Someone asked me to describe home,
And I started talking about your hair color
And the sound of your voice
And the taste of your lips
And how your skin feels like
Until I realized 
They had expected to hear a place.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays @museelo It was so nice to chat with you and get to know you better. It’s been a long a while for me since I participated in a secret santa/valentine etc thingie so I was a bit rusty but I hope you enjoyed our conversations as much as I did and it wasn’t a disappointment for you. 

And here is your christmas gift, hope you like it <3

The Only Choice

Because I have a lot of emotions, okay?!


The light was so beautiful…so brilliant and warm, he could smell of the salty sea just beyond and the cool ocean breeze kissed his skin like a welcoming lover.  His brother just a few feet away….hand held out, with the Jolly Roger in the distance…sails billowing in the wind as it rocked gently beneath the rolling waves.

Sailing the endless sea for all eternity….with his brother by his side…all he had to do was take another step into that bright light and snag it.  So what was he waiting for?  What else could he possibly want?


He looked back…something he swore not to do, but how could he not?  He had once told her that everything they needed was right in front of them…but not this time…this time everything he wanted…everything he needed…was behind him.

He saw her smile, although he knew her heart was breaking…knew exactly what she was willing to do.  She had told him that she would be fine…that she loved him and would be happy knowing he was at peace.  She was finally able to let him go… she was finally giving him the choice he always wanted…and because of that sacrifice he knew his choice. He knew in his heart where he truly belonged.

And when he turned back to his brother….when he said his name, Liam smiled….and knew as well.

“It’s okay, little brother,” he said as he slowly backed away.  “It’s okay.”

Then the bright light flashed, so brilliantly that Killian shielded his eyes with the back of his hand and then the light was gone….Liam was gone….he had made his choice.

His heart was full when he turned back around, to face the woman he loved…to face his future and his own personal ever after.  But she wasn’t there…she was gone and his heart sank into the deep pit of his stomach as he rushed forward.

“Emma!”  Killian ran to his friends, his family, reached out to touch Snow’s arm.  “Where is she?”

“I…I don’t know,” she said, wiping the tears she had shed for her daughter’s loss…for Killian.  “I..she was here, watching you move on and…she must have shimmered out during the flash of light…she probably wanted to be alone…but…you stayed….oh, Killian.”  Her voice was full of emotion as she reached out and touched his cheek.  “You stayed…you chose her.”

He shook his head as he felt his heart lurch in his throat.  “There was never really a choice…she’s my…”

“I know,” she said before he could finish and then leaned up to kiss his scruffy cheek.  “Go find her…you probably know where she is anyway….you always do.”

She was right…he knew where to find her…it’s easy to follow the other half of your heart…the other half of your soul.  It was raining, but he could barely feel it as he ran through the bare street that led to the house he had once picked out for her.  The house he had once believed could be their future….but the future was never about a house…it was just about being with Emma…she was his home.

She was standing in front of the house in the middle of the street, looking up at it through the pouring rain.  “Swan.” He whispered it, there was no way she could have heard him, but she turned anyway.  “SWAN!”

His voice echoed through the rain and brutal wind and his legs pumped harder as he was desperate to fill the long gap that separated them.  When he got to her, he saw the tears in her eyes as she shook her head frantically, as if she was too scared to believe he was really there.  

“No,” she sobbed but held out her arms anyway, accepting his bone-crushing hug, clinging to him.  “You can’t be here….you can’t….”

“Emma,” he murmured as he buried his face into the crook of her neck, kissed her soft skin that danced with raindrops.  “Emma…I’m here…I love you…I’m here.”

She whispered his name, sliding her hands over his shoulders, down to his chest and gripped the wet, leather lapels of his jacket.  “I saw you,” she said softly as their foreheads touched.  “I saw you go into the light….”

“I didn’t…I couldn’t…Emma…”

“But your brother,” she said as she lifted those blue eyes to his.  “I saw what was beyond the light, Killian…your ship, the open sea…that’s what you love…that’s who you are.”

He gently touched the side of her face, feeling the warmth as she closed her eyes and leaned into his touch.  “Maybe at one time, yes….but not anymore.” His thumb brushed the bottom of her quivering lip, brushing away the raindrops.  “I realized that I needed to have the choice to discover that you were the only choice…you are my home, Emma…my future…I love you.”

She let out a sob as she grabbed his face, reaching up on her toes.  “I love you, too,” she cried moments before their lips met.

Yes, he thought as he deepened the kiss, burying his hand in her wet tangled hair.  This was his eternity….loving her, tasting her for the rest of his life.  His forever was with her and always with her. He pulled away, only to run frantic kisses down her neck, the rain drizzling down her soft skin as she held onto him tight as if she never wanted to let him go.

They began to rock gently, as they savored this moment….it was raining, the wind was howling but it was the most beautiful day to him.  He was where he belonged.  In Emma’s arms.

“We’re going to find our way out of this hellish place, Swan,” He promised softly in her ear.  “We’re going to find a way….”

“Together?” she finished for him, sliding her arms around his waist as her wet cheek nuzzled against his chest.

“Aye,” he murmured, kissing her hair, breathing her in.  “Together….as it should be….and always will be.”


museelo  asked:

captain swan "Please I just… really need space right now." - aka pls write the angstiest thing you've ever written

Also requested by Anonymous.


“Please I just… really need space right now.”

As soon as the words leave her mouth she knows she’s made a mistake. 

She’d known what she was doing was hurting him as soon as it had begun but it’s these words that make it real. She was pushing him away and she wasn’t sure that he would come back this time.

His face, already drawn and haggard falls further and she’s not sure she’s ever seen him this defeated. Even when the Snow Queen had buried their little town in ice, when their only hope was to gather whatever resources they had and put up a last stand. Even then, he had been determined and strong. He had been the one to give everyone courage, to draw out the last bit of fight they had left and now, she is the one making him look this way. His shoulders are slumped, eyes red and his arms slack at his sides. He hasn’t looked at her since she had pulled away from their kiss.

She doesn’t think she can do anymore damage but she takes a step back and he winces as though she had slapped him. His eyes fixed on the ground, he nods and turns around to leave, the cracks in her heart growing with every step. The door clicks shut when he does and she finds that she can’t breathe.

It had started innocuously enough, stolen kisses and hidden smiles, slow and steady. She doesn’t remember the last time she had had steady in her life.

(She pushes Walsh away from her mind.) 

(It wasn’t real.)

But as usual, a new crisis had hit them and in the midst of the stress and the fire, words were said, promises were made. She hadn’t thought about it then, saying the things she felt in the moment when she thought she’d never have the chance to say them again. But, when the dust had settled and they’d had to adjust back into the everyday, she had realised that she couldn’t take them back.

Her old fears and anxieties had come back in a slow tide that threatened to drown her. That she would break this, that he would break her, that she would never be able to put herself back together again if he did. 

So, she had run and now all she can see is the way his smile had lit up her little corner of the world when she’d whispered her love into his kiss right before they’d gone off to fight.

She realises that she might not ever see that smile again, falls down to her knees and lets herself cry.

Who could ever love a lost girl?