R I G H T N O W ! I W I S H Y O U W E R E H E R E W / M E ! C U Z R I G H T N O W ! E V E R Y T H I N G I S N E W T O M E ! Y O U K N O W / I C A N ' T F I G H T T H E F E E L I N G / ! A N D / E V E R Y N I G H T I F E E L I T / ! R I G H T N O W ! I W I S H Y O U W E R E H E R E W / M E !

Maya my precious angel why do you always put yourself second? You just lied about your feelings and pushed the boy you like to your best friend while knowing that you’re hurting inside. I don’t know what to say my heart is aching for her I just want her to be happy and I know damn well she’s far away from being happy right now. I mean I know she’s glad about Riley and she’s willing to do anything for her because ‘that’s who Maya is’ but still I can’t help but imagine her crying alone in her bedroom because she thinks she doesn’t deserve to be with a nice guy like Lucas. But the truth is, she deserves the whole damn world. She doesn’t deserve any of this i’m gonna cry

oh yes I love being alone but I wouldn’t wanna trade what it’s like with him now for solitude ever again. I can comfortably do all the things I’d do if I was on my own, just that I’m not on my own. And surprisingly, I enjoy it. For the first time in my life, the constant presence of another person in my flat for longer than a day or two doesn’t bother me. The opposite is the case. I feel much better at my place when he’s here. Feels more like home than it does when I’m alone. He does his thing, I do mine, we’re together, but we don’t necessarily need to talk and entertain each other all the time. And he feels comfortable here and that’s so important to me. He never pranced around like a stranger, asking for permission to use the bathroom or check the fridge for coke, or awkwardly sat on the edge of my couch looking around trying to figure out whether he should switch back to Guest Mode™ after sleeping besides me, no, he instantly acted like he had come here for ages; first thing he does when he comes into my bedroom is grab the remote and hop on my bed. One week into whatever we got and he brought his own cheese and chips and instant coffee for my kitchen. Now he keeps spare pairs of shoes in my hallway. I’ve got a package of my thyroid medication at his place. He carries spare undies for me in his backpack in case we end up somewhere else. My mum cooks for three again. All of this is probably so normal to most people and just what having a relationship or something close to a relationship (I have a hard time labelling things, you know, cause I love labelling, but that’s exactly why mislabelling things seems like such a big mistake to me) is like, but I’ve never experienced anything like that before. I’m not familiar with something so soothing, relaxing, something that comes so naturally, and it fucks with my head that this is, in fact, more than twice as fullfilling as the heartbreaking abuse and drama I’ve always considered my only way to feel for a boy at all.

“He’s just a fantasy. You don’t go out with a fantasy” 

Oh the irony. Now both Maya and Riley go out with a fantasy. Riley because she’s too caught up in her own perfect world to realize what’s good for her and Maya because she’s too afraid of getting hurt and she knows very well that a fantasy can’t hurt you