So I’m gonna wind down #MSAwarness Week and continue #MSawarnessMonth with this though: #MS hasn’t impacted my life positively at all. nope. not at all. There is positive in my life, Since my diagnosis I’ve learned the value of the little things, I’ve appreciate the people who have stuck by me so very much. But all this?  it is despite MS not because of MS. This illness sucks through and through and I refuse to give it a pat on the back.

Positivity does not require me to congratulate my abuser.. And in this case, this illness is an abuser living inside me. My survival, any new found perspective, the growing gratitude and love for the incredible people in my life… thats ME and THEM… NOT MS.

I will tell you what I’ve learned since diagnosis and while struggling with MS… but I reject the idea that I must say something positive has come “out of Multiple Sclerosis. cause nope, it hasn’t.

It may just seem like phrasing to some.. but that internal dialogue is what changes the way you see everything in your life and dictates who or what gets the power. MS? I give you none willingly. I’m at war with you, and I will be forever. Anything good I find along the way is no thanks to you. Suck it. :D

ETA: I want to be clear that I’m not anti positive attitude. I believe we should be positive about our future, see the good and count the many blessings we have been made more aware of since diagnosis  But I fear that sometimes, especially when it comes to a chronic disease that progress for a lifetime,  we instill a fear or shame in those that need to express their struggles & frustrations as well. There’s no time limit to this struggle, and a lifetime of suppressing sadness, hardship, fears, and pain will not lead to a positive outcome.  #MSAwarenessWeek

I want you to meet my dear friend Zeinab. Once upon a time she was an ordinary young adult just like many of us here. In her early 20s she was diagnosed with MS. SubhanAllah, it struck her randomly and just when many would say “her life was just beginning”. Now, living with MS for almost 20 years, she’s bound to her wheelchair with not much besides her arms that can hardly grab her phone without flailing out of control, and her head that she can still move alhamdulilah. I want to tell you her story because I need the world to know how much meeting this girl humbled me, seeing her in this state. This amazing woman has maybe just a fraction of the gifts Allah swt has blessed us with yet, as you can see, in this picture she’s raising her hands, giving takbeer in salah and thanking Allah for all she has. Just before I posted this she jokingly told me not to distract her “please, because I am completely with God”. Here we, full-functioning limbs, letting the pettiest of issues overcome us and forgetting to say alhamdulilah as much as we can and truly meaning it. May Allah swt grant her shifaah and give her Firdaws al A’laa.

Looking into someone’s eyes can be a scary thing, but when you find the one whom ignites the spark. It’s like looking into your own soul.

M.S.

fun thing to do when you’re bored: narrate everything you do in 3rd person even if you’re doing “nothing”. Be like

"A bored tumblr user scrolled down their dashboard, a frown settled on their face. That was, until they saw a photoset of their favourite character.”