later, Y/N.” You shot him another smile and quickly darted out of the closet. When back in the hallway, you looked around and sighed in relief that nobody saw you sneak out of hiding. It wasn’t because you were ashamed of dating Jughead, granted you were somewhat popular amongst your peers; it was because you and Jughead both found value in privacy. It was nobody else’s business what you got up to in your freetime and Jughead simply didn’t care about your peers to tell anyone that you two were dating. It was troublesome sneaking around, but moments like those where it was just you two alone, even briefly, were the moments you looked forward to the most.


When the final bell rang, you made your way towards the lounge. You figured that Jughead would already be there, in an attempt to find a spot before it filled up with cheerleaders and loud jocks. Your guess was correct because, when you walked in, your eyes landed on him. He was leaning against the wall, arms crossed on his chest, and scowling at the people before him. When he saw you, he gave you a quick smile that you returned. In order to avoid suspicion, you walked over to greet a few of the jocks and fell into conversation with Veronica.

You almost were having a good time when Reggie, a cocky football player, started to talk about Jason Blossom’s murder, instantly killing the mood. “If someone here did kill him, it couldn’t have been a jock. No, it would be the lonely, sad internet troll, that’s too busy typing manifestos to get laid.” You looked up and saw Reggie staring at Jughead as if in question. “Like Jughead.” The others started laughing, except for you and Archie. Anger burned in your heart, but you couldn’t defend your boyfriend with making it obvious. Then again, if you weren’t going to stand up for him, why were you dating him? You stood up with purpose, walking towards your boyfriend. He raised his eyebrows but you simply leaned forward and pressed your lips to his. Howls and whistles were let out by half the people in the lounge. You pulled back, because if you didn’t, you were sure you wouldn’t be able to stop. “You’ve gotta be kidding me, really Y/N, he’s why you wouldn’t date me?” Reggie yelled and you spun on your heels to face the football player. “Damn right he’s why,” you yelled back, “he’s not a dick that picks on others like yourself!” Everybody hollered and ‘oohed’ at your words. Then Veronica finally spoke up,  “So it looks like he’s getting laid after all,” you let out a laugh and grabbed Jughead’s hand in yours.

“But that doesn’t change anything! He still probably killed him.” Reggie shouted, trying to regain his high-ground. “Did you, ya know, do anything to the body? Like, after?” he asked, pressing Jughead further. You felt a sense of pride when Jughead answered, “It’s called necrophilia Reggie, can you spell it?” A smile crept up on your features, as you turned to Jughead. Suddenly, Reggie darted towards him, but Archie lunged forward in defense. “Shut the Hell up, Reggie.” Archie hissed, but Reggie wasn’t having it. Soon a fight broke out and it ended with Archie getting punched in the face, along with a teacher escorting Reggie out of the room.

You and Jughead decided it was probably best to get out of the school, so you started to make your way to his place. The walk was quiet, with neither of you willing to talk about what had happened yet. Before you knew it, you both turned into the driveway to his house  and walked inside. You both set your bags down and Jughead made a beeline to the kitchen. “Where are your parents?” You asked as you started to take off your shoes. “I found a note that said they were out shopping.” Jughead yelled across the house. You walked into the kitchen where Jughead was head-first in the refrigerator. You let out a giggle at the site, causing Jughead to face you. “What’s so funny?” You felt a blush rise to your cheeks and you lifted yourself to sit on the countertop, “You.” He walked towards you, standing in between your legs. He stared at you as you wrapped your arms over his shoulders and brought him closer. He leaned forward and brought his lips to yours, his hand reaching up to cup your jaw. Your hand pulled his hat off his head and with the other, your fingers buried themselves in his hair. You leaned back slightly pressing a sweet kiss to his cheek.

“You want this back?” You asked, teasingly holding his hat by your fingertip. He smiled, leaning in once more, capturing your lips in another playful kiss. When you were distracted, he took the opportunity to snag his hat back. “Hey,” you said, pulling away from him. He let out a smug chuckle. “Thanks for that,” Jughead said, turning back to the search for food in the cabinets. “For what?” You asked, hopping down from the counter. He turned and gave you a pointed look, “Putting Reggie in his place.”

“He needed to be proved wrong.” He smiled at you, “So you were simply proving him wrong?” You nodded and he stepped closer to you. His hands rested on your hips, pulling you closer, “So you’re okay with canoodling at school now?” You let out a small laugh, “Canoodling? No, but acting like a couple, of course.” His green eyes sparkled at your answer, and he pressed a kiss to your lips. When you backed away you smiled, “Are you going to write this in your novel?” He smiled back with mischief gleaming in his eyes, “Maybe I will.”