No One Can Compete to Funderburker A Jason Funderburker Fanmix
1. Mr.Steal Your Girl//Trey Songz Trigga 2. Bed Rock//Lil Wayne 3.Yes//LMFAO 4.Everywhere I Go//Hollywood Undead 5. Im so fresh you can suck my nuts//Solja Boi 6.Thrift Shop//Macklemore 7. Im Sexy and I Know It//LMFAO 8.Anaconda//Niki Manaj
1. Often - The Weeknd
2. King Of The Fall - The Weeknd
3. Get Away - Kehlani
4. Stay Up - DymeADuzin Ft Kehlani
5. No Flex Zone (Remix) - Nicki Minaj
6. No Love (Remix) - August Alsina Ft. Nicki Minaj
7. Urge - Rio Pourcel
8. Limits - Rio Pourcel
9. Without You - Spooky Black
10. Y.A.S - Trey Songz
11. New Flame - Chris Brown
12. Mr.Steal Your Girl - Trey Songz
13. Disrespectful - Trey Songz
14. I know (Can’t get back) - Trey Songz
15. All We Do - Trey Songz
16. Beggin On A Thread - Banks
17. Drowning - Banks
18. Goddess - Banks
19. To Love And Die - Jhene Aiko
20. The Pressure - Jhene Aiko
21. Don’t Blame Me - K Camp
22. Treat Me Like Somebody - Tink
ZAYN: Zayn and Liam didn’t have very much in common aside from their career paths. They both loved music, performing, traveling, and had a mutual appreciation for art, but as people, they couldn’t be any more different from one another. Zayn had an effortless and cool confidence in himself and he was drawn to the darker side of things. He would live his entire life inside a mystery world where everything was turning over a new leaf every day and every corner was just as eerie and unfamiliar as the one he turned down before. Zayn was more than okay to be on his own. It never worried him when no one was around or no one invited him out. He was happy to keep to himself and indulge in a personal project or just his own private time. Liam was insecure at his core, the junior high boy with few to no friends still lingered inside of him like smoke from a burnt out bonfire. He liked to know what to expect, what was coming up ahead. He actually studied rollercoasters tracks before even getting in line for them. Liam was practical where Zayn could be spontaneous. He didn’t like to be on his own. He required constant approval and stimulation. It was due to their differences that Zayn had been rattled by how he could be so enamored by you, Liam’s girlfriend. From the moment he met you at the Midnight Memories release party, he thought about how perfect you were for his band mate. You complimented Liam like an antique gold frame fit a 16th century Eworth.
At first, he pushed it aside, the fact that he was involuntarily picturing you when he wanked himself off in the shower. You were attractive, it was nothing more than pure appreciation for a beautiful girl. Zayn even dated an artist overseas from Brooklyn for a few months, but he couldn’t shake his desires to be around you. He was always making time for you when you came around, asking about your day, quizzing you for details about your life at home, and just making mental notes about what you liked and the little gestures you made in conversation. It was after a big blow up over the phone with Liam that Zayn realized he had an issue to address. When Liam emerged from the dressing room, tired from arguing back and forth with you over a petty subject, he wanted to blow off a little steam.
“[Y/N] is all over my ass to come home for her friend’s wedding. Like I can just come and go as I please.” He expected Zayn to nod in agreement or shrug even. Whatever the reaction, Liam could always count on Zayn to be on his side of things.
“Just do it for her. Don’t be a fucking asshat.” In Zayn’s mind, he would rearrange his schedule for you. Unlike Liam, he didn’t have any problem in telling management to eat shit and deal with him taking a day off no matter what the reason. Zayn occupied his mouth with his water bottle and stalked away, feeling like his innocent crush had just taken a sharp wrong turn.
So, a week later, right before Liam was on his way to pick you up from the airport so you two could spend time together, Zayn stopped him and invited him into his hotel suite for a quick chat.
“What’s up, man? I really need to jet.” Liam didn’t want you waiting around the airport, open to any kind of strange person’s advances.
“Yeah, yeah, this will just take a minute.” He nodded, walking a few steps past the black television screen just to go backwards again. Zayn’s hands held refuge in the pocket of his grey sweats. What was he doing? This felt so ridiculous to him. “You know, I wouldn’t make a deal about something if it wasn’t really bugging me, right?” He checked with his friend. He always felt so protective of Liam and now he was about to come out and tell him that he had major feelings for his girlfriend.
“Yeah. Is everything alright?” He hadn’t planned to before Liam took a seat, sensing the situation was a little heavier than he anticipated.
“Kind of. Just….uh…you’re good with [Y/N] now, right? You two got into it last week.” He stopped right in front of the turned off screen and asked, looking down at his socked feet with his hand over his furry chin.
“Yeah. It was just a spat. I need to go pick her up actually.”
“I know, I know.” Zayn rushed, not sure how to go about this. “I just think about her a lot, you know?”
Liam chuckled nervously and looked at his friend as if he was losing his marbles, “Well, hopefully you don’t think about her too much.” He tried to joke.
“That’s the problem. I do.” Sheepishly, he confessed, lifting his head up to study Liam’s face. He wanted to make sure he was following. “Ever since I met her, I’ve kind of not been able to shake this sort of…I don’t know what you’d call it…I just think she’s great. I really like her.” He poked his tongue into his cheek, stopping himself from saying anymore.
Liam only stared at him and pictured what Zayn would look like thrown into the plasma screen behind him, maybe even past that and into the hotel wall.
“Fuck off.” Finally, he spoke and hustled off of the edge of Zayn’s bed. He was squinting with his brows covering his honey brown eyes furiously. “You know what, no, fuck off. You’re telling me that you are into my girlfriend?” It sounded so childish when Liam said it, but Zayn just nodded. “No.” Liam was not having it. He was waving his hand in front of him like Simon did when he was utterly and completely against an idea. “Fuck this. You could literally have any girl you want, you frequently do, and still somehow you want to get with my girlfriend.”
“Not get with.” That sounded cheap. Zayn didn’t think of you as some penny arcade prize. You were worth a lot more than that and he knew that. He wasn’t convinced at all that Liam recognized your value. A girl like you wasn’t to be found on every avenue.
“Why the fuck are you telling me this? You want me to rent her out to you? See if you two get on better.”
“No, I don’t…it was really bugging me, man. I can’t stop thinking about her, I try – “
“Try harder!” Infuriated, Liam shouted. “Have you been texting her or anything?” He knew you were friendly with his bandmates, but he was going to put an end to all of that now.
“No. No. Nothing. I just…I know this is a shitty thing, man…”
“Just fuck off, Zayn. When she’s here this week, don’t talk to her, don’t look at her. You don’t think about her anymore.” Liam shook his hand at Zayn once more, his head following and went for the door. He had never wanted to go to an airport so badly in his whole life.
LOUIS: “You get him down?” Laughing, Louis sat down next to you on the private plane, taking your attention away from the night sky outside and passed out Niall sleeping under blankets next to you, his blond head wobbling on your shoulder.
“He is out for the night, I think.” You checked, running a hand over his head and earning no reaction back from your boyfriend. It was a new relationship, one that blossomed organically out of a light friendship, but you were really enjoying your time with Niall. He made you laugh even when you were at your most bored and, in return, you were someone to protect all his secrets. “Is this the kind of trouble he gets into when he goes out with you?” Sizing Louis up with a raise of your groomed brows, you asked playfully.
“Oh no. Niall is capable of that all on his own. He drinks like a fish.” Louis assured you, but you already knew that as fact on your own. In fact, when you met Niall he was inebriated and most of the stories your mutual friends told you about the Irishmen involved heavy drinking. You enjoyed a stiff drink just as much as the next person, but Niall’s habit made you look like a prude.
“So, how have you been? How are things with that girl?” Always interested in the love lives of others, you inquired, remembering just a few days ago Louis confided in you that someone had finally caught his attention after two years of being single and liking it.
“I think good. We’re just talking.” He grinned devilishly, being completely truthful without too up front.
“Oh, that’s great. Has anybody met her yet? What does everybody think?”
“Well, Niall is particularly fond of her.”
Scratching at your head, you tried to think if Niall had mentioned any new girl to you. He wasn’t much of a gossip, but you just assumed it would have come up. Besides, you were around an awful lot, how could you have missed this girl that everyone else was aware of.
“Why is that? She must have a great rack.” You laughed, knowing what an outrageous boob man your boyfriend was at his core.
“Yeah.” Coughing as he laughed, Louis nodded along. He leaned forward for a moment, making sure his other band mates were occupied up front as well as some crew and then lowered his blue eyes on you like lasers at a Pink Floyd concert. “Well, she’s you.” He whispered, biting on his lower lip with one tooth and watching your reaction.
Dumbfounded and surprised, you let the information stew and process. Your eyes fluttered down on Niall who was still out like a candle in the wind on your shoulder, his mouth open and a sleepy moan calling out. You went to look back over at Louis, but before your eyes could adjust his lips were over yours, gliding over them like a soft brush applicator from a juicy tube.
“Niall is literally on my shoulder!” You hissed in a whisper. Louis was ballsy and you always liked his apparent confidence, but that was some nerve. “What are you…uh…” You looked back at forth between the eager Louis on your right side, his eyes wide awake jet pools that were devouring you, and then to your left where your blond boyfriend was sleeping himself into a hard hangover, but looking so precious. “You’ve confused me!” Instead of causing a scene, you accused Louis and stood up abruptly, causing Niall to fall onto the spot you were occupying harshly and wake up as you went to the washroom for comfort.
“What’s going on?” Slurred and coated with his accent, Niall asked, his eyes fluttering closed again.
“Nothing. She’s just confused.” It wasn’t a ‘no’ and that was of great comfort to Louis. “Go back to sleep, bud.”
Did he hate Niall? No. He could never. The Irish boy was practically his brother. Brothers could fight though. They could absolutely mess one another up. They could be annoyed with each other and do or say horrible things to one another. The way Harry saw it, Niall was begging for him to intervene.
Harry had known you from the time you were both in primary grades. You grew up two streets away from one another and your siblings were good friends as were your parents. It wasn’t until he was older that he realized you weren’t just someone to swap sandwiches with on the swings. You didn’t just hit puberty, you gave it a hard upper cut in the face. Coming home after touring the Take Me Home album, Harry was looking forward to seeing you again, going on small town adventures, and even taking you to some of the luxurious places he had access to now, but he wasn’t expecting to see a masterpiece of a young woman waiting for him in his living room with his grandparents. Suddenly, all the things that made you so compatible as friends made you seem more appealing as a girlfriend. He wanted more, that was why he started inviting you out with his new music friends and the band.
At first when Niall leaned in and told him you were smoking hot, he didn’t think anything of it. Harry agreed after all and took it as a compliment that somebody else saw what he did. Niall always did have good taste in his humble opinion. Niall had asked before approaching you at the bowling alley the status, but Harry assured him you two were just friends. He was regretting that decision now, a week later, as you were now hanging out at Niall’s place. He had even saved a selfie of the two of you making out on his phone screen which Harry couldn’t help, but see on his way to an interview at BBC Radio 1.
“Saturday, you’re coming, right?” Harry asked you as you two sat side by side on the bus together. While he was internationally known and famous, his attire and floppy fat helped him to blend in like any other person commuting.
“Yeah. I already told you I was. I’ll just meet you there though. Niall and I have plans beforehand.”
“Doing what?” He asked and instantly wish he hadn’t. Harry was pretty sure he didn’t want to know.
“Just hang out. We might go to a movie or something.” You shrugged, unsure.
“And I can’t come?” You were all friends, Harry didn’t look at himself as a third wheel.
“Would you want me to come if you were hanging out with somebody you were super into?”
“You’re super into him? Come on, he’s Niall. You know, he farts, right?”
Wrinkling up your nose at the thought, you shuddered for a moment and then just laughed it off. Farting was normal, Harry was being weird.
“So, are you two together now? Is this a thing? Do you have a ship name?”
“A what?” Your whole face came together like a rosebud as you looked at your friend like he was growing an arm out of his face. “I don’t know. He’s alluded that he’d like to be something, but we haven’t talked about it. We’re just having fun.”
“Well, I can be fun, too.” Leaning closer to you, Harry slipped his hand between your jean clad knees and squeezed one. Your eyes grew into the size of teacup saucers at his hand on your leg and then you turned your head to completely stare at him with your large pupils.
“You’re being so strange, Harold.” Blankly, you told him. “Are you on drugs?” While you were joking, a part you was a little bit serious. He had changed a bit since hitting super stardom, but for the most part, he was still the same lovable goof he had always been.
“No. I just…why are you into Niall? You have me.”
Without an answer for your friend, you let a thick awkward silence come between you both. You tried to think of what to say, but you didn’t understand the situation completely. It didn’t help that Harry’s eyes were on you like a hawk’s, “This is weird.” Finally, you managed to tell him.
“What’s so weird about it? I’ve known you longer than Niall. I think we make a more aesthetically pleasing couple, I’m funnier, I live closer, we’re…” He counted out the traits on his fingers as you fished your buzzing phone out of the pocket of your casual jacket.
“It’s Niall.” You held up the phone to show Harry for a moment.
The Irish man’s name on your phone shut him right up and Harry dropped his curly head low, staring at the holes in his leather boots. He was going to ask you out the same day he introduced you to Niall. He had it all planned and now it was too late. He was friend zoned.
“What the hell?” Harry shrugged, throwing his hair and hat back before stealing a kiss as you were trying to type out a response to Niall. At first, your instinct was to squirm away from his lips, but you were surprised that they were so soft. You had always imagined kissing Harry would be like smooching sand paper, but it wasn’t. Clearly, he had learned a lot from the older women he messed about with. Your phone slipped out of your hands onto the floor of the bus and you leaned back into your spot as you let him kiss you even deeper. “Pick me.” He told you, pulling away with a grin, leaving you with a hard decision to make.
Since Louis was called into an important production meeting that he took on independently, you were sitting alone at a cake testing. It was the one part of wedding planning that actually appealed to Louis and now he wasn’t able to come. You couldn’t reschedule though since the place was booked and you needed to choose flavors as soon as possible.
“Let’s just start without him.” Quietly, you told the girl behind the counter from the tall table you were perched at.
“Oh, there he is.” The young girl nodded toward the front door behind you as she tied up her blue apron behind her back. You spun around, your face beaming, but had to do a double take. It wasn’t Louis coming into the Santa Monica bakeshop, it was Liam.
“What are you doing here?” Slipping off the stool, your heels found the floor and you reached over to mechanically hug Liam.
“I’m filling in.” He said while his palms flattened out on your back, feeling your soft skin between the straps of your summer dress. “Let’s eat some cake.” After releasing you from a delicate hug, Liam announced and clapped his hands together. He took your hand, the shining engagement ring from Louis sparkling under the fluorescent bakery bulbs, and helped you back up onto the stool.
The girl rounded the corner of the counter and came out with a large tray with two plates on it, four flavors on each cut into squares. She pointed to each cake and explained what the flavor was and the icing options, but you were too busy watching Liam watching you to really listen.
“Thank you.” Politely, you nodded at her and picked up your fork. The first piece looked like vanilla to you, but you were positive it had some fancy locational name or something pretentious and French. You cut into it with the side of your utensil, but Liam was already reaching across the table with his own fork and offering you a bit.
“People should do this all the time.” He pleasantly chatted. “Not just when they’re getting married.”
“Liam, what are you doing here?” While you really liked Liam and he was band mates with your fiancé, you knew that Louis wouldn’t have sent his friend to help you out. If he really was in a bind, he would have asked Harry or Zayn.
“I’m helping my friends out.” He answered as if he was innocent.
“I can do it on my own, but thank you.” Feeling a little awkward about picking wedding cake with Liam for your wedding with Louis, you tried to defuse the situation. It just didn’t feel right in your stomach.
“When is the date?” The girl asked, returning with napkins. “You both are so cute together. You’ll have impossibly cute babies.” She was young, but clearly not a one direction fan if she couldn’t tell the difference between Liam and Louis. You went to correct her, your mouth opening, but Liam’s fork made it’s way between your lips and he took the opportunity to reply.
“July 10th, as soon as our South American leg is done. I’m a lucky man.” He told her, humbly bragging about something that wasn’t even true.
You swallowed the wet piece hole, gulping to get it down and reaching for your glass of water. By the time you could speak, the girl was gone again, off to see if she had any other samples in the back. You stared at Liam like he was foaming at the mouth as he began to munch on the cake happily and then you kicked him hard underneath the table, causing him to wince instantly.
“What was that? Are you trading in your microphone for acting lessons?”
“I was just having a bit of fun. Usually, you find that kind of stuff funny.”
“First of all, Louis and I are keeping the date private and…you let her think we, you and me, are getting married.” Rubbing your lips together, you were ready to just turn down the cake testing and settle for something from the freezer at the local Dairy Queen. Everybody liked ice cream cake, didn’t they?
“This is my last chance to be with you in a way…” Four years ago when you and Louis were just beginning to date, you had helped a very drunk Liam into his bunk on the bus and he told you that you were the most beautiful girl he had seen before and that he wanted to know how you tasted, but you just laughed it off and nobody ever mentioned it ever again. Liam was currently with someone and you were months away from marrying Louis. This was not the time for Liam’s crush to rear its unusual head. “Look, I know it’s pretend.” Dropping his fork gently, he reached forward and cupped your hand under his, rubbing a thumb over your lotioned skin. “Just let me pretend.” His eyes did all the pleading and as the girl came back empty handed, you don’t know what came over you, but you scooted closer to Liam and let your hand rest under his.
“We’re okay. Four is enough options for us.” You nodded at her and decided to go along with Liam, hoping it was harmless.
In the pitch black hotel room, you couldn’t check for tattoos. However, you knew based on the feeling of the arm that laid over your side under the covers, it wasn’t Zayn spooning you. Inhaling as you tried to squirm, you noted it didn’t smell like your boyfriend either. Even when you turned though, you couldn’t make out who it was in the darkness. They nuzzled up against you, their head against your chest and then their hand snaked slowly over your naked thighs, trying to poke through the crease of your two legs pressed together.
“HEY!” You screamed, shoving them away. If it was Zayn, this would have all been welcomed, but you knew that it wasn’t him in your hotel bed. He must have still been out with the lads.
“Don’t scream, [Y/N]…” An Irish accent slurred, his breath vibrating against your breasts as his drunk face pushed into them.
“Oh God, Niall. You’re drunk.” You laughed and sat up, moving his arm off of you. In the morning, you were sure everybody would laugh about this. You leaned over him and reached for the light switch, the room brutally blinding you with brightness for a moment. Niall groaned and buried his face into your stomach. This was not the ideal time to be sleeping naked, so you pulled the covers over you best you could. “Niall, your room is two down. How drunk are you?” Laughing, you waited for something of an answer. You figured you would have to get up, put on some clothes, and walk the blond boy there yourself. “Come on, let me take you to your room.” You patted his back twice and waited for him to respond.
“You want to come to my room?” His head perked up like a puppy who had just heard the word ‘walk’. “I’ve always wanted you alone in my room.” His words were muffled, but you understood him perfectly.
“Stop it.” This time, you weren’t laughing, as you shoved him off of you and hugged the comforter over your naked self. “Niall, I’m serious. You need to go.”
“Sometimes when Zayn is bitching that you’re being whiny or a prude, I think he’s an idiot….” Niall started to blubber, rolling over onto his back and rubbing his stomach like Santa Claus in his toyshop. “Cause you’re so good….wonderful you….you would be my princess and I’d never whine…”
You were only half listening to Niall’s lethargic rambling. As if Zayn bitched about you. Sure, you told your friends how stubborn your boyfriend of eight months could be, but you always followed your words up with how much you loved him and how grateful you were.
Standing up, you figured Niall was too drunk to really pay attention to your nudity and you went to your suitcase to find something to throw on in order to help him out to his hotel room.
“Look at that body…” He moaned, his head watching you as it basically hung off the side of the mattress. “You work out.” Niall chuckled after, cracking himself up, and then uselessly reached out for you. “I want to touch you. I want know how all your inches and curves feel. I’m so fucking in love with you, [Y/N]. It’s not even funny.”
“No, it’s not. You’re right.” Maybe, in a different circumstance you would see the humor in all this or you would manage to be flattered, but right now you just wanted to get Niall out of there and fall back asleep. You threw on the little night shirt you should have been wearing, a red cotton number, and rushed over to the blond boy you had considered a friend for a while. Reaching your hands down to help him up, he pulled you over him instead and smiled as your noses rubbed together. There was nothing, but the fabric of your clothes between you now. You could feel how awake Niall’s body was. His hands reached around and slid under your nightgown, grabbing at the curve of your ass cheek and then kneading it like pizza dough.
“I want you so bad.” He grumbled into your ear. You heard a knock on the door, as if on cue, and your head threw back to stare.
“Hey babe, I forgot my key.” On the other side, you heard Zayn and leaped out of Niall’s arms.
“Niall, behave yourself. Go to sleep.”
“I touched your bum.” He smiled to himself as his eyes rolled back.
Shaking your head, you rushed to the door and opened it up for your boyfriend, not welcoming with a hug and kiss as you usually would.
These didn’t turn out quite as I had imagined them. Your feedback would be most appreciated. Let me know if you have any requests.