First of all, I fucking love the fucking shit out of you. Second of all, your good morning posts give me life, or at the very least, give my mamm nips and vagernia life. Thirdly, what is your ideal grilled cheese? Also, PLEASE feel better.
I so appreciate the love you sent. It’s been a weird few days. There’s been this weight of a death I can’t reconcile, coupled with feeling physically ill. I thought food poisoning, but maybe it’s my ulcer at it again; both are likely. Mentally and emotionally and physically drained in a way that has created a dark anger in me, moving upward into action.
In truth, we are only what we are to ourselves and those whose lives we touch with dirty, well-worn hands. I’m not stating anything revelatory here, because we all know that life is short and we might consider telling our loved ones how much they mean to us more often. But also, I think we need to be open to listening to this love from others. I’m the best at deflection and distraction, and I get uncomfortable with people expressing how they feel about me because, among other reasons I discuss at length with my therapist, I don’t feel good enough to hold those sentiments. But that’s the thing, you know? It’s about the other person being able to say they were sorry, or that they love you, or that you made their life better or different. We have to hold people’s love in the same way we want them to hold ours, because if we blink out we leave them holding the WHAT IF bag, and it’s heavy and full of snakes.
For grilled cheese, I’m old school. I like riffs on the standard at times, but mostly I make them as simple as possible. I use Udi’s GF bread, a generous spread of butter with some S&P, and Horizon organic cheese slices. I get the pan medium hot, spray some olive oil down. Slow cook until the cheese is melted and the bread is toasted.
(If anyone wants to make me incredibly happy today, please post your favorite grilled cheese recipes. I’ll send digital hugs in return.)