“Time you enjoyed wasting wasn’t wasted.” ~ John Lennon
Watching tv and movies is fun. Don’t regret it. But at the same time, clarify your intention to yourself as you move forward. What are you seeking and how are you seeking it? Is your media watching something that is purely enjoyable or does it leave you with a sense of unsatisfactoriness? Investigate your thoughts and motives but do not judge them. Just stop and see.
The main obstacle here is not the lack of motivation but the guilt. Guilt is useless and debilitating. You are more likely to avoid something because you feel guilty about it than to actually confront it.
It’s like missing a day or a week of daily meditation. If you feel guilty about it, you may be less likely to sit down tomorrow and just do it because even just thinking about and acknowledging it causes you to cringe inwardly.
We get stuck in the momentum of our habits not when we lack motivation but when we refuse to notice and acknowledge what we are avoiding, what fear is at play within.
Be willing to be a beginner. Every day. A fresh start is in the mind, not in time or circumstances.
You talk about needing nature and whatnot in order to be present. This is a lie told by the mind. The mind uses excuses in order to avoid being present now. The mind says I’ll be present when I get away from this all, I’ll be present when I’m surrounded by friends, I’ll be present when this or that conforms to my expectations, desires, or assumptions. And this is how the mind controls you. Instead of using the mind, you begin to be used by the mind.
You can always be present because you are present and you are presence.
Your backyard most definitely cuts it. Anywhere cuts it. Yoga is great if you can find a teacher and attend classes. It’s not something I recommend trying to figure out for yourself from youtube videos, as it is an athletically challenging practice and injury is definitely possible when you are not already acclimated to it. I am speaking from personal experience on that matter.
But it is free and readily accessible to meditate daily, to take a greater interest in your physical wellbeing via eating right and exercising, and to uncover peace and happiness here and now.
The path is not somewhere off in those picture-esque woods or in pretty yoga pictures you see on Tumblr. The path is right here, right where you are standing.
We on some level recognize this but conceive of liberation in terms of escape–escaping to another scene, another context, etc. But limitations and boundaries are not primarily physical; they are mental and emotional. By addressing those difficulties on those levels, you cut to the heart of the matter and discover something you can’t believe you have forgotten; that child-like and wise space of consciousness.
In other words, this journey is about coming back to your self. You don’t need to define, prove, validate, or assert that self. You need only to drop your judgements and assumptions about that self so that you may meet it as if for the first time.
Two books I highly recommend are The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, which will introduce you to the reality of presence and being present, and The Places That Scare You by Pema Chodron, which will teach you how to recognize and relate to your own neurosis and emotional hangups from a healthy perspective so as to make revolutionary growth possible.
Don’t wait to start any of this. There is no rush and it doesn’t matter how slowly you go. But do not put it off for another day. How you live today is how you live tomorrow. Change today and you change tomorrow. There is nowhere else change happens.
Namaste sis :) Much love