You are best friends with Elizabeth. Like, super best friends. El sometimes teases that her ulterior motive for marrying Peter was so that she could call you her sister.
You’re a sports fan. Your dad took you to games and your brother was in the pro leagues. There was never any hope for you.
He is embarrassingly proud of you. When you had to enter a high school science fair for a grade, Peter brought his friends to your booth and boasted that you’re his sister. He and his friends were all in college.
Peter is overprotective. You have a date? Oh, that’s great! Better hope you wanted to know everything in his personal history, because there will be a background check.
You once managed to convince a boyfriend that your brother was in prison, just so that he wouldn’t try to meet Peter. When Peter came back from Europe after unsuccessfully tracking Neal and found out what you’d been doing, he didn’t talk to you for a week. (El thought it was hilarious.)
After this, you and Peter finally came to an agreement where you would let him meet your friends and dates as long as he didn’t run background checks or try to interrogate them.
The guest room in the Burkes’ townhouse might as well be your room, because you spend a lot of time with them.
You are their dog- and house-sitter whenever they go somewhere. Satchmo loves you because you sneak him treats he probably isn’t allowed to have.
You have a gun license because Peter taught you how to handle and shoot firearms. You rarely take your gun out of your safe, but you keep the license in case you ever have to use it for self-defense.
Whenever you have an excuse to hire an event planner, you go straight to Burke Premier Events. Not only do you get a discount, you also get very noticeable favoritism.
You visit the FBI offices to see Peter often enough that most of the agents in the white-collar unit greet you on a first-name basis. (Your favorite is Diana, but you let Peter believe it’s him.)
A large part of the reason Peter was annoyed that Neal moved from the hotel into June’s was because shifting his radius meant that your address was within his two miles.
Neal met you much the same way as he met Elizabeth – that is, he learned Peter had a sister and went behind his back to meet you out of pure curiosity. After your brother’s obsession with him, you recognized him from his photos immediately and opened your door wide with a greeting of, “Hey Neal! I was wondering how long it would take you to come by.”
Peter came to visit you one day and found you playing cards and laughing loudly with Neal. Turns out that Neal had neglected to inform him that the two of you were quick friends. Peter was less than pleased.
You were kidnapped in order to get to Peter. You dislocated your thumb to get out of your restraints and called for help. You were rescued within an hour, and Neal was both impressed by your pain tolerance and dismayed that you didn’t know how to pick a lock. (He decided that needed to be fixed.)
Fowler arrested you when he was trying to get Peter fired. Peter was promptly suspended for punching Fowler in the face when he shoved you.
Every time Peter makes you cry, he fumbles around awkwardly for a way to fix it. By the time he’s figured out something to make it up to you, you’ve found his awkward desperation so endearing that you’re not mad anymore.
Your first kiss with Neal was on Peter’s couch. To this day, you would both rather be kidnapped than admit this to him.
Because your kiss wasn’t planned, the next few weeks were a little weird as you tried to work out what it meant. Peter, of course, arrived at a wildly incorrect conclusion as to your strange behavior, and he gave Neal a very long lecture on how he was Absolutely Not Allowed to pressure you into breaking the law… all while you sat there with your head in your hands, wondering how the hell he ever became an investigator.
Once you’d decided that you wanted to make a serious try at dating each other, you both went to Peter at the same time to tell him. … He saw you holding hands and made a big deal out of it, so you understandably decided to wait… a month.
You’re so important to Neal that he asked Mozzie to try to make friends with you. Peter came to drop off a present from El and ended up finding you and Mozzie using props and blueprints from the internet to plan a hypothetical heist. He was not amused. There was yet another long lecture on how Mozzie was Absolutely Not Allowed to pressure you into breaking the law.
In the last few years, you’ve seen more and more of the inside works of the bureau. You’re interested in being more involved, but don’t think you want to make a commitment to changing careers. That’s why you seize on opportunities for paid consultation.
Peter handles you when you’re sick very well. Emotional distress is another matter. You were too young to remember, but apparently for several years, if he couldn’t get you to stop crying within five minutes, he would either sit with his head in his hands or he would start crying, too.
Satchmo is part of the family because of you. When you were little, you begged and begged for a pet, and Peter thought a dog would be best, because a dog could protect you if someone ever broke in.
You never have to ask your dad for homework help, because he always offers first.
Your friends all expect you to become an FBI agent like your dad – hell, some of them want to be FBI agents because of your dad.
Peter would be very, very proud of you if you did become an agent, but he would also be very, very proud of you no matter what you chose as a career. As long as you choose something you enjoy and you do it well, he’ll be proud – and you know that.
You watch baseball games with your dad every time one is on. He still doesn’t let you drink beer with him, though.
Deviled ham is gross. Deviled eggs, though, are okay. Peter doesn’t believe that this is an acceptable compromise.
When Peter kept leaving to chase after Neal, you started to resent Neal for it, blaming him for that your dad kept leaving. Years passed, and Neal was given a work-release from prison. By the time you actually met him, you made fast friends. (Needless to say, Peter was horrified.)
Your school had a career day when you were in sixth grade, and you asked your dad to present. Peter walked in and started talking about how he had his degree in accounting. You could tell no one really cared in the least, until Peter confiscated a kid’s phone and revealed that he worked for the FBI. Needless to say, you were officially the kid with the coolest parents.
What your classmates don’t realize is that Peter is a fucking dork. When he doesn’t have coffee, he keeps himself awake in the mornings by dancing around the kitchen and singing, gonna get the bad guy, gonna get the bad guy! As a child, you thought this was super awesome. Now you’re old enough to realize it’s embarrassing.Also, when you complain that you have math homework to do, Peter gets excited. This is wrong. Math homework is not exciting.
Peter tells you a little about his cases sometimes. He didn’t used to, but Neal made it a moot point, and now he lets you be a little more included in his work. You like to contribute to his cases, especially when you offer a suggestion that they can actually use.
One day, El forgot she had a meeting until like an hour before she needed to be there. She had Neal come and stay with you until Peter got home. Neal cooked dinner for you, taught you to play poker, and told you all about how to use words like alleged and hypothetical in the most advantageous way. (Again, Peter was horrified.)
Every week, Peter puts aside an evening for you and you alone. You can do pretty much whatever you want, as long as it’s not dangerous or illegal. You’ve dragged him to the mall, the theater, the craft store – he took you to see Rocky Horror live when you begged enough.
When Keller kidnapped El, he also kidnapped you – but not before you punched him as hard as you could and broke his nose. He was very pissed. El was very proud. Neal and Mozzie gave you a congratulatory lock-picking set. Peter bought you ice cream, an R-rated movie, and let you skip school for the rest of the week after you were rescued.
You were the one who gave Neal the photographs of Peter when he still had the moustache, and in retaliation, Peter showed Neal a picture of you as a toddler in a stupid outfit you completely hated.
You and Peter have a lot in common. Among those is that you are both terrified of being alone with El’s father. The lengths you go to not to be trapped in a room alone with the therapist are… impressive. Not in a good way.
Peter solved a case for the security of Yankee Stadium, and as a show of gratitude, they let him take you onto the field and play some ball with him and Neal.
Dating as a Burke is a nightmare. El is perfect, but she’s the only one who is. If they survive the Peter Burke Death Stare™ and the subsequent, tactless interrogation, they then have to go through a steelier, yet more subtle version of the same thing from Neal.
You have the best parents ever. Ever. They love each other and they love you.