today i saw a quote from kim kardashian talking about how she thinks interracial relationships are “cute”, and it upset me so i wrote in my journal about it, and in the end i wanted to share it and thought this might be a good platform to do it. sorry the grammar & punctuation are a mess.
a lot of people speak out about why it is wrong to fetishize biracial/multiracial couples, and the argument that is often brought up is that a big reason why people want “mixed babies” is the fact that they, more often than not (and by that i mean always), are talking about white + non-white babies. it reflects their idea that adding white to another race will make a person more desirable, while at the same time they’ll get to genetically cherry-pick the “best” traits of the non-white race. it’s wrong and it’s also super fucking creepy.
but one thing that i don’t see talked about often is the struggle that comes with being in an interracial relationship. i’m grateful that the struggles that multiracial children face is often brought up, but i haven’t seen much discussion about the people in the relationship themselves.
i think a lot of people today don’t realize that interracial couples are still a pretty taboo thing. of course, there’s nothing wrong with people speaking up about the problems that can happen and the danger of dating outside of your race, specifically with dating white people. it’s something that needs to be talked about. i’m not trying to deny that in anyway, i just mean the fact that there are a lot of people who don’t think interracial couples should exist at all, and are not quiet about feeling that way.
it’s hard for me to accept that position coming from anyone. i try to be understanding when poc suggest that it’s always wrong to date outside of their race or to date white people, but i don’t think i’ll ever agree with them. what i hear when people say that is, “there is something inherently wrong with your existence. if i had it my way, you would have never been born.” i don’t think i can hear it any other way than that.
i never naturally questioned whether it was okay for my parents to be together, but i had to question it as i grew up, because there were people who tried to convince me that it was wrong. as a multiracial child, you get used to people looking at you in public. when you’re with both of your parents, people stare at you like you are something strange to see. when you are with one of your parents, people stare at you with a million questions in their eyes, like, “are they adopted?” “are they that person’s kids?” and things like that (as a white-passing person i often got a lot more stares when i was with my black father, usually a lot more “is this child okay?” stares, but i think that’s a whole other topic). though that’s just a microaggression, it’s something i was aware of and something that my parents were definitely aware of.
but it isn’t always microaggressions. there are still plenty of people who are very open about their dislike for interracial relationships, specifically a non-white man dating a white woman. i remember being very little and leaving places or seeing my mother cry or watching my father get mad because someone said something or treated them a certain way because of their relationship. i’ve had people laugh and say “you’re mom’s a coal burner!” and honestly expect me to find it funny.
i feel like there is so much more i could say, but the bottom line is that people who fetishize interracial relationships and mixed race babies are never once considering any of this. they never consider that people who actually love each other and want to start families together have to jump over hurdles to do that.
and, for that matter, they never consider what will happen if their relationships don’t work out. there’s a whole other set of microaggressions and traumatic things that comes with that.
so basically, when you say “interracial couples are so cute!” or “i can’t wait to have mixed babies!”, all that i hear is “i’m super irresponsible and racist! nothing i say or do has any real life consequences!!!!!