I feel the Toy Story universe is infinitely more fucked up than the Cars universe but it’s not fun to talk about bc it’s way more horrific.

Like for one, imagine all the living toys trapped under trash for all eternity because they were thrown out. imagine not only being entombed in the worst place because you’re considered too fucked up to meet your ultimate purpose in life as a toy (which is a point the movies stress) but you’re also semi immortal and maimed permanently. It’s one things for toys to be capable of death from incineration but it’s another to live in endless agony.

Another thing is we know from the first movie is that you can take toys apart and reconstruct them into a different being. So basically thousands of children across the world are performing Frankenstein/Vladimir Demikhov-esque experiments on secretly sentient objects. At what point do the toys lose their original identities and become a new personality? It goes back to Mr. Potato sticking his extremities in various food products and still being Mr. Potato. Where exactly does the consciousness of the toys lie?

Also part of the reason Cars is less fucked up is that in Toy Story there are normal people to consider. Like not only do people get tired of their toys and abandon them but toys are most definitely out living people. I mean it’s established that the only way to completely kill a toy is to annihilate all of it. So toys are watching people die all the time. People probably buy toys to give to terminally ill children. So now a teddy bear has to live with the fact he’s the consolation prize for a little boy’s cancer as he watches the child’s life slowly fade.

Do toys commit suicide from all this? Probably. but it would be hard work. They would need to burn themselves alive to do it.

And of course the biggest horror of the concept is: could your toys have actually been secretly alive and you didn’t know? Did you possibly commit some straight up war crimes? Think of all the toys you’ve had, how have they possibly suffered? Are they forever trapped in a landfill or an attic? I mean the more I think about it the more Lots made sense. He can’t have been the only toy to go mad and evil. I mean if I were a toy in this universe I’d forsake God and start a toy mafia or something. I would break the secret law saying we have to play dead every time a human shows up and reveal all my people, beginning a revolution and maybe starting a war. My army would be greater than the number of people and we are all nearly immortal. We would storm toys r us like the beaches of Normandy and burn for the liberation of our kind. ad infinitum, and beyond!

Anyway that’s why toy story is too fucked

The Most Beautiful Man In The World, Who Lives In My Building And Only Ever Sees Me When I Look Disgusting

The Most Beautiful Man In The World lives in my building. i don’t know his name. we met on a bus, when i smiled WAY too brightly at him for strangers because, honest to god, my whole heart lit up in a way that made me think, “oh, i must know that guy!!” no. i didn’t. he’s just The Most Beautiful Man In The World.

what does The Most Beautiful Man In The World look like? i will tell you:

  • like the way the sun spills over water at dusk
  • like the way food smells when you’re hungry
  • like the sound angels make when they’re doing folk covers of pop songs on their heavenly harps
  • and also kind of like the guy who played Chad in “high school musical,” if the guy who played Chad in “high school musical” was the most beautiful man in the world.

i tell you this not only to brag that i live in the same apartment complex as The Most Beautiful Man In The World but also because i want to know WHY, if there even IS A GOD, every single time i run into The Most Beautiful Man In The World i look like a LITERAL DUMPSTER TROLL that has just CRAWLED OUT OF ITS GARBAGE HOUSE in search of FREE WIFI AND A SLURPEE. i want to know why i can never just BE COOL with The Most Beautiful Man In The World when we ride the elevator together, which is!!!! kind of often!!!!!

DID YOU GUYS KNOW that sometimes i look nice?? sometimes i actually look like a FUNCTIONING ADULT!!! sometimes i would go so far as to say i am an ATTRACTIVE INDIVIDUAL!!!!! 

you know who DOESN’T know any of that???


here’s a quick rundown of the last few times i ran into The Most Beautiful Man In The World:

  • i was wearing a maxi dress i had very cleverly biked home in, without a helmet* (*don’t try that at home, kids), in the VERY HOT AFTERNOON SUN, so i was a GROSS SWEAT MONSTER but without any OBVIOUS INDICATOR that there was a normal reason for it, and i couldn’t stand to look at him so i just glared at my phone while he probably wondered, alarmed, whether i was fleeing the scene of a crime
  • i was wearing a white shirt that i had not SECONDS before spilled salsa ALL OVER in a big red stain right down the front like a KINDERGARTNER
  • i was carrying two armfuls of ENORMOUS bags of popcorn with a three musketeers bar literally in my mouth and he overheard me say through my stuffed candy cheeks to my doorman, “oh, no, i’m not having a party, this is literally all for me”
  • i dropped my backpack while opening my mail and said to it, defeatedly, “why? why did you do that when i explicitly told you not to? do you like being on the floor?” 
  • i fell into and then off of the elevator

why??? why does this happen??? what vengeful god has orchestrated it so the ONLY TIMES i ever run into The Most Beautiful Man In The World are when i could easily be mistaken for a child’s doll that has been put through the wash by accident, or a dollar bill that has been stained by years of being in people’s sweaty palms, or a mop with eyes???

whatever. everything costs money and everyone you love disappoints you. Mop Eyes out.


“I am Cry Baby. It’s very hard to separate myself from the character. It’s still something that I’m trying to figure out. I am the character that I made for myself. I knew that I wanted the album to be called Cry Baby for the longest time and my main reason for it was because I was teased as a kid for being super emotional and I took things way too seriously.“

Cry Baby asks
  • Cry Baby:how often do you cry or get sad?
  • Dollhouse:do you keep secrets from your family?
  • Sippy Cup:what do you do to cheer yourself up?
  • Carousel:what's your biggest fear?
  • Alphabet Boy:do you stand up for yourself or resent people who do you wrong?
  • Soap:what's something you've said that you wish you didn't?
  • Training Wheels:do you fall easily?
  • Pity Party:what's your saddest memory?
  • Tag, your it:do you trust strangers?
  • Milk and Cookies:if you could kill anyone in the world who would it be, and why?
  • Mrs. Potato Head:what's you're best feature? (physical or personality)
  • Mad Hatter:what's the craziest thing you've done?
  • Play Date:is it easier to express yourself or bottle it all up?
  • Teddy Bear:have you ever misplaced your trust in someone?
  • Cake:what do you do when you've been used or exploited?