muffin men

Imagine seeing Steve & Sam exercising

“Whoa,” a soft voice disturbed your reading. You looked up from the book on your lap and looked over to the women who was sitting next to you on the park bench. You followed her gaze right to two men working out on a bench. Well the one in the blue sweats was working out, while the man in the green shorts seemed to be mocking his friend.

“Yeah, it’s a nice view,” you replied with a chuckle.

“Nice? It’s art,” she groaned.

Placing your bookmark on the page you were reading, you closed the book. You turned to the cute brunette and asked innocently, “So, which one do you like?”

Her eyes moved from each man, before settling on the one in the shorts. “Green shorts, he seems funny.”

You sighed in relief and stood up from the bench. “Good choice, because the one in blue is mine.”

She watched in disbelief as you jogged toward Sam and Steve. “Hey, stud muffins!”

Immediately the two men turned at the sound of your teasing voice, Steve grinned as you tossed him your book. “You guys done goofing off or what?”

Steve reached for your waist and pulled you to him. You leaned up and kissed him on the mouth, Sam rolled his eyes and groaned. You waved him off and kissed Steve harder, his hand slid up your back to the nape of your neck.

“Come on!” Sam complained.

Finally you pulled away from Steve and looked over to your friend. “See that cute brunette on the park bench behind me?”

Sam’s eyes flickered to the bench, his eyes lit up. “Oh, she’s cute.”

“Yup. And she thinks you’re funny.”


Steve smirked and slung his arm around your waist, “I’m sure Y/N isn’t lying. You better go before she leaves.”

The two of you watched Sam jog toward the women and sit next to her, immediately the pair started talking and laughing. Steve looked at you and shook his head. “You really are a team player, huh?”

You turned to face the handsome man and shrugged nonchalantly. “I just wanted you to myself.”

“Wow, selfish much?” Steve teased.

“Very,” your hand played with the end of his shirt. Your fingers moved to the elastic waistband of his blue pants. “I want you all to myself.”

“What are you doing?” Steve raised an eyebrow at you.

“I want to show you how much of a team player I am. A real MVP.”

Steve let out a hard groan and quickly took your hand. “Let’s get back to the Tower, NOW.”

“What about Sam?” you asked with false concern, biting down on your lip.

“He knows his way back.”

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‘ good mythical morning ’ sentence starters ━━━━

❛  i have been repeatedly spooned by this man.  ❜
❛  what i discovered is that i bleed…  &  then i heal.  ❜
❛  he had a dream vomit.  ❜
❛  i am a modest princess.  ❜
❛  whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat  !!  ❜
❛  bikers wanna do more than kiss.  ❜
❛  hey…  hey girl…  hey.  hey girl…  i like your boots.  ❜
❛  laughter is like farting out of your mouth.  ❜
❛  i sleep with reckless abandon  !!  ❜
❛  just call me sugar daddy.  ❜
❛  soft tacos are wannabe burritos.  ❜
❛  i’m gonna be a rapper,  i’m gonna call myself ritz cracker  !!  ❜
❛  it’s made from the muffin tops of men.  ❜
❛  my cheeks are sweating…  all four of them.  ❜
❛  the fastest way to a woman’s heart is through a worm’s anus.  ❜
❛  dare me to eat the anus  ??  ❜
❛  i could,  at any point,  share something inappropriate.  that’s part of who i am  &  i embrace it  &  constantly battle with it.  ❜
❛  embrace the taste.  ❜
❛  when in doubt,  whip chocolate out.  ❜
❛  question:  how do you eat a fart  ??  ❜
❛  when in doubt,  choose humping.  ❜
❛  everybody wins a goat.  it’s like oprah,  except it’s goats.  ❜
❛  cheese pizza is for kids  &  sad people.  ❜
❛  do you wake up with melted booty dents  ??  ❜
❛  you gotta cross a few lines to get to the circle.  ❜
❛  uneven sideburns are off fleek.  ❜
❛  paint me like your french fries,  jack.  ❜
❛  elbow points are a sign of intelligence.  ❜
❛  you show you mine,  i’ll show you yours.  ❜
❛  these have been boiled for safety.  ❜
❛  i was an anxious child.  i felt safest on the couch.  ❜
❛  you heard of that band  ‘ vomit launch ’  ??  i heard they’re coming into town in a few minutes.  ❜
❛  we’re eating the stars.  everything is stars  &  that makes everything okay.  ❜
❛  we are living in an instant world  &  i am an instant girl.  ❜
❛  let’s talk about that  !!  ❜
❛  i don’t want to  ‘ lady  &  the tramp ’  with you  !!  ❜
❛  now don’t go with too much gusto or you’ll pop through.  ❜
❛  you can do it,  serpent king  !! 
❛  volcano boarding is real.  ❜
❛  nachos are for sharing.  ❜
❛  what the–  what the crap  ?!  ❜
❛  which type of poop do you want to make  ??  ❜
❛  are you harboring a bad relationship under your left butt-cheek  ??  ❜
❛  she’s not gonna go to pittsburgh with me to open the put-put palace with me.  ❜
❛  bubbles are the answer.  ❜
❛  today we master the art of the contour.  ❜
❛  this is like the first thing people see see when they arrive in hell.  ❜
❛  i want you to glow,  man.  i want to be the glow boys.  ❜
❛  i could be a bird.  that’s what i’ve learned.  ❜
❛  when it comes to turkey,  i am a breast man.  but when it comes to humans,  i am a wing-man.  ❜
❛  me  &  my sports bra dance amongst the windmills.  ❜
❛  there’s no real crotch under here.  ❜
❛  i think they’re just making sarcastic remarks directly into each other’s mouths.  ❜
❛  there are moments when you really frighten me  &  i question why you’re my best friend.  ❜
❛  answer the question  !!  what color are your nipples !?!
❛  i’m on top of you  !!  ha-ha !!  i’ve got you right where i want you  &  that’s under me  !!
❛  my rectum is so tight.  ❜
❛  i’ll be caressing your dinosaur fossil on a regular basis,  if you’re okay with that.  ❜
❛  a cookie solves a world of problems.  ❜
❛  this has got to stop.  this,  us eating  &  drinking gross stuff,  has got to stop.  ❜
❛  you’re the mouth king  !!  you’re the mouth king  &  nobody knew it until today.  ❜
❛  you need me  &  i need you.  we need each other at certain points in our lives, that aren’t the same times.  ❜
❛  when you serene really hard you start chillin’.  ❜
❛  let’s touch our sword tips.  ❜
❛  everybody’s got a butthole,  but i got two.  ❜
❛  go to bed.  don’t pee on your ritz crackers.  ❜
❛  the sun is always shining on a unicow that’s milking itself.  ❜
❛  i’m always thinking about women in corsets  &  i’m always thinking about getting my piercings snagged.  ❜
❛  before i apply my face,  i like to mist myself with a light film of my signature scent,  febreze.  ❜
❛  i always say nothing livens up a party than a pair of chaps.  ❜
❛  ever pooped out an engagement ring  ??  ❜
❛  there are also professional butt slappers.  ❜
❛  lotta foreskin going around these days.  ❜
❛  i don’t know if you can feel how hard i’m breathing,  but that’s the sound of winning.  ❜
❛  hey,  i’m a bird of paradise.  ❜
❛  i might say stupid things,  but at least i know they were stupid.  ❜
❛  you began to thrust your pelvis out to meet the bat.  ❜
❛  you seem to be getting a little too much of a thrill out of beating the crap out of me.  ❜
❛  there’s nothing like the feeling that your balls are impervious.  ❜
❛  i’d like to see the root of that sternum.  ❜
❛  he must look  &  feel amazing.  ❜
❛  oh gosh,  i can’t look away.  ❜
❛  you’ve never worn panties before,  huh  ??  ❜
❛  kids,  this is how you make a baby…  first,  you get a belly bongo.  ❜
❛  i think it’s gonna become clear as i take my clothes off what i am.  ❜

anonymous asked:

I rarely eat anything I bake, but it still tastes good, so au where Fushimi stress bakes delicious food and then has to pawn the sweets off on other people

I admit to a fondness of terrible baker Fushimi but it would be kinda funny if Mr. Picky Eater was actually an amazing baker it’s just he hates most of what he bakes (and the rest he just doesn’t feel like eating because he barely eats). So sometimes when he’s particularly stressed Fushimi finds himself just baking in order to keep himself occupied, like imagine one day when he was still in Homra he’s feeling all tense because Mikoto’s around and there’s a bunch of Homra guys there and Yata’s not paying attention to him. Fushimi’s pouting in the corner but finally he can’t take it anymore and just slips into the kitchen and quietly starts making muffins. As he bakes he mutters to himself and it is the angriest muffin baking ever, like he’s swearing as he mixes and throwing ingredients in like he wishes he could punch someone and he’s not even measuring but somehow putting in perfect amounts. At some point Totsuka smells something tasty and he and Anna come in to check, there’s Fushimi surrounded by like a mountain of muffins just staring at the baked goods like ‘well what do I do now.’ Totsuka is all impressed with Fushimi’s baking skill and wants some tips, while Anna takes a taste and tells Fushimi that it’s good. Kusanagi peers in to see what’s going on and is like so boys why is my kitchen filled with muffins. The rest of Homra comes in to investigate and Yata especially is shocked because he didn’t know Fushimi could bake, Fushimi looks away and clicks his tongue because he doesn’t want people praising him for something stupid like this.

Then when he joins Scepter 4 Fushimi finds out that the stress baking hasn’t stopped, like one day he’s correcting Doumyouji’s reports for the fifth time and he’s finally like okay fuck it and goes to make a cake. He’s just finished frosting it when Akiyama shows up because he thought he smelled something, Fushimi just shoves the cake at him like here eat it. Then Fushimi goes to make some cupcakes, Akiyama’s halfway through the first cake and sharing the rest with an arriving Benzai when Doumyouji comes in and is all oh hey cupcakes. Soon it becomes an open secret that when Fushimi is in an extra stressed mood he bakes and it is delicious, it’s like if you’re brave enough to be glared at while you eat you will be rewarded with one of Fushimi’s delicious creations. Sometimes he stress bakes super late at night and just leaves like piles of muffins in front of everyone’s dorms to get rid of them, if anyone tries to mention that they have been eating muffins for two weeks straight Fushimi just glares and it’s like right more muffins it is then mmm warm muffins tasty.

reasons to not let jane near the gingerbread:

she’ll built an entire fucking person out of it with her complicated stencils and it will fucking come to life and then y’all will have to decide if it’s truly sentient and what is its right to life and should you eat it now, before it goes stale and crumbles in a possibly painful process, or let it experience the world for as long as possible before it dies a natural death

Sentence Starter: #98

Sentence Starter: “Don’t cover your face, I want to see you.

Request: “Hey! I love your blog! I was wondering if you are requesting the sentence starters? If not that’s okay, but if you are I wanted to ask if you would do #99 and #98 please? Thanks! 🙂”

Pairing: Joker x Reader

Warnings: Smut, Denied Orgasm, Smutty Stuff, Toys, I don’t hold back man, I’m warning you

The night had been the same as every other night with the Joker. You and He had been wreaking havoc throughout gotham and decided to head back your place.

You owned a small apartment on the east side of gotham for protection purposes. J’s house was filled with bad men and hostages most of the time and he didn’t want his muffin around all those men.

You could tell what J wanted the entire night. By the way he watched you in that tight purple dress. He watched the way your hips swing and hair flips every time you pulled the trigger or threw a knife.

So naturally, you decided to tease him. You took an extra long time putting the key into your door and made sure to drop it once, bending over putting what you had on display.

As soon as the sliver knob to your door twisted open, he had pushed you inside and had you against the wall. Your back up against the hard wall, and even something hard pushing into your stomach.

His wild blue eyes stared you down as he leaned so close that you could kiss him if you puckered your lips. “Doll, you’ve been very, very naughty tonight.” He leaned into your neck and snaked his arms around your waist pulling you closer.

The bulge hardened against your stomach, just aching to burst through the wall of clothes. It made you shutter. And made your cunt throb and moisten up. “Oh yeah? What are you gonna do about it?” You challenged, you hand sliding down to his also throbbing member, teasing it with your pointer finger.

A throaty growl mixed with a chuckled passed through his red lips as he left a trail of soft wet kisses down your neck, only to leave your panties soaked. “I’m gonna fuck you so hard, you’re not gonna be able to walk tomorrow.”

You lightly pushed him off you and licked your lips, “Prove it.”

At your words he had picked you up, with your legs wrapped around his waist and him attacking your lips viciously. You were sure he could feel how wet you were, it must have been soaking on his bare chest and crocodile jacket.

He threw you on the bed, and stared at you for a moment, before taking a knife and cutting through your dress. His eyes wandered your body, each curve, each scar, each hickey from previous nights. “So damn gorgeous,” he breathed out before taking off his jacked and throwing it on the floor. He crawled onto the bed, and right on top of you. He hovered right above your face and you stared into his steel blue eyes.

A large gasp left your body as you felt his cold fingertips slip under your black laces panties and press onto your heat. “So soaked for Daddy, huh?” You couldn’t function properly, the pressure on your cunt throbbed and your eyes rolled back slightly. “I think this calls for some toys.”

He stood up off of the bed and pulled his fingers into his mouth, grinning at you before walking to the chest at the foot of your bed. You waited in anticipation to see what he had brought out.

The white tip of the vibrator reflected the moon light coming through your window and made you shutter. You knew you were in for it tonight. The machine started buzzing as he walked back to the bed and pulled your legs over the end, spreading them apart so that you glistened in the air. “Such a pretty pussy,” he whispered before leaning forward a doing a solid lick up your folds and placing a soft kiss on your clit.

You let out a small yell as he pushed the vibrator on you clit and his finger traced your entrance. “Now, doll, I don’t want you cumming until i say. Got it?” You nodded as your finger tips dug into the bed sheets and your breaths were ragged and uneven.

The ecstasy in his fingers plunging into your tight warm hole was incredible. Your back arched at the feeling and you bit your lip to suppress a moan. “Moan for me baby.” And you did. Loud, boisterous moans left your full lips and you could feel the building pressure.

Your back arched and your legs shook as you tried to keep from cumming. Your hands shot up to your face in attempts to slow to the orgasm but you quickly heard J’s voice. “Don’t cover your face. I want to see you.” You hands left your face and instead went to gripping the headboard behind you. “Cum, princess.”

You couldn’t hold back any longer. As a loud scream passed by your lips, Joker’s tongue attacked your cunt, swirling around catching your juices. Your legs shook and you back arched, so he had to hold you down so he could finish his job.

Let me know if you want a part two…😂

Originally posted by vrdantt

Originally posted by pleasingpics

Caramel Macchiato Eyes

Phil is the young owner of Decadence, one of Manchester’s most promising and delicious bakeries. Even though he’s always smiling and always baking, he’s secretly wishes to find someone of his own.
Dan works at a nearby Starbucks, but it’s sucking the life out of him. Regardless, he tries to make time to visit Decadence.
Throughout Dan’s Saturday night visit each week, Dan and Phil have gotten to know each other minimally, but they’ve never truly had time to sit down and talk for more than five minutes.
So, what happens when the entrepreneur and the regular actually get to know each other?

AU: Coffee shop/bakery
Word Count: 1672
Rating: E (I honestly don’t know how to rate these things)

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