in sixth grade my homeroom teacher caught this kid stephen saying, “that’s so gay.”
so he told the class that for the rest of the week, anytime you wanted to express something negatively, you could say, “that’s so stephen.”
and it started out as a joke, where even this stephen kid was going around using it, laughing at it, not really caring. it was funny, i guess.
but then one of his friends got a bad mark on a test and said, “that’s so stephen.”
we had a blacktop recess and everyone kept saying, “that’s so stephen.”
and when we got too loud doing groupwork and had to separate and work silently, everyone in the class kept muttering, “that’s so stephen.”
and the weirdest part was that even though it was just a word we were using, even though it had nothing to do with stephen, we all sort of blamed stephen.
and as everyone kept using “that’s so stephen,” all week, you could see stephen himself finding it less and less funny. we played a game called “pamplemousse” in french class and everyone got stephen out right away if they could. someone literally went and found one of stephen’s art projects when nobody else was around and ruined it so he had to start over.
and when my homeroom teacher found out about it, he sat everyone down and told us that it wasn’t okay to say “that’s so stephen” anymore. that the things we’d been blaming him for weren’t his fault and the things we’d been doing to him weren’t fair.
he told us that stephen couldn’t help it that he was stephen. he didn’t choose to be stephen. he was born stephen.
and that’s when it clicked.
we all felt pretty stupid, i think, for sort of falling for it, but i’ll be damned if i’ve ever had a teacher get a lesson across so utterly and completely as mr. bernard did.
yesterday i uploaded both BATB soundtracks to my computer—the 1991 one and the 2017 one. which would all be fine except itunes got fucked up somehow and LOBBED THEM BOTH TOGETHER. so now i have dan stevens singing about his lonely tower and then 10 seconds later fuckin Vintage Jerry Orbach™ is singing like 30 years too late about his pudding flambe
and i know there’s some smart ass out there who’s gonna be like ‘how is this a problem??’ WELL LET ME TELL YOU IT IS A PROBLEM, BUDDY, MY GUY. because now i’ve got fuckin crack fic on the brain where the two BATB universes collide and meet their counterparts. and like listen:
2017 beast is fucking MORTIFIED that 1991 beast CANNOT FUCKING READ like do you even lift, bro
1991 lumiere is mildly impressed that 2017 lumiere has the strength of mind to be so loyal to plumette. he definitely ships plumiere
1991 cogsworth is relieved there is no lumiere/cogsworth kiss in 2017 like there was in 1991. 2017 cogsworth is upset there is no lumiere/cogsworth kiss in 2017 when there was one in 1991
the two belles get along pretty well though 2017 Belle has Questions™ about why 1991 belle doesn’t do more
the two mrs. potts are besties
the gastons just fucking MAUL each other. ‘i’m the biggest!! no I’M the biggest!!’
they’re comparing chest hair
2017 lefou can’t even give the time of day to 1991 lefou. #savage
2017 plumette is fucking upset that 1991 babette got to keep, like….a human face. ‘and i’m over here as a fuckin PEACOCK like w t f,’
now all the servants are comparing the merits of ‘days in the sun’ vs. ‘human again’ and taking notes