mum dad and me

On Humour

Amongst everything, sometimes I feel as if another Ron trait that is blatantly overlooked is his sense of humour. I mean come on! That boy is pretty darn hilarious. 

And no, not Movie-Ron’s half-witted, trying-too-hard-to-be-funny one-liner’s. I mean book Ron’s witty, dry and sarcastic sense of humour.

  • “I’ve still got ten Galleons,” she said, checking her purse. “It’s my birthday in September, and Mum and Dad gave me some money to get myself an early birthday present.”                                                      “How about a nice book? said Ron innocently.
  • Straight up describing how ugly his examiner was during his Divination Owl, without realising it.
  • "Don’t let it worry you,” said Ron. “It’s me. I’m extremely famous.”
  • “Can I have a look at Uranus too, Lavender?”
  • “IF WE DIE FOR THEM, I’LL KILL YOU, HARRY!”
  • “Percy wouldn’t recognize a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing Dobby’s tea cozy.”
  • “Oh, of course,” said Ron, clapping a hand to his forehead. “I forgot we’ll be hunting down Voldemort in a mobile library.”
  • “You need your Inner Eye tested, if you ask me.” 
nightmare starters

“Wake up! Wake up! It’s just a dream!”
“What were you dreaming about…? You were shouting…”
“I woke up because you were screaming so loudly.”
“Shh– No, no, don’t panic, love. You’re safe now.”
“It was so real! I swear! He/she was here!”
“I don’t ever want to sleep again. What if– what if I dream about that again?”
“If you tell me, it’ll go away. That’s what my mum/dad always told me and it’s never failed me.”
“Do you want to go back to sleep, or shall I make you a cup of tea?”
“I don’t want to go back to sleep…”
“I’m so scared… I can’t stop seeing what I just saw. It was so vivid!”
“There’s really nobody here, okay? Do you need me to show you around to prove that to you?”
“How do I know I’m not still dreaming? You’re acting really strangely.”
“Let’s get you to the shower, you’re covered in sweat.”
“There’s really nobody else here.”
“You’ve got a really bad fever. That must have caused those weird dreams.”
“I don’t even know what a peaceful night’s sleep is like anymore.”
“I can’t do this anymore. These nightmares have to stop…”
“Shh, it was just a bad dream. Just a dream, okay? None of it was real.”
“I can’t go back to sleep after that. I need coffee– no, I need a drink, a stiff one.”
“How long have you been having these nightmares?”
“I’ve had nightmares all my life, but they’ve been really bad recently.”
“You get so worked up before you go to sleep, maybe you should try to relax a bit more. Maybe then you’ll get some rest?”
“I’d kill for a peaceful night’s sleep.”
“A dream catcher? Honestly? I’m not a child.”
“Nothing’s ever helped this. I just need to learn to live with the fact that sleeping will always be a nightmare, literally.”
“I’m so tired… but there’s no way I’m going back to sleep after that.”

So I played a really mean prank on my parents the other day....

My parents and I were sitting down to watch spn 12x12 (Stuck in the Middle With You) (which I had already seen), and said just before watching…. “One of the main characters is going to die!” 

My parents’ reaction: “Oh shit who is it?”

I said that I wasn’t going to tell but the episode was going to be really traumatic! Obviously when this happend…. 

Mum: *gasps* Cas!!!! Noooo

Dad: He’s my favourite! He can’t die, he’s Cas!

Me: 

So when this happened….

Parents: *both crying* 

Dad: I just can’t believe he’s going to die 

Mum: I’m not watching the show anymore they have gone too far 

But when this happend….

Me: hahahahahaha suckers! I fooled you!!! 

Mum: *literally gets up and smacks me*

Dad: You little shit…

10

└ All hands aboard for a fuller full-of-OTP-ai version of that short snippet we had from AYH’s opening video.

Bonus just cos it’s OTP:

Cr: Documentary Film ~ Are You Happy ~

so i might’ve been watching stardust and i might’ve gotten soppy about vanessa and usnavi so… have a vansnavi stardust au

One of my least favorite things in the Prisoner of Azkaban film is the handling of the Scabbers-Crookshanks narrative, and more specifically how in the movies it’s a far more one-sided fight completely in favor of Hermione. In the movie we get one scene of Ron warning Hermione to keep her cat away from Scabbers—a Scabbers who is apparently not ill or who Ron isn’t bothering to medicate like in the books, and a Scabbers that Ron can apparently almost forget to bring to Hogwarts necessitating his mother to run after the train to give the rat to him.

Jump to Scabbers suddenly being missing, Ron accusing Crookshanks with no evidence and Hermione defending her cat. The two are angry, but there is no real emotion, no actual hurt behind the words. Crookshanks could have accidentally spilled Ron’s inkwell and he would sound just as angry.

Then not minutes later, they are in Hagrid’s Hut where their friend miraculously produces the rat—not without chiding Ron “you should take better care of your pets” which automatically frames the situation as Ron’s fault to the audience. To drive the point further home Hermione, rather than simply be relieved and happy for her friend that his pet was not actually eaten, immediately starts in with “I think you owe someone an apology”. Ron purposefully acts obtuse, and further removes himself from the audience’s sympathy by replying “Next time I see Crookshanks, I’ll let him know” allowing Hermione a self-righteous “I meant me!” as if this is the greatest affront of her life.

And none of this is how it is in the book. At all.

Firstly, Crookshanks makes multiple attempts on Scabbers’ life throughout the novel in front of the Trio. This is partly because Hermione continues to allow her cat near Scabbers despite Ron repeatedly telling her not to. Because he cares about Scabbers. Despite him being a hand-me-down and a bit dull, Scabbers is his pet and Ron cares about him. He gets him—likely expensive—tonic when Scabbers begins losing weight and fur, he takes to carrying him around to keep him safer from Crookshanks. Scabbers is his pet and we are shown that Ron would be very upset if he were to lose him.

This sets the stage for when he does, when Pettigrew as Scabbers fakes his death and frames Crookshanks. Keeping in mind Ron’s feelings about Scabbers this whole previous year, his resulting actions make perfect sense. He is incredibly upset with Hermione and confronts her, only for her to deny her cat had any involvement.

And yeah, maybe it seems like he’s being mean to Hermione by shutting her out—something that Harry also does during the Firebolt fight that is conveniently left out of the movie—but look at it from Ron’s point of view. Hermione’s pet was attempting to kill his pet all year. He repeatedly requested she keep her pet away from his, and Hermione largely did not respect that boundary. When confronted with pretty damning evidence considering the circumstances, Hermione still refused to admit any possible blame and defended her cat who almost certainly—again, considering the circumstances—ate his rat. And just a note, Harry is equally convinced Crookshanks did it, even if he’s not as emotionally charged in his conviction. Why shouldn’t Ron be angry with her? Why shouldn’t he want her to admit her cat’s fault? His friend refused to listen to him all year and is now seemingly disregarding his feelings because she’s too proud to admit she’s wrong.

But here’s the thing. Once Hermione comes to Harry and Ron with the news about Buckbeak losing his trial—something far more important—they make amends. In fact it is Ron who does the most. Just to refresh everyone’s memory:

“They can’t do this,” said Harry. “They can’t. Buckbeak isn’t dangerous.”

“Malfoy’s dad frightened the Committee into it,” said Hermione, wiping her eyes. “You know what he’s like. They’re a bunch of doddery old fools, and they were scared. There’ll be an appeal, though, there always is. Only I can’t see any hope…Nothing will have changed.”

“Yeah it will,” said Ron fiercely. “You won’t have to do all the work alone this time, Hermione. I’ll help.”

“Oh, Ron!”

Hermione flung her arms around Ron’s neck and broke down completely. Ron, looking quite terrified, patted her very awkwardly on the top of the head. Finally, Hermione drew away.

“Ron, I’m really, really sorry about Scabbers…,” she sobbed.

“Oh—well—he was old,” said Ron, looking thoroughly relieved that she had let go of him. “And he was a bit useless. You never know, Mum and Dad might get me an owl now.”

(Prizoner of Azkaban, pages 291-292, Scholastic Hardback Edition)

Harry barely says anything in this scene, and it is mostly Ron who extends the olive branch. This makes sense as the matter primarily concerns him and Hermione, but I just want to make it clear that Ron is not pressured into forgiving her, he is not grudging about it. In fact, he is already offering her his help before she even apologizes, and once she does he immediately tries to downplay his hurt feelings over Scabbers’ loss—mostly out of a fourteen year-old’s discomfort with crying and hugging from girls they may or may not have a developing crush on. He doesn’t gloat over the apology or being right, and he instantly drops any hostility.

This is chapter fifteen out of a twenty-two chapter book. Hermione and Ron are not feuding up until nearly the end of third year, as depicted in the movie. Hermione does in fact apologize about Scabbers while Ron is not an ass about it, and the narrative leaves them off on mostly even ground. The rest of the book consists of Ron working on the appeal for Hermione as she prepares for all her exams, worrying over her impossible schedule, her health, and so on. They barely even bicker that entire duration.

Ron is a great friend to Hermione. The movies just didn’t want to show that.

8

Happy 26th birthday, Thiago! (11.04.1991)

Lesson One: Focus

Commission for @tami-flu who’s a sweetheart and wanted me to bring one of our very self-indulgent AUs to life



“Are you sure this is the right address?”
Lance tried really hard not to roll his eyes when he unstrapped the wiggling child from her booster seat and lifted her out of the car. This was only about the fifth time Shiro asked that question, after all.
“Yes”, he hummed patiently and tucked a lock of white-blonde hair behind Emily’s ear. “It’s the address Laura’s mum gave me and that I checked on the internet. Besides … it says dojo in big red letters above that door?” He pointed over his shoulder at the sign. “I think we’re good.”

Shiro gave a short hum as he threw the door shut and locked the car with the press of a button.
“It’s just so … empty”, he wondered and looked around the parking lot, only a few other cars scattered across it. Some, like theirs, were parked in the shade of big oak trees to shield them from the already burning sun. It was hot for May.
“Relax, man. We’re twenty minutes early. What did you expect?”

Just at that moment Emily wiggled free and started running across the parking lot, heading for the dojo.
“Hey!”, Lance called after her with a laugh. “Wait for us!”
“Catch me! Catch me!”, she shouted back over her shoulder, giggling, her bright green backpack bouncing up and down with every step.
“Oh, just you wait, young lady!”, Lance grinned as he took up the chase, barely hearing Shiro behind him, calling for his daughter:
“Don’t go inside without us!”

But Emily was far more occupied with outmaneuvering Lance, jumping around the low hedges confining the parking spots and shrieking whenever Lance got too close.
“Too slow! You’re way too slow!”, she taunted and laughed but after a few minutes of trying to catch her Lance finally got a hold of the little gremlin. He hauled her up into his arms, blowing an obnoxiously loud raspberry against her shoulder which made her shriek with laughter, short legs kicking but arms flying around his neck to hold onto him.

“Shoulders”, she demanded after a few seconds, already trying to climb higher and Lance boosted her up until she could swing comfortably onto his shoulders with him holding onto her legs tightly as to not let her slip off.
“And now?”, he asked, spinning in circles a few times and spotting Shiro heading for them and the entrance to the building that Emily soon pointed at.
“Onwards, trusty steed!”, she ordered and he couldn’t help but snort, wondering where she’d picked that up. He started galloping toward the wide double doors anyway.
“Your word is my command, lovely princess”, he grinned but earned a weak kick against the chest for his troubles.

“I’m a knight”, Emily declared instead and ducked down when they reached the entrance. Lance bent his knees as well, just in case, and waddled through the open doors.
“My apologies, your braveness…”
Emily just hummed, apparently pleased with his reaction, and straightened back up, head held high as they made their way to some sort of reception.

There was a man standing behind a short counter, writing something down in a notebook. When he looked up to greet them Lance almost tripped.
Because damn, the guy was hot. His dark shirt was clinging tightly to his body, leaving hardly anything to the imagination as it revealed strong arms and well-sculpted pecs, a tight stomach. His features were Asian, Japanese maybe, and finely cut, a nice fit with his lean form. But the most impressive thing were his eyes, an intense, stormy blue-grey that stared straight at Lance for a few moments before shifting up to Emily.
When he smiled it was like his whole being was blossoming.

“Hey, now that’s a brave knight if I’ve ever seen one”, he said and Lance could barely keep from whimpering at the smooth tenor of his voice. The man reached out to shake Emily’s hand. “I’m Keith, I’m one of the teachers here.”
“Hello. My name is Emily Shirogane. It’s nice to meet you”, she replied and shook his hand, always polite and well-mannered when meeting strangers. No matter what a tiny beast she could be when it was bedtime.

“Oh yes!”, Keith nodded. “I talked to your father on the phone. Is this him?”
Stormy eyes flicked down to meet Lance’s again but before he could answer with anything but a breathless wheeze Emily giggled, her little body shaking on his shoulders.
“No! This is my nanny!”
Lance nodded and managed to mumble his name. Keith didn’t offer him a hand to shake.

“I’m her father”, came Shiro’s voice from behind them and Lance didn’t know whether to be relieved or mortified because … there was no way Shiro didn’t hear that, right? “We spoke on the phone.”
“Right, now I recognize your voice. Mr Shirogane”, Keith nodded and stepped around the counter. Damn his legs were long.
“Just Shiro please”, Shiro smiled and extended a hand for Keith to shake. In a split second stormy eyes flicked up and down Shiro’s body and Lance felt himself bristle.

Oh no, he didn’t.
No matter how hot the guy was, it was on. Lance hadn’t spent the better part of a year trying to get closer to the utter heartthrob that was Takashi Shirogane only to have some random karate teacher butt in at the last second.

“We’re here for the trial lesson”, he said, interrupting their little moment before it could grow into something entirely unnecessary. “Emily’s a friend of Laura, she told her she really liked coming here.”
It took another second too long for Keith to end the handshake and look over at him.
“Yes…”, he nodded. “Oh yes, I remember. Shiro told me on the phone. Laura’s a good kid, very … fierce.”

“Oh, Emily is, too”, Shiro chuckled and Keith smiled at him. Lance wanted to slap his stupid, pretty face. Even if it would most likely get him the ass-kicking of his life. The dude was probably a black belt if he was teaching.
“I believe that…” Keith turned to look back up at Emily. “You can join us for a lesson or two, see if you like it as much as Laura does.”
“Yes”, Emily said and nodded strongly, judging by the movement of her body. Keith smiled at her before looking back at Shiro.

“And I’ll see if she can follow the instructions, integrates well with the other kids, things like that…”
“Wait, so you’re teaching her group?”, Lance blurted, earning a slight frown.
“Yes”, the instructor nodded. “I give classes for children and teenagers. Is there a problem?”
Lance held that intense gaze for a beat or two before forcing out an awkward laugh.
“No!”, he shook his head. “No problem. No problem at all, I was just … I don’t know, forget it.”
Keith frowned at him for a horrible moment before his expression softened and he looked back up at Emily.

“If you want you can get changed over there.” He pointed into the hallway behind himself. “Then I can show you around until the others get here. That sound good?”
“Yeah!”, Emily quickly agreed, then kicked Lance’s chest again. “Onwards, trusty steed!”
Lance hesitated.
“Come on, Em. You’re a big girl, you can get changed by yourself.” Besides, he’d rather not leave Shiro alone with painfully hot Keith. But Emily wiggled on his shoulders and leaned down to whisper into his ear, hands cupped around her mouth:
“I don’t wanna go alone…”

Shiro gave a carefree laugh that made Lance swoon inwardly. Of course he’d heard the little plea, Emily wasn’t too good at whispering yet. He cocked an expectant eyebrow at Lance which usually meant it was time to do his damn job.
Lance reluctantly galloped down the hallway.

~

It turned out there was another boy in Keith’s class that Emily knew from preschool and as soon as Laura and him arrived the little girl made it very clear she didn’t need Lance’s assistance anymore. Instead she ran off with her friends as everyone got ready for the lesson.
Him and Shiro weren’t allowed into the room but could watch Emily from a row of windows where a bunch of other adults were already gathered.
Lance chatted with Laura’s mum for a bit, telling her how excited Emily was to try karate as well and scheduled a playdate for Saturday, when Laura’s dad would finish preparing the pool for the summer. The girls should have fun cooling down like that.

Lance excused himself soon after and sidled up to Shiro on the wobbly bench offered for the parents. The kids had just finished warming up and moved on to fall exercises.
While the others were going through the motions expertly already, Emily waited for Keith to show her the basics, how to initiate a controlled fall and how to roll and twist so she wouldn’t hurt herself.
Her first tries still looked clumsy at best but Keith still smiled widely at her, nodding and correcting her posture and movement a bit as he kept watching her.

“I like him”, Shiro said after a while, eyes following Keith around the room as he went from child to child, praising them and offering feedback. Lance felt his heart sink.
“Who? Keith?”
“Yes, he seems to be really good with the kids, don’t you think? I like how he talked to Emily first when we got here. Not a lot of adults do that.”

As reluctant as Lance was to admit it, Shiro was right. Keith was good with kids, had an instinctive, warm ease when talking to them that mysteriously vanished when he addressed Lance. What a shame.
The kids all seemed to adore him, though, striving for his attention and smiling bright when they earned his praise.
“Yeah”, Lance nodded. “Yeah, he’s really good. I think Em likes him, too…”

The kids had a break about halfway through the lesson and while most of them went to their bags to get a drink Emily skipped up to them, face flushed and sweaty but smile wide and eyes sparkling.
“I really, really like it! Keith is amazing! He says I’m a natural and that I’ll be as good as Laura if I come back each week!”, she babbled, climbing into Shiro’s lap.
Lance automatically reached for the little bottle of water in his bag and handed it to her with a stern look. She huffed but took a few gulps.

“Please daddy, please can I come back? I really want to!”
Shiro smiled and nodded quickly.
“I can talk to Keith after the lesson and sign you up. But you’ll have to promise to keep coming here, we talked about this…”

“Yeah yeah, I promise”, Emily shrugged quickly, then perked up again. “Oh, can you make me spaghetti for dinner? I’m hungry!”
“You’re hungry?”, Shiro asked, bouncing his daughter on his knees. “Well, if you want I can make you spaghetti right now!”
She frowned, her little face scrunching up as Shiro touched a finger against her nose: “Boop, you’re spaghetti!”
Both Lance and Emily groaned, rolling their eyes in unison while Shiro grinned, undeservingly proud of himself.

“You’re so lame!”, she cried out and hopped from his lap in protest, crossing her arms. But she was also smart and quick to think, knowing she wouldn’t get her favourite food if she kept pouting, so she corrected herself: “Can you please cook spaghetti for dinner tonight?”
Shiro agreed the same moment Keith called for his students to continue.

~

After the lesson they waited for Keith to say goodbye to the other parents before approaching him.
“Yes, of course!”, he smiled after Shiro asked him to sign up his daughter. “Emily did great for her first time, her motor skills are already very well developed, I think she’ll benefit from a challenge. I’ll give you…”
Keith held up a finger, signalling for them to hold on as he ducked back behind the counter. After a moment he re-emerged with a few papers in his hands.
“These forms. You can fill them out at home and just bring them to the next lesson.”

“Thank you, Keith”, Shiro smiled and Lance felt that ugly jealousy squirm in his stomach again. “Emily really liked it. Didn’t you, sunshine?”
“Yes!”, she nodded quickly. “Thank you, Keith!”
“Thank you for doing so well, it was my pleasure, Emily.”
She giggled and Lance wanted to groan. Did the whole family have to fall in love with his pretty smile and gorgeous eyes and that lean, perfect, powerful body and…
Focus.

“Great, see you next week, then”, Shiro smiled softly and Keith nodded.
“Yes, I’m looking forward to it…”
There was definite purr to the words and Lance would have tackled the guy to the ground if the sound didn’t also do things to him…
Instead he sighed inwardly, a long-suffering expression of helplessness as they left the building, Emily chattering on and on about the lesson and how great Keith was, Shiro still smiling.
This would be a bitch.  



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And the stare dad gives mom when mom’s not looking


Because Holy Astrals, how did someone so damn fucking PRECIOUS said yes to me, look at that, geez, how can somebody be this perfect, takes perfect care of me and the kids and doesn’t mind I’m an idiot and still stays with me and loves me, I don’t understand, how can something so beautiful be in my hands, what did I do to deserve this why do I love that idiot so much omg I’d give my life for him


5

“I think they’re the most fun to play and my face lends itself to, you know, wanting to be punched - a lot. That’s just the kind of face I have; thank you mum and dad for giving me this. I like doing it, ‘cause I try to be nice in my life, but then when you give me an outlet to be this psychopathic, mad person, that’s amazing. I learned to have a lot of fun with it. Now on ‘The 100’ I’m not so bad, I’m just kind of sarcastic. He’s an asshole for sure, but he’s got a decent set of morals on him.” - Richard Harmon for BBG Issue 12

8

I mean, Dad set a trap for me, but Mum was the one who made sure that I fell into it. She was the one that made sure that I felt… that I… that I felt things that I don’t want to feel anymore. That, right there, that what you stopped yourself from feeling. That’s exactly what you need to feel. What, the anger? Oh, I feel it.