Leo has been up since 3:30

He told me he woke up crying and has been tossing and turning ever since. It seems like every day is a struggle for him.

We received the Vanderbuilt questionnaire in the mail yesterday for Adam. That’s another thing he’s uncomfortable with handling. Adam’s potential branding as unacceptable by society.

However, I still believe if we address Adam’s perception variance of this world, it will give Leo time to think about his own.

I am doing what I can to stay beside him and support him in whatever he does. I’m also trying to keep the balance within myself. I tend to sway empathetically, but there are times too deep is too much and benefits no one.

I am the light, the source of good for them both. However, if I am drawn into the darkness, I am no good to either or any.

I would like to thank all of you for allowing me to vent here. I need a place to mull this over while not getting 20 ridiculous questions from friends and family on Facebook.


This was a long week.  I had a dentist and doctor appointment.  The doc put me on prescription vitamin D.  My count was down to 15.  At this point what is one more pill.  Karina sent me proof that she still had the butterfly necklace I bought her last time we were out together.  Met with my accountant and I get to write off quite a % of our household costs because I work from home but it still won’t get me a write off on my medical expenses.  I spent over 9k on medical last year.  That is outrageous.  No wonder people end up broke when they are sick.  I am a lucky one that so far I can afford the costs.  I feel it money wise but it must kill a lot of folks.  I have another orchid getting ready to bloom and the amaryllis bloomed this week.  


bayareabeliever | HenleyxIsaac — “Do you ever think we should just stop this?” 

Henley came to a stop in front of her locker and opened the door. She noticed Isaac down the hallway watching her, causing her to quickly grab what she needed then slam the door in frustration. She was not have a good day. Actually most of her days lately had not been good.
She was seeing things which confused her, she and Isaac were in a weird place. They were kinda friends, but not, then there was all the mixed signals. A few times they had argued about something which turned into a make out session. She was tired of trying to analyze what was going on between them, but mostly she was just tired of everything and seeing him staring at her was not helping matters.
She made her way over toward him and slammed his locker door, forcing him to quickly pull his hand back before the door slammed it. He looked over at her, as he snapped,”What the hell is your problem?”
"You. You are my problem, Isaac." Henley snapped. "I already have enough going on and the last thing I need is for you to be looking at me like I’m about to snap. I’m not crazy."
"I never said you were, Henley." He said. "I’m just worried about you."
"Well you can stop doing that." She argued. "Just pretend it’s like the last two years and you don’t give a shit about me."
As she went to walk off, he grabbed her arm, as he said,”Whoa, wait, you think while we weren’t friends, I didn’t care about you?” Before she could answer, he added,”Cause I never stopped caring about you, Henley.”
"Okay, that’s it." Henley mumbled, as she grabbed his arm, and pulled him down the hall into an empty classroom. "You have to stop that!" She snapped, after she closed the door.
"Stop what?" He asked confused.
"Stop saying things like that." She answered. "One minute we’re ignoring each other, then the next you’re staring at me and telling me you care, then we’re arguing, then we’re kissing and it’s confusing. It’s all so confused."
"I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be confusing, but it’s not easy for me either." Isaac pointed out. "It’s just-all these feelings I’ve had for you, that I pushed away for two years, are coming back and I don’t know what to do with that."
"See! Right there!" Henley snapped, as she pointed at him.  "That is not helping!"
"What?" Isaac asked confused. "What did I do wrong now?"
"Telling me you have feeling for me." She said. "Don’t do that!"
"Fine!" Isaac snapped back. "I don’t have feelings for you then."
"Good!" She yelled.
"Great!" He yelled back.
The two looked at each other silently in anger for a moment, before rushing toward each other and beginning to kiss. Henley ran her fingers through his hair, grabbing on to his curls and causing him to groan out. He ran his hands down her back, grabbing her butt and lifting her up for moment before sitting her down on top of a desk. She wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him closer to her, as she deepened the kiss.
They quickly got lost in each other, until he pulled back, to asked,”Wait, do you ever think we should just stop this?”
"Which part?" Henley asked, as she tried to catch her breath. "The kissing or the fighting?"
"One.. both… neither… I don’t know." Isaac answered, as he glanced down at her lips, kinda forgetting what he was even asking. At the moment all he wanted to kiss her more.
He pulled his eyes away and shook his head, remembering where he was going with this, then said,”No, I mean, this.” He gestured between them, as he added,”Whatever this is. It doesn’t seem healthy, right? Fighting one minute and kissing the next. It’s confusing us both.”
"Right, yeah, it is." Henley said, agreeing with him. "So are you saying we should quit both? The kissing and the fighting?"
"No, I’m saying…" He began to say, before he blew out a breath. "I honestly don’t know what I’m saying." He laid a hand on the side of her neck, lightly caressing her cheek, as he added,"All I know is, I like you. I have for years and the last thing I want to do is confuse you or hurt you."
"Same here." Henley said, as she gave him a small smile. She lazily laid an arm around her neck, as she added,"And I also know I don’t want to go back to before. When all we did was argue or just ignore each other. I do want you in my life, Isaac."
"Me too." He said with a nod, agreeing with her. "Maybe we should just take things slow and see what happens." He suggested.
"Maybe we should." She softly said. She laid her hands on his chest, gently pushing him back a little to jumped down from the desk. She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, as she said,"I’ll see you later."
He turned to watch her, seeing her walk toward the door. Before she could reach out to grab the door knob, he called her name, getting her attention. When she turned around to face him, he said,”Will you go out with me Friday night?”
"What?" Henley asked confused.
"Will you go out with me?" He asked again, then added with a grin,"That’s going slow, right?"
She smiled at his words, then walked back over to him, wrapping an arm around his neck, before pressing her lips against his for a gentle kiss. Isaac laid his hands on the small of her back and grinned against her lips, before saying,”Kissing before the first date. That’s going kinda fast, you know?”
Henley laughed at his comment, as she pulled back to look at him. “Just for that, smartass, you’re not getting a kiss on our date now. Actually, I think I may never kiss you again.”
"We’ll see about that." Isaac said, before laying a hand on the back of her neck and pulling her toward him. He pecked his lips against hers a few times, seeing what she would do, then grinned as she gave in and began to kiss him.
That weekend the two went out on their first official date, where many more kisses and even arguments happened, but after admitting their feelings for each other they at least knew where they stood and all the confusion was gone. Their relationship wasn’t perfect, but it was perfect for them.

John and Mary husband and


bringing home a brand new


his name is 


I’m big brother


the perfect family

or so it seemed

Looking into someone’s eyes can be a scary thing, but when you find the one whom ignites the spark. It’s like looking into your own soul.