mr. churchill

Inspector - Tommy Shelby

Hey, can u do a tommy fic where y/n and Tommy are together. But y/n has to flirt with Cambell to get info and Tommy gets jealous when Cambell brags to him

Inspector - Tommy Shelby

The first time you heard Inspector Campbell’s name was not from Tommy. Arthur was talking to John about a new Inspector in town, a man who had hunted IRA members in Belfast and was now being dropped into Birmingham by Winston Churchill.  

The second time you heard of him was when he came waltzing through the doors of the Garrison, not seeming to care that the facility was home to Blinders and their allies. You were behind the counter, getting yourself a glass of brandy because Harry was swamped with orders.  

“That’s inspector Campbell,” Harry whispered, walking passed you.  

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anonymous asked:

You said: "Mansfield Park is probably the bleakest of Austen novels, and I particularly wished a very specific thing had turned out differently, even though I get why it didn’t, but to me it is a great book" I really want to know what thing you're talking about! Though I have some ideas of course.. Please explain yourself, I am keen to listen :)

Hi anon! I’m glad you’re interested in listening what I have to say.

For those of you who haven’t read Mansfield Park yet and don’t want spoilers, I advise you not to read the rest of this post.

So, what I wished that had turned out differently was Henry Crawford’s story. I really hoped for the reformation of his character. I liked how he went from just wanting to mess with Fanny to genuinely falling in love with her and having, to some extent, transformed. Of course, old habits die hard, and his old ways were stronger than the new conduct he had adopted in his pursuit of Fanny’s affections.

While Austen’s novels aren’t romantic stories, even though romance plays a part in them, Mansfield Park is the least romantic of all of her books. I think that this is probably why so many people dislike it. As I said, this is the bleakest of her novels, the realism of it is quite disconcerting, and almost no one is transformed in the process, at least not in the same manner that, say, Marianne Dashwood or Elizabeth Bennet. This isn’t a criticism of Austen’s writing, quite the contrary. Here she focuses on the importance of constancy and integrity. By this I don’t mean that the characters in Mansfield Parkare flat, because they are not. It’s not that Fanny doesn’t evolve, it’s just that her development is rooted in her constancy and integrity.

I think it’s important to remember that Austen wrote Mansfield Park upon finishing Pride and Prejudice, something that I take as her will to explore different facets of the human condition. And I believe this is connected to her approach towards Henry Crawford.

Of the gallery of rakes written by Austen - Sense and Sensibility’s Willoughby, Pride and Prejudice’s Wickham, Mansfield Park’s Crawford, Persuasion’s Mr. Elliot, and Frank Churchill, Emma’s much lighter version of the trope -, Henry Crawford is the only one I saw myself rooting for. He was the only one I thought that would turn into someone actually good. But then, he just didn’t. He couldn’t really bring himself to change. Contrasting his journey to Darcy’s, even though they pertain to different character tropes and have a very different inner character, shows us that Darcy took his change much closer to his heart.

Fanny’s integrity is deeply rooted in her, and she won’t bend it to the fickle ways of the world. While this is praise worthy, Henry Crawford’s fall into his old habits, which are the total opposite of Fanny’s, is condemnable. The “constancy” of his dissolute behaviour has the exact opposite effect to that of Fanny’s constancy. One must know when it’s necessary to stay the same and when it’s necessary to transform.

That’s why I understand why Henry Crawford fell, being unable to complete the reformation of his character. However, I would have liked very much to see him truly change. As I said before, Austen’s novels aren’t about who the heroine gets to marry in the end, but I’d rather see Fanny paired up with a transformed Henry Crawford than to Edmund Bertram. Henry proposed a challenge to her, not because of his dubious morals, of course, but his quick mind and general disposition would be far more beneficial to her, had he reformed, than a life lived with Edmund. To me, Edmund was never worthy of Fanny. His infatuation with Mary Crawford really speaks against him, and not because Fanny had always been in love with him, but because it shows he didn’t really have a sharp mind. Besides, Henry’s transformation would be inherently connected to who Fanny is, to her morals and to her conduct, providing an interesting take on the theme of the novel (the novel’s narrator even speculates that had he been more patient, Fanny would most likely have accepted him).

I understand Austen’s motives and wishes with the writing of Mansfield Park, but I would have loved to see how she would have conducted Henry’s reformation and the dynamics this would have brought to the narrative.

Do you care to share your thoughts, anon? ;)

afirewiel  asked:

I get why Mr. Elton married his wife. She's rich. She comes from a wealthy family. Which begs the question, why did she marry him? She did she give all that up to become the wife of a country vicar? Was there seriously no one else that would take her?

Oh, I am so glad you asked. Essentially, it comes down to the fine distinctions and interactions between money (which Augusta Elton, nee Hawkins, has plenty of,) and class/breeding (which she has not.)

To start with, let’s examine what various people throughout the novel have to say of Mr. Elton, a handsome vicar of 26 or 27.

He is often described in the most glowing terms, even by those who are not Harriet and Emma while they (or at least Emma) are actively scheming for him on Harriet’s behalf–Mr. Woodhouse and Mr. Knightley are not alone in praising Mr. Elton’s virtues.

“…pretty, well-liked, gentle manners more than Knightley or Weston…”
“…good humoured, cheerful, obliging, and gentle.”
“…quite the gentleman himself, without any low connections…” with a “comfortable home,” and a “very sufficient income.”
“…good-humoured, well-meaning, respectable…” with useful knowledge of the world and a good understanding.
“…a very pleasing young man, a young man whom an woman not fastidious might like…”
“Mr. Elton had not his equal for beauty or agreeableness.”
“…reckoned very handsome…”
“Elton is a very good sort of man, and a very respectable vicar of Highbury, but not at all likely to make an imprudent match.”
“He knows he is a very handsome young man, and a great favourite wherever he goes…”
“…the handsomest man that ever was, and a man that every body looks up to…his company so sought after that he need not eat a single meal by himself…”
“…Never saw a man more intent on being agreeable. It is downright labour to him where ladies are concerned. With men he can be rational and unaffected, but when he has ladies to please every feature works.”
“Mr. Elton is the standard of perfection in Highbury, both in person and mind.”

[Emma herself says this last bit of praise to Jane Fairfax after the news of Mr. Elton’s engagement to Miss Hawkins. Granted it is prior to his sneering treatment of Harriet and Emma at the ball and Box Hill picnic, but he’s already given away his own pompousness and truly resentful nature by small hints…but there is yet a powerful public image of Mr. Elton in society which Emma’s privately growing dislike cannot hope to counteract. Again, in the interests of being neighbourly in such a small community, Emma is forced to tell polite fibs when it comes to somebody she cannot stand.]

While the vicarage is not so pretty nor grand as Hartfield or Donwell Abbey, it is nonetheless acknowledged to be a comfortable property–it would have been the home of Mrs. and Miss Bates, before the death of Mr. Bates, and so it is certainly a genteel home. In addition to this, it is noted that Mr. Elton also possesses some other independent property, and while it’s not specified what addition this is to his income, it is an added measure of security, and further cementing his place as a part of the landed gentry. His mother and sisters, moreover, are hinted to reside in London at least part of the time, and in no shabby fashion.

He’s young, widely acknowledge to be handsome, and his manners extremely pleasing, especially as he exerts himself to the utmost to please around ladies. While it is surprising to some that he should be able to secure an engagement to a young lady within four weeks, he must have been putting the pedal to the metal in Bath to woo the lady of his choice, and as Augusta Hawkins was apparently “easily impressed” and “ready to have him”, it must have been pretty easy to get her…but then she has her own particular reasons for wanting such a match as Mr. Elton, beyond his personal charms–chiefly, his position as a gentleman of property and a respectably genteel profession.

Now let us consider Miss Hawkins, who is to become Mrs. Elton–while Mr. Elton has first set his sights on Emma and her 30 000 pound dowry, he has also spoken of a large party of ladies in Bath, intimate friends of his own sisters, who each have 20 000 pounds apiece. It is also noted that if he has no success with Emma and her 30 000, he’d move on to a lady with 20 000, then 10…and so on.

As his match is made within four weeks of his departure from Highbury for Bath, he evidently skips the 20 000 pound option (or finds it impossible to secure quickly, if haste must be his object, as a clergyman cannot neglect his parish for very long holidays to go chasing after a wife, and his prime object then is to find a rich and admirable bride to flaunt in Highbury as soon as possible to prove his own consequence, rather than dwell in the shame of his rejection by Emma. Miss Hawkins is NOT one of these ladies who are friends of his sisters, as we later find out–she has ‘only’ 10 000 pounds to her dowry, though that is no paltry sum, certainly. Money, however, is not all there is to her. We know plenty of other facts about Augusta Hawkins, or can fill in with safe assumptions what is left vague:

She is initially rumoured to be “handsome, elegant, highly accomplished, and perfectly amiable”–now, as this is all before anybody in Highbury has met her, it’s meant to be taken with a grain of salt, and as her arrival rather proves that she is not elegant, nor all that accomplished, nor anything like perfectly amiable, though some other characters refer to her as being good-looking, there is certainly nothing like any glowing praise of looks which may be offered to other young ladies, like Jane Fairfax or even Harriet Smith, and it may simply be politeness making the most of average charms. I doubt Mr. Elton would have married an ugly woman, but in being damned by faint praise, I think we can safely assume Augusta Hawkins is nothing especially spectacular in her looks.

She is the “youngest of the two daughters of a Bristol – merchant…” whose parents are both now dead, and who is kept by an uncle “in the law line”, and not evidently at all distinguished. I’ve written before on the differences a man’s career might make to his apparent class-level, and a man “in the law line” without the distinguishing factor of being a well-to-do barrister, is not of the gentry. All of Augusta Hawkins’ money is very new, and entirely from trade–there is nothing to connect their family to the gentry except, now, the marriages of these two daughters. The elder, Selina, apparently made the more glorious match with Mr. Suckling, a man of leisure and property at Maple Grove. (Also, look at the given names of Selina and Augusta–both very fashionable Greco-Roman names, compared to the old English names of the other women in the novel–Emma, Harriet, Anne, Jane…even in their Christian names, the Hawkins girls are set apart to seem flashier, and ‘newer’, with a greater push for seeming grandiose.) Augusta’s endless talk of her high connections, her contradictory statements to attempt to hastily ingratiate herself with whatever genteel person (usually a gentleman) happens to be talking, her affected use of the bad Italian ’caro sposo’ to affectionately refer to her husband…all these things point to Augusta being desperate to make herself a place among the quieter, genteel folk of Highbury, having first seen her sister married into a barely-genteel-though-rich establishment, and now herself accepting a place as a wife to a man with a less impressive income, but a much more impressive pedigree and undeniable respectability.

We cannot be deceived by how much Augusta talks up Maple Grove and the Sucklings and her connection to them. Later on, she lets slip that Maple Grove was only purchased 11 years earlier, (she thinks just prior to old Mr. Suckling’s death, making the estate only technically In the Family for two generations, at a stretch,) while she is berating another family–the Tupmans, who come from Birmingham and have probably made their own fortune by trade or some other undistinguished but honest line of work, who bought West Hall near Maple Grove and now presume to address themselves to the Sucklings as equal neighbours–for being upstarts. The Tupmans are precisely what the Sucklings were only ten years previously, yet Mrs. Elton loves to talk of her sister’s people as though they are landed gentry of long standing. She talks of Maple Grove as a 'seat’, when it is simply a country house, no more, no less. Mr. Suckling has no title, nor does he own any other property. (If he did have any town-houses or other second-homes, I have no doubt we would hear no fucking end of it from Mrs. E.) But Mrs. Elton jumps at the chance to compare Hartfield to Maple Grove, to talk very generally of what the landed gentry are like, with their extensive grounds, etc.., though Emma, very much OF the landed gentry, privately disagrees with her presumptions. Augusta often hints at her intimacy with the Sucklings and such people as if it is to her credit, as well as talking a great deal of their TWO fashionable carriages–going so far as to mention the barouche-landau so frequently that it comes up three times in a single block of (presumably breathless) dialogue.

Augusta also sniffs at Mr. Weston’s story of how Mrs. Churchill was 'barely a gentleman’s daughter’ before marriage, only to now have swelled to even greater pride than was already in the Churchill family she married into–without seeming to realize that she herself stands a fair chance of doing exactly the same thing in the years to come–and worse, for nobody would argue that Miss Hawkins, for all her money and finery and put-on airs of breeding, was a gentleman’s daughter. No, her father was in trade–and while that is not in itself a mark against her, it highlights her own hypocrisy and clumsy, social-climbing ways. (Jane Austen’s father’s family were themselves descended from wool merchants, and only by his own education and his marriage to Cassandra Leigh, a comparatively-poor daughter of a more ancient line of genteel people, was his family admitted among the minor gentry. Jane would have been well-aware of the criss-crossing of social class lines and how 'good breeding’ could oftentimes be at odds with material wealth.) Augusta, digging for compliments and declaring she has 'a horror of upstarts’, cannot begin to fathom how she is hurting her own cause by her hypocrisy.

We know that Selina Hawkins married Mr. Suckling (himself scarcely a gentleman,) which was supposed to be a very grand match, for her. Augusta’s age is never specified that I can recall, but she seems very eager not to be left behind, though her sister has married, and apparently her connections to Maple Grove have not yet helped her to find another Mr. Suckling, there. In an effort to be wittily pert, she leaps at the chance to contradict Mr. Weston’s attempt to compliment the strength of ladies in general, and ends up giving a spirited defense to the notion that women are squeamish and weak creatures, and inadvertently disavowing that her sister is a fine lady–the precise opposite of what she wished to do, but she spoke so quickly that she cannot immediately think of a way to counteract it without sounding completely stupid, even to herself. Rather than listening and actually saying something sensible, Augusta rushes out to behave as she might have read or imagined a spirited, educated woman ought to do, and only succeeds in putting her foot in her mouth. (She’s a less-clever Miss Bingley who imagines herself a Lizzie Bennet.)

Augusta, before her marriage, still lives with her low-connection uncle in Bristol (despite her insistence that she’s spent months staying at Maple Grove, though Selina and Mr. Suckling have likely only been married less than two years by this point–the barouche-landau having been acquired only 18 months previous…possibly at the insistence of the new Mrs. Suckling?) Despite her principal residence being in Bristol, Augusta spends her winters in Bath with her friend Mrs. Partridge, whose acquaintance she offers to further with Emma in a broad hint that it would help Emma meet and catch a husband. Emma is, naturally, affronted at this suggestion, surmising that Mrs. Partridge is “probably some vulgar, dashing widow” who takes in boarders to help pad out her meager income. Though Bath was a spa town, and, given its southern location, probably had a fair amount of society throughout the winter months, the social season itself was more largely confined to the spring–the winter would be a cheaper and quieter season to spend in such a city, with many of its visiting residents there for their health, rather than strictly pleasure. That Augusta is regularly in Bath for the cheaper, less-social time of the year, even with a healthy dowry and adequate prettiness, is perhaps telling as to why she jumps at her chance to marry a handsome and well-set-up young gentleman! It may be that she appears to her best advantage when she is NOT surrounded in society by many gentleman’s daughters with greater assets than even she has got. Money, as she is well aware, isn’t everything–but it’s about all she’s got.

So much of Emma is an examination of how we let those around us affect our own views and behaviour. Compare Augusta to Harriet, who is certainly of lower origins, but whose sweet temper, obliging ways, and humble acceptance of who she is ultimately lead her to respectability and happiness when united with Robert Martin–only when Emma tries to drag her upwards in the world by marriage do things begin to go wrong for Harriet. Emma Woodhouse is certainly a snob, but I think the ultimate take-away from the cautionary tales of the novel is not 'know your place and never stray from it’, but to make certain that your aspirations are in keeping with what will do the truest good for you and those around you. In the end, it’s acknowledged that Harriet would have been a far better match for Elton than Augusta, as her personal virtues far outweigh the lapse of her birth and indifferent education, whereas Augusta’s riches and trying-too-hard ways endear her to absolutely nobody except perhaps the vain and pompous Mr. Elton–but their ardour is that of newlyweds, and those who wish to show off their marital success as a gloating snub to others, rather than anything like true affection.

Before the 1960s, the basic wealth management problem for every high-income Briton was that capital gains weren’t taxable, but income was. If you earned money from selling services, then it’d be taxable income, but if earned money from the sale of capital, then it wouldn’t be taxed at all. 

David Lough No More Champagne: Churchill and His Money (Head of Zeus, 2015) tells the delightful story of Winston Churchill and his lawyers’ long battles to evade tax on his personal income, including one ridiculous attempt to get the receipts from his syndicated newspaper articles characterized as sales of capital rather than as income. 

In 1941, the Chairman of the Inland Revenue advised the Chancellor the Exchequer that Churchill’s lawyers had been “unable to produce any evidence which could lead me to the view that these were not taxable.” There was no reason it should be: the contracts were for a fixed sum and didn’t involve the entire copyright, so the receipts were transparently in the nature of income, not sales of capital. “He wants to argue that each excerpt was a capital transaction in itself: but it seems to me a hopeless contention,” the Commissioner advised his staff. “However we must listen.” 

On May 19, 1942, weeks after the fall of Singapore, Churchill spent the afternoon away from the House of Commons speaking with his newly-hired solicitor about the prospects of an appeal:

I was warned that he would probably give me ten minutes, that I must be very brief and that I must tell him (if such was the case) that he had two or more courses open to him. Thereafter he would instantly make up his mind which course he would pursue… I was ushered into the Cabinet Room… and started off and said my piece which I had carefully prepared. [Churchill] after a short time got up and started walking around the table, talking as he did so, with the result that, when he arrived at each end he was completely out of earshot. … “If I appeal, will it be entirely private; can anyone get to know about it?’ I replied that it would be entirely private before the Commissioners, but if we won, they could appeal further and then the hearing would be in public. … And so it went on. My “ten minutes” was eventually turned into one and a half hours, but when I left I came away with instructions to lodge an appeal. I remember walking down Whitehall and buying an evening paper, the headline of which was “Why wasn’t Churchill in the House Today?” and at least I felt that was a question which I could answer with some conviction!

Churchill won that battle, even though he really shouldn’t have – the appeal was decided by Inland Revenue’s general commissioners, who ruled in Churchill’s favor at the end of September 1942 – but the earnings from those articles were small compared to Churchill’s copyright in his books. Churchill cleared £50,000 – untaxed – from assigning the copyright in his Life of Marlborough to Filippo Del Giudice’s production company, Two Cities, and another £50,000 – untaxed – from assigning the copyright in his History of the English Speaking Peoples to Sir Alexander Korda and MGM.

The great battle would be over Churchill’s memoirs. He postponed writing them for years; he couldn’t figure out how to make them pay. Even after the war, the top rates on personal income would be punitive – 97.5 per cent during the war, 92.5 per cent in the October 1945 budget, and back up to 97.5 per cent in the April 1946 budget – so Churchill needed some way to transform income into capital. 

Soon enough, Churchill’s lawyers figured it out. Winston Churchill would gift his personal papers to a trust administered by his wife, Clementine, and his son, Randolph, whereon the trust would sell the copyright in the papers to the publishers. Then the publishers would hire Churchill to edit the papers – that is, write the memoirs – for a nominal sum. And it worked!

… it was an offer from the Eton-educated American newspaperman Marshall Field III that gave Churchill’s advisers the kernel of the idea which they eventually used to avoid a large measure of tax. While offering Churchill a five-year deal worth $1.25 million for newspaper articles, Field mentioned that his Chicago Sun would also be part of a consortium bidding at least $1 million for the memoirs. He then suggested that, before writing anything, Churchill should gift his personal papers to a trust for his children and grandchildren. The trust could then sell the book rights before employing him for a much lower sum to ‘edit’ the text – only this last link in the chain would attract tax.

‘They certainly disclose an interesting situation in America, if only it were possible for us to take advantage of it,’ Churchill confided to Lord Camrose.


By mid-February Charles Graham-Dixon had prepared a detailed tax scheme for Churchill’s memoirs. He had discounted the safest option, the so-called ‘tin-box’ scheme that would delay publication until after Churchill’s death, on the assumption that Churchill or his family would need the money during his lifetime. Instead, he advised, Churchill should gift his papers to a family trust before he started writing his memoirs; then the trustees should sell the copyright of the papers, for a lump sum, to a publishing group; finally that group should make its own separate arrangements with Churchill to write the memoirs for a lesser sum.

The effect of divorcing the documents’ ownership from the memoir’s authorship, he contended, would be to leave the publisher’s money in the trustees’ hands as capital, while only Churchill’s fee as an author would attract any tax. He stressed two points: Churchill must gift the documents before writing a word; and the trustees, not Churchill, must settle the publishing contract. The prospects for success, Graham-Dixon thought, were ‘reasonable’.


Arriving back in Britain in late March, Churchill continued to claim publicly that he had not made a final decision whether to publish his memoirs. Within a week, however, he had asked Bill Deakin to help him write them and his solicitor Anthony Moir to establish the trust for his papers. Moir’s first draft suggested that the trust should include all papers from Churchill’s birth up to the end of the war; that Churchill should appoint the trustees; that they should be able to publish only with his permission; and that, at his death, the trust’s capital should be divided equally among his children. A firm believer in primogeniture, Churchill changed Randolph’s share to a half.

The Chartwell Literary Trust came into being on 31 July 1946 with Clementine, Brendan Bracken and Professor Lindemann (now Lord Cherwell) as its first trustees. Its official objective was to safeguard Churchill’s papers for posterity, without any mention of the tax advantages: to this end, Churchill expressed his wish that the trustees should eventually pass the papers on to Randolph or Randolph’s own son Winston, one of whom he hoped would write his official biography. Churchill was aware that the duke of Marlborough was considering selling Blenheim in the aftermath of war, so he wanted to make sure that the papers would ‘remain intact at Chartwell and it may well be that my son or grandson will ultimately give them to the National Trust, should Chartwell itself be vested in that Body’.


Meanwhile [in 1948] the Inland Revenue was on the point of deciding whether or not Churchill’s complicated tax scheme to shelter the majority of the income earned by The Second World War was sound. On their decision rested a much greater sum of money than Churchill had lost through the farms. The local tax inspector, a Mr Boarland, had asked to see a copy of Churchill’s contract with The Daily Telegraph and any other ‘relevant’ document, which Anthony Moir took to mean the parallel agreement between the newspaper and Churchill’s Literary Trust. After consulting Churchill Moir decided against volunteering any extra documents, but instead he disclosed to Boarland:

“In July 1946, Mr Churchill created a Settlement of cash, a large number of personal records and memoranda covering his life both public and private during the period of approximately 1906 to 1945, papers formerly belonging to Lord Randolph Churchill and a casket containing letters from the First Duke of Marlborough, which are of considerable value and were given to him by the Queen of the Netherlands at the close of the War. Under this Settlement no benefit, whether pecuniary or otherwise was reserved to Mr Churchill and this document is not in his possession or under his control.”

Churchill had sold his early copyrights after the war while ‘retired’ as an author, Moir added, but since resuming his writing career on 1 September 1946 Churchill had received twelve payments. Most of them, he contended, were ‘capital moneys’ for the Secret Session Speeches. However, Moir ended his carefully worded letter by offering the tax inspector one small morsel: Odhams Press had paid £500 to reproduce sixteen of Churchill’s paintings in a new version of Painting as a Pastime, which he admitted could possibly be construed as a royalty and therefore subject to tax. ‘If the point is pressed Mr Churchill will submit, without prejudice, to an assessment in respect of this sum,’ he offered.

There followed a ‘very friendly’ meeting at the tax inspector’s office, during which Moir insisted that Churchill’s prime motive for setting up the trust had naturally been to safeguard these ‘vitally important documents’. For more than a month the most senior minds at the Inland Revenue, including the chief inspector of claims (Intelligence Section), pored over Moir’s letter and the documents, but they could find no ‘catch’.

Churchill’s solicitor was confident of the final outcome and in February all five members of the Inland Revenue Board signed a piece of paper that allowed Boarland to confirm that ‘no liability to Income tax arises under the present law in respect of the £375,000 payable by The Daily Telegraph to the Trustees – either on Mr Churchill or on the trustees.’

These days, of course, legislation has reduced the tax preference on this transaction – it might even have made it unworkable – but it’s a stirring story. If Winston Churchill was, as A.J.P. Taylor called him, “the savior of his country”, then his lawyers were the men who saved the savior of their country – well, saved him a lot of money, at least.

Types as Famous Insults & Comebacks

(I make no promises as to accuracy of quoting bUT LOVE ME ANYWAY)

MP: “Mr. Churchill, must you fall asleep while I’m speaking?”
Winston Churchill: “No, it’s purely voluntary.”

Fan: “May I kiss the hand that wrote Ulysses?”
James Joyce: “No, it’s done lots of other things, too.”

Person: “Did you attend the funeral?”
Mark Twain: “No, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”

Reporter: “What do you think of Western civilisation?” 
Mahatma Gandhi: “I think it would be a good idea.”

Hunter S. Thompson: “They don’t hardly make ’em like him anymore, but I still think he should be castrated.”

Bessie Braddock: “Mr. Churchill, you are drunk.”
Winston Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly–and in the morning I will be sober.”

Philip of Macedon: “You are advised to submit at once without further delay, for if I bring my army into your lands, I will destroy your farms, slay your people, and raze your city.”
Sparta’s reply“IF.”

Beethoven: “I liked your opera. I think I will set it to music.”

Mark Twain: “The trouble ain’t that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain’t distributed right.”

Billy Wilder: “He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.”

Press: “Why do you have so many bitches?”
Hugh Hefner: “I have lots of girlfriends because I don’t call them bitches. A little respect will get you a long way.”

Noël Coward: “Edna, you look almost like a man.”
Edna Ferber: “So do you.”

Man: “I can’t bear fools.”
Dorothy Parker: “Apparently your mother could.”

Winston Churchill: “You can always count on Americans to do the right thing…after they’ve tried everything else.”

Person: “How many people work in the Vatican?”
Pope John Paul XXIII: “About half.”

Lewis Morris: “There’s a conspiracy against me, a silent conspiracy…what can I do?”
Oscar Wilde: “Join it.”

for phandom big bang 2015

Title: they’re teaching me to kill, who’s teaching me to love?
Artist: doodlesinwonderland
Beta: blossomphan
Word count: 23,726
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: homophobia, war, death mentions
Summary: In the midst of the Second World War, Dan is heading an operation that records and transcribes conversations between high-ranking German POWs residing in a country house bugged with listening devices. Phil comes in as an army general that the other generals shun and Dan’s curious as to why. Forming a substantial relationship, however, is difficult when you’re lying about your identity, you’re the enemy and your sexuality is illegal.  
Author’s Notes: this is the longest oneshot i’ve ever written (aside from a very bad fic i wrote aged twelve yikes) and it’s slightly terrifying but mostly very exhilarating to be able to share it with you all now. i could not have done any of this without my immeasurably wonderful beta and the creator of the beautiful banner aqua who put up with so much and was honestly the best beta i could ever have asked for and has ended up becoming one of my closest friends so really pbb has been good for many reasons thanks aqua i love u loads

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anonymous asked:

I've always despised zombies and I think everyone's all vampire'd out these days, but I RLY want Emma with werewolves now

Me too, honestly. The mystery aspect of it works well with the concept, too, as a werewolf would be a dual-identity and it just WORKS SO PERFECTLY WITH FRANK CHURCHILL. And Mr. Knightley suspecting and resenting/fearing that Emma might get hurt making his jealousy of Frank more than jealousy.

havingbeenbreathedout  asked:

For the slow burn/fake dating/enemies to lovers meme: Mr Collins, Frank Churchill, George Wickham SORRY I CAN'T THINK OF ANYONE REMOTELY APPEALING

ahahahahaha, WHAT. What!!! Okay, okay. I… I can do this.

Mr. Collins: I think I have to go enemies to lovers? Like, I am imagining that we begin with me intellectually eviscerating him, earning his snide enmity. But then, gradually, I will enjoy what the 18thC regarded as the rightful duty of a lover with his beloved: though careful reading suggestions and intellectual discussion, I will have the pleasure of shaping his mind and forming his character. Eventually he will be an acceptable person, and then we will get married and I will enjoy the fussy glamour of proximity of Lady Catherine.

Frank Churchill: fake-dating Frank Churchill was not a successful endeavour for Emma, so I am going to go with slow burn. It’s evidently his mode. I’ll make a pun about churches on hills at a party and it will simmer between us for six months. He’ll anonymously send me a set of beautiful china, which I will publicly use for the first time at a party held on his birthday but ostensibly not in his honour, and I’ll serve his tea third, but we will hold significant eye contact. After several years it will come as a complete shock to everyone when we wed.

George Wickham: this leaves Wickham with fake dating, but really, that seems like the best approach for him anyway. It would have to begin as an elaborate ruse, presumably some money-making scheme or protective measure against consequences for his terrible choices; we would have a BLAST going on ostentatiously risqué dates and rudely monopolizing each other at parties to discuss poetry at length. Eventually, giggling together in his open curricle on a countryside drive, we would kiss where no one could even see us, and realise that that the whole thing is actually really fun, and decide there’s no reason to stop. I will maintain full legal control of my extensive independent wealth as per our marriage settlement, but I’ll give him an allowance sufficient to keep him amused, and maybe we’ll have a threesome from time to time.

….weirdly, all of these sound pretty appealing now.


“A guy walks up to a woman at a bar…he flirts with her, he makes small talk but the woman insists she isn’t going home with him. Guy says, ‘What if I offer you a million dollars to sleep with me?’ The woman’s never had a million dollars in her life. She stops and considers the offer very seriously. The guy changes his mind, says, ‘What if I changed my offer to a dollar instead?’ The woman is aghast: ‘What kind of woman do you think I am?’ Guy says, ‘We’ve already figured that out. Now, we’re just negotiating.‘”

MEN VERSUS GUYS, courtesy of Sinead Murphy & Jane Austen

Guys are often packaged rather invitingly. Not awkward and taciturn like Mr Darcy, not tired and disappointed like Colonel Brandon, not serious and devout like Edmund Bertram nor caustic and superior like Henry Tilney, not ordinary and modest like Edward Ferrars nor old-fashioned and brusque like Mr Knightley nor weather-beaten and strident like Captain Wentworth, guys are smooth-talking like Mr Wickham, groomed and at ease like Henry Crawford, dashing and impetuous like Mr Willoughby, good humoured and care-free like our very own Frank Churchill. But, though charm and good looks, smooth talk and good humour, may be all very well at first, they do little in the end to sweeten the man for whom you must always play mother.”

So, to recap…Frank Churchill:

Henry Crawford:

Mr. Willoughby:

And Mr. Wickham:


Colonel Brandon:

Edmund Bertram:

Captain Wentworth:

Edward Ferrars:

Mr. Knightley:

Henry Tilney:

And Mr. Darcy:

Difference between Fi/Fe


I recently started to read Emma. I watched the film a few days ago; it made me very curious, but especially Emma’s behaviour. She is very obviously a Fe dom. (I’d say ESFJ*). Her ability to hide her true feelings so easily and fast in order not to upset the people around her made me interested.

While reading, I got to the following conversation between Emma and Mr. Knightley (whom I assume is some Te/Fi, though I couldn’t determine yet whether he uses more Si or Ni) which enlightens pretty well how Fe and Fi view the world. Here it’s not about the beliefs in themselves, but the way the characters express them (or not). Let me show you concretely with the quote of their conversation. I will understand if either Charity or Rose will refuse to publish this, as it’s quite long (a full chapter after all) but I think it can be quite interesting.

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Tumblr 1938

“Mr. Churchill the Nazis are demanding the sudetenland and violating Czechoslovak sovereignty! That Hitler has gone too far this time, surely this must mean war?!”

“uhmm some nazis??? Use violating the versailles treaty to cope????? Good 2 know you hate mentally ill people lol”

Winston Churchill and Charlie Chaplin outside Churchill’s home, Chartwell, in 1931

While being served a cold chicken lunch in America, Churchill asked the hostess: “May I have some breast?” “Mr Churchill,” she replied, “In this country we ask for white meat or dark meat.” The next day Churchill had an orchid delivered to her, along with the message: “I would be obliged if you would pin this on your white meat.” - Funnier than anything Chaplin ever did

Emma Approved, Frank and Jane videos: Glossary of words and phrases


Human rights.
= You think they’re sexy, right?

Any right in particular?
= How serious are you about my cause?

You really know your human rights.
= Please stop asking me hard questions. Also, you’re hawt.

I take them very seriously.
= Look how easily I can ignore your smoulder.

I’m saying there’s a difference between working for human rights, and raising money for them.
= And if you don’t pay attention to this difference, we are so over.

I just wish that every company that backed a charity actually believed in it.
= And if Emma doesn’t pay attention to this wish, I am so outta here.

I wish that too!
= I am putty in your hands.

No one shall be held in slavery or servitude. Slavery and the whole slave trade shall be prohibited in all their forms.
= You must have a death wish if you’re poking fun at human trafficking around a black woman.

That’s another human right?
= You are so sexy when you quote verbatim from official UN documents!


The bachelorette auction
= I totally disapprove.

While I admire Emma’s desire to do good, I’d rather she didn’t rope me into it.
= I cannot possibly express how distasteful I find the idea of putting myself up for auction.

You know, some day you’re gonna get tired of being so alone all the time, Miss Fairfax.
= Lighten up a bit, lady!

I have all the company I need.
= I love you.

But do you have all the company that you want?
= Don’t you want to spend more time with me?


We’ve known each other long enough now, I think you can call me…Frank?
= This charade is really wearing on me.

I think ‘Mr. Churchill’ is more appropriate for the workplace.
= You’ll stay in character if you know what’s good for you.

I see you got a new laptop!
= Do you like it?

You must be thrilled! The old one was practically falling apart!
= Do you like it?

It still worked!
= You didn’t have to buy me a whole new computer, you dork.

I mean, whoever sent it must be an incredible, thoughtful, generous individual!

Isn’t it better that way? I mean, if it just comes out of nowhere, right, when you need it, like…like MAGIC?
= I’m trying to be your knight in shining armour here!

It would have been better to get some kind of notice.
= I hate surprises.

Having to answer Emma’s questions about who sent the package
= Honestly, that woman will just not shut UP!

On the other hand…
= But I do love it. Thank you.

I’ll have more free time.
= For you.

Free time you can use to enjoy the city
= Ohboyohboyohboy! Date tonight?

Carpe diem, Jane Fairfax; carpe diem.
= Or better yet, date right now?


Emma’s not here right now.
= I’m not interested in talking to you.

You know, I heard somewhere that the two of you have become…lunch buddies?
= I am insanely jealous.

First carpool buddies, now lunch buddies.
= I hate that guy.

This is starting to sound serious.
= I hate that guy.

There have been rumours, whispers, implications…even a wager placed on the outcome.

What’s important is that you and Mr. Knightley have become quite the topic of conversation.
= Pleasepleaseplease deny it. I need to hear it from your own lips.

Either it hurts your career, or it hurts your relationship.
= Maybe I never should have gotten involved with you.

And which one would you put first?
= Do you care about me at all?

Which one would you? Or should I even bother asking?
= Do you care about me at all?

Apparently the Richmond Corporation, a company you own shares in, is buying up natural resources.
= I’m really bitter that you’re prioritizing your work over our relationship.

You obviously have a lot of work to do, and I, uh, wouldn’t want to get in your way!
= I’m really bitter that you’re prioritizing your work over our relationship.


I think you might need a new phone to go with that laptop; it doesn’t seem to be working properly.
= Baby, please stop ignoring my calls.

I’m leaving now.
= I’m going to miss you so much.

I came over to say goodbye to…everyone.
= I couldn’t leave without seeing you first.

I know you didn’t want to do it, and I–we talked you into it.
= I was inconsiderate of your feelings. I’m sorry.

I tried to postpone, but they gave me no choice.
= I would much rather be here with you, don’t you know that?

Come on, Jane–Miss Fairfax.
= Please don’t be mad, love, it’s killing me.

The Richmond Corporation.
= A symbol of everything I hate…and you’re a part of it!

I hope you’ll still be here when I get back.
= I hope we can make up when I get back.

Harriet, can you bring me a cup of tea?
= My heart is breaking.


What a coincidence.
= You can’t seriously believe that I didn’t jump at the chance to get you alone.

= Hilarious raunchy pictures of myself

Urgent matter
= Valiant rescue mission

Harriet told me about that
= You are the sweetest guy.

I only hope she understands that I would never intentionally hurt anyone.
= I never meant to hurt you.

Even when it’s not on purpose, you’re still responsible for the consequences of your actions.
= Oh, no, you’re not getting off that easy, bub.

My aunt
= Me

Oh, well, hopefully I haven’t used all mine up.
= We’re still dating, right?

I’ll put in a good word for you!
= Sure we are, you big giant adorable dork.

Thank you.
= I love you.

I’ve realised there are a few things more important than business.
= You are my number one priority.

Have a wonderful day, Miss Fairfax.
= Enjoy those pictures, sugar.


Let me help, let me help!
= I’m really, really sorry I messed up.

How bad is it?
= How mad are you?

It’s nothing that can’t be fixed.
= I’ll rein Emma in somehow.

Would it really be so terrible if the secret got out?
= Would it really be so terrible if our secret got out?

= I want to shout about you from the rooftops; why don’t you want to do the same about me?

= Me

Mr. Pitt
= You

That’s why we’re making the most of the time we have
= I haven’t really thought about what our relationship will be like after we go public.

Carpe diem
= Take what you can get whenever you can get it

That’s a lot of jam to sample!
= I’m totally thinking of creative sexual ways we can use up all this jam.

I think we’re gonna need a bigger boat.
= I love hearing you laugh.


I read The Economist in my spare time, not What To Expect When You’re Expecting.
= I don’t know if I actually want kids.

Being around Annie and Ryan…they seem like naturals.
= Maybe we could be like that some day.

It just took the love of a good woman to make him see the errors of his ways.
= I’m really trying to do better, honey.

I’m sure she didn’t really change him that much. She just brought out the best in him.
= I know at your heart you’re a good guy.

That she did.
= You’re so awesome.

You are coming, aren’t you?
= You’d better show up or I will be mad as hell.


Whoa, whoa, look what we have here! Jane Fairfax, hard at work in her office!
= I’m so mad at you.

Mr. Churchill, showing up out of nowhere…as usual.
= I’m so mad at you.

After you left.
= Why the hell did you do that? I cut a business meeting short and everything!

I’m surprised you stayed! It didn’t really seem like you cared that much.
= I can’t believe you went to a business meeting on the day of the shower!

You say late, I say prioritizing
= Geez, what do I have to do to get a little credit here?

The Richmond Corporation is expanding. And it’s your money that’s making it possible.
= Clearly, you don’t care at all about what I’ve been saying about the importance of human rights.

It’s just business, Jane.
= Clearly, you don’t care at all about what I’ve been saying about the importance of our relationship.

I’m just glad you finally figured out what’s important to you.
= I can’t believe work is more important to you than I am.

Shouldn’t you be off saving starving orphans somewhere?
= I can’t believe work is more important to you than I am.

Clearly I’ve lost sight of who I really am.
= Maybe we should take a break.

I won’t be bothering you anymore.
= A break? Fine. I’m going to go sleep with the copy girl…er…flirt with Emma.

Jane and Frank

My thoughts on Frank x Jane in the EA world. Under the cut because this got a bit long…(and spoilery if you haven’t read the book)

So the Box Hill stuff is focused on the “Badly Done” thing Emma does to Maddie, but what about what Frank does to Jane? He is openly flirting with Emma in front of his girl. AND her family (though Maddie probably doesn’t know they’re dating).

We know what will (probably) happen to Alex and Emma - EA has been shipping those two from the get-go, unlike the book where Knightley is the dark horse love interest. My question is what will happen to Frank and Jane?

Keep reading


Day 19: Visits by Winston Churchill

“It is fun to be in the same decade with you.”
-Franklin Roosevelt to Winston Churchill, January 1942

The friendship between Franklin Roosevelt and Winston Churchill formed the core of the Anglo-American alliance during World War II.

On September 11, 1939—ten days after Germany invaded Poland— FDR wrote a confidential letter to Churchill, who had just entered the British cabinet as First Lord of the Admiralty. Roosevelt wanted to open a direct line of communication with him. He encouraged Churchill to “keep me in touch personally with anything you want me to know about.”

FDR’s note was the start of an extraordinary six-year correspondence between the two men that totaled almost 2000 messages.

Between 1941 and 1945, they would also spend 113 days together, beginning with an August 1941 meeting in the North Atlantic and ending at the Yalta Conference in February 1945. Churchill made visits to the United States in 1941, 1942, 1943 & 1944, including a trip to Washington, D.C. shortly after the bombing of Pearl Harbor.