246 Things Bones Has Taught Me
1. 6,7,16 are Carbon, Nitrogen and Sulfur on the Periodic Table of Elements
2. If you plan to murder someone do it on a plane right before you land in a different country
3. What it means to be a rational thinker. And that being irrational sometimes is ok
4. There is such a thing as fate
5. Everything happens eventually. But nothing happens unless first a dream
6. There’s more than one kind of family
7. How to get someone off on murder charges
8. The definition of true friendship
9. 246 ways how NOT to kill someone, because you will get caught
10. When “the” is not the first word in the episode title, shits about to get real (ie Aliens in a Spaceship)
11. The skeletal system is the best part of the human body
12. A million little facts curtesy of Vincent Nigel Murray
13. All the words to Hot Blooded
14. Nothing good happens when the clock says 4:47
15. Everyone deserves happiness, love, laughter, friendship, purpose, and a dance
16. Very few people are scary once they have been poked in the eyes
17. Don’t ramble on and on about conspiracy theories. You never know who is really listening to you and what they might do with that information
18. People do almost anything for family (even murdering the deputy director of the FBI)
19. To appreciate Brainy Smurf
20. Never trust a Russian knife throwing act in the circus
21. You can buy weapons at the mall. But wanting a gun for the sole reason of shooting people is not a good enough reason
22. The plot to strangers on a train
23. How to save someone with compartment syndrome
24. How to make a carbon dioxide scrubber
25. If you start hallucinating cartoon characters and dead soldiers you probably have a brain tumor
26. To search for the truth even if it leads to unwanted results
27. Chasing someone may be the smartest decision you ever make and being chased may be your greatest joy
28. Diplomatic immunity is extremely inconvenient
29. Even scientists can change (and we are all glad she did)
30. To fight. Even when the odds are stacked against you
31. Sometimes you just have to dance to the music that’s playing
32. 1 Corinthians 13:4
33. We can’t change who we are (but thankfully he’s a sexy FBI agent)
34. To not be distracted by the shiny baubles, because you might miss what really matters
35. People make their lives out of chaos and hope. And love.
36. The center has to be solid because the center must hold
37. Daffodil, Daisy, and Jupiter will always hold a special meaning
38. Sometimes you have to take the brain and put it in neutral. Then take the heart and pop it into overdrive
39. There is someone for everyone, someone you’re meant to spend the rest of your life with. You just have to be open enough to see it
40. Sarcasm does not play well on the forensic platform
41. Any lock worth picking is worth kicking
42. There are mysteries I will never understand but everywhere I look I see proof that for every effect there is a corresponding cause
43. Sometimes we have to have the ability to substitute optimism for reality
44. Try to get the signal before you are living with regrets (because we are all glad she did!)
45. That doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results is the definition of insanity
46. That people are more than just psychology
47. To find someone who makes your life messy, and confusing, and unfocused, and irrational, and wonderful
48. Go to the company Christmas party; because friends don’t let friends photocopy their butts at company Christmas parties
49. To appreciate Christmas Eve day. It’s both an Eve and a day, it’s a Christmas miracle
50. That there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in science
51. To find that person who will never make you fall and who will always be there
52. Be respectful of others. You never know what scars they carry on their back. Metaphorically or literally.
53. Life is a lot more than what can be cooked up in a chemistry set. Miracles do happen.
54. Phylogenetic Systematics
55. Always play in the key of G demolished.
56. To not jump to conclusions until all the evidence is in
57. If your world gets turned upside down, give it time, it takes three days for it to turn right side up again
58. That there are burdens which allow us to fly
59. We all share in the loss of a life. No matter who it is.
60. Glug-Glug Woo-hoo!
61. Ergo, ipso facto columbo oreo.
62. Beer from Missouri goes great with leftovers
63. Love changes everything
64. All the words to “Keep on Trying”
65. There is a mystery to life
66. That Wonder Woman is better than Cat Woman
67. WASP stands for White Anglo-Saxon Protestant (but we are really talking about the buzzing pest)
68. Booth is Superman (he beats up bad guys and leaps over things. Not to mention he is married to Wonder Woman)
69. All organisms evolve and develop along patterns only recognized in retrospect (and thank god her life didn’t exist outside the laws of nature)
70. Sometimes you have to have absolute faith in someone
71. All pigs are now named Jasper
72. Beer hats in the bathtub solve all problems
73. Having to hire two nannies (one to watch the kid and the other to watch the first nanny) isn’t crazy it just shows how much you care about your child
74. Sometimes it’s ok to let the ice cream melt
75. The garage is an excellent place to store C4
76. Hearts can’t be broken they can only be crushed. But her heart muscle is bigger than people give her credit for
77. Inertia demands us to keep going
78. The washing machine makes for a great make out location
79. That he’s with Bones. All the way. Don’t doubt it for a second. Because she’s his standard.
80. Sometimes you have to be bad to be good. That way your frontal lobe won’t be a dried up raisin.
81. What goes on between them is just theirs
82. Shooting machine guns is a totally acceptable way to celebrate valentines day.
83. Dancing Phalanges
84. Everyone deserves a knight in standard issue FBI body armor.
85. A rubber band is a great anger management tool
86. Sometimes you have to have the guts of a gambler and take that risk.
87. Don’t judge someone before you get to know them because she’s not a cold fish and he’s not a superstitious moron. She has a soul and he has a brain
88. That it’s illegal to have premarital sex in Virginia (but that didn’t stop them)
89. When you eliminate the possible, you are left with the truth, no matter how improbable.
90. That being the best doesn’t mean being perfect
91. That a stand up crook is better than a crooked cop. Any day of the week.
92. That when two people make love they break the laws of physics, they become one. It’s a miracle.
93. That pigs in a blanket and Mac n Cheese are gods perfect food
94. Sometimes the best gift you could give someone is not a material item. (We are all glad of the gift she gave to Zach)
95. No changies. No take backs.
96. Your gut doesn’t have any special powers but listening to it every once in a while is a good idea.
97. Sequences and patterns will continue until something disrupts the pattern.
98. Everyone has a puckish side that will not be denied.
99. Up and forward are only two directions. Science should look in all directions. (She taught us all that)
100. That everyone deserves a love that is more than just 3 weeks a year
101. To never travel to New Orleans alone.
102. That the swings make for the perfect first date location.
103. How not to act at a funeral (unless translation has occurred)
104. To learn to not fight to change the past. The pain is a part of who we are.
105. That life never comes easy. But nothing of value is ever easy.
106. To never skip snack time. Or meals. Or food in general.
107. That “The Lime in the Coconut” will hold a special place in all our hearts. Because that was his jam.
108. To find that one person who will never betray you.
109. Page 187.
110. That having a high IQ is no excuse not to bathe.
111. That friends never send friends’ fathers to the electric chair.
112. To never underestimate criminals with only one leg
113. That sometimes people don’t need time and space. Just some time.
114. That there’s nothing wrong with living in the moment; but it’s good to see what the future holds
115. That infinity goes in both directions. So we all will get a second chance
116. To dive into life, be courageous. Question things. Be happy. And don’t forget to laugh
117. That sometimes, love trumps logic.
118. To love everyday.
119. To never take life for granted. There are no guarantees.
120. That people lie; but bones always tell the truth
121. That loving someone, and everything around it, is worth it.
122. That there’s nothing more important than having hope.
123. Meatball and peppers make the perfect sandwich.
124. That addiction is a lifelong battle.
125. Always tell your partner that you aren’t really dead, you just had to fake your death to catch the bad guy
126. Don’t sleep with your college professors. They may get jealous when the student surpasses the teacher.
127. How to make the best Mac n cheese (so good he wants to be alone with it).
128. That you may choose to part with old items but you will never part with the memories you created with them.
129. That the world is a lot better than we think it is.
130. Every once in awhile Pinky can stump The Brain.
131. That there is such a thing as beginners luck.
132. To take a ride on the vomet comet.
133. That babies need grills.
134. Blackmailing a federal agent, while not recommended, seemed to work out for both parties in this situation
135. That if you end up being the parent to the best car salesman (or woman) that’s ok.
136. That it is totally worth it to have your own happiness completely contingent on another person.
137. That if you keep living trying to protect yourself, nothing is ever going to touch you.
138. To give yourself a chance to be happy. Even if that means moving on.
139. That my heart isn’t someone’s to claim, it’s mine to give away
140. That character is who we are under pressure; not who you are when everything’s fine.
141. That just because something’s difficult, doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t do it.
142. That no matter the anthropological reasons, we fight to make the world a better place.
143. Don’t touch the bobble head Bobby
144. All the different reasons the FBI is given jurisdiction in a murder investigation
145. Sometimes you just have to flash your boobs to get information
146. To stand up and defend your friends.
147. That aliens don’t wear loafers.
148. That things don’t always end up as neatly as we wanted them too.
149. That we are all born unique and our experiences mold and change us.
150. You can be a polymath without being a douche.
151. That Pluto’s no longer a planet. It was demoted.
152. To leave life having given more than you’ve taken.
153. That love cannot be explained. It is beyond science, or religion. Beyond mind, or reason.
154. If you don’t have a gun, an app will work just fine.
155. That you don’t always get to pick your nicknames.
156. That living with a disability is not by any means a death sentence.
157. That it’s ok to plan your own surprise birthday party.
158. To expect the unexpected. It might lead to the greatest parts of your life.
159. Never turn down the chance to conduct a science experiment.
160. That purple elephants are wrong.
161. That his “charm smile” is just a sign of respect.
163. That Kansas gets boring after awhile.
164. That someone in your corner makes all the difference.
165. To never light cigarettes in an outhouse
166. The most beautiful things in the world are sunsets, the Mona Lisa and a perfectly thrown spiral.
167. Do NOT piss off your boss. If there’s a spider infestation just take care of it.
168. To take a ceramics class every once in a while.
169. Never pay for a plumber. Just get a “For Dummies” book and you’re all set.
170. That partners don’t say “forget it”
171. That you’re never too old to laugh at “boner”
172. That “the man” buys all the office furniture.
173. That he was right, bones really are the heart of the matter.
174. To enjoy a ceramics class every once and a while.
175. To always swim with a buddy.
176. The definition of a philistine, and luddite
177. To never steal evidence from a murder victims house.
178. That sometimes the relationship that didn’t work out leads you to the one that does.
179. That parents do a lot of crazy things just because they love their children.
180. That you can’t just kill Agent Andy.
181. That they were never just partners.
182. The difference between being impervious and being strong.
183. That we each learn to survive in our own way.
184. Norwegian death metal
185. To appreciate the magic of the Egyptian room
186. That he will always be King of the Lab. Even if he’s the only one who cares.
187. Diner eggs are simple magic.
188. Nunchucks are not toys. Seriously.
189. That your brain cannot digest breakfast burritos.
190. Never shoot an ice cream truck (even if you do offer to replace the clown).
191. To always respect the cocky belt buckle.
192. To never trust a washed up army fighter
193. To go to prom.
194. That each squintern brought something special to the team. We could never just choose one.
195. To be weary of bank vaults.
196. That if you have no other plans, racing beetles on a Friday night is totally acceptable.
197. To never be afraid to find a new passion
198. To love your work. Life is too short not to
199. Even an empiricist can have a heart.
200. That the definition of being “stupid in love” is spending $3000 for a quarter ounce of perfume.
201. That in 30, or 40, or 50 years we can all say we knew. Right from the beginning
202. That life is really just a lot of loose ends.
203. As long as a person has enough, they don’t need more.
204. To never be ashamed of where you came from.
205. That happiness comes from what you already have.
206. That wanting things to work and making things work are two different things.
207. To never stop being yourself.
208. That if he flies to New Orleans just to make sure you’re ok, you’re not just partners
209. To appreciate Alfred Hitchcock movies
210. Never try to fit stadium seats into an elevator during a blizzard.
211. To give a piece of yourself every once in a while.
212. That getting blown up may just be a part of the job description.
213. To appreciate hospital pudding.
214. The wedding was worth the wait.
215. To appreciate Cyndi Lauper
216. Setting up a rescue at the airport is an acceptable way to get back on someone’s good side
217. Female friendships before male romantic partners
218. That we are not our parents.
219. To watch out for serial killers on Craig’s list
220. To go to the Louvre.
221. That we can’t always save our siblings from everything.
222. Sometimes it’s ok to lie your ass off to the FBI
223. The only acceptable reason to leave the hospital AMA is to save your “partner”
224. To always wear a mask when cutting into bone.
225. That life works out.
226. That 306 pages for a will is not at all excessive.
227. To let someone else drive in London.
228. That life is hard and painful, but we fight together.
229. That your boss can’t be your lovely assistant.
230. That stuffed animals make great baby gifts
231. That nothing brings people together like a Christmas lung fungus.
232. Be weary of someone who takes New York action
234. A jail cell can be a perfect place for a wedding.
235. Never route against the Flyers.
236. To go to the museum more often. You never know who you’ll find
237. The best conversations happen in cars.
238. To appreciate colorful socks
239. That it takes all of us. Every single one.
240. To look forward to what ever happens next.
241. That it was worth the ride. Everything about it.
242. When the network moves you into every possible time slot it can only mean they love you.
243. To love.
244. That 12 years is a long time. And a lot of magic.
245. That it’s all about the cast.
246. To never doubt the little show that could.
So Season 12 is it; here’s to the last 12 years and to everything that happens next!