movies that defined my childhood

5

Movie That Defined My Childhood : Camp Nowhere (1994)

I remember whilst watching this my only thought was that I could not wait to grow up and go to a ‘camp’ like theirs. 

It was funny and the cast was great. One of the things I miss about the movies from the 80s-90s. Plus Christopher Lloyd was great.Oh what bliss ignorance bought. 

Not to mention Andrew Keegan was quite cute to my 5 year old self.

THEY ARE REMAKING JUMANJI?!

Are you kidding me? I mean, seriously, the iconic and perfect movie that defined part of my childhood??? WHY WHY

NO BUT WHY

I BET KEVIN JAMES WILL BE THE LEAD OR SOME SHIT, TOO. Please just put me to bed. Put me to bed right now. I need to wake up in a world where there is only one Jumanji. I cannot live to see that day that there is a Paul Blart Mall Cop 3: Jumanji Edition.

Who’s going to play Bonnie Hunt’s role??? Kate Upton? Kate Upton in a low cut t-shirt on a magical trampoline that stops rhino stampedes??? PROBABLY. OR SOME OTHER GORGEOUS GIRL WHO’S SHIRT RIPS STRATEGICALLY WHEN SHE FIGHTS A PACK OF RAGING MONKEYS.

Not that pretty girls can’t fight monkeys or do whatever the fuck they want because your looks do not define your skill set–AGH. FUCK, MAYBE KATE UPTON IS GREAT AT STOPPING STAMPEDES. I DON’T KNOW. I’m just so upset right now. I DIDN’T MEAN TO TAKE IT OUT ON YOU, KATE UPTON. I BET YOU ARE A GREAT PERSON, YOU JUST AREN’T BONNIE HUNT. What is Bonnie Hunt even up to? Her IMDB stops at like 2010…I’ll need to look her up later…ANYWAY BACK TO RAGING….

The kids surely will be played by some actors from the Disney channel who I won’t even know and they’ll make me feel so old that I’ll just want to drink myself to sleep.

AND WORST OF ALL –OH WORST OF ALL–they will get someone *amazing* to play the fucking cop role because everyone knows that’s the best character and it will be someone I LOVE like Aziz Ansari or Hannibal Buress or Louis CK and that will make me want to go see that MONSTROSITY. And I probably WILL go, too–in the same way that you hear someone fart and even though you know you shouldn’t, you almost can’t help it, and suddenly you’re sniffing and YOU’VE DONE IT–YOU’VE SMELLED THAT STRANGER’S FART and you’re horrified at yourself and your self control and the farter….oh god…. I need a glass of water. I am not okay.

The news of the remaking of Jumanji has literally unleashed a disturbing wild anger that I did not know I contained. AND NOW THAT I’VE STARTED MY ONLY OPTION IS TO KEEP PLAYING, GODDAMMIT.