mr. arnstein

Thor the Dramatic Theater Kid

ok so all i can think about with the dramatic “YEs!!! I know HIM HE’S A FRIEND FROM WORK” scene and literally Anything Thor Has Done Ever is that he’s so dramatic?????? like he couldn’t lift the hammer and he immediately cries on the floor in rain and even Clint is like “lol sorry emo alien bye i’m not gonna shoot u coulson leave the emo kid alone” 

So guess who got introduced to theater??? This emo drama kid Thor. 

Darcy likes playing show tunes because on the off chance, Jane will dance to the hits and not do her Science for the next three days. Thor is used to Science (lmao I’m pretending everything is fine with everyone As Usual) but he doesn’t know about theater music because the last two times, Darcy’s been working through her early 2000s so that Thor will willingly hum “Womanizer” by Britney Spears on a mission. (Clint cried. Sam Wilson keeps saying that they need to get Thor to sing “It’s Raining Men”) 

Well, Darcy starts playing Chicago. Thor likes the jazzy beats and the Cell Block Tango. “They are admirable for their feats!” He proclaims. Darcy snorts. 

“Thor, it’s murder.” 

“So?” Jane mutters. “Murder’s not that bad.” 

“Jane, don’t say that,” Darcy says. “You’ll give the Young Child an impression.” 

“Darcy, I am not a Young Child,” Thor responds. “Just because you think I don’t understand your customs regarding crimes does not mean I’m a child. What is this music?” So Darcy gets to explain theater. 

Thor loves it. It’s like on Asgard, but with more fun songs!! Darcy introduces him to the best, Barbra Streisand, in Funny Girl. Thor loves “Don’t Rain on My Parade” and sings it in the morning to wake up Bruce, who was grumpy the night before. 

“THOR!” Bruce yells. “Don’t do that! Why are you singing Streisand?” 

“I’m GOnna LIVE AND LIVE NOW” Thor responds, doing a little dance– “BAM! HEY MR. ARMSTRONG HERE i AMMMMM”

“It’s Mr. Arnstein!” Steve responds. 

“Why do you know that!?” Tony yells back. 

“I’m old, not dead!” Thor just laughs. He wants to know more about theater and their musicals. 

Jane introduces him to Phantom of the Opera, where they mutually agree that Christine Daae (or however they spelled her name idc) is not very good with decision making and honestly???? The phantom is such an emo kid. 

But then they get to Hamilton. Thor loves it. “You’re learning every part Hercules Mulligan and James Madison sing,” Darcy says. 

“James Madison sounds lame,” Thor replies. 

“Thor, you ignorant slut,” Jane Foster said. “He was our shortest president and was the only one who I like.” 

“Don’t forget Calvin Coolidge!” Darcy calls. “Jane, where did you put the…Science Pretzel Machine?” 

“Darcy, it doesn’t look like a Pretzel Machine.” Thor snorts, pausing “Yorktown” 

“Jane, it does looks your people’s Pretzel Machine.” Jane just crosses her arms. 

The crowning moment is when Thor hears someone’s ringtone at a press conference. It’s the song “Winter’s Ball” (his fave, among others,) and he just busts out moves and belts out the lyrics. 

He gets free tickets. 

Jane cries from laughter. Thor serenades her with “Masquerade” to make sure that she gets the right ice cream from the store. 

“You’re such a drama queen,” Jane sighs. 

“You love me,” Thor teases. “What musical is next?”