mrmuskratreviews

Just finished Mockingjay.

Many of you may know that the ending sucks.
Massively.

What most of you probably don’t know is that I am actually an extremely talented writer.

I know I don’t have a lot of followers, but I’m doing this on my Facebook pages as well.

if this gets 50 notes I will write an alternate ending to Mockingjay starting on page 348

What Could Have Fixed; The Dark Knight Rises

A lot of people were happy with the third and final installment of the epic Dark Knight saga.

I was not one of them.

This overly forgiven film was riddled with plot holes big enough to fly the bat-plane through. Characters were inconsistent, dynamics were weak or confusing, and the epic finale was shameful.

Most of the problems centered around Batman as a character. Bruce’s ability to deal with loss is laughable at best (See; anyone who DIDN’T drop out of college, disappear for a century, then become a self depreciating vigilante after losing their parents at a young age.)

Even so, the fact that at the beginning of TDKR he has apparently forgone any semblance of self care for the last eight years and has become a hermit in the wake of Rachel Dawes death is ridiculously pathetic. (See; anyone who DIDN’T reject society, refuse help, abuse their closest friends, and grow a pathetic beard after the death of an EX girlfriend.)


Okay one out of four ain’t bad. Poor Keanu.

Bruce does a little bit of running around to get back into the groove of things, loses all his money, pisses off his lifelong best friend, hooks up with one of his board members he has known for approximately eight minutes, you know, standard playboy stuff.

When he finally does nut up and return to the crime fighting scene, he quickly gets his ass handed to him in an epic beat down, and is thrown into THE pit of despair.

Suddenly he develops a healing factor, regenerates from a completely debilitating spine snapping, and climbs to freedom in a matter of weeks.

He teleports to Gotham, where Bane has taken control of the city.
( I reiterate: Bruce WALKS out of the shadows with no explaination in a Gotham that has been completely quarantined from BOTH sides by Bane’s Wayne-Enterprises-Tech-Wielding terrorists, and the U.S. Army.)

He then proceeds to hatch a pretty shitty plan to beat Bane, largely centered around engaging in another fist fight with the guy who previously picked him up and snapped his spine over bended knee.

Insert random missile chase scene in the Bat-plane, followed by possibly the worst villain death of all time.


“I mean, yeah my Dad ignored me most of my life, and rejected the man I love, but I’m still gonna spend a decade avenging him.”

Finally batman makes the best decision of all, roping the ticking time bomb to his Bat-plane and flying off with it melodramatically into the sunset.


“Should have just rolled it into the bay. When I was Robin we just rolled bombs into the bay.”

Moments before the explosion, Batman activates that handy teleporter once more and zaps to safety. Presumably directly into Catwoman’s bedroom.

In the end we are all happy because Bruce decides to pass on the cowl of “Can have no real friends, can have no girlfriend, constantly gets mostly killed and will probably die in a horrific way” to a young dedicated cop, before retiring to a penthouse in Paris with Catwoman.

How They COULD Have Fixed It.

Have Bane kill Bruce.

Dispense with the entirety of Bruce’s character from his first fight with Bane and on. When Bane snaps Bruce’s back, he kills him. A horrified Catwoman reports it to Gordon and Blake, who realize they are the only ones left to stop Bane.

The rest of the movie continues as it occurred, with a few minor changes.

Blake gets caught in the explosions, and buried under rubble in the sewer system. He digs himself out, and climbs to safety in a sequence just as powerful as Bruce’s emerging from the prison in wherever-Middle East. (Also then we still get that epic climbing score)

Now instead of wasting tons of time watching Christian Bale do MORE pushups, we can follow the actions of the little mini-rebellion inside the No Man’s Land era Gotham. Blake and Gordon conspire to retake the city, Talia helping with her cover intact.

Finally for the epic finale Talia’s betrayal is revealed, and Gordon is captured, Blake left for dead.

Blake wakes up in the Batcave to Alfred standing over him, who says a few words about the dangers of the costume, how it consumed Bruce, and the pit-falls of vigilanteism; then he hands Blake a mask, saying

“A civilized world need laws. Policemen. Juries. Rules.”

“This wasteland needs a hero.”

Gordon and Blake kick ass. The End.

What They Could Do NOW To Fix It:

Note: I did not write the above comic. All credit goes to original author.