mr. radar

Wammy’s Boys & Parents

Near’s parents were alcoholics. His mother drank during the pregnancy which led to Near being born with minor FAS (Foetal Alcohol Syndrome). Whilst he wasn’t negatively affected intellectually, FAS caused poor development during puberty, leaving Near below average height and weight. Near made it through two years with them, his parents keeping him mostly for the child benefits. His earliest memory is of a car crash, which left his parents hospitalised with no chance of waking and Near bouncing around the system. He finally made it onto Mr. Wammy’s radar, and into Wammy’s when he was 9 ½ years old and was quickly established as Number 1 within a matter of weeks. Since then, the only time Near has so much as contemplated his parents was to check whether they were off life support, and not wasting NHS money. 

Mello’s father is unknown. He was a brief fling his mother had, who’d moved on before Mello’s mother even realised she was pregnant. She doesn’t hold it against him, and ensured that Mello knew that too. They had a close relationship, his mother doing her best to keep up with his intelligence but not having enough money to do so properly, her wage as a cleaner unable to cover specialised education. She still taught him everything she knew, and as soon as Mello was big enough to stir a pot they would cook together. She was proud of how well-rounded her son was growing up to be, until her abrupt death when he was 8 years old. She died in a fire at her employers home, which was later put down as arson. Fire would continue to follow Mello throughout his life. Mello wasn’t in the system long before being found by Mr. Wammy and shipped to England and Wammy’s House. Mello was immediately placed as Number 1 and stayed in that position for just over a year. 

Matt has no memories of his parents at all. They died when he was less than a year old, committing suicide at the urging of a small cult that gained very little publicity. He was in the system for three years before Mr. Wammy brought him from Canada to England, in time for his fourth birthday. He has no emotional bonds to his parents, or the idea of parents, and enjoys making dead parent jokes to make others uncomfortable. 

Dark Helmet: [looking at Mr. Coffee] What’s the matter with this thing, what’s all that churnning and bubbling, you call that radar screen? 
Colonel Sandurz: No, sir. We call it, 
[slaps the machine
Colonel Sandurz: Mr Coffee. Care for some? 
[prepairs a cup for Helmet
Dark Helmet: Yes. I always have my coffee when I watch radar, you know that. 
Colonel Sandurz: Of course I do, sir. 
Dark Helmet: [to everybody] Everybody knows that! 
All the henchmen in the room: [covering their crotches] Of course we do, sir.

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