mscl:on the wagon

“On The Wagon”

Sometimes it gets real hard,

And I need some kind of output.

For input twice the size of my one inch mind.

So slap me on the hand.

Put it right back down my pants.

Turn me right around.

Kick me in the ass.

Well today I say sweet things,

But tomorrow,

I’ll be making up excuses,

For my actions ‘cuz it’s been so long,

Since I’ve been in love.

That special kind of feeling.

Guess my best excuse.

I’m on the wagon again.

Well today I say sweet things,

But tomorrow,

I’ll be making up excuses,

For my actions ‘cuz it’s been so long,

Since I’ve been in love.

That special kind of feeling.

Guess my best excuse.

I’m on the wagon again.

Well I got no real excuse.

I’m on the wagon again.

OH YEAH!

$60 on groceries for the week!

(Yes I realize that’s a lot of money for all of this, I live in an expensive town)

•2 x cauliflower
•2 x chicken breasts (5 per)
•Romaine
•Bag of spinach
•Bag of mini cucumbers
•COFFEE
•7 layer dip (because)
•Tsaziki Sauce (veggie dip!)
•Sweet onion vinaigrette
•VH teriyaki sauce (best for chicken omg)

(Not picture 2 x 4 Oikos 2% Greek yogurts Key Lime

Do you guys want to see what/how I meal prep for the week?

Some of you are wondering why there haven’t been many posts of champagne and wine lately. Well, I’ve joined the ranks of the lukewarm water appreciation club. I was really getting jealous of watching Lazy Dad throwing them back with abandon at all of our soirées. So I decided to go against all that seemed natural and normal and started drinking water exclusively.

I will confess though, I often sneak ice into my water to really crank things up. I hope he approves of such irresponsible behavior. Twenty-eight days and counting.

Santé

I’ve been away for a while again but I’m back, you can’t keep a good girl down.  

There’s been a lot of change over the past couple months:
* I got promoted to a management position
* I started working from home
* I got engaged

I spent the latter half of January and February struggling with Depression while trying to get promoted and practicing for the Vagina Monologues.    I got promoted to management the last week in February.  I spent a week traveling doing management stuff before I came back, moved my office home and started working from home.  

The past couple months at home let me tell you the struggle has been real.  I’ve been learning a new role all while on a little island with no other managers to walk up to to ask questions of.   I have a team of brand new Advisors too so they have to learn how to do everything.  I had to set everything up  and get my flow down setup my process and all that stuff.  

My physical health went by the wayside…and guess what.
* I gained more weight (up to 263 lbs again)
* I started to feel like crap physically
*Had problems sleeping again
*Felt bad about myself starting the shame/binge/guilt spiral we all so love and enjoy.
* Aweful pain in my hip
* Neck horrible stiff
*Eating crap food = feeling like crap in general

I realized that if I kept going the way I was going I was going to burn out super quick.   I don’t want to burn out so stuff has got to change.  

I officially got back on the wagon on Monday but I’m finally back to blogging (baby steps). I’ve setup my fitchart for the month and made up a game where I get a point for each time I perform an action that will take me closer toward my long term goal of a healthy weight.   When I get to a certain amount of points I get a prize.  There are small weekly prizes and larger prizes for acquiring more points throughout the month.  

I’m going to start everything tomorrow.  I decided that I’d start tracking with the fitchart tomorrow rather than waiting a couple days to make it a specific day.  My weeks are going to start on Sunday’s when I’ll do weigh in’s.  

Health update

After 3 days of no booze, caffeine (mostly), or spicy foods, my stomach is less rumbly and I haven’t felt nauseated since this morning. So progress. Yay.

But I’ve got my annual girls trip coming up this weekend and the hallmark of our time is excessive drinking. I certainly don’t want to undo my improvements, but alcohol.

Grumble.

On the Wagon

Curse you brown bottle beaded with dew,  

your long, cool draught on a hot July day

and damp-newsprint page night; I detest  

your fresh-bread taste, abhor your cold heft  

in my hand. Curse you, thick mug of dark rum,  

warm in the cold nights and mornings come,  

too soon, after; I hate how you burn down

my throat, turn liquid the ice of my bones.

Curse you red wine in the thin crystal globe,

viscous and luscious and round as the world,

how you bite down on my lips, force bloom

in my March mouth, gold-leaf a gray room.

Curse your slug of raw silk and smoke, its hot lick

at the back of my throat—thick, thick with ache—


Rebecca Foust

I’m Back, I Think

I had stopped Tumblr-ing for the most part because I had stopped eating healthy and working out - January was a ROUGH month where it basically felt like every day I had a new stressor and I was basically just trying to keep my head above water.  Don’t take it personally, Tumblr, I didn’t really see any real life friends for about a month either but February has been much better!

I’ve been to the gym 4 times this week and I’ve been Tracking my food PRETTY well and I legit already feel better day-to-day. HOPEFULLY I’m back on track!!

Confession

Forgive me tumblr, it has been 4 days since my last post. And we all know that when I go dark, it usually means I’m up to no good.

But let’s not dwell on it.

I’d like to thank Crossfit for whipping me back into a good mental state today. Nothing like sucking wind and wanting to cry during a workout to remind me that eating crap is no good for my mind or my body.