Mr Motivator tells Government to 'shove' job offer
90’s television cult figure Mr Motivator has this week rejected the Government’s plans for him to ‘motivate’ the British economy back into life.
Now living back in his native Jamaica and running a rather active paintballing business, Derrick Evans as he now wishes to be known, has never really held that much interest in economics.
“I don’t really think I could use my motivational powers to make people go out and spend money, its not my thing.” said Derrick in an interview with Fourth Nose reporters this afternoon. He continued “My area of expertise is getting everyone in bright coloured spandex and have them move about a lot. The only pounds I deal in is weight. I can help people shed them kind of pounds but I would not know the first thing about market dynamics or cash flows."
This latest desperate attempt to improve the British economy by George Osbourne was actually the brainchild of the mental Mayor of London Boris Johnson, who spent most of last week pottering around Olympic related meetings like some drugged up invalid.
This news of the most recent failed attempt to improve our economical recovery comes as today it has been confirmed that the British economy has actually shrank 0.2% in the last term to conclude that we have slipped back as feared, into another recession. It seems we will need more than a 90s TV icon to help us now. The cabinet are now planning on using even older TV icons to rescue the country, it is rumoured they are going to ask the Wombles to come out of retirement and search around Wimbledon Common for any spare coins hanging around.