You try to give him some space. You quickly learned from a past experience that Alex will talk when he’s ready. You remembered the first time you noticed his solemn demeanor and the glazed look in his eye. You were just trying to figure out what was wrong, but he lashed out at you as a defense mechanism. He apologized as soon as the words tumbled out but they still hurt. He usually shut himself out. He’d come about when it seemed to be too much for him, either crawling into your embrace or leaving you a note, telling you why he was so upset and about how much he appreciated you still caring about him.
He gets quiet. His answers to you are short and cold. He looks distracted, and often bites his lip or taps his foot restlessly. He won’t talk unless you ask him, and even then sometimes he’ll brush it off. You have to pry a little. His eyes tell you what he really feels when he won’t say it aloud. If you see them lining with tears or slightly red, you know something’s really wrong and he can’t deny it. Eventually, he might talk with you, cry a bit if necessary. You always cuddle him and hug him afterwards, telling him how much you really love him. Hearing you say that makes him feel better.
He can’t hide his emotions too well. When he’s happy, he’s happy; when he’s mad, he’s mad. Whatever he feels, he feels strongly so when he’s sad, he just goes to you immediately and tells you what’s wrong. Depending on how frustrating it is tells you how much he’ll cry. He hates crying and hates doing so in front of you but at the same time he trusts you enough to show how he really feels. You listen to him intently, and usually that’s all you have to do. Sometimes, John keeps a lot bottled up and you have to remind him that you’re here for him. Lots of kisses ensue afterwards.
He’s quiet about it. He doesn’t want to bother you. He doesn’t like to make a big fuss over things. You really have to watch him. He’s a quiet crier so if he’s really upset, you won’t hear him. It’s all in his face. He looks more tired, and downcast. You respond with a hug, wrapping your arms around him so he knew you were there. Even if he didn’t tell you what was wrong right away, he appreciated your concern and tried to feel better so he wouldn’t worry you. That earned him a glare from you. You reminded him that it was okay to be sad and you’d remain by his side until he felt better.
When you’re on your ump-teenth listen through Hamilton and you finally realize that when the same actor who plays Laurens and Philip say “Me, I died for him” and the actors who play Mulligan/Lafayette and Madison/Jefferson say “We, fought with him” and the reason that they all were played by the same actors are because in the mirror or Hamilton’s life. in the beginning everything was a fight for his life, and in the end everything was a fight for his name, and in the parallels how they fought and died were nearly identical in the mind of Alexander Hamilton.
From now on, we will be using code names. You can address me as Eagle One. Laurens, code name--Been There, Done That. Eliza is--Currently Doing That. Hercules Mulligan is--It Happened Once in a Dream. Lafayette, code name--If I had to Pick a Frenchman. Washington is...Eagle Two.
phillip hamilton things, for people who haven't or can't see the show.
-during his rap in take a break, he starts out nervous and then kid gets WAY IN TO IT, bending his knees and flexing his arms and yelling. alex hugs him and looks so proud and phillip is so pleased with himself. it’s precious.
-during reynolds pamphlet, jefferson, madison, and burr take him up front, surround him, and show him the paper. they point and say “at his own house? at his own house? damn.” out loud to him and oh my god his face, he’s shattered. you can physically see his father get taken down a peg in his eyes. I can’t even describe it. it was heartbreaking.
- I always pictured his argument with george eaker happening up close, like he pushed past a bunch of people and was up his face. but no, eaker is up on the balcony and in true hamilton fashion, phillip is making a scene and shouting at him from below. the actors in the “play” even stop to watch, and you’re like damn this really is alex’s son.
-when he’s telling his dad about the duel, alex is standing with his arms folded (and using his “dad” voice) and phillip looks so sheepish but also defiant and it reminds me so much of “meet me inside.”
-“stay alive reprise.” tore. my. heart. out. which I knew it would but jesus. no mercy. I was full on sobbing. (eliza screams at the end of it and I can’t even describe that. it’s so horrible and your breath catches in your throat and she sounds so worn down and destroyed. she’s held it together throughout all the shit alex put her through but in that moment it all comes crashing down and you can hear so much pain. It’s heartbreaking and beautiful. the acting is amazing.)
TRADING SUGAR CANE AND RUM AND ALL THE THINGS HE CAN’T AFFORD *slides under a table* sCAMMING *throws table* FOR EVERY BOOK HE CAN GET HIS HANDS ON *rips off tables leg* pLANNING *smashes window* FOR THE FUTURE SEE HIM NOW AS HE STANDS ON THE BOW OF A SHIP *soars through window* HEADING FOR A NEW LAND!! *sticks the landing* IN NEW YORK YOU CAN BE A NEW MAN *jumps onto moving car* IN NEW YORK YOU CAN BEEEEE A NEWW MAAAAN *jumps from car to car* IN NEW YORK YOU CAAN BE A NEW MAAAN *flies over car* IN NEW YORK YOU CAN BE AA NEEWW MAAAN *backflips* IN NEEEWWW YOOORRKK !!! *rips off shirt* JSUT YOUUUW AAAIITT *climbs building* ALEXANDER HAMILTON! ALEXANDER HAMILTON! *swings off pipe* WE ARE WAitING IN THE WINGS FOR YoOOoOOu! *flings body onto the roof* YOU COULD NEVER BACK DOWN *jumps onto next roof* YOU NEVER LEARNED TO TAKE YOUR *jumps off* TIIIIIIIIIImMMEE!!! *lands* ALEXANDER HAMILTON! *waves american flag* WHEN AMERICA SINGS FOR YOOOOU!! *grabs megaphone* WILL THEY KNOW WHAT YOU OVERCAME?!? *throws money around* WILL THEY KNOW YOU REWROTE THE GAAAaAaMEE?! *lunges at people with the flag* THE WOoOORRLD WILL NEVEeER BEEE THE SAMEEE OHHHOHOHHH *jumps onto pool floatie* THE SHIP IS IN THE HARBOR NOW *flips pool over* SEE IF YOU CAN SPOT HIM!! *climbs tree* ANOTHER IMMIGRANT COMIN UP FROM THE BOTTOM *pulls out prop chest* HIS ENEMIES DESTROYED HIS REP AMERICA FORGOT HIM *grabs baguette* WE FOUGHT WITH HIM! *draws freckles on face* ME? I DIED FOR HIM *chops down tree* ME? I TRUSTED HIM *raises voice* ME? I LOVED HIM! *clutches chest* and me? *rips out beating heart* IM THE DAMN FOOL THAT SHOT HIM