mrs may

I’m going to be blunt with you Mr. Car Salesman, may I call you Mr. Car Salesman? I don’t care how fast it goes, or how many horse souls you encased in the engine, I only care about the horn. Now please stop talking so I can hear this bad boy beep.

The Batman Rogues as Spongebob Quotes

Scarecrow: The sash wringing… the trash thinging… mash flinging… the flash springing, bringing the the crash thinging the… HASH SLINGING SLASHER!

Riddler: You may be an open book Spongebob, but I am a bit more complicated than that. The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma

Killer Croc: Do you smell it? That smell, the kind of smelly smell. A smelly smell that smells…smelly

Two-Face: Isn’t this great Squidward? Just you & me together for hours and hours and hours! And then the sun’ll come up, and it’ll be tomorrow, and we’ll still be working! It’ll be just like a sleepover! Only we’ll be sweaty and covered with grease!

Penguin: Hmm, a five letter word for happiness…money!

Mad Hatter: So you mean to say they’ve taken what we thought we think and make us think we thought our thoughts we’ve been thinking our thoughts we think we thought?…I think.

Catwoman: Because of her mysterious behavior, I have decided to name her Mystery…Now that I think about it she’s also very graceful and majestic. Perhaps I should name her Grace or Majesty…or Debbie.

Poison Ivy: I’ll have you know I stubbed my toe last week while watering my spice garden and I only cried for twenty minutes.

Harley Quinn:  See, no one says “cool” anymore. That’s such an old person thing. Now we say “coral”, as in “That nose job is so coral.”

The Joker: F is for fire that burns down the whole town, U is for Uranium…bombs! N is for no survivors!

Mr. Freeze: I slipped on an ice cube and got covered in boo-boos!

Firefly: You know, if I were to die right now in a fiery explosion due to the carelessness of a friend, well, that would be just okay.

Man-Bat: Yeah, uhh, we’re with the pet hospital down the street and I understand that you have a dying animal on the premises.

Clayface: This isn’t me millionth dollar, this is an ordinary dollar that’s been crumpled up, torn slightly, soaked in the lagoon and kissed with Coral Blue #2 semi-gloss lipstick!

Bane: I was a wimp before Anchor Arms. Now, I’m a jerk and everybody loves me! So order now, wimp!

3

thank you once upon a time seasons 1-6 and it’s fans for instilling us all with a little hope and magic.

Some ladies are tough

while others are gentle.

Some ladies are subtle

while others are boisterous.

Some ladies take responsibility

while others need a little help.

Some ladies look boyish

while others are more ‘girly’.

Some ladies prefer to hide

while others want the whole world to know they’re here.

Some ladies are mysterious

while others are open and friendly.

And some ladies choose to work

while others prefer to stay at home.

But no matter if they’re young

or old

or in between

no matter how they choose to live

or who they choose to love

all ladies are important

and they should be treated as such.

I’m not even going to address anon directly, because seriously, fuck that guy. 

For the rest of you who may be wondering how I POSSIBLY manage living as a fat person, let me explain how I do it: 

I do it by making time for fun things as often as possible. Like riding carousels while morbidly obese. I  have the gall to do this in front of children. 

I do it by making sure my skin is always moisturized and cleansed. I know it’s shocking, but my glowing, fat face feels great after a seaweed-based exfoliant mask. 

I do it by finding time for my interests and hobbies. I’m an amateur mycologist. You may think it’s frightening for a fat forager to find fungi, but I think it’s fantastic.    

I do it by surrounding myself with wholesome, non-judgmental people. A fat person with friends and family?!? It’s more likely than you think. 

I do it by wearing bright colors and taking any opportunity for a photo shoot. Surprisingly, my fatness hasn’t broken a camera yet. 

I do it by singing loudly and flamboyantly. Much as you’ve been told fat people spend 99% of our time gasping for air, I actually have pretty solid breath control. 

I do it by pursuing my education. Don’t worry, they let me skip the part of the bar exam that asks for your BMI.

I do it by having an adorable, supportive partner. We even make out with the lights ON most of the time! 

I do it by creating safe spaces in my home. I love decorating for holidays and dinner parties. The tinsel really compliments my back rolls! 

I do it by adopting fluffy animal friends. Mr. Fluff here may always have a look of existential dread on his face, but he’s not once had a problem with my weight. 

I do it by spending time in nature. Trees and green spaces are very healing! Yes, even for a fatty like me. 

I do it by making this face at people who tell me that since I’m fat I can’t have all the things I already have. I have the audacity to believe that I will one day accomplish all the important goals I have set out for myself!

I’m a fat person and I have value. 
I’m a fat person and I can realize my dreams. 
I’m a fat person and I have a happy, fulfilling life. 

That’s not going to change no matter how many anons send me hateful messages. 

To all my fat family out there, you deserve a support network of caring people who don’t care about your weight. You deserve to achieve your goals. You deserve respect. You deserve happiness. 

Don’t let anyone tell you differently. 

shekelsteinberg  asked:

Greetings Mr. Rosewater, may I ask why Spike is portrayed as a female, when only about 1% of professional players are girls, it's not honest to make people feel included in a representation of a player base they don't belong.

Spike is a psychographic of players who use the game as a means to prove something, often to themselves, sometimes to others. My best guess is that about 25% of the players are Spikes. Spikes are way more than just high end professional players.

Magic currently has somewhere around 12 million active players and the female percentage is somewhere between 25% and 35% (in total play including digital - they are a smaller percentage of people playing in organized play - not because they are uncompetitive but because the environment is often not welcoming).

Let’s assume the low end with 25%. That means there are somewhere around 750,000 female Spikes.

In Unglued, we made Timmy a male. In Unhinged, Johnny was a male. We were finishing out a cycle of which none of which so far had been female, so we decided, hey let’s have some female representation in the cycle rather than none.

Diversity and representation is something we take very seriously. Interestingly, I’ve gotten a lot more notes from people happy to see Spike portrayed as the card as a woman than upset by it.

So, all in all, I’m glad we did it and would do it again in a heartbeat if I had to make the decision again.