We celebrated the first of May yesterday quite casually by having brunch with a few friends of ours. I did not feel like wearing a suit as mentioned in the inspiration post here but as the weather was still quite chilly and windy I opted for a roll neck sweater, jersey blazer and a field jacket as top layer combined with denim and just washed Superga sneakers.
Field jacket: Beams Plus Blazer: Rose&Born Rollneck: Berg&Berg
Denim: Weekday Sneakers: Superga PS: Monsieur Fox Bag: Mismo
I’ve had an emotional day. My heart aches. Where do you take a heart like that? Somewhere high. Somewhere you feel small. Somewhere where you can see that there is something so much bigger than you. Somewhere that you can lose yourself.
Mt. Wire was my somewhere tonight. I made it from the Living Room Trailhead to the tower on top in 50 minutes. Running at first, swift hiking soon after, and running short flatter sections when I could.
I played on the ridge behind Wire for a few minutes before thinking it best to run down.
I made it down in 28 minutes. And only really stopped once when I rolled my ankle. Going too fast, I guess! I had to slow and walk it out, but I was able to running again before very long.
I think it’s about 5 mi RT. It was exactly what I needed to help me process my thoughts. More on those later.
Sounds are the source of windows in the past, overlooking a cavernous time filled with mistakes and forked choices. Simple years progress like a vocabulary grows; now you are complicated beyond your lifetime, you are flying through space, flying–water drains from your face as you try to hold on to it all. Adolescent fears you were right to have all-along, the destruction of your clock and of all those around you. There is an inevitability that we will tire of one another, and we will loop behind ourselves and destroy everything from the beginning. And all that will be left will be what’s on the other side of those windows, watching ourselves making the same decision, becoming the same thing, consuming the same world–
I long for the sounds and smells of the long ago years. We sit here in the future peeling our many layers back, flipping through our pages; what we’ve become, what we’ve witnessed like scenes from a film. I am caught unaware, surprised that my life is a life. That we are so alike, our experiences and the rest. Scenarios I imagined would be above me, would mean nothing to me, become my core. I trudge along, leaving you like an empty diary. I am all actions and no explanations; you don’t know my why. And I see your secrets from here in my corner. You call upon me when the time is right; but I am not for you. We are less of people to one another because of it. We are building our blank future. Do you feel it? There is so little time left for us.