Message from the past (Summer, June 4th)
So um, last night (June 3rd) I stayed up until like 4am because jet lag and Alisha wanted company for her all-nighter (which she failed LOL). But anyways, she made the mistake of telling me something that’s been making me go crazy now. She told me how you told her that you wish you’d had the courage to tell me that you still loved me back on grad night.
So this has been driving me crazy because I feel the same way. I still love you, Kaitlyn, and I’m doing my best to figure out what’s my own selfish desires and what’s best for us. By now (Valentine’s Day) I hope that I’ve figured it all out and either a) decided to be your best friend and hook you up with a nice V-Day date, or b) made a long-term commitment to be your boyfriend and have already made plans for a great V-Day date.
Either way, I just want you to know how much I’m going crazy in this moment.
Alisha is all like: Well you two still like each other, so what’s the problem? Just date already!
But I’m like: There’s nothing wrong with us right now, but I know that because the people we are right now, our relationship will have problems later.
Alisha: But isn’t your relationship worth it? Are you willing to go through those hard things together?
Me: Yeah, but it’s better if we solve our own problems as individuals, because it would be worse if we were in that deep of a relationship. We’d distract each other from growth and it’d just be harder. Of course I’m willing to go through hard stuff with her, but it’s better if we grow as independent people first.
Alisha: But.. but.. you like each other.
Me: Yeah, I know, but we can’t let our human desires or emotions stop us reaching our own, individual potential.
I tried, Kaitlyn. I tried to decide and determine what’s best for us. It hurts, but I hope it all ends up for the better. I’ll always love you, Kaitlyn. Maybe not always as a lover, but as a friend. And I’ll always be here for you. To support you and be a shoulder for you to cry on.
Happy Valentines Day~