Don’t give me hope. Please. Be clear that it’s over. Break my heart. It’s ok. Just don’t give me hope. Don’t string me along, allowing me to develop this false pretense that we might get back together. You know that it’s over, but I don’t. I am an optimist. I am holding onto this thin thread of hope that we might miraculously work things out and end up together again. So, please. Break my heart into a million pieces and be clear that there is nothing left to salvage.
I hate how I’ve become so attached to you. I’m not this person. I don’t sit around waiting for a text or a response. I don’t stare at my phone every 5 minutes just to see if you have messaged me or whether or not you’re active on social media. I don’t look at old pictures and try to relive old memories in my head. I don’t get sad if we don’t talk for a day or more. This isn’t me, but lately that’s who I’ve been. I hate this. I hate how I’ve made you so important in my life.
-I hate how I’ve given you the ability to destroy me.
Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. As time slowly drifts by, I think about you less and less but still from time to time. I wonder if you’re happy or if I ever cross your mind. I wonder if you have ever picked up your phone and attempted to call me during your bursts of emotions or nights if loneliness. Or whether or not you still fall asleep with your arms stretched out, waiting for me to lay on them. I wonder if you look at old photos and hear my laugh. Or hold new hands and think of my fingers running through your palm. I know I still do.