movies that rule

3

MAMORU THIS IS LITERALLY THE DORKIEST AND MOST RIDICULOUS THING YOU’VE EVER DONE AND THAT’S SAYING SOMETHING

YOU RENTED A MINI BLIMP. YOU HAVE GIANT DERPY REINDEER BALLOONS AND A SANTA SUIT WITH CHRISTMAS MUSIC. ALL OF THIS JUST TO ENCOURAGE YOUR GIRLFRIEND TO KICK ASS.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN PLANNING THIS. DID YOU ACTUALLY BUY THIS STUFF SO YOU COULD UTILIZE IT AT A MOMENT’S NOTICE? OR DID YOU RENT IT FOR THE CHRISTMAS SEASON, ASSUMING THAT THE MONSTER OF THE DAY DOESN’T TAKE HOLIDAY BREAKS? OR BETTER YET, DID YOU JUST WALK INTO A STORE SOMEWHERE AT THE LAST MINUTE AND DEMAND ALL OF THESE THINGS? 

Ladies and gentlemen, our future King.

85 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

1. The four houses are not the Heroes, the Brains, the Smartasses and the Junior Death Eaters.

2. No matter how good an Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin in Care of Magical Creatures class.

3. Growing Marijuana or Hallucinogenic mushrooms is not an extra credit project for Herbology.

4. “I’ve heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood’s name” is not a challenge.

5. I will not use Professor Flitwick as an armrest.

6. The Giant Squid id not an appropriate date for the Yule Ball.

7. I will not add my own lyrics to the Hogwarts school song

8. When called upon in class, I will not insist that the correct answer to everything is “42”.

9. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. “Polishing my wand” in the common room is not

10. I will not start every potions class by asking Professor Snape if today’s project is suitable as a sexual lubricant.

11. Seamus Finnegan is not “after me Lucky Charms”.

12. I will not call the Huffelpuffs the “Special” house.

13. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class

14. I am not allowed to say there is a fifth house called “Spaklypoo”.

15. I do not have a Daniel Potronus.

16. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong.

17. I will not take out a Life Insurance policy on Harry Potter.

18. Sirius Black did not found the Sirius Cybernetics Corp.

19. Professor Flitwicks name is not “Yoda”.

20. I am no longer allowed to use the words “Bimp Cane” in front of Draco Malfoy.

20. I will not say the phrase “Dude, Get a life!” to Lord Voldemort.

21. I will not refer to the Accio charm as “The Force”

22. A Time Turner is not a Flux Capacitor and I should therefore not install it in any muggle car.

23. I will not follow potions instructions in reverse order just to see what happens.

24. I will not douse Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak with Lemon juice to see if he will become visible when wearing it and standing near the fan in the common room.

25. I will not give Hagrid Pokemon Cards and convince him that they are real animals.

26. I will not tell first years that “Mean Prison Peppers” is a basic Transfiguration spell.

27. Bringing fortune cookies into Divination class does not count as extra credit.

28. My name is not “Dark Lord Happy Pants” and I am not allowed to sign my papers as such.

29. I will not attempt to magically animate my Marshmallow Peeps.

30. I will never ask Harry if his Scar Senses are tingling.

31. I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of “the Knights of the Round Table” for the Christmas Feast.

32. I am not allowed to make Light saber sounds with my wand.

33. I am not allowed to declare an official Hug A Slytherin Day.

34. I will not steal Gryffindor’s sword from Dumbledore’s office and use it to patrol the hallways.

35. I will not sing, “We’re off to see the Wizard” when sent to the Headmaster’s office.

36. I will not tell Sir Cadogan that Knights who say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell “Ni” from various directions.

37. Getting every one into the great hall to do the Time Warp will not get me any House Points.

38. I will not lock the Slytherin’s and the Gryffindor’s in a room together and take bets on which House will come out alive.

39. If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more the 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

40. I will stop asking when we will make “love Potion Number Nice.”

41. I do not weigh the same as a duck and I will not try to use magic to make the duck weigh the same as me.

42. 42 is the answer to every questions on the O.W.L.’s

43. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of –1 is.

44. I will not put Dr. Filibusters Wet-Start fireworks in the urinals.

45. I will not poke Huffelpuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their house colors indicate that they are “covered in bees”.

46. I will not sing the Badger song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches.

47. I will stop asking Professor Snape to the Yule Ball.

48. “To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys” is not an acceptable career choice.

49. I will stop referring to showering as “giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful.”

50. When fighting Death Eaters at the annual June battle of Good Vs. Evil, I will not lift my wand skyward and shout, “There can only be ONE!”

51. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.

52. I will not refer to Kingsley Shacklebot as a “big Black Sex Auror”

53. I am not a sloth animagus

54. I will not give Snape a portkey that will bring him directly into Professor Mcgonigal’s privet bathroom while she is in there…

55. First years are not to be led to Fluffy

56. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape that he takes himself to seriously

57. I will not dress up as Lord Voldemort for Halloween.

58. Enchanting all brooms to hum “the Sorcerer’s Apprentice” is very annoying.

59. “OMGWTF!” is not a spell.

60. Yelling, “To infinity and BEYOND!” was only funny the first time I said it when I sneak off on my broom.

61. I will not claim my X-Files tapes are “Auror Training Videos.”

62. I am not the Defense Against the Boring Classes professor.

63. I am not allowed to give the Gryffindors pixie sticks.

64. I am not allowed to reenact famous battles from the Revolutionary War in the Charms Corridor.

65. I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.

66. Albus Dumbledore is not my personal Jesus.

67. I will not sing “Defying Gravity” at Quidditch matches.

68. I am not allowed to bother Snape, and Dumbledore does not have “cookie Time.”

69. Asking “How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?” and walking away is only funny the first time.

70. I will not make fun of Lupin and his “Time of the month.”

71. I will not try to start “Naked Thursdays” in the common room.

72. I will not slip a sample bottle of Selsun-Blue into Professor Snape’s personal Snack box.

73. I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in potions class.

74. I will not tell first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God

75. If asked in class what the Avada Kadavra curse does, yelling “IT DOES DEATH!!!” may be correct but is not the manner in which you should answer.

76. It is not necessary to yell, “BURN!” every time Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.

77. I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot and Justin Finch-Fletchley as Blossom, Buttercup and Bubbles.

78. Ravenclaw’s do not find a sign saying “ the Library is closed for an undefined time” amusing in any sense.

79. Telling Hermione Granger that she is wrong is a very, very bad idea.

80. First years should not be encouraged to befriend the Whomping Willow.

81. I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.

82. Taking Fred away from George is NOT funny in any manner what so ever.

83. Taking Ron’s Chudly Cannons Book was a very stupid idea.

84. i will not use magic to make Cedric Diggory sparkle in the sunlight.

85. I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to Paintball.

voltron shrek au

alright. alright alright alright alright.

  • KEITH is quite obviously SHREK. loner. off-putting personality. intimidating at first. probably smells weird. odd concept of what constitutes hygiene. good heart. not the best socially. puts in effort that often goes unnoticed thanks to preconceived notions. could benefit from a lot of hugs. impulsive. also: keith lives out in the desert, shrek lives out in the swamp. 
  • GET OUT OF MY SHACK (BASS DROPS) SHACKSHACKSHACKSHACKshaaaaaCK
  • now this may throw some of you for a loop, but HUNK is DONKEY. anxious. tendency to ramble. appreciative of what’s important. vocal about it when annoyed or upset. supportive and loving, but ultimately aware of your bullshit and will call you on it if necessary. scares easily. aware of his own mortality. gets stuck in threatening situations because of his friends. tries to have a positive outlook. a good friend to have on your side. hilarious. genuine. would make u waffles.
  • LANCE is FIONA. critically underestimated. demands the #best out of life. a little spoiled + loves to be pampered. petty as hell. easy to toss over your shoulder. sarcasm as a pseudo-coping mechanism. actually very accepting. big heart. not afraid of Emotions. hard fucking worker. lowkey leadership skills. damsel in distress but accompanied by the trope of being Surprisingly Competent. grody jokes. certified nastie. genuinely supportive pal. will fuck u up… but at what cost… at what cost….

and did somebody say PLOT??????

  • haha too bad, i don’t have one
  • ok that’s a lie i have half of one
  • keith is the human child of a galra commander who was killed in battle. he basically raised himself on this alien planet away from everyone else because he wasn’t accepted and treated as an outsider/monstrosity
  • lance, a prophesied paladin of voltron, is kidnapped from earth and locked away in space with the discovered lion, left there to rot as bait for the other eventual paladins/lions
  • it’s surprisingly effective as a means of weeding out the rebels against galra rule
  • that is until zarkon starts taking captives instead of killing them all, because he still is no closer to obtaining the black, yellow, or green lions
  • shortly after this is when shiro manages to escape and crash land on earth, found by hunk and pidge, who are desperate in their search to recover their lost friend lance, whose disappearance (*pidge voice* ABDUCTION) was covered up by The Garrison, same as the disappearance of pidge’s family
  • (yes, this makes SHIRO the GINGERBREAD MAN)
  • hunk and pidge rescue shiro, repair his crashed ship with their beautiful genius brains, and head towards the Castle of Lions with swiped secret info + coordinates from The Garrison—- who, they find, knew exactly what happened to lance, pidge’s family, and why
  • the galra start dumping the captives for keeping on keith’s land, so that they can have them on hand for gladiatorial training, slavery, or other uses. keith is livid, but mostly because he has to deal with Change and People and Things Were Fine The Way They Were, Like, They Sucked, But He Wasn’t Dwelling On It Okay and Still, This Is Worse
  • once hunk, pidge, and shiro have teamed up with ALLURA (ARTHUR) and CORAN (MERLIN), hunk goes alone to retrieve the yellow lion, but ends up getting captured by the galra en route
  • this is how hunk and keith meet
  • hunk figures out what’s happening based on keith’s angry ranting, and when sendak promises keith that if he can find a way to use the blue paladin to lure out the rest of voltron, he can have his lonely little asteroid planet back
  • hunk uses this as an opportunity to go save lance!!!!! and good thing he does because keith needs him to help save the day on balmera thanks to his beautiful new She’s-Not-My-Girlfriend, SHAY.
  • keith doesn’t know what he’s going to do once they get there and meet this stupid, trouble-making blue paladin
  • defect against the galra? double-cross the paladins to get his home back?? was it even really a home to begin with??
  • he CERTAINLY doesn’t plan… to fall in Love…………………..

just,,, LISten ,,

  • keith: it’s no wonder u don’t have any friends? hunk: wow, only a True friend would be that Truly Honest?
  • (keith driving over a cliff) 🎶 I DON’T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT MY BAD REPUTATION 🎶
  • hunk: (looks between keith and lance in disbelief) he’s as nasty as you are?
  • lance: (singing) bird: (explodes)
  • when a galra in the bush grabs a paladin by the tush that’s bad that’s bad that’s really really bad
  • keith: what am i? pidge: uh… really tall?
  • keith getting shot in the butt and lance having to pull it out
  • is that a euphemism
  • i don’t know
  • mullets are like onions
  • hunk: blue flower red thorns blue flower red thorns blue flower red thorns THIS WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER IF I WASN’T COLORBLIND
  • blue flower 😎 red thorns 😎 #investigate

and that’s just the first movie,,

8

An aspiring young actress (Lily Collins) and her ambitious young driver (Alden Ehrenreich) struggle hopefully with the absurd eccentricities of the wildly unpredictable billionaire (Warren Beatty), who they work for.

It’s Hollywood, 1958. Small town beauty queen and devout Baptist virgin Marla Mabrey (Collins), under contract to the infamous Howard Hughes (Beatty), arrives in Los Angeles. At the airport, she meets her driver Frank Forbes (Ehrenreich), who is engaged to be married to his 7th grade sweetheart and is a deeply religious Methodist. Their instant attraction not only puts their religious convictions to the test, but also defies Hughes’ #1 rule: no employee is allowed to have any relationship whatsoever with a contract actress. Hughes’ behavior intersects with Marla and Frank in very separate and unexpected ways, and as they are drawn deeper into his bizarre world, their values are challenged and their lives are changed.

In theaters - November 23, 2016