Let’s see if I get to win… being the terrible men-hating feminist I am and all.
Demands free birth control: The only one of these things that applies to me, 100%. Then again, I live in one of those ‘socialist’ European countries where all health care is free, including birth control. Every Republican’s worst nightmare, I guess.
“Breasts are not sexual”: Well, they’re not… at least not always. For example, breastfeeding (even in public) isn’t about getting anyone off, it is about not letting your baby starve. And I can’t really take people seriously who find that offensive. God dammit, they’re just fat… get over it.
Expresses interest in Women’s Studies: As a feminist and activist, I thought that was a given. I’d like to learn more about things I am interested in, that includes gender studies, philosophy, literature, dance, physics, mythology, languages, journalism, politics, art, etc etc etc. Does that mean I will major in Women’s Studies at any point of my life? No. But I will take at least one class some time in the future, so I actually know what I’m talking about. Ignorance = bad.
Patriarchy: I wasn’t sure if I should even add this, but I do use that word from time to time… more as an umbrella term for women’s issues than as the actual 'men rule, women are oppressed’ social model. I dislike the word, seeing as we don’t live in an actual patriarchal society anymore (we probably did when first wave feminists adopted the term though). Saying 'Smash the patriarchy!’ just has a much nicer ring to it than saying 'Let’s work on getting rid of all the slut-shaming and victim-blaming and objectification and misogyny and oppressive constructed gender roles!” But it is outdated.
“I’m wearing this for me!”: Guess what, sometimes I do. I like looking pretty, it makes me feel good about myself. At other times, I’m wearing things for my girlfriends, either to show off and maybe make them a little jealous or just to keep up and not be the ugly one in the group. Or for my boyfriend because I think he deserves a beautiful girlfriend. Sometimes it’s for other people’s attention, sometimes it’s just for me. Neither of those things make me a bad person/feminist or superficial… at least not more than anyone else.
Has never worked a manual labor job or a job that is in any way dirty or unpleasant: I was professionally involved in the performing arts for quite awhile, which doesn’t sound too unpleasant, but it comes with pretty bad bruises, lots of bleeding toes, and broken bones every few months. So physical work, yes. Dirty and unpleasant… most people would say no, but then again they only see what happens during the performances.
Claims pornography objectifies women: Not only women, and not all pornography. To me, there is a clear case of objectification going on when the actors’/actresses’ physical well-being is disregarded just to film some more extreme scenes. Much like BDSM, keep it sane, safe, and consensual and we’re good.
“The dictionary says feminism means EQUALITY!”: Yes, it does. And ideally, that is what feminists should work on. Too bad so many (I’m looking at you, radfems.) don’t actually fight for it.
Awh dammit… I ALMOST made it.
I’ll comment on the rest of the bingo too, but I disagree with that stuff anyway, so you probably won’t want to read it. Oh, and I am a little disappointed they left out some of the particularly irritating radfem bs here… such as:
trans-women are spies
trans-men are traitors
MRAs are the enemy
women can’t rape
men can’t be raped
“Stare rape”: Nope, fuck you. Calling some creep looking at your boobs 'rape’ trivialises one of the most traumatic experiences a person can make. It is insulting to survivors, and if you do that, I will cut you.
“Women earn less on the dollar”: Awh, the wage gap myth… short: There is an income gap. It’s pretty easily explainable when you know that women work less hours on average and go into more social and less physical and dangerous professions, and ask for promotions much less frequently. There is a problem that needs fixing here, but it’s not that we get paid less money for doing the same job.
“No uterus, no opinion”: First of all, this is incredibly sexist towards trans* folks. Even if you don’t think men should have a say in women’s issues, at least include trans* women. Also… men are perfectly capable of rational thought, and your arguments aren’t any better just because you’re a girl. Oppression points don’t make your opinion more important, stop being a sexist dick.
Refuses to shave anything: Do what you want with your body. But don’t shame anyone because they’re less hairy than you. That doesn’t make them a bad feminist or a slave of patriarchy ;)
“Internalised misogyny.”: Uhm… did that girl just say 'All women are stupid and useless and men are biologically superior and we shouldn’t be allowed to work or vote!’? No? Then don’t say she internalised misogyny. Especially if all she did was question tumblr feminism.
Opposes use of tampons or pads: Again, do what you want with your body. If you want to ruin your clothes, that’s fine with me… but do not sit on anything someone else owns, or be prepared to replace it and probably get slapped in the face.
“Check your privilege.”: Yeah, do that. This goes to everyone btw, every group of people has privileges just because they’re part of that group (with the possible exception of trans* community, again :/). You live in a first world country? You’re a cis-man? Cis-woman? White? Heterosexual? Privilege… privilege everywhere, oh my are we all lucky.
Blames straight white men for not getting a job: I have never even heard of that. Might be a cultural thing.
Claims to be oppressed: Are women oppressed? I suppose. But so are men… gender roles are fucking oppressive to pretty much everyone.
Middle class North American: Nope. Former upper class European, now living well below minimum wage and too broke to afford food for the last 5 days of every month. Life’s nice.
“Male tears.”: This is the most arrogant and dismissive reaction to men’s rights issues I have ever heard and if you say this, I don’t like you. How would you like being raped and finding out it isn’t recognised by law? Being way less likely to be granted custody after you split up with your ex just because you are male? Or even having no say in your kid getting adopted? Would any of that bother you in the least? Yes? Then stop saying the MRM isn’t needed.
“Cishet.”: See 'Check your privilege’.
Claims videogames are sexist: I’m not enough of a gamer to really have an opinion on this. I suppose having a little more respect for the female gaming characters and not letting them fight monsters in metal bikinis wouldn’t hurt, but I’ll leave this to other feminists.
Objectifies men: I don’t, at least not in a way that I find problematic (as in doing things that, if done to women, would make me angry). But for the record, objectifying men is exactly as bad as doing it to women.
“Brainwashed by patriarchy”: Is this 'Internalised misogyny – Part II?’
“How can you be a housewife? You’re setting women back.”: I’d almost call this 'Internalised misogyny - Part III’, but I guess I should make something clear here: Traditional gender roles are social constructs no one should be forced to adhere to. That doesn’t mean that someone who chooses to live that way is holding anyone else back. Unless they run around telling women who work that they should be stay at home mums because work is for males only, that is.
Contradicts self: Well, I sure hope I don’t… but if I did, feel free to point it out since I obviously can’t see it myself.
It's completely unfair that, while women have the unconditional right to vote, men [in the United States] are required to sign their bodies away to this archaic compulsory military service called The Draft, or Selective Service. Either everybody should sign up for it, or nobody should.
We agree, The Draft is clearly a fossil of a bygone age. That's why we're going to mock your every attempt to change it.
Wait, why? I thought that traditional gender roles and things being seen as "men's jobs" needed to die out as quickly as possible! Surely if nothing else, we agree on that?
Don't worry, the last draft was like forever ago, the likelihood of it coming back is minimal. It's not a REAL issue or anything.
But it COULD come back at any time, because despite it being a fossil, nobody got rid of it.
Lol, MRAs. Always complaining about the littlest things that don't even matter.
*Women may be required to sign up for the draft*
*panicking* Oh my GOD, this is AWFUL. Women's bodies will literally be regulated by the government!
Well, we told you so.
We must get rid of it immediately!... for women.
Exa- wait, what? You don't seriously mean that after having the very real prospect of the draft forced on you, you still can't see why we want to abolish it for men??
Well, men are stronger than women!
But you... actually, keep talking.
And women give birth to people, so they're more important in that respect, and really they're a lot better off staying at home...
And men and women aren't REALLY equal!
We've known that you've thought this way for YEARS, but nobody ever listened because "it's literally about equality!" was somehow a more convincing argument. But you don't want equality - perhaps you once did, but not anymore. What you want is all the benefits and freedoms for women that society can afford them on the assumption that women are capable and independent, but all the protections society can afford them on the assumption that they're the weaker sex. You are gender traditionalists with a shiny new "this benefits women"-coloured coat of paint.
...are we at least going to abolish this thing now, or what?
I dislike talking to guys about topics like violence against women. In a way, I hate talking to clever, academic types of guys about it even more than I do with your run of the mill ignorant prick. I don’t know what I hate the most - the devil’s advocates, the ones who treat it all like a fascinating philosophical quandary, the tone police, the “I’m with you right up until you reach something that challenges me specifically” dudes, the “superior because I’m neutral” dudes… It’s very tiring. Usually when I’m talking to a guy about politics for the first time, I am just waiting, I have my mental bingo card out and my dobber poised, ready. It rarely goes undobbed.