murray the demonic talking skull

Mortal fool! Release me from this wretched tomb! I must be set free, or I will haunt you forever! I will hide your keys beneath the cushions of your upholstered furniture, and NEVERMORE will you be able to find socks that match!
— 

Murray the Demonic Talking Skull to Mort the Undertaker

The Curse of Monkey Island; Chapter 4: The Bartender, the Thieves, His Aunt and Her Lover

If Bleach characters and Monkey Island characters met...


As requested by strepe. :)


You probably haven’t heard of Monkey Island. But if you like old adventure-type computer games, you should check it out because it rocks. It’s a lot like the Pirates of the Caribbean movie, only earlier, and just so aggressively silly. Anyway. Enough promo for an old game. What if Bleach characters encountered characters from the Monkey Island game? How would that go?


1. Ichigo and Guybrush Threepwood

Ichigo: I’m Kurosaki Ichigo.

Ichigo: I have the name Ichigo because I “protect.”

Ichigo: And you are….Guybrush Threepwood?

Ichigo: I don’t even know what to do with that.

Ichigo: Are you, like, a barber or something?

Guybrush: No, I’m a pirate!

Ichigo: Do people laugh at you a lot?


2. Giselle and Elaine Marley

Giselle: So you get pursued across land and see by an undead pirate named LeChuck who wants to marry you?

Elaine: ‘Fraid so.

Elaine: No matter how many times I say that an “evil, foul smelling, vile, co-dependent villain” really isn’t my type.

Giselle: Needy zombies are the worst!

Giselle: What kind of zombie do you want? I could hook you up.

Elaine: ….I’m not looking for any zombie. I’m married.

Giselle: So you’re like boring or something?


3. Byakuya and LeChuck

LeChuck: I AM THE DREAD PIRATE LECHUCK

Byakuya: …

Byakuya:  Sea-life is much less glamorous than I envisioned. 


4. Uraharah and Stan

Stan: Hello, hello!

Stan: Welcome to Stan’s Previously Owned Hats!

Stan: You look like a man in the market for a hat!

Urahara: Please stop moving your arms so much.

Urahara: It freaks me out.

Stan: I’m willing to do anything for you and for our deal, friend!

Stan: What kind of hat are you in the market for? I just want you to be happy!

Urahara:

Urahara: I hope I don’t sound like that.


5. Kira and Herman Toothrot

Herman: Got left behind on an island.

Herman: Trained a crew of monkeys to sail for help.

Herman: Didn’t work.

Herman: Met some friends. But they sailed off and left me. Again.

Kira: I once got shot through the torso and then the author forgot about me for several years.

Herman: That’s rough, buddy.


6. Hisagi and Meathook

Hisagi: …

Hisagi: Nice tattoo.

Meathook: Thanks his name is Roger.

Meathook: Do you want to see him talk?

Meathook: It happens when I flex.

Hisagi: Um

Meathook: Can you make your tattoos do anything?

Hisagi: No they mostly sit there.

Meathook: Maybe you should try harder.

Hisagi: Why do you have two hooks for hands?

Meathook: Because of the BEAST

Meathook: Who is a parrot. I’ve decided to start specifying.

Hisagi:

Hisagi: I have to go now. 


7. Carla and Kenpachi

Kenpachi: Hey there! I hear that you’re the Swordmaster of Melee Island!

Kenpachi: I’m here to challenge you!

Carla: Oh great. Another one.

Carla: Fine, whatever.

Carla: "My wisest enemies run away at the first sight of me!“

Kenpachi: Well I’ve never been called smart!

Kenpachi: Huh? Why are you winning?

Carla: "My tongue is sharper than any sword!”

Kenpachi: My blade can cut through anything though!

Kenpachi: How the FUCK are you winning??

Carla: "Now I know what filth and stupidity really are.“

Kenpachi: WHAT IS HAPPENING

Carla: …

Carla: You don’t know how fights work in this universe, do you?


8. Orihime and Murray

Murray: I AM MURRAY! THE EVIL DEMONIC SKULL!

Orihime: Wow! What makes you evil?

Murray:

Murray: I’m a talking demonic skull. Of course I’m evil.

Murray: Very, very evil!

Orihime: You seem kind of cute.

Murray: I AM NOT CUTE

Orihime: Can you even do anything evil when you don’t have any arms or legs?

Murray: Evil needs neither arms nor legs!!!!

Orihime: I really like your attitude!

Murray: STOP THAT