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  • John: Alexander kissed me.
  • Eliza: Ohmygodohmygod
  • Lafayette: Ok, alright. We want to hear everything. Eliza, get the wine. John, does this end well or do we need to get tissues?
  • John: Oh, it ended very well.
  • Eliza: (getting the wine)Do not start without me. Do not start without me.
  • Lafayette: Okay, alright, let’s hear about the kiss. Was it like a soft brush against your lips? Or was it like an "I gotta have you now” kind of thing?
  • John: Well, at first it was really intense, you know. And then, oh god, and then we just sort of sunk into it.
  • Lafayette: Okay, so, were you holding him? Or were his hands like on you?
  • John: No, actually first they started on my waist. And then, they slid up, and then, they were on my shoulders.
  • Lafayette and Eliza: Ohhhhh.
  • In the next room
  • Alexander: And, uh, and then I kissed him.
  • Hercules: Tongue?
  • Alexander: Yeah.
  • Hercules: Cool.
  • Alexander: Bad News- Washington locked the keys inside the building.
  • Alexander: Good News- We didn’t have to wait around for a locksmith.
  • Alexander: Bad News- Washington finds it very concerning that I know how to pick locks, and tried to unlock my Tragic Backstory™. I was too embarrassed to admit that the reason I learned was because, at thirteen, I figured that was the kind of skill that would impress cute boys.
  • Alexander: Good News- A cute boy saw me do it.
  • Alexander: Bad News- It was John, and since he’s already seen me fall out of several trees, cry because I saw a fawn that was just too damn small, and knows I can ride a unicycle, he’ll never think I’m cool no matter what I do. It’s too late. He knows.