movies that should be real

are you a shrek wlw or a bee movie wlw ?

The Jungle Book
  • Mowgli: *throws himself off a cliff*
  • Mowgli: *gets thrown off a cliff*
  • Mowgli: *jumps off a cliff*
  • Mowgli: *jumps into river*
  • Mowgli: *jumps out of a tree*
  • Mowgli: *falls out of a tree*
  • Mowgli: *kicks it with a bear*
  • Mowgli: *sets jungle on fire*
  • Mowgli: *fights a tiger*
  • Bagheera: *exasperated dad noises*

@igotanickel replied to your Reading reviews of Anastasia’s premiere, and i…

OMG YES I COULDNT THINK OF THE WORDS TO DESCRIBE WHAT MADE BRANTLEY’S REVIEW BAD BUT THAT WAS IT

I was fuming reading that one! I mean, it’s totally okay if he doesn’t like Anastasia (actually, HE’S NEVER SEEN THE MOVIE. HE SAID JOURNEY TO THE PAST WAS REPURPOSED FROM THE END CREDITS). But see here: “Anastasia may well tap into the dewy eyed demographic that made Wicked such an indestructable favorite of female adolescents. Those without such nostalgic insulation are likely to find this Anastasia a chore.” And the way he compared every musical number to classic numbers that have little to nothing in common with it just makes him seem like an elitist old white man who should’ve never been sent to review what is essentially a fairytale.

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WHY I HATE RIO PART 1: THE BIRD DESIGNS

If anybody knows me on my main blog or irl i’m sure you are aware I am an avid theropod enthusiast, I predominantly draw birds. When I first saw posters for Rio I was exited because I did like the first ice age, and I actually did like how Blu looked design wise. I did not see it in theatres, for whatever reason a school friend dragged me to see the 3D yogi bear movie instead (it was horseshit). Eventually I rented Rio on DVD to see with my mom and it was…….meh? and then mostly forgot about it. 

But that was younger me before I critiqued movies and had fermented in bitterness. So being a bird lover with a lot of things to say I decided to crack this into two separate posts because covering the designs alone will make this posts long and image heavy.

Why am I cracking down so hard on ‘realism’ in this movie’s designs? Well mostly because the “theme” of this movie is bird conservation. In a realism-based setting. Unlike, say, Seuss’s original Lorax. it has an environmentalist message but has a well developed Seussiverse where nonsensical creatures fit the nonsensical habitat. With rio however, it is based in our world in our present time. I expect the creatures shown to be based on reality. Otherwise you break reality, making your conservation message weaker by showing animals in this context that don’t even exist. These bird designs come off as lazy recolourings where the story and setting is just under researched.

Most clearly this can be seen with the “blue macaws”. 

Blu and Jewel are in fact supposed to be a real species of parrot, they are Spix’s macaws (which look adorable). They are critically endangered, and only one wild individual is known that was spotted earlier this year. Too bad they look nothing like the design, they couldn’t even at least make Blue a more turquoise tint.

Rio seems to model all of their macaws as Aras, the genus of larger macaws including the stereotypical scarlet and bluegolds. Spixs arent Aras, they are the only Cyanopsitta species, a smaller macaw which would be about under half of Blu’s size and roughly half a pound in weight.
If you took a colourless image of Blu i would assume he is an Ara macaw, or even the giant Hyacinth’s macaw. (In fact, most images that come up when i look for ‘Rio bird species’ places him as a hyacinths.) They also use Ara calls for his noises… 

Call me old fashioned but I think when you’re trying to make a movie about a real critically endangered species, I think you should at least try to competently represent it. Had he been a large species i would have loved his design.

However personally that doesn’t bother me as much as the background birds do. All of the macaws are odd recolours by which i mean hardly discernible species. In the top photo I see what may be a blue and gold, a scarlet or green-wing, and maybe even a red-shouldered macaw… which makes no sense because they are the smallest macaw, at 0.3lbs. BUT THEY ARE ALL OFF COLOUR AND NONE OF THEM INCLUDING BLU HAVE BARE SKIN ON THEIR FACES. i guess for whatever reason they thought it would look ‘too ugly’ :/

I literally had no idea what these bottom ones are, the only bird I’ve ever seen like that first one is a leucestic blue and gold, the green one may be a military macaw???? its just so frustrating to look at. So I went on the wiki and there they called them golden conures and peach fronted conures… that are large macaw sized..

(a golden conure with a large macaw trio, rio’s are the same size and shape..)

fhghjkkk

Then there’s the stock passerines… these guys are supposedly finches and there’s again a variety of recolours in the movies. but they are all just ‘ball with eyes’, a bird design stereotype that i really hate. I thought the blue one may be fairy wren but those are only endemic to australia soo

Other background birds included in Rio 1 are waders and other passerines or near passerines. I’m alright with the jamie foxx and will i am birds. I actually enjoy the cockatoo design as well as the toco toucan, but there’s more birds I dislike than ones I like. 

 I’m also bummed they had no raptors because south america some really cool ones like the harpy eagle, an abundance of diverse owls, and falcons. Other neat birds include hummingbirds, woodpeckers, herons, guans, hoatzin, cock-of-the-rock, curassows, and the potoo, just off the top of my head. Basically it just feels under researched on blue sky’s part when they set out to have a movie about birds and endangered species, but i’ll talk about my resentment for the plot later…

design nitpick round:

  • the parrots’ feet are missing a toe. parrots are zygodactylous, they should have two toes in front and two in back. so do woodpeckers.
  • the baby parrots are already immediately fledged with all their feathers, just looking like mini adults with a large head. just for once i would like to see nakey altricial birds in cartoons..
  • how did a toco toucan and keel billed toucan mate and have offspring.
Tofu Guys Don't Eat Meat by Vicki Woods for Vogue, May 1990 (Part I)

River Phoenix is only nineteen. That’s the most important thing about him. He’s been in the movies so long you’d think he’d be older by now; really knocking on, like… oh, I don’t know. Twenty-two or something. But nope. Nineteen. Wholesome as a tofu omelet. And as good-looking as all get-out.

When River isn’t making movies, he’s making music. He lives with his family in Gainesville, Florida. Ever been to Gainesville? Neither had I. North central Florida isn’t exactly a tourist hub, being humid, flat, spotted with alligators, and at least a hundred miles from the ocean in any direction. But it’s warm, and Arlyn Phoenix likes the heat. And Gainesville (population ninety thousand and rising) has thirty-five thousand college students living there. The University of Florida, one student told me, is about the cheapest public university in the entire United States, which is why it’s busting at the seams with crop-headed, athletic-looking boys in white T-shirts and bermudas who play football by floodlight until the early hours of the morning. Arlyn Phoenix liked the idea of a university town when it came to settle finally, because she wanted plenty of cultural facilities for her brood of children: arts, music, drama.

River Phoenix isn’t crop-headed of course. And he doesn’t wear bermudas. He arrived at my hotel in his mother’s car wearing a jade green Gap sweat-shirt, navy blue long johns, and tennis shoes. He’s grown since we last saw him (in Running on Empty - what a tearjerker). He’s now five eleven (“Barefoot!”), slim as a willow and hung with wisps of beard like Florida’s Spanish moss. He wouldn’t shave them off, even for Bruce Weber’s pictures. He didn’t have to fatten up for his new role in Lawrence Kasdan’s I Love You to Death. He plays a pizza chef who has a fairly off-center weltanschauung and tries to help his boss’s wife (Tracey Ullman) attempt to murder her husband (Kevin Kline) numerous times .He’s a lean pizza chef, playing his age. (He put on fifteen extra pounds for Stand by Me because he was fourteen playing twelve and fatter looks younger.) After I Love You to Death comes Dogfight, directed by Nancy Savoca. I’m really looking forward to it. River plays a marine who has a bet with the other guys that he’ll pick up a worse dog - an unhandsome woman - than any of them. This should be a real coming-of-age movie and the first that he’ll have to carry on his own. Director Savoca says, “River has an emotional weight that other young actors just don’t have.”

We went for coffee in Gainesville. The teenage waitress was a little excited, but she kept her cool. “Do you have Venezuelan coffee?” No. “Do you have carrot juice?” No. “Well, I’ll just have a double espresso then,” he said, and promptly ticked away for hours about how hyper he felt from the caffeine. I told him he was a pinup even in the British teen mags and then immediately wished I hadn’t. So did he. He laid his beautiful head on the table and groaned with real embarrassment. “A pinup. Oh, God. I wish you hadn’t said that. A pinup!” He told me about the publicity stills that were taken of him “when I was younger.” You do everything they tell you, he said “they teach you how to pose, you know, they say, ‘you have to do it like this!’ And you tilt your head, and they show you how to push your lips out and suck in your cheek… oh, oh [groans] and then all the outtakes that you never want to see again in your life go through the teen magazines forever. Oh. oh [more groans].”

It was very funny, but he meant it. Gentlemanly modesty is River’s strong suit.

River’s press so far has been a combination o large paragraphs about the state of the planet (which can read kind of irritating, from a fifteen-, sixteen-, seventeen-year-old) and a “Wow, freaky!” examination of his unconventional family. Let’s take the family first. Arlyn and John Phoenix (him I didn’t meet - he was in Mexico with Leaf Joaquin) had a pretty wacky life until they go to Gainesville (and compared with Married… with Children mainstream America it’s still a tad wacky). They were sixties dropouts, they were on the road, they thought LSD was a truth serum, they found God, joined a sect, went to South America as missionaries (River was fluent in both Spanish and English from age three), had their babies by natural childbirth, believed in a Whole Earth… you know.Arlyn and John seem to have followed the beat of the sixties drum harder than most, and instead of turning into eighties yuppies, they’ve hung on in there. They are now perfectly regular folks, with twenty acres of property, a few cars, a few bank accounts, a cook, a gardener, a business manager, and five handsome kids, most of whom are actors, but - they do vegetables instead of drugs now, they don’t eat animal products, don’t waste paper, wear leather, or overconsume any of the planet’s resources. They have SAVE THE RAINFORST stickers on their cars, and their two big dogs, a Doberman-German shepherd mix and a full German shepherd, are both vegans. 

I’ve been kind of quiet these past few days because I’m visiting with my sister

Today I finally hit the point where I talked incessantly about the My Little Pony: Equestria Girls franchise so much that she finally wants to watch it

My point being: It’s gonna be another quiet day on this blog

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go watch the first Equestria Girls movie for the fifth time, Rainbow Rocks for the fourth time, and Friendship Games for the third time. What a great way to recover from that Pleasant. Uplifting. Steven Universe content we experienced yesterday. Have a great afternoon

Ok so I had the weirdest dream last night.

It was High School Musical 4: College Graduation. Everything was really dramatic. For some reason Zefron ended up not going to college and became a depressed alcoholic drag racer. Gabriella comes to the track and is like “I know we’re not together anymore but I know you still care so come to my graduation” so he goes. Then everyone is at graduation and sitting in the crowd and this guy is upfront making a speech. Speech guy looks over at the graduating students and there’s a bunch of empty seats and he’s like “where’d everyone go?” And no one else even noticed these people get up and leave. So the guy continues talking and then notices more of the crowd missing and it’s like wtf. Zefron gets up and finds secret passages under the stands in the auditorium and investigates. Turns out there’s a serial killer down there kidnapping people from the graduation and locking them in lockers. Zefron doesn’t know what to do so he runs outside and Varric from dragon age is there with the twins from Bob’s Burgers, only they’re real people and not cartoons and also adults instead of kids. So Varric’s like, there’s only one way to beat this killer. We have to bring back the dinosaurs. And he jumps up on the back of a dinosaur that’s suddenly there and the twins jump on it too and they pull Zefron up and fly away to get more dinosaurs. During the flight the twins start making out with each other to everyone’s disgust. Anyway, they get more dinosaurs but they go rogue and start destroying the city. So Zefron leaves Varric and the gross twins to deal with that and goes back to graduation. He makes his way through secret tunnels filled with ice armed only with an ice pick. He finds the serial killer, stabs him with the ice pick and releases the captives. He goes back to the graduation and is pissed because we weren’t all in this together and Gabriella’s hugging up on some hot guy and only Sharpay appreciates that he saved everyone.

I woke up laughing and I’m gonna laugh about it for the next 50 years.

Demigods watching Disney’s Hercules

„I love those ladies.“ - Percy


„Hera wasn’t even Hercules’ mother, what the fuck is this movie?“ - Annabeth


„Honestly, fathers place looks nothing like that.“ - Nico

„You forgot to mention that HE looks nothing like that.“ - Will


„I don’t even think that there really is a potion for making Gods mortal.“ - Hazel


„Honestly, this movie could make people think that Zeus actually cares about his children.“ - Percy


„How did nobody ever think about asking themselves why that freakishly strong boy is wearing a sign of Zeus? How?“ Piper


„Wait… that’s supposed to be Chiron? Which legend did Disney read????“ Annabeth


„So not fair, I never get a sudden burst of sunshine when I kill a monster.“ Jason


„Oh sure, fall in love with the very first woman you see after being on that island for years, why don’t you!“ *throwing popcorn* -Percy

„Uh, Percy, didn’t you kinda fall in love with the first girl you laid eyes on when arriving in Camp?“

„Shut up Leo, that’s something completely different!“


“Why would Hades free the Titans? WHY?” -Jason


“Wow… Tyson looks so much better than that.” -Percy


“hehe. Slimy Souls.” - Nico


*throwing popcorn at the screen* - probs everyone but Frank


“Wait, what does this remind me of?” -Nico

“Percy you totally went all Disney for Annabeth!” -Piper (squealing, probably) (Jason and Nico dying of laughter in the background)


“Hmph. They never greated us like that when we defeated Kronos. Or Gaea. Or anyone else.”


“Why is Hermes making music when my dad is around there? Does Disney know nothing???” -Will



*credits roll*

“….”

“Well…..”

“We should totally show the others!”

(Annabeth groaning in the background because that movie was so freaking dumb and wrong and ugh!!!!)

Why I’ll never stop defending Gale Hawthorne

Gale Hawthorne just wanted to save everybody from the games and having to keep living like that.

And it cost him the one person he wanted to live that better life with.

In my opinion, Peeta only ever cared about saving Katniss, he was single minded in this. He never really thought about the bigger picture, about fighting back, not like Gale did. Not until he gave that motivation speech to Katniss while they were hiding out at Tigress’s. A speech that should have been Gales, since he was always the one to say they should fight back, that she should fight back, always putting that spark in her, even when she didn’t realize it at first, a spark that turned into a fire when she needed it. He loved her and wanted to protect her and keep her safe, but never tried to hold her back from the fight, was always right there beside her, knowing how strong she was, but still there if she needed him.

He was a real hero! The bomb thing was 100% Coin’s fault but he still blamed himself, just as he did for not getting more people out when 12 was bombed. And I cry cuz he knew walking into that room that she would blame him too, knew that she would would never be able to forgive him, he knew he had already lost her, and he didn’t even fight her on it, because he felt guilty for not keeping Prim safe like he promised. Even though he was not the one that put that bomb near her, not the one that put her in the middle of a war zone, but he will still carry that guilt, and the loss of Katniss, with him forever.

AND IT IS HEARTBREAKING!

I AGGRESSIVELY LOVE AND DEFEND GALE HAWTHORNE

Tora streamed Cool World recently, and we all kept calling this guy “Spiders Georg” because none of us heard his name. Also because he is an outlier and should not have been in this movie. 

His real name is Nails, and now I wish that Cool World was just a movie about him solving murders in a gritty toon town.

13 Reminders after the First Break-up
  1. Do not dismiss your pain. Feel it, allow your body and mind to feel every inch of it in order for it to pass through you. Think of it like a hot bath; when you first step in, the burning water stings and you don’t think you can stand it for very long. But as you let your body sink and absorb the heat in every inch, slowly it starts to stop stinging. Let your heart go through this healing process. Being sad for a while is healthy, and in no way does this sadness define you or label you as pathetic. In the long run, it will make you much stronger. 
  2. Breathe. You will find yourself thinking about him (all of the time; this is normal). If you struggle with anxiety, do the best you can to keep a slow and steady deep repetition of breaths. This will ensure a healthy amount of oxygen to your brain to increase your reassurance that you are in fact not crazy, no matter what he might have told you or his friends. You did love him, you did feel those feelings, but he just couldn’t accept and reciprocate them.
  3. This feels like the hardest thing in the entire world that you’ve had to deal with, doesn’t it? That’s because so far it is. At this point in your life, he is the only love you’ve experienced. He is the only person you’ve touched, and shared all of those incredible first times with. The reason this feels so hard is because you have no other guy to compare him to, so you are mentally inclined to believe that everything about him was perfect, or at least close to it. Remind yourself that there are a million more experiences out there, and you will experience them, and you will compare them to him, because he was the first.
  4. It’s never going to completely make sense to you. You’ll look back and reread conversations that you had saved and be dumbfounded because how could anyone who said these things at that time, say what he said when and after you broke up? He seemed so genuine, could he really have been lying? Yes and no. He may have felt those feelings at the time, but boys change their minds at the drop of a hat. He may also have been lying and saying what he said in order to manipulate you. Unfortunately, even though they are and will always be incredibly stupid, guys can be clever.
  5. Don’t let movies and TV shows, no matter how perfect they may be, manipulate your vision of what a relationship should be like. Movies are not real life, that’s why they are movies. They are someone’s ideal version of an experience, but not the real thing. Don’t confuse yourself into thinking there was some bigger picture, and that he was trying to look out for you in the long run. Believe his words that came out of his mouth when he ended it, not the words that Zac Efron says when he’s trying to win back the hot blonde.
  6. Not ever truly knowing the whole story can be extremely frustrating. Learn to accept that, and once you do it becomes easier to handle. You’ll also have to learn how to re-convince yourself of the truth many times because sometimes you will get optimistic and think he’ll come chasing after you six months later. Remind yourself that you are worth more than something he can come back for for seconds. And even if he does show up or start the conversation again, don’t give him the satisfaction. Second chances are good, but believe me, you already gave him plenty.
  7. It will be 5 or 6 months after the break up and you could still find yourself thinking about him. Every day even. You might not be able to clearly see every detail of his face, or hear his voice in your head anymore (which is a good sign), but you will still think about him and the memories you had (the good and the bad, but mainly the good). You rehash these memories because you’re going through a withdraw. You don’t miss him, so don’t beat yourself up about that. You miss having the kind of person that he was for you when things were good. Remind yourself that you are still healing and it is okay to look back at old conversations on occasion.
  8. He is never going to be completely irrelevant to you. You will go through phases where you agree with this and where you argue it, but he will never be 100% irrelevant to you. Like it or not, he completely changed who you are. The happiness he gave you in the good months allowed your heart to grow. The sadness and anger he gave you during the hard months and the break up completely ripped it to shreds. Now you’re trying to repair it all by yourself (and with the help of your friends) and that is one hell of a job. Don’t lose faith though because you will put it back together, and once you do, it will be ten times stronger than it ever was during the happy months. Why? Because YOU made it strong, not him. And unlike shitty ex-boyfriends, YOU can’t ever leave you.
  9. You will find out who your true friends are when you go through this kind of experience. The ones who say let her learn on her own? They probably won’t be as close with you in a year or so. But the ones who never give up and always try to get inside your head and somehow get you to realize how much better you are than him, those are the ones you keep.
  10. One of the hardest parts is accepting the fact that you won’t marry him and have kids and live the life you planned out in your perfectly optimistic head. All those plans you made, just completely thrown away, and that hurts. Remember that this is not the only guy that you will make those types of plans with. You’ll make them with your next boyfriend, and the one after that, and the one after that, and then probably actually carry out some of those plans with the one after that. Focus those optimistic thoughts of yours on the fact that you get all of those chances and experiences with all of those other guys. Just like this one did, they will make you stronger and give you a hell of a lot more perspective.
  11. This is the time to be selfish. Like honestly this is the only socially acceptable time in your life to be selfish, so take advantage of that and spoil yourself. Make yourself stronger. This relationship and this break-up did not and does not define you. Who you chose to become when all the dust has settled, that defines you
  12. No matter what your friends or parents may say, it is not immature or unreasonable or overreacting to completely remove him from any social media you may have. Snapchat, Facebook, Skype, Instagram, (if he is gay enough to have a Twitter), delete him on all of them. Or block him (whichever you prefer). You may say at first that you don’t want to because you want him to see all of your pictures still, but trust me, your life and your pictures are none of his business anymore. And it also sucks to be casually tapping through Snapchat stories and looking at his selfie with some slut at a bar. Save yourself the gut wrenching uncomfortable-ness, you won’t regret it.
  13. When and if the time ever comes where you see him on the street, run into him in the store, or at a party, etc. etc. do your absolute best to treat him like a complete stranger. If he has the balls to come up and ask you how you’ve been, then you can be civil, but keep the conversation short. Depending on how long it has been, odds are you don’t even know this person anymore, he practically is a stranger to you, so there’s no point in rehashing all of the memories and feelings that will still be there (buried very very deep down) because he was your first. Or you can ignore him. Either way, he does not and will not ever deserve your new life story, since he didn’t want to stick around to be there for it.

I just walked by a guy leaning on a signpost, wearing all black (including black sunglasses and fingerless gloves), smoking a cigarette, and blasting rock music from a speaker sitting on the ground in front of him.

Like… Did he fall out of an 80s movie into the real world? Is he okay? Should I try to help him get back to his home universe? Should I get his autograph? He’s obviously a Cool Dude.

I just checked out my activity page and, um, well…It looked like this.

HERE HE COMES

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okay as disappointing as jared leto’s hot topic emo phase is remember THIS was how heath ledger’s first promo pics looked kay NOT THAT GREAT

the look is only part of it so lets reserve some of our judgement till the trailer

the most Me thing about Me is that it’s two months until my birthday and i’m like “25!!!! GOTTA BE HUGE!!!!!!” and the other half is like “who’s got time to plan? not me. someone just send me a plant, that’s fine. i’ll eat an extra roll of cookie dough and call it a victory when i’m gripping my stomach in gastronomical agony.”