Murder Tips Master Post

I don’t condone murdering. This is purely for reference while writing fictional stories. If anyone is concerned, these have been on blogs written by chemistry majors, forensic criminologists, and forensic chemists. Information is accurate, but please don’t test them out. ((If you do test them out please tell me how it goes))

Prevention of Suspicion
-Wear shoes that are bigger than your normal size.
-Make your stride longer and trod heavier.
-If you’re a male, wear perfume. If you’re a female, wear cologne.
-You could also wear heels if you’re a male.
-Heavy makeup/contour
-Kill someone that you don’t know. Having relations with the victim makes you more of a suspect.
Prevention of Evidence
-Gloves will absorb oil from your fingers and start leaving fingerprints after about 15 minutes. Keep a supply of latex gloves on hand.
-Paint your fingertips with clear nail polish.

Disposal of Evidence
-After wiping for fingerprints, take the victim’s hands and wipe them around. Place them on cups and other everyday items. No fingerprints will look suspicious.
-Wrap your knives in plastic before using them. This will allow for no evidence on the knife.

Killing/Torture Techniques
-Instead of injecting poison through a syringe, fill the syringe with air and inject in between the toes. It will mimic a heart attack and look exactly like a heart attack so no one will suspect.
-If you kill a man on an unregistered boat in international waters and then dump the body overboard they can’t trace it back to any one legal system and you can’t be prosecuted.
-Bleach and urine mixed together make a fume that is toxic upon inhalation.
-Plastic knives can be sharpened, stabbed into the body and then twisted to shatter the knife. This is effective in causing immense amounts of pain.
-When killing by stabbing, make sure you remove the knife. It will allow the victim to bleed to death.
-Three crushed cherry pits in their food or drink will be equivalent to a lethal dose of arsenic for two adult men.
- Stab below the neck near the spinal bone, it will break the bone and permanently paralyze them while minimizing blood loss.
-Piano wire works well with slitting throats and then you can just place it back inside your piano!!

Disposal of Body
-Satellites look for holes 6-10 feet wide, so bury the body vertically.
-Bury body 6-10 feet under a dead dog. Police dogs will find the dog and the police will take it as a false alarm.
-Mixing body fluids with bleach and letting them soak will rid the blood and whatnot of the death smell.
-Dispose of body in a septic tank. The acidic properties and equipment will take care of the body for you.
-If you have the means to dispose of the body over, time, one could cut the body up into small pieces (head, feet, hands, limbs at the joints, separate the ribs and hips, etc) and from there the body could be disposed across the land, miles apart. Fresh graves would be another alternative.
-Grind the pieces into fish chum, mix them with actual fish chum, and let the fishies take care of it! As an added bonus, you might catch something!
- Literally just bury the body in a cemetery. Preferably a fresh grave but y’know whatever’s available!

(I will update this /somewhat/ regularly)

My Facebook conversations are a little concerning...
  • Friend: Can you think of a good murder?
  • Me: H. H. Holmes, Hannibal Lecter, Jack the Ripper
  • Friend: Murder not murderer
  • Me: Oh
  • Me: oops
  • Friend: But I'll paw through their cases thanks darlin'
  • Me: I know a lot of forms of fatal torture if that'll help any
  • Friend: That would be excellent
  • Friend: The most efficient and swift way to kill someone and dispose of the body
  • Friend: I'm just a writer not a serial killer
  • Me: Piano wire to slit their throat, dispose of the corpse in a septic tank
  • Friend: That is an Excellent idea
  • Me: You could also mix three crushed cherry pits into their food/drink and that equals a lethal dose of arsenic for two adult men
  • Friend: That is even better
  • Friend: Thanks for the ammunition
  • Me:
  • Friend: Oh my god
  • Me: If the killer has a little more time on their hands, cut the body up into small pieces (head, feet, hands, separate the two halves of each limb, separate hips and ribs by cutting in half at the waist) and from there many things can be done. The body can be ground up and turned into fish chum, hidden in separate cars scheduled for compacting in the dump, buried randomly over a several mile radius away from the killer's home town, put i various dumpsters, dropped into the sewage line at random intervals, scattered through the forest/mountains/ocean to be consumed by animals, and even buried in fresh graves
  • Friend: You are a fucking genius
How to not be murdered

How to get out of people killing you by using the power of rhyme!

If you are about to get stabbed say,

“I have too much swagger for the dagger.”

Your murderer should accept this as an excuse to not stab you. 

If you are about to get shot say,

“I’m too pullet for the bullet”

Your murderer will be too busy trying to figure out what the word pullet means to shoot you, in this instance make your escape while making chicken sounds

What i learned in chemistry today: put lemon juice or something acidic on a dead body. It’ll neutralize the base that causes the smell of rotting flesh, and even though it won’t get rid of the smell completely, it will help and the rotting corpse will now have a nice lemon-y touch

Speaking of murder tips, you know fluoride? (Yeah, that crap that’s in toothpaste) if the chemical gets on your skin, like the actual stuff not the little tiny bit in toothpaste, it will bypass your skin and sink down into your bones and, well, basically melt them. It eats at calcium and eventually eats it ALL away. It’s p cool shit if you think about it. So if you want to make your enemy disappear just shove them into a vat of fluoride at your local car wash. (It gets bird shit and bugs and dirt off cars easier without ruining the paint)
Happy hunting!!! :3

How i see the mars signs

Aries Mars:  HELLA ANGRY OMG. they talk with such anger and hostility and like can be so so so so brutal and mean and physically violent sometimes. 

Taurus Mars: Stubborn like if there pissed at you they probably won’t change what there stance is until to you until you apologize and maybe will still be pissed at you.

Gemini Mars: okay like every gemini placement THEY ARE ALL OVER THIS PLACE WITH THERE ANGER like “OMG IM SO MAD, wait cats are cool, no wait what i mad about again” 

Cancer Mars: “I GIVE I GIVE AND NO ONE LOVES OR APPRECIATES ME!!11!” a really angry crier like they probably are sobbing because they are pissed at you.

Leo Mars: Probably really in control with there anger tbh?? idk i feel like there are a tons of ways to piss leo mars off but i feel they try to keep in control of there anger.

Virgo mars: Emotions??? VIRGO???? *insert laughing here* I mean i think they are super critical and cant see there own faults but like come on, its virgo…

Libra Mars: probably really like peace actually, fightings just not for them. probably a little lazy and finds issues with motivation.

Scorpio mars: The god of murder. little tip DONT FUCK WITH THEM. they will probably wish ill on you for the rest of there life if there pissed. (pleasedon’thurtme)

 Sagittarius Mars: they’re like super carefree most of the time but if they are pissed at you they probably have a good reason. 

Capricorn Mars: Blunt, brutal and probably have no mercy when angry. probably dig deep for wounds. 

Aquarius Mars: I don’t think they’re capable of getting too angry. like honestly really cool and chill and just want to relax and sleep.

Pisces Mars: really really passive aggressive when hurt. pls don’t hurt them. they mean well. 

(I wasn’t being serious just heads up)

Pigs are greedy fuckers. If you remove the teeth and hair from a body, then cut it up into six sections (that is, arms, legs, torso and head), and then give it to 12 pigs that haven’t eaten in about a week, you’ll quickly end up having no body parts.

the pigs will literally consume everything. there will be nothing left.